Is "Lover" a no-no word for swingers?

On occasion I've used the word "lover" on the board when describing my playmates.

I like saying that word because it fills a romance novel need I have, a fantasy of being one of those women with many lovers.

It also sounds intense, and I like feeling intense when having sex with people.

But is the word "lover" taboo? Does it make some of you squirm to hear it when refering to someone you swing with?

Tell me what you think. But I warn you, no matter how the votes come in, I'll still use the word "lover" because I like the thought of it.

LM

It doesn't bother me any. The only thing I wouldn't like is if someone actually said they were in love with either of us...I don't want a playmate telling me they love me even in the "friend" way. Oh and NEVER ask my hubby to marry you!! yup that has happened in the past..didn't like that one at all!! Playmate has always sounded better to me since that is really what they are. There is no Love there. Maybe a great friendship. To me lover means someone you love but if someone wants to say "lovers" well as long as it is just in casual I don't really care.

Now doesn't this depend on who's using the word?

After all, in the 'Women's' dictionary love is a noun.

And in the 'men's' dictionary it's a verb.

I'd say it's ok for men to use it, but not women! LOL!

Well ... for me ... I don't like the word at all, and I wouldn't use it to describe even my husband. lol It's just so, I don't know .... cliche? movie word? Can't really say why I don't like it, I just don't.

I call them playmates or lifestyle friends or just friends.

Well ... for me ... I don't like the word at all, and I wouldn't use it to describe even my husband. lol It's just so, I don't know .... cliche? movie word? Can't really say why I don't like it, I just don't.

 

I call them playmates or lifestyle friends or just friends.

I am with you, txduo2000, never gonna happen. It is a little romancy and makes me feel silly whether I say it or someone else does (no offence LM... Surrender ) More power to you if you can keep a straight face using that particular word.lol But I have been known to blush or burst into ill timed laughter while just using terms of endearment like sugar and darling, so there is no accounting for my taste either.lol

I am with you, txduo2000, never gonna happen. It is a little romancy and makes me feel silly whether I say it or someone else does (no offence LM... Surrender ) More power to you if you can keep a straight face using that particular word.lol But I have been known to blush or burst into ill timed laughter while just using terms of endearment like sugar and darling, so there is no accounting for my taste either.lol

I should explain.

I don't call my playmates lover to their face. Gawd no! But sometimes I use that word on the board to describe who I play with.

I have quite the fun at home recapping the sex I had with my "lovers." It is a term that gets MrLM and me hot on the homefront.

LM

Oh, it never occurred to me that you used the term to address your playmates directly .... I presumed you meant that you use it as a descriptive term when describing them in some manner, to distinguish him/them from your husband, or to preserve anonymity when telling anecdotes.

I just ... lol ... You know, I can't really even say "make love" with a straight face. It just seems that there are some words that first became universally known through media (radio/television) back when the husbands and wives slept in twin beds and their kids were delivered by storks .... back when censorship was at an all time high and the producers had to get their point across in the cleanest, most non-offending way ... so I guess some terms just seem silly and antique to me. lol

Just today my husband and I were chatting and he said something about the last time we "made love" .... I had to stifle a giggle.

Ok, I am stupid and childish, but I am a child of the 80's ... what can I say?

*Ok, picking myself up off the floor*

You had me a bit stunned with that one LM!!!! Thanks for the laugh and keeping me on my toes. What a way to misunderstand! Still not sure I could use the word lover to describe anyone, but hey, good for you and Mr. LM... :rollseyes: boy do I feel silly...(in a good way)...lol

I try to take everything in context and would have no problem with a playmate calling me a lover or anything else for that matter as long as it is in the proper context. Now if someone was calling me that in the context that they were actually falling in love with me, I would have a problem with that.

I think that some people take words way to seriously. I had a prospective playmate tell me that she was totally turned if a man called her "baby". The funny thing is, when she told me that it totally turned me off to her. Not that I go around calling my playmates "baby", but it wouldn't be a big stretch to imagine myself saying "Oh baby" or something similar in the height of passion. So the fear that I might blurt out a word she finds offensive has pretty much eliminated her form my list of women I might like to play with.

So, for me anyway, I can't think of any words that are automatically a no-no in my swingerland.

I don't really like the word in general, whether swinging or not... no particular reason, I just don't see a reason to use it, where another descriptor wouldn't work much better.

I'm like one of the above, I don't even really like the terms "honey" or "dear" and my bf knows he drives me insane when he goes on one of his "sweetie" bents. I swear he can manage to use that one term 60 times in less than a minute. ACK!

I can't answer for Mrs. Dolphins, but I myself would have no problem w/ her using it, as long as she was just using it in general, like you'ld call a friend a buddy, or something like that. The only time I could see it causing a problem is if she got too comfortable using it as a common term, & it slipped out while talking to someone who's unaware of our hobby . Could get embarrassing. As for the 'make love to me' B.S., we don't use that one very often (like, never ). We like the ol' 'f@ck my brains out' . Always seems to work for me, anyway .

