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Vespertine

Swinging Nightmares

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I've had a horrible feeling all morning over a dream I had last night.

 

In my dream, my husband and I were at a private party. At the party, people paired up and went off into seperate rooms. My husband and I and a single female were left in the main living room.

 

The woman is giving subtle hints to my husband that she wants to play around. However, she avoids any eye contact with me. My husband whispers into my ear that he'd like to play with this woman, and I agree. Though when my husband gets up to meet this woman and go to a different room, it seems I am not included in these plans.

 

For some reason, I'm unable to verbalize that I'm unhappy with the arrangement. It seems a normal thing, in this dream, for him to go off and play without me. Like if I protested, it would be in very poor taste. I try to peek into the room they're in to watch and see what is happening. But everytime I get a view, they notice I'm watching and stop playing.

 

I finally speak to my husband and tell him I'd be more comfortable if I could watch them. He says it's okay, but the woman is very uncomfortable. He needs to coax her to continue on. In my dream, I'm full of so much rage and hatred and jealousy. The dream kind of ends there, with me watching them and feeling horrible.....

 

 

I wake up PISSED at my husband! :mad:

 

As I lay in bed this morning, I decide I don't want to swing anymore. I feel like total shit. Hurt, jealous and insecure.

 

Over a dream.

 

When my husband and I play, there's no jealousy at all. In fact, I prefer FMF play because I enjoy watching my husband with another woman. That's the reason we got into swinging. In fact, as many of you know, I was the one to initiate swinging in the first place.

 

Today, I keep thinking back on past playdates. Visually remembering him being with another woman is killing me. The acts I'm remembering that turned me on so much when they were happening are infuriating me today. I'm a ball of jealous fury. :o

 

Anyone ever wake up one morning with Post Traumatic Swing Disorder?

 

 

Will this go away??? :confused:

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Hmm. this is an interesting one. I've never had a dream about swinging, good or bad. Mr D2S has had plenty of good dreams, but no nightmares. ;)

 

I imagine that having such a vivid dream about a bad swinging experience would bring up many of the same feelings one gets after an actual bad swinging experience: hurt, anger, and the "is this really for us?" question. So that could certainly make you review past experiences in a more critical light, temporarily at least. That seems natural to me.

 

Intellectually you are aware the dream wasn't real, and you know that normally you like watching him with other ladies. So I think it will pass pretty quickly.

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Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty

That sucks!!

 

Can't say I can relate to what you are saying so my advice may be a bit flawed:

 

You Must swing again to try and get over this dream!!

 

What ever you do, do not hold past expereinces that you guys had against him now as jealousy. If it was Okay then, then it has to remain that way!!

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Well iit definitly sounds as if there is soemthing you 2 need to talk about. Try talking the dream over with him. I had a similar dream once , similiar in the fact that I woke up pissed at my wife, and I was all day. I'm glad I was able to stay focused on the fact that it was a dream, other wise things could have been really ugly. The only thing that seemed to help was talking the dream over with her.

 

 

Could it be that you might be feeling that you are not getting enough attention lately? Maybe it's just a manifestation of the fear of being that jealous and insecure? only way to find out is talk it over.

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In my opinion dreams have no relevence to real life desires nor avoidances. Are you experiencing a ladies mid life crisis (no idea how old you are) because they say men get distinguished with age but women just age? (I personally don't agree with this; I find many older women attractive moreso than younger in many cases). I've got to ask the same question as OpenVA in that perhaps you're not getting enough attention, and also agree that you should tell your s.o. how you're feeling. It doesn't sound as though you need to stop having fun though, because it's not like you've been shut out or avoided in any way. Do you and are you asked to participate with those your s.o. plays with? Happy New Year.

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You Must swing again to try and get over this dream!!

We have swing-plans for the New Year. My birthday is January 1st, so we usually celebrate BIG.

What ever you do, do not hold past expereinces that you guys had against him now as jealousy. If it was Okay then, then it has to remain that way!!

