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danc694u
01-10-2002, 05:27 PM
We checked over the rules for single guys. And, didn't see this one. It applies across the board though...single or married.

Introduce yourself to our faces, rather than attempting to introduce yourself to our crotch first! :(

Grrrr This is a common problem at some clubs, it seems.

JustAskJulie
01-11-2002, 04:11 PM
I would think it would introduce yourself to our faces, not our tits!

Flori_DAMAN
06-25-2002, 12:35 PM
After reviewing the posts in this topic I will venture to start a set of guidelines that will hopefully be means of helping both the single male and the couple seeking the single male for threeways.
It seems to be a bit odd that while the single male is befuddled and says there is way too much competition in the lifestyle you have the couples on the other side of the couch wondering why they cannot find a decent single male.
Many single males as well as couples eventually just quit looking.

Here are some suggestions for single males. Suggestions for couples will follow.

1: Don't bullshit. If you are married then just say so. You may be in for a destruction of your marriage as well as an unpleasant experience or two when you are caught, which you probably will be.

2: Don't bullshit. Practically every guy that has had more than a few casual sex encounters is convinced that he is the all-time lovemaking Don Juan on the continent. Be aware that the hubby of the fine lady you hope to connect with thinks he's pretty good too. Do you think you will get far with him by implying that you are better than him at having sex? Couples do not want single males for a sex guru. They are not attempting to have their first orgasm. They are simply using a single male as an added pleasure for fantasy fullfillment.

3: Don't bullshit. If you have told so many lies to hook a couple that you are now afraid to meet them then you may have pushed the envelope. Many single males are famous for getting right up to the point of meeting then copping out. (This holds true for some couples also as we all know.). If you want to have sex with a couple commit yourself to following up on meeting them casually first usually so they can judge your looks, personality, etc. to see if the famous "chemistry" is there.

4: Be yourself. Don't bullshit. I see a lot of adds that tell the whole story. Many guys are under the impression that they need to impress the daylights out of a couple to get them. They look at the overwhelming number of adds placed by single guys and think their chances are nill to none and just quit there. Believe it or not, if you are a decent clean, honestly single male you are a sought after item. I have been on both sides of this fence. My wife and I have occasionally searched for a single male although currently are not. I was astounded by the simplicity of weeding out the bad apples. You can be certain that your prospective couples will not even answer 99% of the adds they see and will not respond positively to 90% of the people that respond to their adds. Using simple math you have great odds of hooking up with a couple if you are who you say you are and place a good add.
Thats all for now for the sake of brevity. Please add to this list and think of suggetions for couples too, if the urge hits ya. John :)

Julie and Randie
06-25-2002, 02:46 PM
So John, is what you are saying...don't bullshit?? I have a few suggestions to add..

Treat the couples with respect...especially the women! Remember that YOU are the outsider! Perhaps the husband fantasizes about his wife with another man..but she is still his wife! Also, do not EVER even hint that you want to meet her alone. We find this kind of behavior quite an insult.

Single males are quite frankly a dime a dozen...so you need to find something that will make you stand out. A sense of humor, honesty, and sensitivity will get you everywhere.

I highly recommend having, for lack of a better word, references. If you have met a few couples, and it has gone well, ask them if they might give you a "recommendation" to others...

<small>[ 06-25-2002, 03:47 PM: Message edited by: Julie and Randie ]</small>

JustAskJulie
06-25-2002, 04:37 PM
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Julie and Randie:
[QB]

I highly recommend having, for lack of a better word, references. If you have met a few couples, and it has gone well, ask them if they might give you a "recommendation" to others...

[QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">One thing to ad to this one. Make sure it's the couple you were with giving the references not you just dropping names. I have seen this one too many times. "Well I've been with xyz and abc and they had a great time". I'd much rather hear that from the couple themselves. It seems like many guys get the idea that if they've been with one couple that they can tell the world and everyone will want them now because someone gave them a chance.

blue_eyez
06-25-2002, 07:30 PM
You may be saying the same thing, but let me be explicit about it...

Don't share the names of your reference without their permission. The couple you were with likely asked for discretion, which means you should get their approval first. You need to respect their confidentiality first and foremost, or can be most assured they won't be a reference for long! :)

<small>[ 06-25-2002, 08:32 PM: Message edited by: blue_eyez ]</small>

JustAskJulie
10-11-2004, 09:05 PM
A long time ago in a thread far far away (that I can't find or I woulda just bumped it up), the male and female halves of couples shared their "rules for single men". Those rules were transfered onto our Advice for Single Males (http://www.swingersboard.com/?swing=males) page in the Info and Advice section.

I'd like to know if anyone has anything they would like to add to it.

Mr&Mrs-naughty
10-11-2004, 10:50 PM
Remember she has a mind as well as a body. Yes physical attraction is important, but just as important, she has to be interested in you as a person.

The husband is just as important in the decision as his wife. If you pretend he is not there while getting to know one another chances are you won't get far.

If you get a phone number do not make all your calls when you KNOW the husband won't be there.

Don't become a stalker, even unintentionaly. She is not looking for a boyfriend.

We are not trying to make you "Jump through hoops" or "Pass some kind of test". It's really quite simple:
1- She has to be attracted to you.
2- We have to feel comfortable with you.
3- Treat her like you would treat a good friend.
4- When she/we are ready she will make the first move.

jcbicouple
10-12-2004, 07:05 PM
Remember she has a mind as well as a body. Yes physical attraction is important, but just as important, she has to be interested in you as a person.

The husband is just as important in the decision as his wife. If you pretend he is not there while getting to know one another chances are you won't get far.

If you get a phone number do not make all your calls when you KNOW the husband won't be there.

Don't become a stalker, even unintentionaly. She is not looking for a boyfriend.

We are not trying to make you "Jump through hoops" or "Pass some kind of test". It's really quite simple:
1- She has to be attracted to you.
2- We have to feel comfortable with you.
3- Treat her like you would treat a good friend.
4- When she/we are ready she will make the first move.

Just a note: This applies just as much to single females. :)

Tellya Later
10-13-2004, 01:38 AM
And that should honestly end the thread jcbicouple. If a single guy approaches a couple the same way he a single woman....he'll be hard pressed NOT to succeed...unless its just not meant to be. And if that is the case everyone involved is adults should be mature enough to make their disinterest known civilaly(sp).

jcbicouple
10-13-2004, 06:55 PM
:) Very good point, Tellya Later! and hopefully all the singles will pay attention to that great advice.
However, What we actually meant was that the single women need to read those "rules" too. They apply to them, just as much as they apply to the single males.

gsu22
10-19-2004, 02:18 AM
I know the first thing I try to be is personable/nice because I think comfort is KEY. Granted, when you first see a person the attraction factor is either there or not. But if you're kinda "iffy" as to rather or not you want to pursue something with this person, I think with comfort can come more attraction. Soon you might be thinking, wow I'm more attracted to this person now that I'm more comfortable with them.

Also, another thing I've made sure I don't do is become obsessed or stalker like b/c I know if the tables were turned, I'd feel weirded out by some obsessed woman following my every move or calling at odd times asking for things. Like the earlier response said, the ladies aren't looking for boyfriends....

And I agree with the statement,- "single women should follow the same rules".

Mrs Spoomonkey
10-19-2004, 08:06 AM
I noticed that the rules indicated that the single should not just sit at the bar all night and then expect to play but rather he should move around the club and introduce himself to a couple, complimenting the wife.

Here's my point, nothing gets a guy a quicker turn down than one who instead of approaching us as a couple waits till Mr Spoo goes to get an other drink or something and they approach me alone. head bang
Now they can approach Mr Spoo alone all they want to get acquainted and meet me when I walk back but don't try to weasel in with me when he isn't around. Remember we're in this together and if you ignore him then the answer is NO when it comes to anything further.

