We Did It!!!!!!!!!!

After 2 months of discussing it, my husband and I finally lost our "virginity"! A female friend of mine was here on Friday night and one thing lead to another and the 3 of us ended up in bed together. It was amazing! Not only was it very fulfilling to try out my bi-curious fantasies, but what happened between me and hubbie was sexually out of this world. Thanks for all of the advice and words of wisdom from this group! We're so ready to do this and more again.

But, we do have an issue. My female friend is married and her hubbie is not the least bit interested in swinging. He knows nothing about Friday night. I am feeling guilty because she cheated on her hubbie with us. We're all friends and our kids even play together. What in the world do I do now??? We all had such a great time but I'm so afraid that we've opened the hugest can of worms.

M

Put the worms back and close the can...

Worms aren't as tasty as they look - take it from a monkey...

Spoomonkey

What makes you think your friend's husband is not interested?

Alura

have sex with her hubby and you all will get started!

Even if the husband is interested, they now have to cross the whole "your wife cheated on you bridge." Not a pretty scenario at all...

Now - had they put the horse BEFORE the cart... Well, that would be a whole other story..

Spoomonkey

Not a great start except that you guys got a taste of the real deal.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that things can't be undone or improved upon...but if her hubby is not interested then I don't know what the 3 of YOU can do.

The two of you can continue on, if the idea of cheating with her bothers you, with other like-minded folks.

Male D

Even if the husband is interested, they now have to cross the whole "your wife cheated on you bridge." Not a pretty scenario at all...

 

Now - had they put the horse BEFORE the cart... Well, that would be a whole other story..

 

Spoomonkey

You are so very right, but unfortunately for my conscience it already happened. My husband is telling me to quit feeling guilty and we should just leave it alone. But I just can't turn it off in my head that she cheated. At the time, it wasn't even on my mind...obviously. We know that her husband isn't interested because she's asked him numerous times and their marriage couldn't handle it anyway. The really sad thing is that it was our first time and while we enjoyed it immensely, I feel that we didn't make the best choice and I'm having trouble living with it. But it was so much more comfortable, for me at least, to be with someone that I know so well for our first time. And I am quite certain that she is going to come back for more which I will have to put a stop to until her situation improves.

Is this one of those learning experiences that you've all been talking about? Is this a big taboo in the lifestyle? Does this not typically happen? Is this a "rule" that we've broken?

M

Spoo is right. Stuff the worms back in the can and sit on the lid. Seriously, sex might be a lot of fun, but it's not worth the kind of pain I see coming down the road. It's great that you guys had such a great first experience, but my advice would be to not play with your friend again. She's committed adultery, and that's proof that her relationship with her husband is unstable. Dangerous territory. I'd suggest that you let them repair their marriage and then only play with them if they've been able to deal with her cheating, and they decide that swinging is for them. Otherwise, let it be.

From intuition897:

"She's committed adultery, and that's proof that her relationship with her husband is unstable."

We don't know that for sure. She could have got caught up in something. Some people keep things hidden, like their bisexual desires, from their SO. Like I said, the damage can be undone! She will have to upfront with her Hubby about this. As she can see from other posts on this board, he just may appreciate her courage and forgive her!

Male D

mmmmm yikes,

This last post is just as scary as the position you have jumped into. The truth is, damage has been done.

The fact is, you have a few issues to deal with now, and you and your husband are going to have to deal with some of them.

1) She played with someone else when her marriage was rocky.

She has to address this and it is not going to go away or heal itself.

2) She cheated. no sugar coating. Again, she and her husband are going to have to deal with it. Now or when it really blows up.

3) Your kids and thier kids may soon have a wall between them. four of you are going to have to sift through that one.

4) You cannot go back in that garden of eden unless one of two things changes. She leaves the marriage, or he joins once repairs have been successful.

5) You mention your guilt. You and your husband are going to have to deal with that. You and only you two will be able to come to terms there. This group cannot answer that part for you, only offer their experience.

You have gotten a lot of good advice from this thread, but your first priority is going to have to be you, your mate, and your family. The biggest share of the burden will have to be with your friend and her family.

Take what you can salvage from your experience. As you say, it was wonderful and it will be a memory that can make you warm for years, but learn from it. Back slowly away from the shakey relationships because it will be you who will be branded by the person left out of the wonderful memory.

We have a rule in our life, where when we hit a brick wall, we dont turn 180 degrees, we only turn 90. keep moving and find your new freedom, dont turn and run.

Hope this helps.

Well lets see if I got this straight,,,,,,,

You and your husband jumped into this with both feet.......

Your "friend" also jumped in..........

Your "friend" is married and her husband would not approve..........

You knew your "friends" hubby did not approve...........

Maybe you oughtta think about what a "friend" means to you?

Don't mean to be too rough on ya as I don't know all the details, but I would never do that to a "friend". There are plenty of willing sex partners in the world but true friends are rare and not worth throwing away over an orgasm.

