We did it!!!! However...

Ok, after much searching we found a couple who we clicked with. Chatting on the computer was awesome so we all decided just to meet for drinks. 3 hours was gone in the blink of an eye. We have really connected with this couple. And they are HOT!!!!!

So then the next weekend, we invited them over to our house for cards and drinks. They came and we played cards and talked until about 3 am. Nothing more happened.

We've chatted practically every day on the computer with them discussing everything from everyday life to dirty talk. We were invited to their house the following weekend for more cards and drinks and the possibility of a lot more happening this time.

My husband and I have never been with another couple. We've been in a MFF but not another couple. So nerves of course were strung out. We had discussed with them all the "terms" before which included use of condoms. We had decided that this meeting we would have same room sex with our own spouses and maybe some oral with the others partner.

So everything gets hot and heavy finally after 3 hours of cards and drinking. We move to the couches and then to their bedroom. Everything went wonderfully until.... my hubby penetrated her without a condom. OOOPPPS!!!! She got him to pull out after only penetrating her for a matter of maybe 10 secs and then got my hubby to do me from behind while I sucked her hubby off. After everything had ended, we decided to get going home since it was almost 4am and had to get the sitter home yet.

The next day, we didn't chat with them. Then on Monday we found out that there was a problem being that hubby penetrated her without use of a condom but also too I think because no one had discussed this going quite that far. She and my hubby have talked and both agreed that it was their fault for letting it get out of hand. They were quite caught up in the moment of passion and drinks didn't help either. I'm ok with what happened but her hubby isn't.

She's discussed things with him and my hubby has apologized profusely for what happened. Her hubby has said everything's cool now but we haven't chatted with him on the computer. I'm not sure if he's just feeling really crappy for pulling a fit to begin with or if he's really pissed.

Can anyone give me some insight into this situation? I do see his side considering we had set some terms before and those were broken. We'd really hate to loose this couple after finding each other so compatible. Help please.

Oh, and I know I haven't been around for a really long time, sorry about that but I am really desperate for your opinion in this matter and knew that you all were the people to ask.

The other hubby was and may still be pissed.

However...

We are "Strictly" must use condom swingers and we have found ourselves in situations where they have not been used. 99% of the time we have. But in the heat of the moment it has happened. But we did not run into the situation you did. The time it happened with a couple, I didn't use one and neither did he. It happened, no one got upset. We regretted letting it happen but no one held anything against anyone and no one lost any sleep over it.

I am telling you this because I know it can and does happen, even when condoms are a preset rule.

My advice is to drop him/them a message and ask if they want to get together again. If they don't get back to you, you have your answer.

Your hubby already apologized, more than once, and I would not do it again.

If the other hubby was that upset about it he should have stopped things right then (unless he did not know till later).

Sorry I couldn't be of more help, but if the other hubby is going to hold a grudge and isn't willing to let it go as a mistake and accept your apology there isn't much you can do about it.

Thanks Mr&Mrs Naughty

She did stop it pretty much right away. Like I said, I think my hubby was in her for about 10 seconds and that's it. I would love to talk to her hubby about this. I think it would be better for me to talk to him first before my hubby does since him and I are kind of the innocent party involved here.

I have to admit that I was quite surprised when I saw it all taking place but it wasn't a problem with me. It just took me by surprise. I guess it took her hubby by surprise too. The worst part is that there was condoms available.

My hubby now realizes that he did a and she is taking the blame for the whole thing.

I hope the whole thing will blow over and that we will once again have the relationship we had before this happened. We just all get along way too well for this to be the end.

it's bound to take time to build up the trust again. Give it time - but it depends hown much you've got to give.

We're more than willing to be patient with this couple. They've been patient with us and we're willing to do the same. There's no rush at all considering it took us 2 years to "find" them.

We probably won't meet now with them for a bit anyways for personal reasons of my own that have nothing to do with this issue. It's just that chatting with him would be very comforting right now.

Oh, and by the way, our first experience other than this happening was so unbelievable that I can't believe we didn't do this sooner. I now know what the big deal is about swinging.

I totally agree with the Naughtys response. Hopefully the other hubby and yours get along well enough anyway that they can go out golfing or drinking together.

Hmm, maybe no golf in Saskatchewan for awhile longer though, huh?

I hope it all works out. Next time I'm sure hubby will think with the big head before he lets the little head rule. Damn, that seems to happen lots with us guys!

I think that you have done exactly what is appropriate; apologize, express your disappointment in yourselves and let it blow over.

It is difficult to find great partners and I see this as a little error. I am also assuming no harm done. There may be more to it than the "no condom" incident.

Personally, we have a condom only requirement as well, we express this up front and expect people to oblige. What has been interesting is that in many of our MMF encounters the guys come totally unprepared. We have supplied a lot of condoms, but for me (the man) I end up feeling like I have to be the policeman. Often, my wife is totally enjoying the other man and gets wrapped up in the moment and has assumed he would take care of business, before entering her. To my amazement, they don't, then I have to step in.

My problem with this is that I can't totally relax which reduces the pleasure. The evenings when we were all on top of the condom thing and therefore I could give up the police role have been noticeably more enjoyable.

We require condoms because she is very fertile, not so much a disease thing, but we certainly don't want to have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy especially if it's not mine.

So, men, let's take responsibility, let's be proactive, let's protect all our partners if that's their wish. And yes i know how some of us hate condoms, but that's not the issue.

Hope you all patch things up and have many many happy encounters in the future.

I think the bigger issue than the no condom was the fact that you guys had all agreed up front that that night would be soft-swing only... and to be honest, unless she was telling your hubby to "fuck me", he's the one at fault plain and simple, since she stopped things pretty much as soon as they went too far.