Mrs Spoomonkey

good times
10-19-2004, 01:19 PM
That is so true Mrs. Spoomomkey, Their is a guy at the club we go to that comes often, is well dressed and according to Mrs. GT is very attractive, and since I've got to know him he seems like a pretty nice guy. But he will never be invited to play with Mrs. GT because the first two times (and in fact every time since but the decision was made after the first two times) he approached her to let her know his interest in her was when I was temporarily absent (getting drinks, or bathroom break). And even though we have talked on numerous occasions he has never brought up the fact that he wants to have sex with my wife even though he has asked her straight out on several occasions when I wasn't within earshot. That's a party foul in my book. :nono:

Mr&Mrs-naughty
10-19-2004, 05:09 PM
Posted by good times;


...And even though we have talked on numerous occasions he has never brought up the fact that he wants to have sex with my wife even though he has asked her straight out on several occasions when I wasn't within earshot. That's a party foul in my book. :nono:

Why do you still talk to him at all? :confused:

Sounds like an untrustworthy fellow to me.

good times
10-19-2004, 07:09 PM
Good question, he is kind of a fixture around the club, as he has been personal friends of the managers for years. He is one of two singal males they allow into the club on couples only nights. It's kind of a small club so not having ocasional contact with him is pretty much impossible. As you would imagine though I don't go out of my way to talk to him.

Mrs Spoomonkey
10-19-2004, 08:17 PM
That's interesting goodtimes and I completely understand you position with this single guy. This past Friday night we went to the club and as always this one single guy was there. Everyone refers to him as 'creepy single guy' because he fits the description to a tee. Mr Spoo has talked to him very briefly a couple of times but the single guy is ususally just complaining because no one ever invites him in a room or lets him watch (but he keeps coming back). Actually there have been some who play with him but most of the regulars don't.

Sorry - all that to say that Friday night I wore a new shirt Mr Spoo bought me down at one of the ShortNorth shops we go to all the time. It's a hot pink t-shirt with black cap sleeves with a sexy nude silloutte of a woman with a devil tail and horns. Oh, and it fits really tight! :D Needless to say it got a lot of attention all night long. ;) Anyway, creepy single guy drove me nuts! Usually at best I see him from across the club and Friday he followed me around everywhere and when Mr Spoo would step away he would comment on my shirt. Twice when I came out of the restroom I almost ran right into him because he'd wait for me to come out, using the excuse of helping direct me to where Mr Spoo was (as if I couldn't find him :rolleyes: ).

Anyway, that's my rant on single guys trying to move in on the wife as soon as the husband steps away for a second.

Thanks for listening
Mrs Spoomonkey

EternallySingle
10-19-2004, 09:34 PM
I noticed that the rules indicated that the single should not just sit at the bar all night and then expect to play but rather he should move around the club and introduce himself to a couple, complimenting the wife.
Mrs Spoomonkey

Where in the midwest is this club where single guys are allowed to mingle and not just sit at the bar and try to look approachable? The only swing clubs I've been to since moving from out west all REQUIRED single men to stay at the bar. Its in their rules and the one I did get into as a single man (other than the one where I was treated like a stray dog with mange the week after my girlfriend moved) reminded me of that when I left the bar and went to the restroom. I couldn't even shoot pool unless a couple invited me.

I guess its just where I've been. Hard to get a good impression of a place when you never get in the door.

Still, I've seen the situation you're talking about. I took BW to a club once and the moment I turned to get a drink, I heard a slap and saw acting like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Turns out he had played with her before and decided he could squeeze a melon. When I said "she's with me," he replied "she's just your ticket. Don't get all possessive." Good thing he was four inches shorter and about sixty pounds lighter than me. I felt too sorry for him to break his jaw.

Mature Lover
10-20-2004, 04:36 AM
All good points, but very confusing. No bar at my club so I sit a table. Eventually a couple or two will join and we have a lot fun, conversation wise.

To get up and mingle with other couples is chancy. Most, I have found, don’t want to be interrupted. Stop, say hello, and it’s nose in the air look the other way. Getting a compliment in about the wife or expressing intentions is impossible.

Perhaps it’s the club I go to, it surely isn’t me. lol Anyway it seems the combinations are already set when the couples arrive. And the single females arrive with a couple. Now it’s hard enough for a man to approach these couples and say hello, and the single females are impossible.

The point I’m trying to make is that you have to know somebody, or arrive with another couple. I have never yet ‘got lucky’ with a couple or single female from a club. All sexual encounters have been with folks not associated with a club.

Please don’t misunderstand. The people at the club are great folks, pleasant, happy, fun, and most important, have a great deal of respect for each other, and me. A few I wouldn’t give you a plug nickel for, but they respect me and I in turn respect them.

Mr&Mrs-naughty
10-20-2004, 06:47 AM
Good question, he is kind of a fixture around the club, as he has been personal friends of the managers for years. He is one of two singal males they allow into the club on couples only nights. It's kind of a small club so not having ocasional contact with him is pretty much impossible. As you would imagine though I don't go out of my way to talk to him.

Ahhh, I see. And your right, ther's no sense in letting this guy keep you away from a good time. ;)

jcbicouple
10-20-2004, 06:04 PM
Where in the midwest is this club where single guys are allowed to mingle and not just sit at the bar and try to look approachable? The only swing clubs I've been to since moving from out west all REQUIRED single men to stay at the bar. Its in their rules and the one I did get into as a single man (other than the one where I was treated like a stray dog with mange the week after my girlfriend moved) reminded me of that when I left the bar and went to the restroom. I couldn't even shoot pool unless a couple invited me.

I guess its just where I've been. Hard to get a good impression of a place when you never get in the door.



The club we go to doesn't have any such rules. We don't think we would attend one that did. We've only seen one time where there was any trouble with a single guy who kept reaching in to touch a couple after he was told "no". He was immediately asked to leave the club. Most of the guys are very nice and fun (all of them that we've met, but we're sure there are some that we haven't met yet.). We or someone else will normally hollar at them to come sit with us, even if we have no intention of having sex with them. It's not nice to leave people sit by themselves. :kissface:
We don't remember any single guys hitting on C when J wasn't around. There has however, been a woman that was extremely flirtatious, whenever C walked away but would turn away and be far more conservative when she came back. Needless to say after a few hours of that, when C came back she just leaned over and whispered "I don't like her, she only trys to flirt when I walk away. No playing with her, ok?" End of subject: She wasn't getting anywhere with the one she had set her sights on. LOL! Now the single guy that talked to both of us, and the lady that danced and flirted (and a little more, with C there) .......Well, Let's just say we all had a really good time! :D Singles really burn their bridges by trying to be sneeky. It's an open atmosphere: Be open about your intentions. Everyone will have a lot more fun, and you might get what you want!

k_francis
10-20-2004, 08:03 PM
Most clubs/events that we've attended don't even allow single males. One event, many years ago, had an open-door policy and charged heavily for entry. We learnt that there were 100-150 single guys present and only about half a dozen couples. It was a "meat market" and we left pretty smartly... with another couple in tow.

CABob
10-21-2004, 12:38 PM
A female friend and I attended a swing patry in Nor Cali recently where single males were screened carefully and only a few goodlooking males were allowed. Surprisingly, they were all gentleman and extremely well hung. Needless to say, my date had a multiple moments of extreme, orgasmic, pleasure.

Russ
10-24-2004, 10:25 PM
Where in the midwest is this club where single guys are allowed to mingle and not just sit at the bar and try to look approachable? The only swing clubs I've been to since moving from out west all REQUIRED single men to stay at the bar. Its in their rules and the one I did get into as a single man (other than the one where I was treated like a stray dog with mange the week after my girlfriend moved) reminded me of that when I left the bar and went to the restroom. I couldn't even shoot pool unless a couple invited me.

I guess its just where I've been. Hard to get a good impression of a place when you never get in the door.

Still, I've seen the situation you're talking about. I took BW to a club once and the moment I turned to get a drink, I heard a slap and saw acting like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Turns out he had played with her before and decided he could squeeze a melon. When I said "she's with me," he replied "she's just your ticket. Don't get all possessive." Good thing he was four inches shorter and about sixty pounds lighter than me. I felt too sorry for him to break his jaw.

Dittos- we must have been in the same clubs ( arn't that many that even let the single males in) I remember the screening/rules briefing ...you know the private little chat...where you supply the right answers.

No means no, "maybe later" means no... only more polite. How many times can you approach a couple or lady after the first 'no'- zero.

Where must you stay? no wondering around, no leaving this room unless escorted/invited, bar & darts....blah, blah, Enjoy your evening, thinks for the $40 donation and the $100 membership....sorry although you are a N.A.S.C.A. member...we require you purchase 'our' membership and sign this 'release from lib' form.

jcbicouple
10-25-2004, 05:56 PM
Dittos- we must have been in the same clubs ( arn't that many that even let the single males in) I remember the screening/rules briefing ...you know the private little chat...where you supply the right answers.

No means no, "maybe later" means no... only more polite. How many times can you approach a couple or lady after the first 'no'- zero.