I wouldn't use that word in any swinging context. I prefer "playmate" or "friend" or something. To me the word lover means an illicit affair or something. I know a fellow introduced me to a woman one time as "my wife's lover" and I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. He said later he didn't mean it the way I took it. But, I guess I am so anti cheating that I can't put a good meaning to it. Maybe I'm just showing my age and using it like I have seen it used in old books, movies, etc. I wouldn't knock anyone for using it, but I wouldn't use it or want it used about me in any other sense.

You know... we tend to use the terms with each other when descibing others but not much when talking others.

As a side note: We often use the term lover in describing sexual style. The sexual styles of various extremes from lover to fucker. My wife and I have responded to both sexual styles with equal enthusiasm. I really enjoy the partner who likes it slow and easy, alot of caressing and kissing, but contrary, really enjoy the lady who wants to go all out and try to wake the neighbors!!! Example, we had a couple for a while that the gentleman really liked to 'make love'... he never said that, but that is how his sexual style was and my wife ate it up (and him up too!!!) Not surprisingly, his wife wanted all out fucking!

Soulmates

I tend to prefer to reserve that word for my wife. I'd have to be in love with someone to call them my lover.

I don't have a problem with being referred to as a lover...

Just don't want to be told I'm a bad lover

I'm a southern girl and grew up using and being called many different terms of endearment, and I still do it. Sugar, sweety, and honey are normally the ones I use. Men do tend to take it as flirting, but it's not, it's just a habit. I save Daddy, sexy man-meat, and sexy man-beast for J. And no, you will never hear me yelling either of those last two in public.... I wonder how many people would stare????? I might attempt that in an adult store soon...lol I'm sorry, I'm feeling just a little silly today...

On to the topic:

The only time I ever use lover, is when I add boy to it, normally I'll pull it when I want something... lol It's J's cue to hide his wallet...

This is going to sound bad, but we really only think of the others as human sex toys...

I just don't care for the word "lover" in any context, myself. Just one of those "ick" words for me.

I'm not one to use words indiscriminately. The word "lover" for me carries an illicit connotation to it. I refer to my playmates as just that . . . playmates or play friends to others "in the know." To vanilla friends/family, they're just friends.

That said, I'm a Southern gal and tend to address playmates (or potential playmates) as Darlin', Sweetie, Babe, or Honey. That's actually part of my litmus test--if those endearments slip out unbidden, the chemistry is there.

=)

That's actually part of my litmus test--if those endearments slip out unbidden, the chemistry is there.

 

=)

I can definitely see how this works for you. Even being from the south, I don't call everyone "honey" or such. The chemistry makes things like that natural.

About the word lover. I don't use it at all really. I don't have an explanation for that. It just isn't a natural, easy flowing, word for me.

Vol

Considering that you've just inserted your fingers, tongue, and penis into one or more of the other persons bodily orifices and that at some level you've shared bodily fluids, I don't think it's inappropriate to refer to them as "lover."

It has a much nicer ring to it than the other word which would apply..."fucker"

Actually, I'm not crazy about a lot of terms associated with "the lifestyle". "swinger" is kind of stupid to me. But that's just my opinion and it's like my asshole.

Lover is for my love, the wonderful Elaine.

Anyone else is less than that in our terminology. Hell, boyfriend or girlfriend is okay. Fuckbuddy in the right circumstances. I like the quickie and to hell with the naming of whoever it was we just did.

We will have our own opinions on this, so what does it really matter in the long term?

I don't like the term "lover" for any situation. Especially in swingerland. Lover, to me, means you love the other person, but even with my husband that term just is kinda "icky" IMHO.

We just use "playmate" -- frankly, I had never thought about using lover before.

We prefer to use the terms playmate, girlfriend, or boyfriend ... Lover for us is to intimate.

I try to take everything in context and would have no problem with a playmate calling me a lover or anything else for that matter as long as it is in the proper context. Now if someone was calling me that in the context that they were actually falling in love with me, I would have a problem with that.

 

So, for me anyway, I can't think of any words that are automatically a no-no in my swingerland.

I think good times hit it right on the head. But also every person in this lifestyle has a different perspective (why else have these forums). For us we have come to the conclusion that sex is intimate to us, and therefor we get more out of it accepting the emotional connection.

The word lover doesn't bother me, but it's such a Harlequin Romance, movie theater, soap opera kind of word to me. I don't think I've referred to anyone as my lover...not even Drew.

Pepper

I don't like the word "LOVER" for two big reasons...

1) The only person I make love to is Amelia. With women, it's just sex. Sure, sometimes it's really passionate and intense sex... but sex none the less.

2) "Lover", in my mind, imparts an aura of dishonesty or illicit behavior. I've always considered "Lover" to the male equivalent of "Mistress". A woman having an affair has a lover. A man having an affair has a mistress.

We use "Playmate", "Playfriends" or "Friends-With-Benefits" when speaking with each other or those in the loop. To our vanilla friends, we simply refer to them as "Friends".

I wouldn't use it, but because I am aware it could make the other party unconfortable.

Even when we're poly friendly... or preciselly because we are, there are certain words we take seriously. Even more when the people around us, knowing we're poly friendly, could make a wrong guess.