OMG, I never would! Poor guy, I can't blame him for my imaginary jealousy! :lol:

Could it be that you might be feeling that you are not getting enough attention lately?

You're probably right. Things have been hectic around our house lately. Too much going on and not enough 'alone' time. There's In-Laws and children everywhere... :(

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So I think it will pass pretty quickly.

I dunno. It's been six and a half hours so far..... :lol:

 

I'm sure it will pass.

 

I was just wondering if anyone else ever felt an eruption of insecurity (out of the blue) over swinging before when none was warranted. Feeling like this is usually against my nature, so it's puzzling me.

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. Are you experiencing a ladies mid life crisis (no idea how old you are) because they say men get distinguished with age but women just age? (I personally don't agree with this; I find many older women attractive moreso than younger in many cases).

I'll be 33 in a few days. I don't think the mid-life crisis is coming yet...:lol:

Do you and are you asked to participate with those your s.o. plays with? Happy New Year.

Oh definitely! If anything, my husband bends over backwards to make sure I'm comfortable. He prefers me to be the one to initiate any playtime and make first contact with potentials.

 

Happy New Year to you too!

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First Ves, I have to say I am very disapointed that I wasn't in your dream. :lol:

 

Just kidding. :rolleyes:

 

I have had some strange dreams involving swinging before and have even woke up in a weird mood from them although I don't recal ever waking up mad (usually just pitching a tent......probably TMI). The feelings seem to go away for me pretty quick to the point that a day later I usually can't even remember what the dream was about.

 

I think i agree with the naughties though, you need to jump right back on the horse. I suspect you will find it has no effect on how you feel once you start playing again.

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Vespertine, sorry I didn't read your profile before posting earlier; I was just kinda brainstorming. No, definitely not a midlife crisis at 33, lol ; although I don't know what you look like, your body picture is smokin!

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Vesper - Dreams are either a manifestation of something we want or something we fear. Obviously this is something you fear or do not want to happen. I think that if you talk it over with the Mr, it will further emphasize to him that this is an unacceptable situation and if he loves you (as I think he does), he will assure you that this will never happen and it will allay your fears. Good luck and go play tomorrow night. We will be!

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Things have been hectic around our house lately. Too much going on and not enough 'alone' time. There's In-Laws and children everywhere... :(

 

That'll do it...

 

It took me a couple of days to shake the feelings from the dream off... It was that vivid

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A dream like that, where someone you know acts in a totally unexpected and totally unlike them way always sticks around for me much much longer. Whether its about sex or children or boating, it's harder for me to shake my emotions after such a dream.

 

It'll pass... don't strain your brain too much...

 

GG's .02

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Vespertine,

 

Yeah, I've had some pretty horrible dreams about swinging.

 

In one I was involved in a threesome with my hubby and the hubby of the couple we play with. It was fine when suddenly some strange woman joins in, everyone seems to be okay with this, but I am really uncomfortable, especially after she starts to pay attention only to my hubby.

 

The other husband wants me to continue playing with him but I am just too upset and not interested in him at all. I tell my hubby that I feel like they are too wrapped up with each other and it makes me very uncomfortable. He thinks I am wrong but starts including me in the fun, suddenly they are turning their attention on each other again and at every chance trying to play just by themselves.

 

I woke up like you...completely pissed at hubby and feeling completely hurt.

 

However, I just told hubby about it and he reassured me that it was just a dream and I know in my heart that he would never do that to me. Then we did go back to swinging. It's all good again.

 

Give things a chance, I think you will be okay. SOmetimes dreams can leave you with very powerful feelings.

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I am going to have to agree that with all of the children and the in-laws, you probably didn't get the attention that you deserve. Have a happy birthday!!

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Hi Ves, I go away for a few days and look what happens...

 

Man, dreams are such POWERFUL things because they are so real. They come from your brain. I know about the anxiety you were feeling. It almost makes you feel like the real life we are living isn't real, and that the dream was.