Where must you stay? no wondering around, no leaving this room unless escorted/invited, bar & darts....blah, blah, Enjoy your evening, thinks for the $40 donation and the $100 membership....sorry although you are a N.A.S.C.A. member...we require you purchase 'our' membership and sign this 'release from lib' form.
LOL. We thought of the board and all of the discussions about single males while we were at the club this weekend and couldn't help but laugh. There was another thread that talked about couples creating the very things they complain about, and we think that these "club rules" are a prime example of that. There were two or three attractive, polite, nice single males there this weekend mingling and talking and dancing etc. and as always we had a great time. We were wondering "Why is this club so different?" "Where are all of the morons?" and it dawned on us! What self respecting man would go to a club that treated him like a subhuman, and expected him to not only like it, but feel privileged for being allowed to be in the presence of other club goers!? hmmmmm......We think only those that are less than desirable. We couldn't imagine most of the males we play with allowing themselves to be treated like that. Would you go? Can you think of anyone that would?


Edited for spelling.

curious24
10-25-2004, 07:22 PM
I always thought that the rules were just common sense. If you didn't have that then you probably aren't going to go far in swinging?

jcbicouple
10-25-2004, 08:17 PM
I always thought that the rules were just common sense. If you didn't have that then you probably aren't going to go far in swinging?
hmmmm....apparently didn't explain well enough again........Meant the swing club rules where the single males have to sit at the bar and can't go mingle or talk to anyone unless they are approached etc. We wouldn't consider that "common sense".

curious24
10-25-2004, 11:26 PM
hmmmm....apparently didn't explain well enough again........Meant the swing club rules where the single males have to sit at the bar and can't go mingle or talk to anyone unless they are approached etc. We wouldn't consider that "common sense".
Actually yes I would. I would never approach anyone at a swinger club. Then again that's just me. I figure with the way the single male is thought of that it's obvious (at least to me) that approaching couples/females at a swinger club wouldn't be accepted.

jcbicouple
10-26-2004, 06:28 PM
Actually yes I would. I would never approach anyone at a swinger club. Then again that's just me. I figure with the way the single male is thought of that it's obvious (at least to me) that approaching couples/females at a swinger club wouldn't be accepted.

Hmmmmm.....the club we attend has no such rules, and if it did, we wouldn't go. The singles that have approached us, and other couples that we know, have been polite and well mannered. Not one has walked up and said "hey, lets have sex", or "hey, can I do your wife?". Every one of them has introduced themselves, and spent a little time trying to get to know us. Honestly, if some of the single guys didn't make an effort to talk to us, we would never know they were interested. Just doesn't make sense to us to treat single males as second class citizens. How many couples would go to the clubs if they had to sit at the bar and wait until a single guy escorted them into other areas? Seems ludicrous to us. Oh well, Guess we're just wierd. This is certainly not the first time we're the minority! :D

Russ
10-28-2004, 01:45 AM
Hmmmmm.....the club we attend has no such rules, and if it did, we wouldn't go. The singles that have approached us, and other couples that we know, have been polite and well mannered. Not one has walked up and said "hey, lets have sex", or "hey, can I do your wife?". Every one of them has introduced themselves, and spent a little time trying to get to know us. Honestly, if some of the single guys didn't make an effort to talk to us, we would never know they were interested. Just doesn't make sense to us to treat single males as second class citizens. How many couples would go to the clubs if they had to sit at the bar and wait until a single guy escorted them into other areas? Seems ludicrous to us. Oh well, Guess we're just wierd. This is certainly not the first time we're the minority! :D

Actually, Right and wrong, the club that I was refering to by the post "guess we been in the same club" were the rules of a certain club in TN, there are much nicer clubs> the best so far where I was 'approved' is in your home state..Ft. Wayne. But then again, do all the couples know the exact briefing a single male gets when he makes it past the phone interview, and the screening..or could the 'posted rules' that the couples are shown differ from what is actually told the single male(in private)? If I could get by Ft. Wayne every Friday that would be great but you got to 'settle' for the club you can make it to...that's where you're at. So the main point is just follow the rules have a good time be happy you got in. My advise is not to think you're in a pick-up bar just a really great strip club...where you might just get lucky..and if not just enjoy your BYOB, be proud that you where clean& attractive enough, passed the interview, thankful that no one was standing there with a 'dick meter' and told you to drop your pants to be approved (that last part was a joke...I hope that's not a regular requirement at any club I might plan on checking out) and just enjoy the beautiful wives in their 'evening wear'.

EternallySingle
10-28-2004, 10:49 AM
I actually think I'm going to ONCE AGAIN try and get an invitation to the club in Fort Wayne. I had received two in the past, but was turned away at the door both times. The second time, while I was on my cell phone trying to find a regular club to go to (I don't know why I didn't go back to the motel and call from there) I saw the 'security guy' high five three college age guys and lead them into the club. This after he said they were at their limit and the owner said not to let anymore singles in. I didn't want to make a scene on my first visit so I left. I found out later they had no such rule and said no such thing to him. They said if I had an invite, I was supposed to get in. Still, that was four years ago, and I just didn't feel it was worth my time, especially since I was having a lot more fun hanging out with single women than driving 3 hours to a club and would have to rent a motel room if I was going to stay long enough to really enjoy myself and not worry about falling asleep on the way home.

That would suck, and not in a good way.

curious24
10-28-2004, 12:07 PM
Hmmmmm.....the club we attend has no such rules, and if it did, we wouldn't go. The singles that have approached us, and other couples that we know, have been polite and well mannered. Not one has walked up and said "hey, lets have sex", or "hey, can I do your wife?". Every one of them has introduced themselves, and spent a little time trying to get to know us. Honestly, if some of the single guys didn't make an effort to talk to us, we would never know they were interested. Just doesn't make sense to us to treat single males as second class citizens. How many couples would go to the clubs if they had to sit at the bar and wait until a single guy escorted them into other areas? Seems ludicrous to us. Oh well, Guess we're just wierd. This is certainly not the first time we're the minority! :D
I guess I just look at the club (granted I've never been to one and I'll probably never go because I just can't convince myself to pay the $50 to $100 cover) the same as the online world. Probably not a good idea however I wonder why it's so much different?

curiousagain
10-29-2004, 09:22 PM
I have been intending for sometime to post something aimed toward those single males on websites and in clubs (although I have no experience with swing clubs) with the intention of giving some "a clue" as to how to act. But, looking back at so many excellent post from both couples and singles on the board, I really am not sure how I could add to what has already been said without repeating it. And, probably in much less eoloquence and brevity than the original posters.

Also, it seems that most who post here pretty well have a handle on the situation, so telling Noah about the flood would seem like such a waste of time. I doubt most of the troublemakers read, much less post here. Anyone wanting to pick up pointers, advice, or direction would do well to read through the posts on this board. And, I have never seen someone ask for advice without receiving lots of good advice from couples and singles. However, I would like to restate a few points. And also I thought it might be a good time to restate some of the advice to couples.

To single males AND females seeking couples

#1 NO means NO
#2 No sometimes means not right now. Don't keep going back and asking, though, when they are ready they will contact you. Sometimes you are tested to see if you maintain your manners and pride in the face of rejection.
#3 Couples are not two people, they are a couple. If this is a difficult concept for you to grasp, you have never been part of a couple. It doesn't matter if they full swap in separate rooms with you and another single. They are a couple. Treat them as such.
#4 The women of these couples are normal, everyday women who swing. They are not whores, sluts, sex starved housewives, nymphomaniacs, loose women, who have never really had it put to'm like you do it etc. etc. etc.
#5 The Men of these couples are normal, everyday men who swing. They are not sex starved, brainless, moraless, fall in love with every female who drops her pants, idiots who don't know how to satisfy their wives and have never had a BJ like you give it etc. etc. etc.
#6 Trying to get either to leave the other or play behind their back will usually place both partners boot so far up your ass it will take a team of proctologist, abdominal surgeons, and chest surgeons to surgically remove it.
#7 MOST don't give a rat's ass if you have an 8 inch penis or 40DD breast or both. There are more important things to be decided before they play with you.
#8 Be flexible but adhere to your boundries/rules/obligations. Don't be a prima donna, but don't be a doormat either. Unless you are into BDSM and the roles are decided, I guess, I don't know, I don't go there.
#9 When you speak or email to one, know it will be repeated or shown to the other.
#10 These people are sexually liberated and pretty forward. If they want you to walk up and stick your hand in their pants or fondle a boob. They will tell you. Until that time assume they don't.
#11 Different couples want different things at different times. You know how to figure out what it is? ASK then LISTEN.
#12 Act like you were raised to have manners.
#13 smile, be friendly not lecherous or egotistical. When emailing a couple be aware, the husband usually screens the email. You have to get by the gatekeeper before the keymaster even knows you exist.
#14 Not everybody wants singles, understand and respect this. What if a couple thought you should let them tie you up and whip you even though you're not into that. Doesn't mean you have anything against couples, you just don't like being tied up and whipped. Then again maybe you do, but you know what I am getting at here.
#15 discretion means keep your mouth shut. It means if you see them out in the Vanilla world you act like you don't know them unless you have developed a friendship with them outside of playing.
#16 Make sure everybody is clear on everything before getting started.
#17 Do not change your own rules or ask someone else to change theirs during play.
#18 No matter how hot for you one of the couple is, the other has veto power at any time, and you are being watched constantly as to how you treat the most important person in the universe to them. Don't ever ever ever forget that. How long would you tolerate someone being rude and disrespectful to the most important person in your life? That's what I thought, about a new york second.
#19 If you want to keep getting what you've gotten, keep doing what you've been doing.
#20 Couples talk. Stand one up or try something shady and see how quick you are shunned. Act responsible, polite, etc. and be a competent lover and your main problem will be how to maintain a job and a house and still see half the couples contacting you.

