Have you ever had a sexual partner that was a better lover than your spouse?

If you had something done to you sexually by the other wife or husband of a couple, do you tell you SO that they did something soooo good that it was the best ever, better than even you SO. If you do tell your SO, how do you bring it up or tell your SO?? I am interested in hearing from both sides on this issue.

Thanks everyone!

Good question, txesqcpl.

I think bringing it up with your SO is a win/win situation as no one person can be the end all be all of sexual enhancement. Not too awfully long ago I experienced something with the male half in a position that had never occured to us to try before. Now we implement it in our own lovemaking.

As for bringing it up...do you talk about your experiences after the fact? We always do, so it isn't hard for us to talk about what was good, what wasn't and what we will or will not do again. If your communication is good then neither should be threatened by he/she did something different that just felt sooooo incredibly good. Let's try it together!

In our case, I'm kind of glad this hasn't had to become a topic of choice from my end yet. He's been seriously the best at everything so far.

On the other hand, I would definately tell him, as he's told me in the past so that we can "practice" and make it part of OUR repetoire!

I think definitely yes - you communicate anything that has happened with your SO. Because it begins to be something that is divisive to your relationship, rather than an enhancement of it, if you do not communicate.

And yes, as Mrs. O said, if it has been something of particular pleasure - I would think your SO would wish to know of it so that it could become a part of your lovemaking as well.

Anything different would make your activity seem to be a quest for comparative analysis - so that you could always say to each other "You're still the best!" And that's just plain dangerous to your relationship - - sometimes something may seem "better" just because it's with somebody different.

But if it truly IS something new and different, and it was a pleasure - - why not share the information, so it can be included in what the two of you do together? Wouldn't you want to know - if the situation were reversed? Rather than the prospect of him seeking out this particular partner because of that "unique" pleasure she had provided?

Thanks everyone for your posts, the insight is great!

As for talking after we have been with a couple, yes do talk about what did happen and didnt happen, liked and disliked. We get a little graphic but not real graphic.

Ok I understand that talking to eachother about what did happen is a good thing, but what would be something that or in what manner if your SO did tell about something someone else did was better then how you do it or feel? What type of statement would be offensive to you if your SO was telling/describing something to you and what wouldnt not be offensive?

Thanks everyone for you insight!

We always talk about things. And yes it's always more interesting if one of us had a good experience. Not that we've had many bad experiences, but some times the chemistry just isn't there. Most of the time we are same room, but what few times we've been alone. We always reveal all the little details. We are not jealous about things. Actually if one of us don't enjoy ourselves, we make up for it with each other.

Talking about it later is half the fun.

According to the mrs. I'm still the best lay she's had. I say this because I'm not the best at oral. I'm good according to her, but, not her best. I know all this because we talk about it and tells me what others are doing to make each other better.

Fortunately for me, I've yet to find a woman that does anything better than the Mrs.

Mr. hmr

P.S. Again, according to her I'm now up to #3 on her all time licking list.!!

Unfortunately, the one time that I commented to my husband that someone had performed something on me that was as good as him, he bluntly asked me, "Why did you tell me that?" That question has made me not want to share that with him again.

After the fact, he said that he was joking. But as Freud says...

We'll see...the next time...

LC

Thank you everyone for you input, it has been great.

I am wondering if more people didnt experience what Lady Cleo said about her SO.

I would also like to hear from everyone about how do you tell them things about what happened? examples of what is said and examples of what you all would like to hear you SO say to your about it? Also, what you all would not like to hear your SO say about it

Thanks everyone

Jesse and I like to share with each other. Even though we are still swinging virgins. We love to go out to our local hang out and share stories of people that we been intimate with during our single days. He has a big cock...she gave me the best BJ ever. We totally get turned on sharing with each other.

You can't go wrong with honesty!

It's all fun, and we like it!

Setting love aside for just a moment, and realizing for many, this will be purely hypothetical but...

Have you ever had sex with someone, in or out of the LS, that was better than your mate? Did you discuss it with them? If you did meet someone that just rocked you in a way you have never been rocked, would you admit it to your mate? How do you think they would resopond?