Is this one of those learning experiences that you've all been talking about?

YES!

Is this a big taboo in the lifestyle?

Cheating is a big taboo. It's usually best not to get involved in it. But, what's done is done. As already mentioned, this is one of those learning experiences. Learn from it and move on. Don't get sucked into feeling guilty about it.

Does this not typically happen?

I don't think there is a "typical" scenario here.

Is this a "rule" that we've broken?

There are no cut and dry rules. You do what you do. However, with this experience under your belt you might want to add some appropriate rules (such as not sleeping with cheaters, given that it doesn't appear to be working for you).

I firmly believe that there is no use in feeling guilty about this. A more effective reaction is to look at what you can learn from this experience. You have already talked about the positives it has had for you and your husband. I would also try not to get any more involved with the cheating situation.

Been lurking here for a while and have to say that you'll get some excellent advice here. I think Miss Piggy and a couple others nailed this. As for the stone throwers who have never made a mistake, screw them. It’s too hard to chase them across water anyway. The fact that you have addressed what you think may have been a mistake says much about you. I have to agree that even though this experience was great sexually, in the end, it probably will be more of a learning experience. Move forward. It’s not the fun that you are having that makes you feel guilty. It’s where you found it that does. Guaranteed, when you find the right situation, without the guilt and other baggage it can only get better.

Two things could happen here: 1) She convinces her hubby to swing. 2) Give it up.

Remember, 'You can't have what you never had'.

Cheers.

The fact that you have addressed what you think may have been a mistake says much about you. I have to agree that even though this experience was great sexually, in the end, it probably will be more of a learning experience. Move forward.

Thank you for treating me like a human that makes mistakes and can own up to them.

I appreciate all of the feedback from everyone. I knew that I would have to take some tough critiscism, which is difficult, but I think that is what I was looking for. There is nothing about sex with anyone that should feel wrong if it was done for the right reasons in the first place.

My husband and I have already talked about it until we're blue in the face and we/I will be telling her that we just can't "play" anymore. It's just not worth it. I'm hoping that our next experience is much better.

Thank you everyone for your kind AND direct remarks. It was much needed!

M

Quote

 

Spoomonkey wrote:

 

Now - had they put the horse BEFORE the cart... Well, that would be a whole other story.

 

True enough, Spoo, but as we say here in Oklahoma, "Shouldadones don't count." These folks must accept what has happened as history and go about facing the future.

There is no reason to wallow in guilt. What good can that possibly do?

Probably the best thing to do is to continue the friendship as before, without sex. This seems to be the way y'all have decided to go and I think it is the best course of action. I think confession would be a bad idea at this point.

There is one intriguing possibility, though... If the two ladies were somehow to find themselves alone with the other husband some quiet evening... Well, a double blowjob might change his reluctant mind...

It isn't always a good idea to tell all, especially when there are other issues to solve. It could unnecessarily complicate things. Talk with her, let her know how you feel, that you shouldn't play until she and hubby are ready but don't insist that she tell all. Alura had a good idea.

The difference between a person and a lightbulb? A lightbulb can be unscrewed. 😉

We have just recently had a similar problem occur.

One of the single men we play with invited us to meet his "new" girlfriend. He was wanting to introduce her to the swinging lifestyle and felt that once she met us she would see that people who do swing are normal people. Her and I had been chatting on line some before the actual meet, with myself answering her questions about swinging.

We met for dinner one night, had a good time, and on the way home Ted and I discussed that we were not sure she would be able to handle swinging. A few days later I was chatting with her, she was extremely upset because she had found pictures of him on his computer with other people. I asked her if these were taken before or after he and she had become a couple, she replied after they were together. OK, lights start going off in my head...I asked her how long have you been together as a couple...her answer over a year, we're engaged. OH, shit...we had not played with him since he had informed us that he had a girlfriend but had played with him during the past year. She did not know about us and him, whereas he had told us that he had told her about the three of us when he asked if we would meet and talk with her.

I spent time on line as well as the phone with both of them, reaming him a new one and apologizing to her (he finally told her about us) letting her know that we were unaware of their relationship while we were playing with him. The end results being that she still wants to explore swinging, I will still be here to answer her questions as well as we will accompany them to socials but...we will not be playing with him behind her back or them as a couple unless we feel she is ready.

We don't feel any guilt about this at all...we were deceived as well as her.

In a situation like simba101's, you knew the woman was married, you made a conscious decision at the time to go through with it, as well as she made the same decision. A lack of respect for the friendship as well as for her marriage and husband were shown. Shit happens. The thing to do is learn from your mistake. All you can do is deal with your feelings on it. Her cheating on her husband is on her head, not yours. We are not here to police other peoples relationships and what they do in them, the only relationships we can control is our own.

Handle you own feelings on this and let her handle her own problems within her marriage.

Teresa

Simba,

Only a few things come to mind after reading what everyone else said.

My husband is telling me to quit feeling guilty and we should just leave it alone.