For the couples wanting to play with the singles.

#1 No means NO
#2 not right now means later when I have time or I am finished with my childs football season, or after I see if this present girlfriend is going to work out, etc. etc. Don't call me a stupid loser cause I decline. Don't tell me I will only get laid if I do as you say. You have to find someone that both of you agree on. I only have to meet someone that I want, I have more time to look, I'm getting laid more than you are.
#3 We are single, but we are a person. We are not a breathing sex toy. We are not someone who is sex starved, couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a fist full of twenties, socially misfit, brainless, do anything to get laid, fall in love with everything of the opposite sex, etc. etc. If we were, you wouldn't give us the time of day.
#4 We have rules and boundries. They are there for a reason. Respect them.
#5 Treat me as a guest and I will act as a guest. Treat me as a friend, and I will act as a friend.
#6 If you only want to watch me with your wife, tell me ahead of time you are not going to participate but just watch. And don't stand behind me, it makes me nervous. :-)
#7 If you want me to answer your questions, answer mine. Don't expect me to go through the third degree while you take the fifth.
#8 don't act like you are doing me a favor and I won't act like I am doing you a favor. We are all here because we want to be. We are all giving and receiving, or at least that's the way we planned it.
#9 If you see me out in the vanilla world with someone you would give your left arm to be with, do not expect me to "convert them" and bring them to you on a silver platter. I am probably working on converting them or given up on it already. Please do not expect me to work miracles just because I am your third in a threesome sometimes. I don't "owe you" you don't "owe me". see #8 above.
#10 If I can't be free when you are right now, doesn't mean I can help it. And it doesn't mean I am not trying, life just gets in the way sometimes. This is ONE of the things I do and it isn't the MOST IMPORTANT. Family and job comes first. Can't be helped.
#11 Trying to get me to meet you behind your partners back will make me do my roadrunner imitation and leave in a cloud of dust. I am not looking for that. If I was, your spouse would have picked up on it and exercised their veto power.!!!!!! Love may blind them to your actions, but not mine, they are suspicious anyway. And, who needs that drama????
#12 Discretion means the same both ways.
#13 Make sure everybody is clear on everything before getting started.
#14 We watch how you interact as a couple. If it appears there is something amiss in the relationship, we will be outta there. If you have a disagreement, please do not have it with us there, makes us very uncomfortable. However, if one of you is about to break a rule, please feel free to call a timeout or something. I don't want to feel responsible for any problems.
#15 Singles talk. If you mistreat one, there may be another to take their place, but the quality ones will suddenly be hard to find.

I am sure I have mispelled something, or left something out, etc. anyone feel free to add any good advice to this or repeat any that someone has given in the past.

hmr
10-29-2004, 10:45 PM
Wonderful!!!!!

DnHtxCPL
11-02-2004, 01:43 AM
Dang Curiousagain Im gonna print that out! Too bad your in Tenn and were in Tx. To us you sound like the holy grail in a world of single men who are just full of crap! :)

D

Mature Lover
11-02-2004, 12:15 PM
Very good job Curiousagain

If I may expand on one point, that being couples wanting to play #14. We are not blind and do see when there is strife between a couple. To approach us at that time is disrespectful of your husband, and can be dangers for us, or me, as the case could have been last Saturday night.

Perhaps I was lucky and did notice the tension. I therefore said “No thanks” while smiling. She looked surprised, busting her image of “the horny old dude that will jump anything” single man. The down side is that now she will probably tell all the other couples that I don’t want to play and am just a “honey old dude that likes to watch anything” single man. :sad: Can't win for lossin.

As was stated, we may say NO and it is also our right to do so. Just as we single males must take NO with no explanation, so should the couples. Like wise, we are not to pass judgment when on the ‘turned down’ receiving end, nor should they. :nono:

Russ
11-03-2004, 10:15 PM
Well, Maybe I've been doing things wrong but..usually when a couple are interested in visiting with me, I approach them set and talk about ANYTHING except sex with the lady...I just smile at her ...hope she smiles back ...ask her questions about her clothes talk alot to the husband for a couple minutes then excuse myself to the men's room regardless of if I need to go or not...then act socialable back toward the bar stool hoping I will be invited to set with another couple or the husband of the first will have tracked me down by then...anything is better than the bar stool for the single men( you know they put ass-fault adhesive on them ...at some clubs :lol:

curiousagain
11-03-2004, 10:33 PM
The down side is that now she will probably tell all the other couples that I don’t want to play and am just a “honey old dude that likes to watch anything” single man. :sad: Can't win for lossin.
:

It can be a catch 22 situation.

Mrs Spoomonkey
11-03-2004, 11:39 PM
Dang Curiousagain Im gonna print that out! Too bad your in Tenn and were in Tx. To us you sound like the holy grail in a world of single men who are just full of crap! :)

D


I have to agree with DnHtxCPL those are pretty impressives lists!! I just may have to print them out too.

Oh, and BTW Tennessee is only 472 miles from Ohio ;) I think that's close enough for a road trip to find the holy grail of single men!!!!

Mrs Spoomomkey

curious24
11-05-2004, 12:27 PM
I have been intending for sometime to post something aimed toward those single males on websites and in clubs (although I have no experience with swing clubs) with the intention of giving some "a clue" as to how to act.

...

To single males AND females seeking couples

#1 NO means NO
I've been wanting to write something like this up for a long time. I'm glad someone finally did. Now it just needs to be published somewhere so that everyone can read it. Instead of being buried here in the forums where it's hard to find. hmm :)

Great job!

Mrs Spoomonkey
11-05-2004, 08:52 PM
I've been wanting to write something like this up for a long time. I'm glad someone finally did. Now it just needs to be published somewhere so that everyone can read it. Instead of being buried here in the forums where it's hard to find. hmm :)

Great job!

Your right it is a shame that it will end up hidden here on the board only to be brought out when someone clicks the tread to see what it is about.

Almost makes me want to take it to our club and have them post it on the bulletin board. :rolleyes:

Mrs Spoomonkey

curious24
11-05-2004, 09:48 PM
Your right it is a shame that it will end up hidden here on the board only to be brought out when someone clicks the tread to see what it is about.

Almost makes me want to take it to our club and have them post it on the bulletin board. :rolleyes:

Mrs Spoomonkey
Well it's in my sig now so hopefully it won't be too hidden! :)

dirtwr04
04-25-2005, 01:50 AM
Curious Again Strikes Again. Bravo Brother. Now if you could just get those rules followed.

Some how, I think the crappy people won't be reading this post.

CABob
04-25-2005, 11:56 AM
It's a shame that 99% of the single men out there give the rest of us a bad name.
Words to live by ca

JnCC
04-25-2005, 03:23 PM
It's a shame that 99% of the single men out there give the rest of us a bad name. The real shame is that 100% of the single men out there think that it's the "other 99%" that are responsible for the reception they receive from most couples.

It's that way of thinking that tends to make a guy one of the "99%'ers"

HotMoCpl
04-26-2005, 08:33 AM
As far as selection goes, that's the wife's job. I will say this though: Single males? I'm pretty sceptable about them. So far as I know, there are two types of single males. Really single and looking for and easy way to get laid :sad: , and married cheaters :nono: .