 

Good thing you know it wasn't real. When I have "bad" dreams I tend to forget them. I have no recall of them after a few days. Now how long is it till N.Y.D.? ::P:

 

You probably will absolutely go nuts this New Years... facelick

 

And Happy Birthday..Ours are cumming soon too.

 

Male D

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First Ves, I have to say I am very disapointed that I wasn't in your dream. :lol:

Just because you weren't in this dream, doesn't mean you haven't been featured in my other dreams. You know, the TMI kind. :D

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Obviously this is something you fear or do not want to happen. I think that if you talk it over with the Mr, it will further emphasize to him that this is an unacceptable situation and if he loves you (as I think he does), he will assure you that this will never happen and it will allay your fears. Good luck and go play tomorrow night. We will be!

My husband came home from work a little while ago and I told him what a naughty boy he was in my dream. He reassured me nothing of the sort would ever happen. I feel better now that I was able to talk to him.

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Vespertine,

Yeah, I've had some pretty horrible dreams about swinging.

 

I woke up like you...completely pissed at hubby and feeling completely hurt.

Phew...

 

Glad I'm not the only neurotic one on the board! ;)

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You probably will absolutely go nuts this New Years... facelick

Male D

You bet! I'm sure you and yours will too! :fun:

 

Enjoy your weekend and have fun!

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You know Sir Mike and I have this theory that people are drawn to swinging

and alt sex from some very unresolved issues leading way back into childhood.

Usually some unfinished business with absent/cold distant fathers? Parents who didn't do their job and really protect you? So you settled for a lesser kind of love from them than what you TRULY deserved?

 

It's "SO HARD" (a la George W. Bush) to overcome the jealous thing, I should know. :o Swinging seems to be the only area that makes it completely wash away for me. Funny, huh? I am at my worst in a mongamous relationship and have THE BIGGEST problem with exclusion. But fortunately most of us in the lifestyle feel the very same way and would be terribly hurt if that dream you had materialised for them. :eek: And many of us have learned from not just etiquette but experience that we should ALWAYS put our parter first.

Otherwise we ain't swinging anymore dear!

 

Glad it was just a dream but there seems to be some underlying feeling

there you might want to explore. A fear of losing your mate?

Great time to keep the communication wide open (find ways to overcome jealousy for the most part with lotsa reassurance) and explore more together.

Emotionally and figuratively of course.

 

;)

 

Sweeter dreams tonight!

 

Yours,

 

Slutty Wife

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Gosh... I really feel for you! I am a woman that has a terrific and sometimes terrifying dream state. I can literally have a dream and be so made at Mr. Indy for days.

 

Over the years Mr. Indy knows what to expect, and if he hears me having a bad dream he will wake me up. (I talk in my sleep :lol: ) But I have found that ultimately, just having the ability to talk it over with him, no matter what the dream is about, is the best course of action. I feel better almost immediately.

 

He used to poke light at them, but now, he really listens and comforts me. It is actually pretty great.

 

I have noticed to, that in times of stress, unfamiliar experiences, sometimes eating late, or having a great concern wieghing on me, will cause me to dream badly. One thing I have learned to do is to mentally list all things in my mind, before bed. I will sorta think quietly to myself for many minutes (meditate) and work my way through my list. it really clears my head before sleeping.

 

I also put the TV on 'nick at night' and drift off to sleep- something subliminally makes me dream the most pleasant dreams! :lol:

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Over a dream?? Get a life please. Have you ever had MFM? Gangbang? Try it as it will lift your self-esteem a whole lot!

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Ya know.... I think dreams are things that are much more powerful to women, then to men. In talking with my female friends, it seems they are more bothered by their dreams, too. Most men, give the response like MO couple... Most women understand.

 

Mr. Indy learned to understand too.....Especially when after discussing my dreams he would get lucky!

 

I read that very intellectual and stimulating women dream powerfully. It is those women that make the best lovers and spouses, as they are more free to experience life in a healthy, assertive way. There is also a study being performed now by the Grey Institute... Their finding is that women with powerful dream sequences not only experience deeper more satisfying orgasms repeatedly, but their S/O's experience them as well.