Lover implies some relationship, often hidden, going on along time. We wouldn't use this word, even when we may tell people "I love you" (and yet, this wouldn't be said to one half of a couple without the other half being aware of this).

So, even when I may love you, and have sex with you, we're not "lovers".

Can you believe I read that question as "Is "LOVER" a no-no word in Switzerland?" DUH!!

Dave and I don't use the word lover. We do with each other, but not with our playmates. They are partners. That's pretty much it.

Holly

I don't have a problem with the word lover, but, I only use it if I actually love the person....so it doesn't apply to my play mates. I have one person i love, and he is a lover, while other people i have sex with are play mates/partners. I'm doing both but with one there is the added emotional dimension.

I think the term lover suggests a certain emotion and unless that is there, I don't really think it's the appropriate term, but that is just me.

My wife has a lover that has been with her and once in awhile we both spend time with him. As he and I have become more close I have felt my wife does love him and I see no problem with that. He cares for her just as I would when they are together. Love is a word that means many thing to persons. I like it to mean that she cares for him just like she cares for me. She will not leave as we have a different love relation.

What is love? It is kind, it is blind, it overlooks some problems, it is good communication, it is caring for another, it is just being a person who is willing to be involved in another's life in ways similar to a husband or wife, it is just recognizing that involvement with another can lead to love and guidelines must be discussed with all so misunderstanding does not disturb a beautiful relationship. And love can be many other ideas. That's just our take on the love question.

Oh, it never occurred to me that you used the term to address your playmates directly .... I presumed you meant that you use it as a descriptive term when describing them in some manner, to distinguish him/them from your husband, or to preserve anonymity when telling anecdotes.

 

I just ... lol ... You know, I can't really even say "make love" with a straight face. It just seems that there are some words that first became universally known through media (radio/television) ... so I guess some terms just seem silly and antique to me. lol

 

Just today my husband and I were chatting and he said something about the last time we "made love" .... I had to stifle a giggle.

I have admitted to my wife and her lover, as well, that I have never "made love" to my wife. I fuck her; I lead her into situations/sometimes deep scenarios where other men fuck her and that turns me on.

Recognizing that she needed some romantic stuff, she put a profile up on SLS (1desperatehousewife) which has generally drawn the same kind of ordinary "Hey Baby" responses from single and married guys. We got lucky with ONE guy. I can't stand to be around them when they're smoochy-smoochy. They've been in bed together once, he's V-Safe so they can orgasm together and they talk/IM every day.

I don't like the phrase "friends with benefits" at all. Sounds like a job posting to me, lol. "Special friend(s)" I would rather say in the lifestyle. "Lover" is fine to me if it is a one-on-one relationship....

I try to take everything in context and would have no problem with a playmate calling me a lover or anything else for that matter as long as it is in the proper context. Now if someone was calling me that in the context that they were actually falling in love with me, I would have a problem with that.

Ditto to Good times! I'm okay with all playful banter as long as it's playful!

My wife has a lover that has been with her and once in awhile we both spend time with him. As he and I have become more close I have felt my wife does love him and I see no problem with that. He cares for her just as I would when they are together. Love is a word that means many thing to persons. I like it to mean that she cares for him just like she cares for me. She will not leave as we have a different love relation.

What is love? It is kind, it is blind, it overlooks some problems, it is good communication, it is caring for another, it is just being a person who is willing to be involved in another's life in ways similar to a husband or wife, it is just recognizing that involvement with another can lead to love and guidelines must be discussed with all so misunderstanding does not disturb a beautiful relationship. And love can be many other ideas. That's just our take on the love question.

I know I'm late to the party, but I wanted to second this reply. I'm not normally a me-too, but this is apt.

Originally Posted by good times:

I try to take everything in context and would have no problem with a playmate calling me a lover or anything else for that matter as long as it is in the proper context. Now if someone was calling me that in the context that they were actually falling in love with me, I would have a problem with that.

This is where I'm at with it also. I only have one "lover" in my life.

"Lover" is a term I reserve for my husband or my "special friend," as someone else previously posted. Everyone else is a "playmate." Even partners I've grown to care about deeply as friends are still "playmates."

I am going to go out with my lover tonight. She is good to me my lover. My lover does things you wouldn't believe! "Excuse me this is my lover, and my other lover. Have you guys met?" NO it just doesn't work ...sorrry. I gotta find a good catch phrase when I go to parties or else....or else what....say something more stupid than lover probably.... I think I'll just say the persons name, what a novel idea...why does sex have to come into play at all anyway?

We agree with Chris&Amelia 100% on what the word "lover" means to us. We would never use the word "lover" to describe a playmate. We use words like, "playmates", "playfriends", "benny friends", and "your guy friend" or "your lady friend".

I’ve had intercourse with many men, whom I would call “partners”. But, other than Rick (my husband) and Al (the second man to penetrate me, and who introduced me to the many joys of lovemaking), I’ve made love with very few. Angie

I personally would not feel comfortable using the word "lover" with anyone but my husband. I only love my husband. I really like some of our playmates and that is just that.

Mrs. Truelove