Don't get me wrong, I know there are a few truely single males out there and are really decent people; :D so there's where my wife's intuition comes in....right next to my skeptitism. :rollseyes

I've already nail four of them in emails in the past few months. :D

HotMoCpl
04-26-2005, 08:49 AM
Flori DAMAN and Eternally Single: You two rock. Sure hope that if the wife picks a single, she'll pick one like one of you two. flamethrow

Flori, I've kept a copy of your rules. :kissface:

Thanks, both of you. :D

CABob
04-26-2005, 01:16 PM
Respect, respect, respect.
Single means YOU'RE single.
Couple means THEY'RE a couple.
Understand the difference and maybe, just maybe.

Lots of couples bash the single guy, and perhaps deservedly so.
Imagine being a couple and trying to find THE single guy in a sea of single men.
Some cheating, some too aggressive, etc.
And what if it's a bad choice, now what?
The desire is there with some couples, but so is the uncertainty.
It's a BIG decision for THEM!
I'm surprised there's any connections at all, the risks are so great.
But from my point of view, the rewards of a respectful threesome, is truly aewsome!

Cr8tivecpl
05-26-2005, 08:56 PM
Here's my two cents worth - based upon my own experiences as part of a couple and as a single male:
Always be a gentleman and never, repeat, never leave the husband (significant other) out of the mix...if you are going to offer to buy drinks then include him...if you are going to ask her to dance then make sure that you either directly or, indirectly have his consent...never...never assume that anything is a given.
Do not say, indicate, imply, suggest, or insinuate anything...always be sure that what you say and do are acceptable before you say or do it...if you have doubts then leave it in your head.
Just because she flirts or he "makes a joke" about what your prowess might be...or...it might seem like there is chemistry...doesn't mean that there is...we are all legends in our own minds and until someone else acknowledges that legend you are just 'another guy' who still needs to prove himself.
Jsut because a couple or a single female says, "yes, let's meet" it does not give you license...it just gives you the opportunity to prove that you are worthy or, unworthy, as you will eventually evidence yourself to be.
This is about building relationships...many or a few, good ones and bad, real and fake...all of them guaranteed to effect someone in some way...so, if you are at your best then your chances of being asked to return as the invited guest will be better...and, in the end, that is what you are hoping for - to be asked to come back again.


In the end...treat all with whom you come in contact as you would wish to be treated and you will have, eventual, success. Do anything short of that and you too will become "that creepy guy sittin' over there on the bar stool whining about how he don't get no play."

That's my two cents...I'm outta' here...

WiserNow
07-24-2005, 11:03 PM
This is kind of a sore spot for me, I have to admit, due to a couple of bad past experiences that were no fault of mine. In case anyone's interested in reading them, here are a few of my more general thoughts on the subject.

First, as others have stated before (perhaps not in identical words), a single male in an MFM threesome with married couples should always play by their rules. Make sure the hubby is satisfied with the arrangement, and then treat the lady as you'd want your lady treated while you watch. If you're not sure how a particular favorite thing of yours will be received, err on the side of caution and don't try it until you've discussed it.

Second, unless some prior arrangement overrules, be assertive, confident and persistent....but NOT aggressive. If at any given point you're not quite sure how to proceed, then give the situation a quick re-assessment.

I'm sure a lot more could be said about basics, but these are a couple of the important ones. As most people would recognize, they're dictated by plain old common sense. Rejections can be for any of a huge variety of reasons, but my problem has always been with those couples who accept a single male but then start imposing conditions. Rules are one thing, like I said I'll play by their rules, I'm used to that. But at some point I can't help getting the feeling I'm expected to do something to 'earn' what I want, that it's no longer a level playing field. It's my choice also, but some couples seem to be the opposite case from the single male who's only in it to get his rocks off.

My goal today, as it has been from the beginning, is simply to develop a small circle of intimate friends and enjoy sex. I don't care for one-night stands any more than most women or couples do. When I find someone I enjoy sex with I like to go back for more, not just move on to the next contact. I'm not an animal, not a machine, and good memories should be built upon, not just enjoyed once and then discarded. It's frustrating to me that so many of the couples I've made contact with are more the 'bedpost notcher' type.

Not long ago I enjoyed an evening with a very nice couple, and one of the things she complained about was that she doesn't hear from most single males until they're horny again and it makes her feel used. I can definitely sympathize because the same thing happens to me. This same lady ended up fitting the very description she ascribed to single males, doing exactly what she complained so bitterly about. I'm not sure she realized what she was doing, or maybe she felt somehow justified, but since our threesome the only time she's talked to me is when I spoke first. The only time she's ever initiated a contact was when she invited me to join them, but never before or since. Go figure.

Overall, I've had a lot of fun and met a lot of great people, though in the end I see very few of them more than once. One thing I'd never have expected is how one bad experience can overshadow so many wonderful ones, but it happens. I try to approach each new contact with an open mind, but to completely forget past experiences would be foolish. I've found, as so many others have, that true friends are the exception rather than the rule but are still well worth waiting for. Be patient, persevere and don't lose hope.

EternallySingle
07-25-2005, 12:58 AM
...I'm sure a lot more could be said about basics, but these are a couple of the important ones. As most people would recognize, they're dictated by plain old common sense. Rejections can be for any of a huge variety of reasons, but my problem has always been with those couples who accept a single male but then start imposing conditions. Rules are one thing, like I said I'll play by their rules, I'm used to that. But at some point I can't help getting the feeling I'm expected to do something to 'earn' what I want, that it's no longer a level playing field. It's my choice also, but some couples seem to be the opposite case from the single male who's only in it to get his rocks off.

My goal today, as it has been from the beginning, is simply to develop a small circle of intimate friends and enjoy sex. I don't care for one-night stands any more than most women or couples do. When I find someone I enjoy sex with I like to go back for more, not just move on to the next contact. I'm not an animal, not a machine, and good memories should be built upon, not just enjoyed once and then discarded. It's frustrating to me that so many of the couples I've made contact with are more the 'bedpost notcher' type.

Not long ago I enjoyed an evening with a very nice couple, and one of the things she complained about was that she doesn't hear from most single males until they're horny again and it makes her feel used. I can definitely sympathize because the same thing happens to me. This same lady ended up fitting the very description she ascribed to single males, doing exactly what she complained so bitterly about. I'm not sure she realized what she was doing, or maybe she felt somehow justified, but since our threesome the only time she's talked to me is when I spoke first. The only time she's ever initiated a contact was when she invited me to join them, but never before or since. Go figure.



Ah, the dreaded "this is what I want from a man but not what I'm willing to do" syndrome. One of the things you just have to live with.

Back on the subject, another thing you have to do, as a single man involved with a couple, is explain to them what you expect from them. They have no fear about telling you what you should do. If you require more than a weeks notice (a lot of couples and single women on SLS say they want single men who are available at a moment's notice...can we get away with saying that :eek: ) tell them up front. Better yet, in your profile. Make any requirements on THEM known as soon as possible. Don't lower your standards or expectations because you KNOW it will eliminate people that would otherwise want to meet you.

And never swing with someone you wouldn't date. Even though a romantic relationship (probably) isn't what the couple wants to develop with you, you have to feel you could be his drinking buddy and her boyfriend...IF SHE WERE SINGLE AND LOOKING...if you are going to enjoy an MFM threesome. Of course, you should never let yourself feel anything more than the familiararity of a long time acquaintance or friendship with the couple you swing with, but do you really think you could have sex with a woman that normally would not interest you sexually? I don't think so. Men can fake the emotions, but not the act.

Also, don't swing when you meet a single woman you think about more than twice in a day. Even if you are not dating her, if you think about her all the time, she is thinking about you at least some of the time. And one of Murphy's Laws, I don't know which one, says that the moment you set up a swing date, the woman you are interested in will want to have sex with you the same day. And we single men know what happens when we turn down a woman that's horny and wants us in particular because we have a prior commitment. She suddenly doesn't think about us "that way" anymore and you have lost a potential relationship (or at least a possible bed buddy) for a night with a couple that may or may not see you again for a few months or years. If there might be a woman in your life, don't accept any invitations to swing!!!!!!!

Well, other than that, everything else you might think of has already been posted somewhere by someone.

have fun and be safe

jfsewk
07-25-2005, 03:54 AM
kinda off-topic, but I believe a good suggestion for the guy if you're planning on playing more than one night...