 

You go girl! I know I certainly do! :kissface:

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Over a dream?? Get a life please. Have you ever had MFM? Gangbang? Try it as it will lift your self esteem a whole lot!

:sad: Ouch.

I'm sure Ves has a life HotMo. Having a dream like that just plain sucks. And while it may be just a dream, it was pretty damn real-feeling when she was having it. I've only ever dreamt about swinging a couple of times (and both times I was woken up just as I was getting to the good part dammit!! :mad: ) and both times it was good. I have had other dreams - nightmares - about other aspects of my life. For example, a dream where my kids were being hurt or killed and I was paralysed and unable to help them. I had trouble sleeping for a few days after that.

 

Ves, this dream just means you're looking for a little 'chicken soup for the soul' from Mr. Vespertine. Sounds like you guys have started on that. You know that's one of the really cool things about being in the lifestyle: we often have spouses we can turn to when we're having a crisis like that, and they really truly understand and care. We're practiced at emotionally supporting each other and being sensitive to each others' needs. So many non-lifestyle couples I know are relationship-challenged that way. Just an observation.

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Geez, how about drinking a whole bottle of scotch before you go to bed too!

 

This solution is like apples and oranges.

 

Maybe they should, like, look up your profile and read about your lousy little life, Ves. They actually might learn something. How ridiculous!

 

Male D

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Over a dream?? Get a life please. Have you ever had MFM? Gangbang? Try it as it will lift your self esteem a whole lot!

Yes, HotMoCpl... I've had several MFM experiences. Unlike you (one who has not swung yet), I have swinging experience. How do you know that a MFM or a GB would lift my self esteem (a whole lot) if you've never experienced one? Did you read this in the "Swinging For Dummies" manual?

 

There is a lot more involved in swinging than fucking, sir.

 

There are a lot of emotions to be had. Luckily for me, all my experiences have been positive. My husband and I have enjoyed ourselves immensely.

 

I've never had a negative thought related to swinging. That's why my dream perplexed me and I wanted to see if other experienced people ever had them too. Plus I thought it would serve as a good thread for newbies (like yourself), to learn that even experienced swingers run into little bumps along the road.

 

That is the wonderful thing about this board. You can share your experiences with other swingers and learn how other couples deal with certain situations that maybe develop. You can talk about insecurities that might surface and see how other couples (with more experience) handle them.

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Glad it was just a dream but there seems to be some underlying feeling

there you might want to explore. A fear of losing your mate?

I think you're on to something, SluttyWife!

 

My husband said the same thing. He thinks the dream was because I subconsciously have a fear of losing him. My father passed-away this month, and I really had a hard time coming to terms with this loss. My husband made an appointment for us with a life inurance agent a day or so before the dream too...so I'm sure that got the wacky dream wheel turning in my head. :lol:

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Now you know how HotMoCpl solves his nightmare dilemmas. Gee, why haven't I thought of it. ::P:

 

I also thought of your loss, Ves. Many times things that happen in dreams are transposed. Usually has nothing to do with the actual content of the dream.

 

Male D

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Come to think of it Ves, I just recently had a bout of jealousy, although I can't quite remember what it was about. I just remember feeling miserably inadequate and resentful towards this other (supermodel gorgeous) girl. I was totally surprised that I could still feel that way as it's been a LONG time since I'd felt any jealousy. Not even a twinge! I think it probably stems from the fact that I've packed on a good 10 lbs over the holiday :sad: It didn't last long, and obviously it was even a big enough deal that I remembered what started it. Just thought I'd share. Strange isn't it?

