I know that everyone isn't a perfect size 6, but...

I am overweight and am wondering how well that will be received when others see me for the first time. I know life isn't about what you look like, but who you are inside. But you all know, as well as I do, that looks do matter to lots of people.

I am trying to lose the weight and once upon a time (before kids) I was a lot thinner than now. This may be more of a problem on my part because I am very self conscious about my weight. Don't get me wrong, I know that not everyone will be interested in me whether I'm thin or not - hell, I'm not interested in everyone either.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Are others on this board who have or are dealing with this issue?

I went to a on premise club for the first time and saw everything from big, small , short, tall, and everything inbetween. And things were happening with them, They weren't just sitting in a corner. So don't be discouraged,

I'll give you my opinion for what it is worth....Weight isnt a huge issue with us. It is more how you present yourself. Wear makeup, take the time to do your hair nice, and wear decent cloths. That goes a long way with alot of people. We have played with people who have weight problems but they present themselves nice. We have meet the "perfect barbie" before and were bored to death since she had a personality of a rock...so it is more about who you are and not what you weigh...and if you do meet someone who is a size 6...please dont bring it up constintly..or make snide remarks...I am small and get alot of hell over it from other women and believe me it is a total turn off!! Be proud of who you are and you will find friends who like you for you and not your size.

so my best advice is to be yourself and you will meet plenty of people...yes there will be some that have a problem but do you really want to spend time with them anyway???

Chances are good that you will have more of a problem with your weight than anyone you meet. So the solution is going to have nothing to do with other people. Yes you will encounter people for whom your weight is a problem - but if it wasn't weight then it would be something else.

Your goal is going to have to be accepting yourself and loving what you've got. Focus on the things you've really got going for you and be proud of the entire package that is you. Definitely keep up with your weight loss goals but don't let weight overtake your life and your thoughts and your actions. It's only one small part of you - you're much more than your number on the scale. Yes it's important to keep yourself clean and tidy (but that advise goes to everyone - big and little). Mostly, keep your focus on your assets. Guaranteed there are tons of people out there who are looking for what you've got.

Good luck and have fun.

I am an "overweight" female myself and to be honest I have never had a problem with it. It all has to do with your attitude, if you feel sexy others will see you as sexy also. I have been in lifestyle for 10+ years and have always had at least a few extra pounds, and like its been said if people are judging you for your weight is that really the type of people you want to be around. Just think sexy, dress sexy and you will be sexy

What's a size 6? I'm a big girl, at 6'1 and 180 lbs, I know where you are comming from. I was afraid of being the one "everyone stares at", I got over that real quick at the first party we went to. We met a lot of great people and had a great time. Long as you're comfy with you....to hell with what everyone else thinks. You're in the lifestyle for you and your SO, just kick back and have fun.

Keira

Wow, thanks to everyone who responded and thank you for the encouraging words too. Most of the time I am pretty comfortable with myself - but obviously I need to lose weight, if for nothing else - health reasons.

Your right when you say I am here and in the lifestlye, for my husband and I to have fun. That's what we want to do - have fun and live out some of our fantasies.

Miss Piggy, I have to say that I personally would never think to make comments, especially snide ones, to anyone about what size they - big or small. That sucks that others think they can do that, but some people are stupid and just don't have a clue.

Thanks everyon!!

 

Miss Piggy, I have to say that I personally would never think to make comments, especially snide ones, to anyone about what size they - big or small. That sucks that others think they can do that, but some people are stupid and just don't have a clue.

I'm sure this was meant for biblonde - but I'll let it slide... this time!

Piggy

We've been to 1/2 a dozen different clubs and have seen a huge range of sizes and types in each. To me, and I know a lot of guys are the same, the biggest "sexy" factor is the personality and how sexy they act, which has got a lot to do with how comfortable they are with themselves.

We have encountered all shapes, sizes, colours and ages in the lifestyle.

We regularly play with a particular group and, let me assure you, the size sixes are few and far between.

Have fun, be outgoing and friendly and you'll be just fine.

Thanks again to everyone who responded and Miss Piggy I'm sorry - guess I should have reread things, that's what I get for doing things when I'm tired. Duh

Normally, I'm a person who really doesn't give a damn what people think of me. I know how to stand up for myself and tell people to go screw themselves, I know how to be a bitch when necessary . I also have this little motto that has gotten me into trouble more than once because I don't always know enough to keep my mouth shut... "I have a big mouth AND I know how to use it". I've pissed off many people because they ask my opinion about something and didn't like the answer they get from me.

Any way, thanks again everyone - great advice and to hell with those who don't like the way I look.