Become friends with the couple's guy! Go out for a few beers, hang out, play pool, whatever... This way he'll be more relaxed with you, less worried, and more willing to have you over again. We've had a guy (who has since moved away) that I (male) because friends with... it was fun to be able to talk about how we would please my girl... we'd work together on her. I don't think I'd be as comfortable with a single guy unless we first became friends, or at least developed some sort of friendship.

BTW... I don't mean take a few days to become friends, but hang out with the guy (without the girl present) and have some male bonding (no i don't mean anything sexual).

unaware
09-13-2005, 11:44 PM
That sounds very unsettling. i dont know how people can act like that and expect to be treated with decency and respect.

JustAskJulie
09-13-2005, 11:56 PM
That sounds very unsettling. i dont know how people can act like that and expect to be treated with decency and respect.

To what are you referring?

Peake
12-26-2005, 10:32 AM
Your advice to the single male is goood, he is the outsider and should remember his place. Treat the couple with respect and all should go well. Honesty is always good, if your meeting does not go well, bee up front and tell the couple, best to end it with good feelings rather than take it to a point then back out and ccause problems.

Spoomonkey
12-26-2005, 11:02 AM
the single male... should remember his place.

The kind of couples that singles want to meet (in my opinion) are those who don't think singles should "remember their place". Singles are no different than couples, really. The only real difference is they are alone - aside from that, the same rules apply for them as they do for couples: comfort, attraction, chemistry, honesty, etc.

If they are rude, arrogant jerks, their "place" is going to be on the outside looking in... Same as couples who act this way...

If they are respectful, interesting, down to earth types, their "place" is going be a lot of fun to be in... Same as couples...

The problem is, there seems to be, percentage-wise, less single guys who "get it" than there are couples.

Spoomonkey

curious24
12-26-2005, 02:28 PM
The kind of couples that singles want to meet (in my opinion) are those who don't think singles should "remember their place". Singles are no different than couples, really. The only real difference is they are alone - aside from that, the same rules apply for them as they do for couples: comfort, attraction, chemistry, honesty, etc.

If they are rude, arrogant jerks, their "place" is going to be on the outside looking in... Same as couples who act this way...

If they are respectful, interesting, down to earth types, their "place" is going be a lot of fun to be in... Same as couples...

The problem is, there seems to be, percentage-wise, less single guys who "get it" than there are couples.

Spoomonkey
so are these rules different for single ladies?

Spoomonkey
12-26-2005, 03:47 PM
so are these rules different for single ladies?

Nope - but that's a different thread altogether...

Spoomonkey

EternallySingle
12-26-2005, 05:03 PM
Singles are at a real disadvantage in the swinging community, because the majority of swingers ARE couples. Couples think differently than singles. All singles, whether they admit it or not, approach other singles with "This may be the one" in the back of his or her mind and adjust their approach based on a lot of information they receive to appear more appealing than other singles. With couples, a single person KNOWS they have no chance at anything more than sex. Depending on the experience of the single person, they will again adjust their approach to be more appealing to the couple, but usually they have to compete not only with other singles of the same sex, but singles of the opposite sex, couples, and even groups for the limited time the couple will have for an encounter that won't go any further than sex and MAYBE a really casual friendship.

That is a lot of pressure for someone just starting out, and that is where a lot of the conflict begins. Men deal with the pressure of possible rejection by being a little more persistant and a little less honest than usual. Women, I've observed, deal with possible rejection by being more distant and less commital. Both are techniques meant to make you appear available and interesting. But when dealing with couples, the average male techniques makes him seem pushy. For women, it makes her seem uninterested and just there to be somewhere other than at home. Couples forget this because they are no longer looking for a mate, just someone to hang out with. In swinging, hanging out sometimes includes sex. The pushy or uninterested appearance singles present when communicating with couples is misunderstood, so the singles have a harder time connecting with couples.

Of course, after the first good encounter, the single is often reccommended to other couples (and maybe, eventually, but not usually, to other singles) and the pressure of rejection is gone. The single person now has the reputation of "One of the real ones" and approaching others becomes more trying to meet new people and less trying to impress new people.

But those are just my observations from the last 20 or so years.

beardedone
01-19-2006, 12:04 AM
I was a single male in the lifestyle some years ago. My rules were to be friendly, polite, and show interest when I was. But don't be overbearing about it. Then and now, I love to fast dance and lots of women seem to enjoy dancing that way; makes a great ice breaker. If we went any farther, all of us let it be known that discretion is expected and given -- no problem and no stress about it.
Summary: I always had a great time after I got over the initial shyness the very first night. This went on for several years.
Caveats: Once, the lady of a couple expected me to be with them all the time after that and that was not how I wanted to interact with everyone. She was hurt/angry for a few minutes but it would not have good for me to "just go along" this time.
Another party near the last one, I saw a single female dancing extremely provocatively and I wanted to dance with ther and really wanted her in the worst way. However, I had already committed to a 'steady" girl, so all I could do was dance. That dance made me want here even more <sigh>. (The things we give up when we couple up!!!) Such sweet sorrow.

Bearded One
<first post here>

SIDESHOW
03-13-2006, 02:06 AM
hmmm good advice for a noob in there. most of it seems to be common sense, but thats the funny thing with common sense these days- its really not that common.

I would love to find one of these clubs or partys in the vancouver bc area if anyone has any tips or leads, how can I take the advice w/o a club lol


c

hartfordlover
03-17-2006, 07:11 AM
Well!
That's why a newbie, like myself cant' seem to get into the scene! I'm a single male, and my perception is that this is a closed society. I didn't know that couples had so much trouble getting a single male to participate in consentual adult fun. I know it is definately difficult for a single male to find a woman to get into the swinging lifestyle! I'm new, interested, and, eager, but I can't seem to find anyone to introduce me. :confused:
Now I see why!
I'm humble and want to go in as a student. I want to learn the proper etiquette, then become a practicing, desired partner. Take me, mold me, teach me...I'm yours! :)

JnCC
03-17-2006, 07:01 PM
I'm a single male, and my perception is that this is a closed society.Not really, but as a single male, you're NOT going to find many couples who will go out of their way to welcome you into it. Unless you are bi, or have a specific desire to have sex with another man's wife in his presence, you might find that this is more trouble than it's worth.


I know it is definately difficult for a single male to find a woman to get into the swinging lifestyle!If all you're looking for is a swing partner, you're probably right. Most women won't do this unless they're in some sort of relationship with the man they're doing it with. If they're NOT going to be in a relationship with him, what do they need him for? Certainly not for sex...they can get plenty of that in the lifestyle. YOU'RE the guy that's going to be on the outside in that situation...

I'm humble and want to go in as a student. I want to learn the proper etiquette, then become a practicing, desired partner. Take me, mold me, teach me...I'm yours! You sound a little needy, maybe even desperate. If you REALLY want to learn what this is about and what a couple might be looking for in a single man, you should probably start with a woman of your own. After you've been in a committed relationship with her for a while, ask her to find another man to join you in bed. Once you've learned to deal with your own fears and insecurities about single males, you'll have some idea what it takes to BE one.

1funmedic
04-10-2006, 12:08 PM
I as single male completely agree. I only have one thing maybe to ad that I haven't seen posted, and that is you are not only going to be in an intimate setting with the wife but the husband as well. So if you can't talk to the couple as a couple with your clothes on, you probably won't be allowed to be around when the clothes come off. Bottom line is this boils down to respect for everyone and everyone's feelings.

Oui69
08-28-2006, 06:57 AM
The biggest turn-off for my wife and I is for single guy, dressed like he just got off a tractor, stroking his cock and following us around the club - thinking he's even got a chance of getting in on the action! We've left several clubs early because of that and even told the manager of one we've known for several years that we'll only go back on nights when there are no single guys.

Like many others have posted: that's my wife, treating her like a piece of meat and thinking she'll jump on you - get real and show some respect.

You might try telling some couples that it would be a big turn on if you could just quitely watch them have sex in a semi-lit room, ask if they want you to talk while they do it okay, etc. - feed their fantasies instead of yours - it's better than chasing them off and you might get further.

Amanda69
08-28-2006, 07:16 AM
Some other advice for single men at clubs:

1) Insist that you are the one for me. Then even after being told "I don't think so." Continue to insist you are the one for me.

2) Think that just because I agreed to dance with you that means we are going to "fuck" tonight.