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I think you're on to something, SluttyWife! My husband said the same thing. He thinks the dream was because I subconsciously have a fear of losing him. My father passed-away this month, and I really had a hard time coming to terms with this loss. My husband made an appointment for us with a life inurance agent a day or so before the dream too...so I'm sure that got the wacky dream wheel turning in my head. :lol:

 

I agree. Losing close loved ones is traumatic. Although we all intellectually know of that eventuality,nothing can really prepare you for it emotionally. Losing a parent is a monumental thing. I lost my sister and mother to cancer 7 and 5 years ago respectively. I still cope with fear of loss issues on a daily basis. I just took out a long term care insurance policy and I've been having some pretty disturbing thoughts/dreams too. :lol: You seem to have a very supportive husband and that should help get you through this. Timing seems about right to me for this stuff to be working its way to the surface after the initial shock. It was about a month ago wasn't it--or a little less?

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I was just wondering if anyone else ever felt an eruption of insecurity (out of the blue) over swinging before when none was warranted.

 

I'm so glad I read this thread today.....This totally describes how I have been feeling - all day yesterday - in fact I even stated to my hubby, I wish I could remember my dreams last night, because I sure woke up upset & confused...I then proclaimed "I'm" finished with this lifestyle, and sorry hon, that "I" is really "WE", then I was left with the delima of how do I explain this to our "play couple" Feeling even more upset because now I've gone from being so much fun to being the "funsucker".

So the answer to your question is "yes" some people, me for example do have these feelings now and then. Will this go away? Can't answer for you, but communication is the answer. You and your hubby will figure this out together. Hubby and I had to really communicate and do some soul searching. The answer we came up with is similar to yours....too much going on, lives extremely busy, and the four of us haven't seen each other very much, plus I think there was the added bonus of hormones.(PMS)Thank you for giving this "problem" a name, Post Traumatic Swing Disorder. This site is so helpful, I'm glad we found it....the Mrs.

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Both Mr. Midnight and I have had these dreams, before we even started swinging and after...I think it is just common..and usually if you think of it it does happen when the other is not around...Mr. Midnight was a OTR for lots of years and it both triggered these dreams in us...I had one not so long ago but it was not about swinging...he asked for a divorce and then told me about all the women he had cheated with..roflmao..needless to say I was pissed at him when I woke up..but he broke the mood by asking who they were in case he had a chance with any of them...LOL

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..but he broke the mood by asking who they were in case he had a chance with any of them...LOL

:rofl: Men are all the same!

 

When I was telling my husband about my dream, he wanted to know if the other woman was hottie. :lol:

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Mrs. Midnight:

 

"..but he broke the mood by asking who they were in case he had a chance with any of them...LOL"

 

Very good!!! How often does he think on his feet like that? ::P:

 

All of the Swinging Dreams I've had have been very pleasant. :D

 

Male D

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I've had some dreams like this, never about swinging that I can remember... but dreams where I've woken up still pissed off at someone for something that happened in the dream.

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I find that when my husband and I are at our closest we have the best experiences with swinging.

 

I'm sure it has something to do with the level of intimacy. For us, our relationship comes first and if we've neglected each other in any way for any length of time small insecurities set in and we know we need to reconnect. This can happen so easily when life gets in the way and it sounds like your life has been a little hectic lately.

 

It's easier to share when you know he's all yours. Know what I mean?

 

Best wishes.

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Hey Vespertine (or She-Ra):

 

You know, dreams are almost always not what they seem to be. The true meaning of a dream is in the symbolism of the people, places, and things in the dream, not necessarily the "face value". You might want to do some research and see what the dream meant. Knowing the true message of the dream may alleviate any feelings of jealousy that still linger. I'm gonna analyze the dream with my handy-dandy dream book just for fun. Let me know if you're interested in my results.

 

Mr. Funk

A human Dreamcatcher, only without the feathers

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I'm gonna analyze the dream with my handy-dandy dream book just for fun. Let me know if you're interested in my results.

 

Mr. Funk

A human Dreamcatcher, only without the feathers

Anyalyze away, baby!

 

I'd love to see what you cum up with!

 

 

BTW, the feelings did pass, and life's the usual again.

;)

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Anyalyze away, baby!

 

I'd love to see what you cum up with!

OK, now who could turn down a sexy response like that? Not me...

