Can sex still be good if only one person orgasms?
Can sex between a couple still be considered good, even if only one partner cums?
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By Faery Heart
Our frustration is in finding other couples to play with. We are on several websites and are finding that couples who initially seem interested in getting together will talk and put us off and we end up not getting together at all.
Is there another way to meet other couples that would be interested in actually getting together?
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By RRTpilot6969
My ex-wife and I were in the lifestyle for several years, and then unfortunately found out she had been cheating (several times in college, and two separate affairs during our marriage) during our entire 10-year relationship, even while we were swingers (but never with other swingers). Took me a long time to reflect on what happened, how I may have contributed, questioned swinging, etc. It took me some time and many of my friends to help me realize she had a LOT of issues, and still does.
I was concerned there could be the possibility my ex-wife would try to accuse me of something false related to our swinging (I made her do it, etc.) that would eventually reveal my past to my new wife. Honestly, I approached the lifestyle with my ex-wife as a gift to her - it was all for her, not myself; I learned a lot about myself, and thought we had completely open, honest, and loving communication, never pushing each other to do something and always respecting our decisions made together as a couple, and truly thought it was improving our marriage. I give you that backstory to tell you my current story…
I’m remarried to an incredible woman, and could go on for days how amazing and stunning she truly is…we’re both devout Christians and attend church regularly. A few months before I proposed (she knew it was coming, ring picked out, etc.), I made it a point to be completely honest with her and tell her about my past in the lifestyle with my ex-wife, no details, just the blunt fact. I’m honest to a fault and deeply believe I owed my now wife the entire truth, especially in case my ex- decided to falsely accuse me of something related to our lifestyle involvement.
She didn’t take it very well, she was very disgusted and felt taken advantage of, etc., and I actually thought at one point she wouldn’t accept my proposal. It took a little while, but we finally worked through it, but not after some very specific questions she had about it all…which I tried very hard to still vaguely side-step (going into steamy sex details about an ex- with your current girlfriend isn’t exactly wise course of action).
My current wife is more reserved and conservative in her beliefs, but popular and stylish, and not at all a prude. She immediately denounced swinging and asked if I wanted her to do the same, pictured me doing all these gross orgies with ugly people, etc…typical mainstream misconceptions and misunderstandings of what the lifestyle really is…and I explained it to her. She’s not the most confident woman in bed, part of her reserved side, but I’ve been trying to get her out of her sexual shyness shell so to speak for a while.
But for the past couple years, year of engagement and year of marriage, our sex frequency has gone down considerably, almost seems like she’s disinterested. I have to initiate sex all the time, she never does oral (giving or receiving) or any other foreplay, and she makes it seem like a task to get done and over with most of the time. [side note, she’s performed oral on me once, while she was on her period because she felt obligated, which I stopped her and told her she didn’t have to just because of that and felt she HAD to please me, I’m a gentleman, and not selfish. She took it as I didn’t like how she was doing it, so she claims to this day…]
It worries me, and I’ve brought up my frustrations a couple times and she actually listened, but nothing really has changed, she hasn’t opened up and communicated or appear to feel more comfortable during sex. There have been extremely brief glimpses of hope at times though (before I discussed my frustration)… like when I was trying to skirt details of explaining the lifestyle, I did ask her about her sexual history and if she had ever had a one night stand before, which she did admit to me she’s had one (so at least one, maybe more, which was a encouraging in my opinion) and I was merely relating the similarity to swinging that sex can be for fun and just for sex and to help her see that her desires are not so far off from a swinging couples, it’s along the same lines and even better if you consider the open communication.
Another occasion, she initiated and for once acted like a sex goddess one night we stayed at a friend's house after drinks, wouldn’t let me get up without fucking her, she was vocal, passionate, wild, it was incredible…but she did have some drinks in her. Another - she tried to get me to have sex in a public bathroom when we were out with a bunch of friends once (work friends mind you), which I wasn’t really into and said no…which she got upset and accused me of swinging but I wouldn’t do that with her…caught me off guard a little and made me wonder her real intent for wanting to in the first place, testing me or truly acting on exhibitionism impulse.
With these examples, I’d like to think there’s a sexually free woman in there somewhere, at least I hope, she just doesn’t communicate about this kind of stuff very well, and I really hope her knowledge of my past doesn’t make her feel more inadequate or insecure in bed. If anything, I had hoped it would open her up to feel more comfortable in expressing her desires and sexual prowess with me, but it has definitely not.
I am not trying to get her to be a swinger, and won’t ever bring that up, ever, but I do want to have that same open communication and comfort sexually with just her that I learned from the lifestyle, complete and respectful open honest dialogue about what we both want, like, dislike, etc. I do want her to feel desire and comfort initiating sex on her own more confidently. I just don’t know where to start or how to approach…which is why I’m here, asking some old lifestyle friends for any sage advice or ideas that maybe I’m not thinking of or haven’t tried yet.
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By sunbuckus
There are men who are "one and done" for the night and others who can go a few times a night. I thought it would be interesting to hear the different refractory periods of the men here. Or, perhaps you were one but then switched to the other? Maybe you do certain exercises to help decrease your refractory period?
When we first dated, Mr. Sun was able to go a few times in the same night but now he's usually a one and done.
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By km34
Ms. Julie's thread about being able to stay hard after cumming made me think about the few times Keith has managed to orgasm without actually ejaculating which leads to him having multiple orgasms in one session, with no break at all needed in between.
I was wondering if any other men have been able to do this. I know I've read about techniques where men can learn to isolate the muscles but it is supposed to be a rather tedious process. The times it has happened to us have been purely accidental.
If you have been able to do this, what do you think causes it? Did you learn to do it or is it a specific activity or situation that allows it?
I think if more men were able to do this the whole "sex is over when the man cums" idea could be overturned sooooo much easier!
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By CXXC
In this thread Overcoming Objections to Swinging one question got me thinking.
-Worry that your desire for swinging means that they are not enough for you?
I really had to sit back and ponder this question for a couple days. Is my involvement in the lifestyle proof that my wife is not enough for me? Is her desire to play with others a sign that I am not enough for her? Are we active in the lifestyle to fill the void that we both have in our sexual desires and fantasies?
I am forced to consider that we may well not be enough for our spouses/SO’s. We all have desires and fantasies of being with others outside of our marriage beds. But why? Why are we excited by the idea of being with someone else?
It is not an emotional issue. We love our mates and, for most of us, have no desire to share that feeling with another. We are not lacking in our emotional capacity to stay emotionally true to one another. Emotional monogamy is never in question.
We are then brought to the physical aspect of our union. What is it that keeps us from being completely fulfilled by our mates? If they were everything and all we need, we would not have fantasies or desires for another. If they were “enough” for us in our passion or wants, we would have no need of others involvement.
If they are enough for us, why do we swing? Why do we take another to bed, engaged in virtually the very same activities and motions we share with our mates? How can we justify our partners as being enough for us if we continue to pursue these activities?
Do we do this out of fear of infidelity? Can we honestly say that, knowing our appetites for sex as we have openly expressed them, we would not stray in the future had we not been free to act within the lifestyle? Is this possibility the actual driving force behind the community?
Is the fact that my wife thinks about being with another man proof that I have not been enough to please her completely and wholly? Have I not been enough for her to commit to me and only me in both body and mind? To be truly “ENOUGH” she would no longer have fantasies of another’s involvement. I would not think of being with another woman. We would not imagine the touch and feel of another with such reverie!
I think this question deserves some true thought. For me, I would have to say, I am not enough for Mrs. CXXC. But in my limitation, I am ok with that!
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