3) Think that just because I talk to you that means that we are going to "fuck" tonight.

4) Tell me that you are here without your girlfriend/partner/wife tonight because she does not agree/like the lifestyle but you came anyway, don't think that will mean I would be interested in playing with you.

5) While we are dancing I really do enjoy when you ASK if you can touch, that is a good thing....however I don't enjoy when you then grab my breasts as though they were pieces of dough and start kneading them at high speed...What is that about? Not a turn on believe me.

6) Wander around the club with your shirt undone, belly hanging out, beer in hand deliberately bumping into women to cop a feel. yeeyucckk.

7) Try talking to me in a normal manner, just like you would at any other place you might meet me. Compliments are fine but try not to make them sound like you have never seen breasts, kissing, dancing etc before, even if you haven't. In other words play it cool.

8) When a couple are having a intimate moment on the dance floor or elsewhere in the "Club" DO NOT stand within 6" of them drooling all over the floor waiting to be invited into the moment.

9) Don't try to act all innocent when the husband is around then try to coax the lady into a situation when he is gone for a bathroom/smoke break. They are there as a couple and decide things as a couple.


10) Be yourself, no need trying to one up yourself against the other guys.

11) Take the time to listen and read the couples body language before you proceed. Just because we are in the enviroment does not mean we are looking for "you" in particular.

12) And then there is something you should never say to a woman at a party or club (and yes this did actually happen to me at a club)

To clarify he had already started off on the wrong foot by telling me that he is married and his wife had not interest in and no knowledge of him being there. He then ask "What is your profession?" before I could answer he said "I mean do you work these parties? You know are you a professional?"

Dooode
08-28-2006, 11:54 PM
To clarify he had already started off on the wrong foot by telling me that he is married and his wife had not interest in and no knowledge of him being there. He then ask "What is your profession?" before I could answer he said "I mean do you work these parties? You know are you a professional?"
:eek: :eek: :eek:

SCcpl40
02-24-2008, 06:27 AM
Sometimes single men think with one head when they should be thinking with two. That may be where the saying "two heads are better than one" came from. For MFM, it's all about the woman. The seduction of being the center of attention is overwhelming. Keep focused on the objective, which is the woman, don't let the "hard" head cloud your vision which could be either one. The moment it's not about her, you're going down in flames.
__________________

Hot Raleigh Cpl
02-24-2008, 09:28 AM
We agree with most of what's been posted so far. One additional think L is adamant about is that the single guy be respectful of me.

Most guys are. But the guys aren't going to get lucky with L if tell her they'll give L what her husband can't, or suggest she sneak off with them behind my back, or the clowns who say stuff like your husband's a cuckold sitting alone while you're out getting some (no kidding, several have said this kinda stuff).

While I have no problem with guys approaching L for fun, it wins them extra points if they approach us both about playing with her. Or if they approach her, but acknowledge me. (stuff like your husband's a lucky man; is he OK with you playing?). Or the guys who begin their approach with me. ("Hi, how are you. Your wife is sexy, is it OK if I ask her to play?")

So, single guys: some ladies want you to acknowledge and be respectful of their husband. Hey, it goes along with the basic theme here: good manners.

S and L, Hot Raleigh Cpl

BiloxiCouple
02-24-2008, 12:16 PM
Rules for Married guys would work well for some of them too..

I bet it's interchangeable with this post.

yogee
08-07-2008, 08:56 AM
.................................................. ........
.................................................. ........

To single males AND females seeking couples

#1 NO means NO
#2 No sometimes means not right now. Don't keep going back and asking, though, when they are ready they will contact you. Sometimes you are tested to see if you maintain your manners and pride in the face of rejection.

.................................................. ........
.................................................. ........



You are a great Real-LIfe Teacher :)

yogee
08-07-2008, 09:03 AM
Unless you are bi, or have a specific desire to have sex with another man's wife in his presence, you might find that this is more trouble than it's worth.


:hahaha:

yogee
08-07-2008, 09:09 AM
The kind of couples that singles want to meet (in my opinion) are those who don't think singles should "remember their place". Singles are no different than couples, really. The only real difference is they are alone - aside from that, the same rules apply for them as they do for couples: comfort, attraction, chemistry, honesty, etc.

If they are rude, arrogant jerks, their "place" is going to be on the outside looking in... Same as couples who act this way...

If they are respectful, interesting, down to earth types, their "place" is going be a lot of fun to be in... Same as couples...

The problem is, there seems to be, percentage-wise, less single guys who "get it" than there are couples.

Spoomonkey

Well, One more insight into the human behavior and life in general . Nice Spoomonkey..

I think I will have to make a list of fans for Human-Relations advisers and guess from where the whole list will come....

from swingersboard forums , of course :EG:

jdavisauto
08-07-2008, 12:23 PM
Honesty, respectful to us as a couple, include the male half in the conversations and respect my wife as a person not as a pice of ass. I hate it when a single male comes up and talks to my wife and don't include me. That is a huge deal breaker. She will not play unless I give the OK. Same with me, I will not play without her OK. There is two people in a couple and a single male has to work twice has hard for approval. Now we don't want to discourage single males, my wife loves single males. Just a little knowledge will go a long ways.

I been thinking about writing a book, "The single male guide to Swinging". I think that it would be a best seller.

VegasLee
01-14-2010, 08:40 PM
Today in my email I received this wisdom and was asked to pass it on to the masses. This advise comes from a couple that has a couple of decades as Swingers along with working in Swing clubs, owning a swing club at one time and throwing parties for 1000's over the years.

This is a couple that LOVES TO PLAY WITH SINGLE MEN so they know what they are talking about.

Hopefully it will help many of you enjoy your time in the Lifestyle and in Life in general.

Now, on the the important part, the part you need to know and learn.

Attention: Following is advice to single guys that will apply to pretty much every couple you might potentially have contact with. It's mostly written for newbies because we've found you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Simply because someone is a member of this site or involved in the lifestyle doesn't mean they're willing to bone you anonymously, at the drop of a hat. You will be shot down many more times than not but we wanted to offer a few tips to help you increase your chances of playing hide the salami.

#1. On initial contact write at least a paragraph in your e-mail detailing yourself and your interests as well as what prompted you to make contact in the first place. "Hello's" and "Wanna plays?" are pretty much headed to the shitcan faster than you can prematurely ejaculate.

#2. One cock pic is generally adequate to showcase your goods, redundancy breeds boredom and penises don't have high cheek bones or eye color or any other attributes the females might find every bit as attractive as your engorged snot nazi.

So you've shipped off a well written e-mail and have received some positive response... Good for you! Now comes the difficult part, living up to the image you portrayed in those e-mails... In virtual reality you may be slaying them but in real reality an entirely different perspective takes place, it's for real!!! Which takes us to.......

#3. Be real. Unless you're a con-man of congressional level, lifestyle people will see through you like saran wrap on a glass bowl. It would be of the utmost importance at this time to have already developed this thing called....

#4. Game. Don't hate the player, hate that motherfucking game. While you are busy hemming and hawing about stamp collecting and dungeons and dragons, during a lull in the conversation another fellow has walked up and proceeded to engage the object of your affection and her partner in some basic small talk, laughed at a few jokes and then tastefully flattered the female into getting moisture downstairs adequate to filling an Olympic size swimming pool. While you sit there wondering what just happened the learned fellow is already flailing away at the creamy va-jayjay that you were so pathetically trying to get into....

#5. Conversation skills. Develop them. Not only will they expedite delivery of the baloney pole in lifestyle situations, they will also help you with every aspect of daily life and make you a friendly, happy person that everyone wants to associate with (not just horny maniacs) Enthusiastically say "Hello".. If you're genuinely happy to meet someone, you might want to add, "So happy to meet you" If you're incapable of smiling, then reflect outwardly that you are happy (and well balanced) with your attitude.

Find a common denominator as a basis for conversation and build upon it (Just not indefinitely... Talking about puppies for example, can get old fast, no matter how simply adorable everyone might think they are)

Let the conversation move along so a multitude of topics are discussed. Engage everyone (husband, wife, interested onlookers) and let them respond, it should be a conversation and not a dialog. Try to gauge the mood of the people you're talking to so you know when it will be appropriate to say something like, "Wow this is fascinating, howza about we go somewhere so I can hose you down with my tube snake?" or something equally appropriate... No, the true player would never lower himself to that level of vulgarity in spite of the amusing responses he might receive... He would however, be gracious to the husband, flattering to the wife and work himself towards what everyone involved is wanting in the first place.