Her hubby has EVERY right to be upset and every right to not want to swing with you guys again for the simple fact of ..... if you broke the rules once, you'll probably do it again.

From the sounds of it you guys are ready to go further than this couple is, so you should probably figure out exactly what YOUR boundaries are and find couples who can work with them, rather than you guys trying to conform to someone else's.

I think it will be very surprising if you can work this out with them to the point that they want to give you another chance.

Dito!

I agree with Julie Completely. I would not want to play with you guys again after the slips. To me it looks as though you have broken 2 of their rules. (or your agreed upon rules) I think it is worse because it was a man breaking the womans rule and not the woman breaking the mans. To me, I would feel taken advantage of and disrespected. And personally, I wouldn't want to see either of you again.

We had a situation where we did not think that swapping was going to come into play, however, once we were in the moment it was I that screamd fuck me now... the man actually stopped and considered it, getting the ok from his wife before he entered me.

To tell you the truth... I would be angry with Mr. Indy if he had done what your husband had done.

It is difficult to find couples that want exactly what you want in terms of sex. We know lots of couples that just want to watch, or have oral, or FF and thats it. They aren't on the same page we are, and although they are fun to hang out with, we really don't play with them.

One question, when she let you suck her hubby off, did they insist on using a condom??

Um, not that it's been an issue yet but is a condom required, good idea, neccessary for oral in these situations?

Clueless in RI!

To address the sucking off her husband issue, no we didn't use a condom there but then she sucked off my husband too without a condom. There wasn't a problem there and to tell you the truth, that thought I don't think occured to anyone (using condoms for oral).

Anyways, just to update you all, I did get a chance to chat with him last night. Usually, he gets right into the dirty talk with me but last night he didn't until after chatting with him for a bit.

He says that we will meet again, he's cool with everything now. It just took him by surprise because that's one of their rules. My husband has apologized profusely to both of them, he feels like crap basically. He said last night that he doesn't want to be the reason for a family spat or worse yet, the two of them breaking up over this incident. I explained to him that we knew what their rules were and there is going to be no ifs, ands, or buts about it if we do meet them again, he HAS to wear a condom!!!! But I expect the same in return too.

We haven't been around the lifestyle all that long, and we aren't trying to come off like we have it all figured out. So please forgive us if we sound preachy.

But.... your situation sounds like its getting pretty complex. And hard. Our only absolutely unbreakable rule is that this should be fun. What youi describe sounds like work and emotional wear and tear.

you see, that's why we almost never get together with novices. Too much of a hassle! Here's the deal: It's about having sex with other adults and that must be understood (period). If you're not sure you can handle it, perhaps the fantasy is the way it must remain. He was ok with his wife putting another man's dick in her mouth, another woman sucking his dick and touching strange pussy and what else?? And what not? It's too much to remember while exercising your must primitive instinct. Here's my advise, know that if you dabble into the "Lifestyles" you will end up having sexual intercourse with someone else and you both must accept this fact. If you can handle that, search for an experience couple and have a great time and if, by the way, you realize you can not handle it, be a man or woman and let the others have fun and when you get home tell your partner that, that was not for you. suck it up and toss it to the experiences of life.

(curiousRI, this thread has more information on using condoms for oral)

K, first of all I must clarify something. It is us, who is the inexperienced couple and believe me we are adults. The couple we have met is the experienced couple and they are the same age as us and are both adults as well. It was them that had the issue, not us. We have acted as adults and have apologized for my hubby's mistake, it will not happen again.

Secondly, how do you get experienced if no one will play with you because you are a novice. I mean, we all have to start somewhere don't we and you did too, Soflafun. Am I not correct? We all learn from our mistakes and how can you not learn if you don't make mistakes to begin with. We've learned our lesson here.

As I said before, he's cool with everything and we will be meeting again. I'm personally taking this as a character building experience and a situation in which we've all gotton to know each other a little bit better.

I'm personally taking this as a character building experience and a situation in which we've all gotton to know each other a little bit better.

Everyone has to learn by example, most of the time. We have all learned from mistakes.

it is good that you have found an understanding experienced couple to share your thoughts, and time with. Most don't have that opportunity. Good Luck!

I, too, consider ourselves fortunate.

We love the lifestyle but there's no excuse for not wearing a condom - if it's a clearly understood rule. It shows disrespect for everyone involved.

It's so hard to find a great couple. When you do, respecting the rules is mandatory.

I am no expert on swinging, or even very knowledgable for that matter. I do however know human nature. Your husband is taking way too much grief over this for the information at hand. Did she invite him in one way or another, or did he take the initiative too quickly for her to understand and ask him to stop before penetrating. If it's all him, shame on him. Learn and move on. If it wasn't all him, share the blame. Still, move on. I agree with one of the earlier posts, what you're describing sounds way too much like work.

Atilla, your experience sounds almost identical to ours. With a few minor changes, we basically had our very first real life encounter with a couple last Saturday night. Things got pretty heated and intense, and boundaries were ultimately crossed (her hubby, my hubby and myself all being the ones doing the crossing over his wife's boundaries) and it looks now that we've lost a pretty decent friendship out of the deal too.

I think swinging is definitely an exciting lifestyle, but not for the faint of heart, which I wonder if maybe I am, since for the past 6 days I've been in absolute misery, not being able to talk to my friends. She has asked for some space and time to figure things out, but I know things won't ever be the same again.

I hate to say it, but I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this right now. We should talk, lol.

I think it is worse because it was a man breaking the womans rule and not the woman breaking the mans.

Sorry, but why is the woman's rule more important than the man's? In fact, is there even any such thing? I would think it is couple A's rules plus couple B's rules that make the rules for the encounter.

Seems to me that nobody's rule should be any more or less important than anybody else's rule and assigning importance by gender is just plain sexist.