Being fun, friendly, clean, polite, & descrete means more to us than anything .

And never forget, Attitude is everything!!

Race , size, income level, ect... mean very little, at least to us.

I'm a BBW, and I've not had any trouble finding play partners, at least any more trouble then skinny folks do, from what I read on here! We've been to 2 different clubs, and had great times at each. The first club we went to was not very busy, and there weren't alot of people there, but the 2nd, there was at least 200, and I saw people in all sizes, shapes and colors. I think as long as you keep a good attitude about yourself, you'll find you don't have anything to worry about.

First of all, remember, people can't tell you anything about you, they can only tell you something about themselves.

Second, my guess is that you will find that most men prefer a woman with a little more "playground"!

Besides, hopefully you are into sex for yourself and not others. Enjoy yourself and others will enjoy being around you.

Well, although Ms Lotolaffs is drop-dead gorgeous, I am a 45 year old 6ft-6in shaved-bald man who looks like Luc Picard from Star Trek (not the Klingon). And I said to myself "What woman would find me attractive?". As it turns out, enough! Not all, but enough. That's one of the wonderful things about the lifestyle, you can get reaffirmation about yourself, in ways you won't normally find in the vanilla world.

Do you all want to know who we think the least sexy people are to us? The beautiful people, who know they are beautiful. Haven't met a Ken and Barbie yet that was worth their weight in Wilma and Freds.

Lotolaffs

Haven't met a Ken and Barbie yet that was worth their weight in Wilma and Freds.

I love that!!

Do you all want to know who we think the least sexy people are to us? The beautiful people, who know they are beautiful. Haven't met a Ken and Barbie yet that was worth their weight in Wilma and Freds.

This is so true and honestly it is the way I think about people like that and I just love the part about Wilma and Fred - gotta love those Flintstones.

Any way, you all have given me the boost that I have needed and I thank you all for your great comments and advice.

I'll give you my opinion for what it is worth....Weight isnt a huge issue with us. It is more how you present yourself. Wear makeup, take the time to do your hair nice, and wear decent cloths. That goes a long way with alot of people. We have played with people who have weight problems but they present themselves nice. We have meet the "perfect barbie" before and were bored to death since she had a personality of a rock...so it is more about who you are and not what you weigh...and if you do meet someone who is a size 6...please dont bring it up constintly..or make snide remarks...I am small and get alot of hell over it from other women and believe me it is a total turn off!! Be proud of who you are and you will find friends who like you for you and not your size.

 

so my best advice is to be yourself and you will meet plenty of people...yes there will be some that have a problem but do you really want to spend time with them anyway???

Although we haven't had that first experience yet....that kind of mind set is what makes a person stand out in the crowd.

It's nice to "hear" someone be that understanding and knowing that the "real" people are usually not that picture perfect beautiful or handsome; it really does make a difference in your perception of things.

You don't have to be 36,24,36 to be sexy (nothing against anyone whos that size , OK?)

I am overweight and am wondering how well that will be received when others see me for the first time. I know life isn't about what you look like, but who you are inside. But you all know, as well as I do, that looks do matter to lots of people.

 

I am trying to lose the weight and once upon a time (before kids) I was a lot thinner than now. This may be more of a problem on my part because I am very self conscious about my weight. Don't get me wrong, I know that not everyone will be interested in me whether I'm thin or not - hell, I'm not interested in everyone either.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Are others on this board who have or are dealing with this issue?

I realize you're posting this question in the "New Swingers" section, and as a single male, I don't really consider myself a "swinger" anymore. But please indulge me for a moment. Your question about how overweight people are received in social settings really transcends swinging per se. It's an issue that comes up in vanilla dating all the time, and the answer is really the same, whether the situation is "one man dating one woman" or "two men dating two women."

Let's get the bad stuff out of the way first. Your appearance, and that includes your weight, WILL be a factor in how other people initially perceive you. However, it's just one factor...personality, grooming, enthusiasm for the Lifestyle and the people you're with, and how you speak of the men in your life are all areas in which a high score will go a long way towards negating a low score in the "tight abs and buns" department. In fact, of all the qualities a person might have that would be considered a turn-off, being a little heavy is arguably the most forgivable. It only takes 3 minutes to brush your teeth, 10 minutes to change your clothes, and 3 hours to change your hair. But most of us have spent 20 years trying to lose weight, so we're a little more sympathetic to large people than we are to slovenly ones.

The thing that will have a greater effect on how well you're received is the fact that most married couples in the Lifestyle are looking for friendships that extend beyond the bedroom. They're looking for people who share common interests and activities, and with whom they can do things with besides sex. If your weight limits the kinds of things you do, or defines who you are as a person, then it will probably have the same effect on the kinds of people you'll meet in the Lifestyle as well. But then, you've probably figured that out by now. There are no free lunches in life, or in swinging.