BTW - I made this a private poll so those responding will not be listed.

I have the most complete and versatile sex with Fem D. Not saying there hasn't been a "talent" here or there that didn't get my attention but in general I'd say that Fem D and I are the closest match for great sex. We are new to this whole thing and are just now starting to really get into doing some of the fantasy things that we say we want to try. We know that we will both learn new things about how others do things and I'm pretty sure that neither of us gets so worried about hurt feelings that we'd keep that to ourselves. Should be about growth as well as a fun time too.

Male D

Mrs. Alura and I just had a discussion about this, Bob and Sandy.

Our conclusion is that we can't set love aside. That's what makes the difference between really good and great sex. For us, at least.

Alura

Sounds like a familiar conversation, Alura!

I was the first to respond that it has happened and we have discussed it

Have you ever had sex with someone, in or out of the LS, that was better than your mate?

It's really hard to say one is better than another, different, WOW, cool are better terms I think.

However, that being said...Ted had the opprotunity to receive a blow job from a lady that he said was the best he had ever had. My response was cool, how'd she do it? It seems that this lady was able to deep throat him and at the same time lick his balls with her tongue. Sorry, I can't do that and probably never will be able to so...I just to her and said cool, glad you enjoyed it dear.

Did you discuss it with them? Yep.

If you did meet someone that just rocked you in a way you have never been rocked, would you admit it to your mate? Yep.

How do you think they would resopond? So far so good

I've had some amazing sex with our playmates before and so has Ted....we always discuss it and we always tell each other what we liked best about it.

It is hard to take love out of the equation where your partner is concerned. Ted and I know that we are each other's favorite because of the love we share, so it's no big deal to either of us when the other says so-in-so fucked me good tonight...we're not naive enough to believe that we are the best at what we do sexually/physically to each other but we are wise enough to know that ultimate physical pleasure is not much unless there is also an emotional attachment to go along with it.

So yes...we have both experienced people that were a bit more talented than each other...dicussed it, learned from it, shared it and kept right on thinking that we were the luckiest people in the world to have found each other.

Teresa

I won't say it will never happen, but the odds are likely it won't. We're not just connected at the groin, but our brains are tightly linked even before that. I believe that if it should happer to her or me, it will certainly be up for discussion. To me, if it happens, it happens.

It has sort of happened... . There was a position that a partner tried with me that I had never done before that I thought was great. Hubby and I discussed it and we tried it out and it was just as fun the second time.lol.

Other than that there was one guy who seemed to hit me in just the right spot during sex but that had more to do with his size and shape rather than technique. We agree with Teresa.."glad you enjoyed it!"

Not only do I love my husband, which for the most part makes sex much better, but he has come to know me and my body in a way that someone else just doesn't. We are very comfortable and I can relax and don't feel in any way selfconcious around him, which makes sex more passionate and fulfilling.

BUt no matter what happens we are able to talk openly about it. Just in a way that is not going to hurt each other's feelings.

When Mrs. Chicup and I first got together we were both very inexperienced so we had a lot of learning to do. Sure sex was great, but it was newbie sex. She was shy about giving oral and never had an orgasm so we had a LOT of work to do

By the time we got 'good' at it, it was pretty much old hat and our first really mind-blowing sex (outside of the first times the Mrs. finally O'ed) was with swinging. It had all the excitement of being a newbie, only we knew what to do.

It doesn’t cheapen what we have together, and if anything has made our lovemaking better.

Of course I would, what better way than to learn new techniques or ideas. I think of swinging as a sharing adventure, you share partners, techniques, ideas, thoughts, feelings... why not share something like this? And really, it's not necessarily better as much as it's different and it's very exciting to feel and learn something new. To me that's what swinging is all about.

I agree 100% with TNT's post. It's happened to us before, for Mr. intuition. His playmate had some kind of hand-job technique that would get him hard within a couple of minutes of orgasm. I think their record was something like 8 times in a row. He told me about this after the fact because we were playing in separate rooms. He tried to explain it, but I don't think I ever got the knack. Unfortunately we don't play with that couple anymore so I'll never learn the Caramilk Secret. My response to that? "Gee...that's a bummer, eh?" It's not a big deal. It was something that he got to experience, and he doesn't hold it against me that I can't do the same.