This is part of what you said. I don't condone affairs, but sometimes no good can come of a confession, as Mr. Alura said, and depending on the circumstances, occasionally you just take it to the grave with you. If anyone has any confessing, it had better come from the other wife to her husband first, and she probably feels it's better to take it to the grave also. Would be very dangerous to your friendship if either you or your hubby had a bout of remorse and had to cleanse your soul to him.

And the other thing that could be VERY interesting comes from the old horndog Mr. Alura again, and you may run this one by your hubby and the other wife too:

If the two ladies were somehow to find themselves alone with the other husband some quiet evening... Well, a double blowjob might change his reluctant mind

I think that's an OUTSTANDING idea, Mr. Alura!!! And, somehow I doubt that guys mind "surprises" like that as much as women do! facelick

SexHoundDog wrote:

...the old horndog Mr. Alura...

Thanks, SexHoundDog! I appreciate the vote of confidence!

Mr. Alura

You earned it, Mr. Alura! That was such a good suggestion that my mind is almost fantasizing in third person for what a lucky devil that other husband could be. Can't you almost put yourself in his shoes, having these two women plotting a surprise like that on you?!!! facelick

I'd put myself out of his shoes, and everything else. It's a long-time fantasy of mine and I'm sure a lot of other men. ...and women, come to think of it...

Mr. Alura

Mr. Alura, your idea is very interesting and thought provoking. You gave me a good laugh today, thank you! I can see the look on his face now if we were to surprise him like that. I think we'll just stick to being friends and no more playing, no confessions, no more anything. We've learned our lesson.

My husband would love a surprise blowjob though, if only I could give a better blowjob and do it more frequently. I never feel quite adequate in that department

~M~

simba, I'd like to apologize if anything I said offended you both. I certainly didn't mean to be direct to the point that I was injuring anyone's feelings. You asked for our opinions, and mine happened to be that cheating/adultery - regardless of the reason or number of occurrences - never really has any good excuse. It is something that one decides to do. When someone decides to cheat on her spouse, and she will not own up to it and admit her mistake to him, that says to me that their relationship is unstable. It's true, shit happens. Sometimes people, in the heat of the moment and in their attraction to one another, can get carried away. I like to say swinging is a contact sport and you can expect some injuries. I should've made a point of applauding your admission of guilt; that's one of the toughest parts of making mistakes. No one likes to feel like they're a bad person, and unfortunately mistakes like this will do just that. No, we all understand you aren't bad people. It was a learning experience and as long as you've come away from it knowing more than you did before, it's ok. Again, truly sorry if I've offended.

Simba wrote:

I think we'll just stick to being friends and no more playing, no confessions, no more anything. We've learned our lesson.

Whatever suits you tickles me plumb to death, Ma'am. And if you want to work on that blowjob technique there are several very helpful threads on this board.

See y'all around the Board, and the best of luck always.

Mr. Alura

simba, I'd like to apologize if anything I said offended you both. I certainly didn't mean to be direct to the point that I was injuring anyone's feelings.

Neither you nor anyone else has offended us at ALL! We certainly didn't have to post this to the group at all, but we wanted everyone's advice/opinions or else we would not have solicited them. I appreciate you and everyone else taking the time to advise us, even if some of it was difficult to swallow. We didn't hear anything that we weren't already thinking ourselves. It was nice to have others validate it.

So, we've experienced, we've learned, and now we'll move on to hopefully a much more less dramatic encounter the next time!

~M~

And if you want to work on that blowjob technique there are several very helpful threads on this board.

 

See y'all around the Board, and the best of luck always.

 

Mr. Alura

I've actually looked for threads about blowjob techniques but haven't found them. I must be looking in all the wrong places.

~M~

Here, Mrs. Simba, this'll get you started:

How to make a guy come with oral sex

Mr. Alura

Thanks again Mr. Alura! My hubby wants me to read all about it and maybe I'll get over my issues with it!

~M~

For the record, I don't think you guys should beat yourself up with guilt. That is very unproductive. My point is that I know how I would feel as a husband if my wife had cheated with another couple.

Telling him could devastate your friendship, their marriage and his psyche. It does make the situation troublesome.

If a double blow job will fix it, then I am all for that approach...

After reading the thread, I have a "hand's on" course I offer...

If you guys are interested...

Spoomonkey

Well, I've never given a monkey a blowjob....I just might need a lesson for that one! facelick

~M~

Well, I've never given a monkey a blowjob....I just might need a lesson for that one! facelick

It's not much different, really...

Except that I can grab the back of your head with four hands, instead of two

Spoomonkey

Simba wrote:

Thanks again Mr. Alura! My hubby wants me to read all about it and maybe I'll get over my issues with it!

You're Welcome, Mrs. Simba. Now, technique is one thing and "issues" quite another. I think maybe it's time for you to start a new thread about your "issues" with giving blowjobs.

I think several of the ladies on this board have given at least a few blowjobs. I'll bet they'll have an opinion.

Mr. Alura