Maybe this comes from my recent experiences in the vanilla dating world, but you know, I'm not sure most people have any idea of how they present themselves, or how attractive they are (or aren't) to other people. I'm not even sure I could tell you what I find attractive in a woman with 100% certainty. For every woman who possesses a quality I would consider a turn-on or turn-off, I can think of several others who would be exceptions to the rule. It's really the total package.

Stop worrying about your weight, and whether people will like you or not. Fix your hair, get your nails done, and put on something sexy. (You may or may not know what's sexy on you. Your husband does know...let him pick it out) Then go to the club and have a good time. Smile at everybody at least once, and try to say something pleasant to each one of them before they leave. Don't be defensive. Dance...first with your husband, then with someone else. And remember...every woman since Eve has had issues with some part of her body, including the "Barbie's" that everybody seems to take such delight in slamming. Help people to feel good about themselves, and you'll invariably feel better about yourself. You belong...

This ain't about your weight, darlin'. It's about YOU.

Stop worrying about your weight, and whether people will like you or not. Fix your hair, get your nails done, and put on something sexy. (You may or may not know what's sexy on you. Your husband does know...let him pick it out) Then go to the club and have a good time. Smile at everybody at least once, and try to say something pleasant to each one of them before they leave. Don't be defensive. Dance...first with your husband, then with someone else. And remember...every woman since Eve has had issues with some part of her body, including the "Barbie's" that everybody seems to take such delight in slamming. Help people to feel good about themselves, and you'll invariably feel better about yourself. You belong...

 

This ain't about your weight, darlin'. It's about YOU.

JnCC, you are right on the money!!!! Attitude is everything. Two years ago Drew and I took our first trip to Hedo II and I weighed 30 pounds more than I do now. I got lots of complements and attention. At the time, I was at my all-time weight high, so at first, I wasn't comfortable with it, because I thought that there's no way these people are serious because my butt's too big, my legs are fat, etc. At home, I'd stopped putting a lot of effort into how I looked, stopped dressing sexy, etc. because I thought I wasn't attractive. It was on that trip that I realized that even with 30 extra pounds, I was still the same smart, witty, fun to be around person I'd always been and I was still damn fine--if I do say so myself . It inspired me to make the effort to look like on the outside what I felt on the inside. I started buying clothes that flattered me, bought really sexy shoes, and started really giving a damn again. Confidence is definitely sexy, so whatever gives you confidence--start doing more of it. In fact, most of the ladies who are in our playcouples are not Barbie size, but are still very HOT! facelick

Concentrate on being the best you...and the rest will happen.

Pepper

Some couples like chubby girls, some like skinny... some like BBW.

But you WILL come across people that do not want to play with you because of your weight. It's not that they are predjudice,... its that they have standards and preferences..

Might not be fair, but life often isn't.

be happy with who u r and what u have... skinny doesn't mean good!

I had these same thoughts as well. So what I started doing was working on the things I could see an immediate improvement on....

--hair, fixed sexy every day even if you aren't leaving the house

--nails, drop-dead georgeous, painted, perfectly manicured and lotioned every day

--thongs--a MUST for that underneath naughty feeling, even if you don't like the way it looks

--an outfit ready in the closet at all times in case you need a quick change for an opportunity

Now that I have those done, I've bought some tanning visits. I've also met with a dietician and a personal trainer. I wear my sexiest workout wear to the gym, and even if I'm a BBW, I'm a sexy one!

Do you see what I'm saying? Small changes lead to better feelings about yourself and happier swinging!

Be yourself..just because you are a BBW does not mean you will never find playmates in the lifestyle.In fact you'll find plenty!!! Everybody has different tastes. I must say though..be truthful..if you send pics make sure they are accurate...nothing will get you rejected faster than sending pics that are 10yrs old when you weight 75lbs less.....people are gonna see you in person...and weight is hard to hide when you are naked!!!

Mr B

...nothing will get you rejected faster than sending pics that are 10yrs old when you weight 75lbs less.....

Hmmmm.... (cranial cogs whirring....) ah yes, 5st 5lb.....

CB

(Ducking and running....)

PS but seriously, that's an excellent point.

i'm not the perfect size 6 either i've put on a few pounds after 3 kdis but i am not what is considered big either somewhere in the middle but as for the both the men i am with they are both on what is considered the heavier side compared to me but they are both excellent lovers and i could never judge a person by their weight but bigger people in my thoughts make better lovers.