That's about the only bad thing I've thought of so far about playing in separate rooms! Playing in the same room and on the same bed allows you to see what others are doing, and how your partner is responding to it. It's like a sex workshop or something! There are skills and knowledge to share all around, so why not?

We learned how to do doggy style because one of my playmates did it so well...

I got a hand job once that I couldn't really explain...

Mrs Spoomonkey got oral from a couple that I have listened closely and learned how to duplicate...

New techniques are a great thing - and it doesn't bother me that I don't know it all (yet). But - that said - I completely agree with Alura - I have experienced some great techniques, but I have yet to come close to matching the soul-churning, body-rcoking experiences that I have with Mrs Spoomonkey!

Spoomonkey

Hmmm... There is love and if I ever had to make love it would be with my wife only. This is the second marriage for us both. She hooked up with her high school boyfriend and married at 16. I am a guitar player and worked the clubs for many years. We both divorced in our late 20's and found each other(thank God). She has had very few partners and I had been around the block many more times than her. Here's the wind up: She loves me and I love her. Has there been a "best time"? It's all subjective. Great head-yep. Great body-yep. Total connection, fantasy and spank bubbles-yep. And she is the center of it all. I've been in love, engaged and married b4 but none has come close. Ick, this is starting to sound like a love letter-I'm bailing b4 she hears...

We have had this happen, and I can't imagine not discussing it afterwards. Most recently, my lovely bride learned a new way to ride the pony that really feels good by recreating what the lady I was with did to me when we got home. Heck, recreating what we did that was new and good later is half the fun for us.

I'm not sure of what my answer to the question would be. BUT, I will say that I've often found sex can be the best when it's new. TOO often I've found that with guys I've been with for a while, things tend to get... not old... I don't know what the word is, but it's like things get taken for granted, there's not as much foreplay (most of the time), not as much effort. Whereas with someone new that effort is still there, you put your best foot forward so to speak and do everything, often making for one hell of a sexual experience. And while it may not be better than the BEST time with the one you love it may (at that point) seem so much better than what you are used to.

Honestly, I think this is one of the many reasons I enjoy swinging and hanging out with swingers. While my bf and I have not (yet) swung we have had a few opportunities to enjoy time around other swingers. This has greatly opened his eyes to the whole idea, mainly allowing him to realize that swingers are normal people who just like to have fun, that it's a state of mind nothing more. That said, it had been a very long time since I had seen him (or I) as turned on as we were following the Meet Up in Memphis.

I think I just completely derailed your train Bob, sorry. LOL.

I can't imagine anything being better then Mr. Indy, so my answer is, I am unsure. I haven't had it yet. I would talk it over with him, sure. But in all actuality, he would be the one that notices it probably before I did. He is so in tune with my pleasure and responses that he immediately knows something is different, or if I like it.... even from across the room.

I can't think of any reason NOT to tell. Discussing all that happened to us at a party or whatever is the best part of our lifestyle. Nuttin' held back!

First let me say, that we are examining the lifestyle for the reasons of pure D sexual enjoyment. If it was the BEST that ever happened to me or her, we're darned sure going to let each other know. After all, that's why we want to go there. It also has to do with open, honest communication.

DEFINITELY tell her but the timing and way you do it is gonna be important. I'd wanna know if HER had an experience that was mind blowing so I could do my best to get it to happen again with me.

...but be careful how ya tell it.

Hell, I've been sexually active so long that it could have been better sometime and I just don't remember it. One thing experience has taught me is that an orgasm is an orgasm, it is the overall experience that makes it stand out. Some things are just really erotic and therefore it makes things seem like they are better, when in fact the same thing in a different situation wouldn't be all that.

That said, I would tell my SO that this person did something I really liked and here is what it is. Telling them that they did something better than you will just hurt their feelings, and why would you want to do that? I would hope she would tell me too. You're not born knowing all the ways to get someone off and I'll use all my tricks and all those I can borrow.