Generally speaking you will have to make the first move and it will have to be done through spoken communication definitely NOT physical. On some occasions when one has adequately primed her pump (so to speak) She might be reaching for the goods before you can get out of public view, leaving the situation wide open (so to speak) That would be the best case scenario for you. There is one thing however that can put a stop to the whole thing, leaving you high and dry with a blistering case of blue balls and that is.....

#6. The husband... Although you might be incredibly smooth talking and have her bullshitted to the point of performing blumpkins, the husband is generally the last word on the subject. If he is not included in the conversation, you probably won't be included in anything involving them (Because swinging is a "Them" thing) ALWAYS keep the husband included in the conversation, always be respectful, ask, "May I dance with your wife?" Ask him about rules (cause you might not get all of them from just her) Be aware of his comfort, security or insecurity level. He is the ultimate deal maker or breaker so respect him, they are opening up the most intimate part of their relationship and you are a candidate, be honored not a douchebag.

#7. Know when to hang it up. You've been charming, thoughtful and a gentleman straight across the board but there are no motors revving... When a meeting has played out, regardless of the results be aware of it. There's nothing more tedious then silently sitting at a table with someone who has no interest. Alternately, you've been charming, thoughtful and respectful and they're ready to play, you get a bad vibe, go with your gut and hang it up. Develop enough self esteem to be able to walk away from a scene, no matter how much your dick wants to stay and party.

There you have it folks.... I just checked my e-mail and read a note in it's entirety that said. "Big cock for you." How debonair....

DigginIt
01-15-2010, 12:51 PM
Absolutely love this. I have often sat around with my wife and looked at some of the things men put on their profiles. I personally wouldn't write or say half of the things these guys put in their profiles. The ones that write the best profiles seem to be married guys cheating on their wives that we won't play with.

Honestly though, I'd rather they NOT read this because I don't want a disrespectful jackass to camouflage themselves better to increase their odds of getting into our bed. :lol:

sweet_tna
01-15-2010, 01:15 PM
:welldone: We couldn't have put it better ourselves.

=)

gringotrailer
01-18-2010, 09:47 PM
being 'new' and single - I thank you. Will practice my writing skills and look forward to getting the job.:lol:

TwoAreLooking
01-23-2010, 06:26 PM
You are a smart man, Vegas Lee.

You, too, Spoo.

M

rathor
02-08-2010, 05:41 AM
Today in my email I received this wisdom and was asked to pass it on to the masses. This advise comes from a couple that has a couple of decades as Swingers along with working in Swing clubs, owning a swing club at one time and throwing parties for 1000's over the years.

.. ....



Great Vegas Lee, many thanks for India for this :cheer:

Mr.Essex
02-15-2010, 11:35 PM
Good advice, but I have to say that I'd never knowingly swing with anyone who referred to a penis as a snot Nazi.:lol:

dave110256
03-22-2010, 11:04 AM
I think that's fantastic advice. The only thing I'd add is never communicate with the wife without the husband's knowledge and approval. We're not looking for someone looking to try to cheat with the wife on the side.

omoplata
12-10-2010, 10:37 PM
I must say, I really laughed at the idea of providing references. It is a good idea, but when you seriously think about it. Hahaha... sorry just wanted to share

MN Tom
12-13-2010, 01:09 PM
lol at the guy asking if you were working at the party. oh my that is just horrible.

Actually happened in a way to a friend of mine at a bar meet. Some other gal came up to her and asked how much that older couple was paying her to be with them. And she was serious!?!!

Really pissed my friend off, she was hanging with this older couple because they are friends, they weren't even touching each other. And then being accused of being a hooker, that was just not cool.

Needless to say the offender had her name spread about quite quickly after that, several others overheard her asking it (it was one of those rare moments when the loud music went quieter).


As far as single males, just being respectful is a huge plus. We quickly deleted mails from several who fail to understand that. Opening up your mail with "letz fuk tonite honey" is a surefire way to find the delete bin. Same goes for the morons who dont have any pics or have nothing but cock close ups.

In person we have had very little contact with single males, actually too little for my wife's tastes. They arent being excluded from parties around here (they are screened a bit though, the totally unknown bozos with no pics arent allowed to sign up unless they put up a semi acceptable profile at least) , parties definitely aren't swarming with them. Maybe they are too chicken to come up and chat, who knows. My wife scours the party for them every time, and if someone is appealing, she makes a bee line to them.

northjersey
05-19-2011, 09:51 PM
Great stuff indeed. The wife and I are very interested in meeting a single male for some fun, but have not had much luck. Hoping our luck may change a bit on this site.

Single males; couple like us are out there, looking for the right person to join us. Respect is key.

easygoing6998
05-12-2012, 08:47 AM
Easygoing6998 here

I agree with this quote and as a 68 single male who has been rejected way 2 many times, I would add that U have 2 gain the trust of the couple that your play time will not end up on the 6 am news - particulary if pics have been taken

I like the lifestyle, I like the people in the lifestyle, I just wish I could find and older gal - 52 to 79 that would join me in the Pacific Northwest about 140 miles North of Seattle on Vancouver Island - Courtenay

Take care all

StewartP
05-12-2012, 10:03 AM
Fiona normally locates and chats to the guys she is interested in on the websites. She then runs him by me, and I'll try and get in a 1-on-1 chat with him....
If he can't talk with me then he's lost out.
I'll talk about trios and if he isn't up for a threesome he's got no hope of flying solo!!
I'll also ask if he's OK with me speaking to the people he has listed in his testimonials.

I can't really put into words what i'm looking for when I chat with him, respect for us as a couple, self confidence but a bit of humility thrown in the mix.
When we do a MFM he and I are going to get pretty close, physically as well as in other ways, he needs to be my accomplice, not my rival.

angelkin
05-12-2012, 12:04 PM
he needs to be my accomplice, not my rival.

I LOVE this line Stewart! I am going to have to tell hubby about that one :)

funcouple99
10-16-2012, 03:51 PM
I saw references on here and a few comments... didn't read all of them but I would suggest REFERRALS.
My wife and I started out of the gate and met a few good single guys, some use to be in a couple. But we give referrals to other couples and the SMs don't even need to look for couples anymore.

Getting in is the trick.

WE HATE , when a single guy keeps bullshitting. Especially about how many chicks he has bagged and how big his dick is.. .who cares. We could all sit around and talk about our past and how impressed we all our with our selves... but why?

That normally means the guy is in secure and probably problems. We haven't even played with someone like that, not even close. AND WE ARE VERY EASY.. but if you bull shit you don't even make the first cut, no matter what the person looks like. We even have some peeps with hilicopters and yaughts.. bla bla bla.. who cares. Unless you are going to donate one of your toys to our family being real is the only thing important. lol

Baakpon
02-23-2013, 11:21 AM
Yes that is a party foul. He may be uncomfortable around you because he is afraid you will be jelouse. That sadly means that he is not comfortable with himself. If the male half of a couple is not comfortable with me "first" I would never chat up the couple. A single man has to be comfortable being around both of you or he does not play well with others.

JustAskJulie
04-21-2013, 11:10 AM
I saw references on here and a few comments... didn't read all of them but I would suggest REFERRALS.
My wife and I started out of the gate and met a few good single guys, some use to be in a couple. But we give referrals to other couples and the SMs don't even need to look for couples anymore.

Getting in is the trick.

WE HATE , when a single guy keeps bullshitting. Especially about how many chicks he has bagged and how big his dick is.. .who cares. We could all sit around and talk about our past and how impressed we all our with our selves... but why?

That normally means the guy is in secure and probably problems. We haven't even played with someone like that, not even close. AND WE ARE VERY EASY.. but if you bull shit you don't even make the first cut, no matter what the person looks like. We even have some peeps with hilicopters and yaughts.. bla bla bla.. who cares. Unless you are going to donate one of your toys to our family being real is the only thing important. lol

Had a SM last night who evidently thought he could change my mind about playing with him by making himself see more desirable. How did he do this? By telling me he'd already gotten laid twice during the party (1. It was a social. 2. I seriously doubt his ego let him get laid at all)

Liutas
11-30-2013, 06:29 PM
Good read! All good advice, although it mostly seems like common sense to me, but maybe that's because I've been involved in the lifestyle as part of a couple. We never played with a single partner, although occasionally one of the four (or six) would take a little break and we'd enjoy some two-on-one fun. ;)