I'll give you my opinion for what it is worth....Weight isnt a huge issue with us. It is more how you present yourself. Wear makeup, take the time to do your hair nice, and wear decent cloths. That goes a long way with alot of people. We have played with people who have weight problems but they present themselves nice. We have meet the "perfect barbie" before and were bored to death since she had a personality of a rock...so it is more about who you are and not what you weigh...and if you do meet someone who is a size 6...please dont bring it up constintly..or make snide remarks...I am small and get alot of hell over it from other women and believe me it is a total turn off!! Be proud of who you are and you will find friends who like you for you and not your size.

 

so my best advice is to be yourself and you will meet plenty of people...yes there will be some that have a problem but do you really want to spend time with them anyway???

Dito! I think that is a great response! We also look for people who take pride in their appearance, not for perfection. It makes no difference to us at all.

I am not a size 6, but I am soft and curvey and bendy! I like that about me!

I also like those size 6's cause they are so moveable...

The women that turn us on the most are the ones who are confident and enthusiastic no matter what skin they are in.

My woman seems to attract males easily, but, although I don't believe that I'm a hunk, I don't feel unattractive. I don't search for flirting women and subtle hints from them. I have always been slow to pick up on hints dropped by females because they're just too subtle, I guess. But, I've had that problem all my life. Looking back at high school days, I realized that a few gals were dropping hints of being interested in me, but my radar wasn't functioning properly....LOL

I guess that although we're both a bit overweight, but, not obese, and she's a mom, we're not perfect specimens of sexuality, but, feel that most folks wouldn't run away from us, screaming. Like I said, she attracts the guys anyway, and her personality is extremely enticing!

Oh, and she loves Luke Picard a lot more than Ryker....(She calls him number two, laughingly.) I know that she would bed Picard in a second, given the chance.

Both of us prefer women with a bit of extra padding. It accentuates their curves and we find the look very sexy. Mr Fun is 6'5" and is afraid he will break the skinnies anyway.

If your weight limits the kinds of things you do, or defines who you are as a person, then it will probably have the same effect on the kinds of people you'll meet in the Lifestyle as well. But then, you've probably figured that out by now. There are no free lunches in life, or in swinging.

Everyone else has already hit on the its how you feel about your self and little things to make your self feel better about what you and then what others think. I wanted to put out this quote and give my 5 cents. I think it is very import, no matter what lifestyle choices you make to remeber that the way you present yourself extends futher than just makeup and a sexy dress. If weight has made it to a point that you are skipping out on doing things just simply because of the weight issue, it is time to take stock in your life. Never ever should life be put on hold for your weight. I know that may sound harsh, but believe me. I have BTDT. I had 4 children in 3 years and watch my weight go out of control. I took some drastic steps to correct a problem that I should have put into check a long time ago. I got to the point that I was so worried about the comments people would make ( or I would think they were making) that I stopped doing things like going to the park, fishing, clubbing. I even withdrew from school because it was embarrassing to cram myself in a desk. I have never met you, so i can only sympathize some with you and I know that I am assuming alot, so just take what you can from my post. Don't loose sight of your weight loss goals, but do it for you and not for other people ( including your husband). No matter how much weight you loose or gain, if you are not happy with you, no one else really is either.

This ain't about your weight, darlin'. It's about YOU.

This is exactly what I was trying to get accross. Only you can control what you think of you. No one else can make you feel good about yourself or bad about yourself. Bottom line is you control how you feel and react. If someone else has an issue with your weight but you are ok with it.. then its thier loss. Se la vi. I have been in the swing set for awhile.. both thinner and also much heavier than I am now. I have never found a shortage of people who were interested in the physical portion of swinging. Its just all in the way you feel about yourself and in turn how that feeling makes you present yourself

For us it has nothing to do with weight...sexy and erotic is definitely a frame of mind. Smoking, however.......

Both of us prefer women with a bit of extra padding. It accentuates their curves and we find the look very sexy. Mr Fun is 6'5" and is afraid he will break the skinnies anyway.

funny you should say that...I've had bigger guys afraid of hurting me since I am tiny but my hubby is 6'4 and hasnt hurt me yet...nothing agains size mind you, I just thought that it is cute how he thinks since I've been told that before...he he

This thread of posts has made me realize that I should be more confident in how I look. Mr. Stic asked me once, "Did it ever occur to you that I didn't marry you for your looks?" At the time, I took it as a partial insult, but I have grown to realize that looks usually change throughout life, but your personality is who you are. I knew I stuck with him all these years for something. Thanks, everyone, for those encouraging words...I am even more intrigued by the lifestyle now!