Mr. WS

If you had something done to you sexually by the other wife or husband of a couple, do you tell you SO that they did something sooo good that it was the best ever not even with you SO. If you do tell your SO, how do you bring it up or tell your SO?? I am interested in hearing from both sides on this issue.

We always tell each other what new things we may have experienced. I would never say it was better than anything done by my wife, mainly because that would be impossible. While it may have been amazing, it still would be better with my partner.

-- Danny

Have you ever found a partner that was a better lover than your spouse from a technical and experience standpoint?

Did that make you prefer him or her over your spouse or does the love your share with your spouse make the love making "better"?

Now for the question that requires real honesty:

Even considering how the love for one's spouse factors into the enjoyment of sex, have your ever preferred another partner over your spouse?

The answer would be NO to all of the above. When with a partner you tend to adjust to each other's needs and abilities. You are able to learn what works best for each other.

With someone new you might find some new little thing you hadn't tried before but for the most part by this age we have seen and done all the techniques to be had.

Did that make you prefer him or her over your spouse or does the love your share with your spouse make the love making "better"?

My first wife and I discussed this at great length some years ago. We both concluded that in the heat of the moment we prefered whomever we were with but after the hormones are spent, we've recovered from our orgasms, and we are enjoying the post coital closeness with our new partner, we would recognize that our married sex was far more satisfying in the long run. Barb observed that escargot, thai food, or hot Mexican food are great, we love them but a steady diet of them wouldn't be comfortable. If any of our partners did something especially exciting we would learn from it and share it. At the end of the night we would be together, sharing what was most important to us.

Yes, I have to admit I've been with ladies where the sex was better than with Mrs Naked. The positions, the action, etc. She admits that she's had guys that were bigger and better than me also. BUT!!! The bottom line is that we have so much more than sex going for us that it will never cause a problem. Just the opposite! We have great sex telling each other what the guy/gal did that was so good.

You will always find someone sexier, prettier, maybe even better but there is only one mate. This is why you need a good relationship before you start this playing (I call it playing, not swinging). That's my $0.02.

Have you ever found a partner that was a better lover than your spouse from a tecnical and experience stand point?

From a technical standpoint, if I compare my first time with my husband, to the first times with other people I have been with, then in complete honesty, I would say that there have been a couple who have been more experienced in bed than my husband. Just as I am sure he probably has been with a couple of women more experienced than I. But there is something to be said for being with someone long enough that they know all your buttons, quirks, desires, needs, and general turn ons. I really don't think anyone can measure up to my husband, because no one else is going to love me like he does. And that does have to be factored in even when trying to only use technical and experience as factors.

Did that make you prefer him or her over your spouse or does the love your share with your spouse make the love making "better"?

Love always makes it better.

Now for the question that requires real honesty.

Even considering how the love for ones spouse factors into the enjoyment of sex, have your ever prefered another partner over your spouse?

No, no, and no.

Naked In Seattle and MoonlightKiss are right!

There is SO much more to our relationship as friends/lovers/mates, than there can ever be with anyone else. The extracurricular sex is just a fun hobby that we share with other fun and sexy people. It could NEVER replace our love and our love-making.

Good replies! You all make good sense.

I really appreciate the NakedinSeattle couple coming out and saying what they did. If your marriage was not rock solid, as it obvoiusly is, what you admitted to would hurt some feelings.

Another way to look at it is that each person in unique and the couple is unique. Ms JM and I are different and unique persons and when you combine us you get a unique couple that can not be duplicated. This is true of everyone, so whether you like something that a person does or not does not change what makes our coupleness unique. As someone said there are always going to pretier, mor hansome, bigger, smaller, people, but there will never be a couple the same as we are.

JM

Another way to look at it is that each person in unique and the couple is unique. Ms JM and I are different and unique persons and when you combine us you get a unique couple that can not be duplicated. This is true of everyone, so whether you like something that a person does or not does not change what makes our coupleness unique. As someone said there are always going to pretier, mor hansome, bigger, smaller, people, but there will never be a couple the same as we are.

JM

I agree and thanks!

Have you ever found a partner that was a better lover than your spouse from a tecnical and experience stand point?