 

I consulted my handy-dandy dream book, and this is what it said: The other woman in your dream is you, actually a specific side of you – the caring, nurturing, loving side of you; the one that shares the intimate relationship with Mr. Vespertine. The gist of the dream is keeping the intimacy of your marriage private and away from the other side of you – the swinger side. It basically restates the general lifestyle belief that sex is separate from making love, and that this is a core belief of yours. Now, the only part I couldn’t nail down is the fact that you were at a party, which represents the need to go out and enjoy yourself more. I don’t know if that means swinging more or spending more intimate time with the hubby. I think only you can answer that question.

 

I know that my results weren’t very glamorous, so in order to spice this up a bit, I hereby declare that this dream means you need to get out and swing a LOT more!!! ;)

 

Mr. Funk

Wishing he had "I gotta swing with Vespertine more" dreams... :o

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I hereby declare that this dream means you need to get out and swing a LOT more!!! ;)

Mmm...

 

Nice analysis.

 

:D

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Just found this thread. (Pretty busy around the new year)

Ves, I (Mrs. JCbi) have dreams where I wake up completely mad at Mr. JCbi. I've gotten better at not hitting him, or shoving him out of bed in the middle of the night over them. :lol:

I think it comes from a combination of things: Too much stress, (

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I think it comes from a combination of things: Too much stress, (

Makes sense to me! Especially the control part.

 

Thanks for sharing! :kissface:

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I had a dream that involved swinging last night and managed to combine swinging with one of our biggest pet peeves - bad service in restaurants. In the dream we were at a deli type place and evidently had gotten not so great service there before. This time around we'd been waiting over a half hour for sandwiches with few other customers in the place. Finally the manager comes in and we tell him. He gives us attitude and we tell him that we just want our money back. So he tells Pet to come with him to his office. Pet follows and after 5 or 10 minutes I go back the way they went looking for them. I find the office and bang on the door and find it unlocked. I walk in and on the computer screen is some sort of swinger site. I'm confused and I look at Pet and he just motions that he'll tell me later. The guy gives him the money and we leave. When we leave Pet tells me that this guy pulled up the site and tells him that he better not hear of us reporting him to his boss/home office or he will tell them about us being on this site. My response was "well that's stupid, one we aren't on THAT site and two, if he does that then he's basically outting himself for even looking at said site. That just gives me even more reason to call his boss."

 

Wierd.

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I had a dream that involved swinging last night . . .
A dream like that would leave a person with an uneasy feeling. Don't know if you described a swinging dream as much as you described a computer dream. I'm no Doctor Freud and would not pretend to analyze a dream, not even one of my own. I'm just thankful that dreams, even the disturbing ones, are soon forgotten.

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      WARNING: The picture in the story may be a little much for the easily queasy. They also offer a click through to the actual penis in question. I declined that opportunity.
    • By ecoupleca
      OK, at the risk of being crude, has anyone ever been with someone who didn't know how to fuck? I ask that question because I have been with that person.
       
      She was an absolute "10". A friend, a sweet heart, a second marriage to a good friend of mine. She was in the experimental stage and swinging with whoever she determined they would swing with. She had two kids from previous marriage. She has been around the block so to speak.
       
      One afternoon when we came back to our house and the kids went to sleep. The ladies were talking and determined that they would have each others spouse. We spouses did not disagree. She said told my wife she wanted to fuck me. My wife said "OK" bless her heart.
       
      She and I went up to the bedroom. The first kiss was an open mouth tongue slapping kiss that was not really a kiss I've ever had or would care to have again. She got on top of me immediately, sat there and told me to tell her when I would cum so she could suck it out of me. We went for awhile, eventually being bored I turned her over. She resisted it for a moment and then she went with it.
       
      I told her I was coming and she slipped out from under turned over and sucked me. That can never be wrong. Then I think she planned on that being it.
       
      However I stayed hard and put her back on me until for a seemingly endless time until her Hubby and my wife opened the door and he said "we have to go". The worst fuck with a "10" or a "1" I've ever had. I think about it all the time. Has anyone had that experience?
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