Yes I have. Inside and outside of swinging.

Did that make you prefer him or her over your spouse or does the love your share with your spouse make the love making "better"?

A few of the couples I prefered her at the moment and wanted to meet with her/them again. However it was more like wanting to go out with my wife for "dinner and a movie", as something my wife and I were going to do together. So even though I was excited to have sex with the other woman, I was equally content to go home with my wife.

Then there were couples where I felt my wife was better.

Now for the question that requires real honesty.

Even considering how the love for ones spouse factors into the enjoyment of sex, have your ever prefered another partner over your spouse?

I would say that I haven't, but the rationale of it is that I have never had a "Relationship" in the sence of life, family, marriage, etc. with one of our swing friends. So for me to say "I prefered" would mean only at the sexual level and not at the "Relationship" level. I seriously doubt I would ever escallate the "sexual encounter" as I can maintain the seperation and reason the difference between wife/marriage and sex with friends. I am not interested in leaving my wife simply for better sex with another woman.

No...

No one has been better - no one has been close. But we are comparing apples to oranges, IMHO.

The first time I seduced Mrs Spoo, we were way past casual acquaintances. We had been friends for a few years and there had always been an underlying sexual tension. So - the first time was an explosion of yearning that had built for quite some time.

It was - and I apologize for the cliché - magical.

Being with her was like being home - and I had been with plenty of women before. There was just something perfect about it - even if we were still new at finding each others' buttons.

Since that time - it has only gotten better.

And it is impossible to compare the love making we have to the sex I have with others; as good as that may be. It is not even the same thing - and this is a topic we discuss often.

I have had some incredible playmates! And I have had some mind-blowing sex. I've learned tricks and been left barely coherent, except to whisper "wow." But while sex is measured by the physical feelings - what I have with Mrs Spoo is hard to measure at all.

Spoomonkey

Have you ever found a partner that was a better lover than your spouse from a tecnical and experience stand point?

There are always going to be things that you will find are different, or even better, than what your SO gives you...not every time, but it will happen. I'm most satisfied when I've been with a partner with an imagination. Someone who isn't afraid to try something new for me or them. That's how we grow. Expand your horizons, I always say. To say that I'm looking for a partner who is better than my wife...well I'm usually let down. That's why it's nice to have her there so I can enjoy her too and enhance the whole occasion.

Did that make you prefer him or her over your spouse or does the love your share with your spouse make the love making "better"?

To say I don't look forward to seeing someone again that clicked with me would be a lie. I do think it makes things better in our own bedroom when that happens.

Now for the question that requires real honesty.

Even considering how the love for ones spouse factors into the enjoyment of sex, have your ever preferred another partner over your spouse?

No (and I wouldn't tell you if I did!) But...In combination with her, YES!!!

Male D

Have you ever found a partner that was a better lover than your spouse from a tecnical and experience stand point?

Did that make you prefer him or her over your spouse or does the love your share with your spouse make the love making "better"?

Now for the question that requires real honesty.

Even considering how the love for ones spouse factors into the enjoyment of sex, have your ever prefered another partner over your spouse?

Mrs. WS and I have talked about this even recently. There is no fear that someone may have better technique then one of us. In fact, if some guy did something to her that she really like I would want it shared with me so I can do it too. She feels the same way. Use all the talent you have and all you can borrow. If either of us were given the chance to choose having sex with each other or a playmate on any given night, it would always be with each other.

Mr. WS

I like to think of it as different. Everyone has different techniques, the sex is different.

I may enjoy something they do a little better, often I will share it with Mr. Evil as he is always willing to try something new, and I will do the same for him.

There is always the excitement of the 'newness' of being with someone for the first time. But then there is always the comfort of knowing that there is no one who knows me better than my husband.

So yup..just different.

Have you ever found a partner that was a better lover than your spouse from a tecnical and experience stand point?

…what was the original question? Oh yeah, “were they better lovers?”…not even close.

Did that make you prefer him or her over your spouse or does the love your share with your spouse make the love making "better"?

Even considering how the love for ones spouse factors into the enjoyment of sex, have your ever prefered another partner over your spouse?

Now just add “in bed” to the end of each sentence, and you have your answer.

Mr.

May I add something I maybe should've said before? (Let me know if I shouldn't have... )

I keep hearing stuff like "no one ever comes close to my SO" or whatever. So why do we swing? To convince ourselves that we have found our life's mate? Most of us already knew that.

Why do we say we want friendship? What is so great about being with people who Don't rock your world? Who are people you desire to see again? What is the big deal (with swinging) if none of us is really happy with our play partners. Is it that we hold back our praise because it comes too close to getting too close to someone else? We're supposed to be mature enough to deal with this aspect. Both Fem D and I are looking for at least one couple that we can almost mesh totally with...ethically, sexually and platonically. I thought we were almost to that place with a couple, but the looks dept. seemed to take on such a large importance that all was lost. What a shame. Why would we ever look past a couple we are with if it's just never going to be as good as with each other. It's almost like if we found those people we'd be embarrassed to admit it. I know about poly relationships too but I can't understand what the big deal is if no one is ever truly satisfied with someone else.

A playmate once told me that I was the best she'd had as a swinging partner. Did that make me feel like not seeing her again because I fear that she would like me better than her Hubby, who I like just as much (but with out the sex?) I think not. Have we been on the phone with her because of her revelation? No. We'll see them again in due time and I hope next time it will be even better.

Sorry to go off on a rant like that.

Male D

May I add something I maybe should've said before? (Let me know if I shouldn't have... )

 

I keep hearing stuff like "no one ever comes close to my SO" or whatever. So why do we swing?

Steak is my favorite food. I would eat steak several days a week if N wanted to. It is the best. I like steak better than any food out there. Sometimes though, I enjoy a hotdog (let’s keep this rated G) or microwaved burrito or kung pao chicken. If I had my way, I would have a steak every other night and then mix it up with 100 other foods on the nights in between...spicey, vegi, doughy, healthy, greasy...variety.

Now substitute “steak” for “N”, and then “hotdog” “burrito” “other foods” for all the hot women on here, and you have the answer.

It's great that you posted that. It actually took me a while to write the last post because of the point that you bring up, but I don’t think we are contradicting each other. We swing because we want variety. We want bigger, smaller, funnier, smarter, faster, slower, etc. All of those things don’t add up to “better” though. They are just a change of pace.

 

Steak is my favorite food. I would eat steak several days a week if N wanted to. It is the best. I like steak better than any food out there. Sometimes though, I enjoy a hotdog (let’s keep this rated G) or microwaved burrito or kung pao chicken. If I had my way, I would have a steak every other night and then mix it up with 100 other foods on the nights in between...spicy, vegi, doughy, healthy, greasy...variety.

 

Now substitute “steak” for “N”, and then “hotdog” “burrito” “other foods” for all the hot women on here, and you have the answer.

Thank you NandT...I'm not trying to change anyone's mind regarding this. I understand about the variety aspect. I understand about the food analogy.

My point is and will be that it seems like we actually try to not enjoy our partners as much as we could. We go home and even if we had a great time we still have to say something that's negative about someone we've just been with to maybe make sure that the SO doesn't get to feeling a certain way about what happened. Hey we just had great sex. That is what we're looking for.

Why is so hard to say, "Honey, I had the best time with them and can't wait to see them again! I'm glad you had a great time too!" and leave it at that?

M.D.

Thank you NandT...I'm not trying to change anyone's mind regarding this. I understand about the variety aspect. I understand about the food analogy.

 

My point is and will be that it seems like we actually try to not enjoy our partners as much as we could. We go home and even if we had a great time we still have to say something that's negative about someone we've just been with to maybe make sure that the SO doesn't get to feeling a certain way about what happened. Hey we just had great sex. That is what we're looking for.

I told N that Mrs. Saturday night was AMAZING. N told me that she loved riding Mr. Saturday’s huge cock. No caveats...to your point...there shouldn't be a need for them. We are both in this to have fun, and to see each other have fun.

Did I understand you correctly this time?

Why is so hard to say, "Honey, I had the best time with them and can't wait to see them again! I'm glad you had a great time too!" and leave it at that?