What's Your Advice for Beginners?

If you could pick one important piece of advice that you wish YOU had known when you were a beginner, what would it be?

also

What is one rule that nobody ever really talks about but everyone figures out eventually (for example, men don't advertise bisexuality in swinger's clubs because they will get shunned)?

LittleL

What one rule will you figure out? Discretion. It should be common sense, but it often isn't. When you go to your club, never strike up a conversation by pointing around the room and saying, "we've been with them, them, him and them..."

You will probably be listing the last people you'll ever play with.

Our advice - don't let your excitement overwhelm you. It will try. You are eager to have that first experience, but go slow. You really have to let your emotions get used to the water... Don't just run to the edge and do a cannon ball.

Spoomonkey

Dito on the discretion... We didn't get it at the start, figured it out quickly...

Discretion...agreed. But of equal importance, I think, is to do exactly and only what you are comfortable with. Don't allow yourself to be pressured into any situation that your "gut" says is not for you.

- EBF

Discretion is definitely number one. Another one is don't get over anxious or in a hurry in the beginning. When we first started we thought it would be harder to hook up with couples than it is, so we pretty much hooked up with anyone willing. That often didn't work out to well because after the excitement of the first time has passed and you realize the attraction isn't there, it is uncomfortable making the other couple understand that you don't want to play with them any more. We have become much more selective and wish we had been that way from the beginning.

Slow down and take time to really figure out what you want and get to know people rather than rushing in just to have that first experience be a train wreck full of regret.

When we first started we thought it would be harder to hook up with couples than it is, so we pretty much hooked up with anyone willing.

We can totally relate to this! I think we both went into it (okay - mostly me) thinking that we really needed to take advantage of opportunities... We did have our limits, but we did play with people that, in hindsight, we wish we hadn't.

There are plenty of great experiences out there - don't load up on the "ho-hum" ones.

Spoomonkey

This is a great thread, I wondered some of the same things. And the advice about thinking it's harder to hook up with couples than it is, we are totally concerned about that.

I think my DH and I are both moderately attractive, but we worry that we won't be able to attract any couples "up to our standards." Not that we are snobs, but I'm sure everyone has experienced being hit on by people that just totally do not do it for you.

That's one reason we are so hesitant to go to clubs, we're worried about walking in and thinking "blech" to most people there or on the flipside, walking in and realizing we are out of our league and being the "blech" couple in a crowd of hotties!

That's one reason we are so hesitant to go to clubs, we're worried about walking in and thinking "blech" to most people there or on the flipside, walking in and realizing we are out of our league and being the "blech" couple in a crowd of hotties!

Some clubs do tend to attract one or the other (hotties or blechs) but, I think generally speaking, you get a decent mix.

Spoomonkey

Dito what Spoomonkey said, and also we have found it can vary on different nights at the same club. At the clubs we go to we have been on nights that the pickings were nonexistent to slim, other nights we didn't hook up because we couldn't make up our minds for all the good prospects.

Now days we generally go to the clubs with no expectations and just plan on having a couple of drinks and visiting with some nice people, and its surprising how often we end up hooking up with a real nice couple for some play time. But if nothing happens we have a good time anyway then go home and screw each others brains out.

I am with every one else on this..... discretion is very important. Also i think taking your time to get to know the couple. Some couples can be rather pushy, and sometimes you feel like u should be moving to the "next level" with them, but you know that u arent ready or comfortable enough with them. DO NOT let them try to tell u that this is the way it is done........ especially if they have been in the lifestyle for a while. Some couples are really smooth talkers.......lol, and u will be into something u arent ready for. Just take your time..... there are no rules except your own when it comes when u are ready to play with another couple. We ran into this early on, when we were newbies so i thought i would put in my 2 cents!

Sherry and Dave

Discretion...agreed. But of equal importance, I think, is to do exactly and only what you are comfortable with. Don't allow yourself to be pressured into any situation that your "gut" says is not for you.

 

- EBF

We almost always agree with EBF. This is just one more time! LOL

This kinda begs the question... what *is* typical? What should we expect? One dinner and night out, then home to naked time, or 3 "dates", or what? I mean what is the protocol here? I know everyone does it differently, and everyone does it differently depending on the situation, but how do you prefer to do it?

LittleL

This kinda begs the question... what *is* typical? What should we expect? One dinner and night out, then home to naked time, or 3 "dates", or what? I mean what is the protocol here? I know everyone does it differently, and everyone does it differently depending on the situation, but how do you prefer to do it?

We have a guideline of one non-naked date. If there is a second date we hope for it to be a naked one.

Always remember it is about the two of you. Take your time and enjoy the journey as much as the destination. Treat everyone along the way like you yourself would like to be treated.

No means No.

Teresa

I'd just like to take a second and post a reply to everyone who has posted the great advice throughout the threads LittleL has posted up. We're both curious about the lifestyle and understand there's a lot of "rules" that we aren't aware of. Thanks for being so helpful, everyone!

BigL

We have a couple pieces of advice.

1. Set up your own rules of what you will do and won't do, and don't allow those to be comprimised.

2. Have fun!!!! Very important!! lol

3. No ALWAYS means NO!! If you tell a couple or person that you don't like doing certain things like anal sex, don't be pressured into doing it, tell them no and if they can't accept that, then you both get up and leave, or if your hosting them politly tell them that they need to leave.

4. If your getting started in swinging, you need to have a very strong relationship, with LOTS of trust, and no jealousy.

This is a great thread and I felt like I learned alot from it, thanks. I would like to say to doubleL that I haven't joined the lifestyle yet but I am doing my homework. I read somewhere that the number of times you get together with a couple before sex all depends on your comfort level, but it did go on to say especially with the first date that you should go out for drinks rather than dinner. That way if there is absolutely no attraction you can slip away easier. I am new to this and just sharing some of my homework with you, people who are more experienced from this site are much more credible advice givers than me.

We are not newbies...nor are we very experienced...3 encounters in the last 2.5 years we've been doing this..so my comments may have no relavance..but here go's..... Communication...Honesty..Trust....and pace yourself! Those are the 4 things that seem most important to us. We talk all the time, very openly and honestly. We have had trust issues arise, but they are countered by the honest communication level we maintain....as far as pacing yourselves.....like the others have stated.....dont jump first, then ask how deep is the water on the way down ....we move real slow...we like to get to know the other folks in traditionaly settings before any neeked time takes place. This has, and will probably continue to limit our prospective playmates.. .but this lifestyle choice is for US anyway...and "US" only....what we are doing with the other couple is totally selfish..but.....(and a big "BUT" here)...the other couples we have played with feel the same way in regard to myself and Mrs. Artboy..This may not work for you, but is has worked great for us. Also..we are picky..not snobbish....just picky.....therefore the screening process is important. I mean lets be real...there ar some folks that live for this...there are some that the main goal on the first meeting is sex...and then those folks that "assume" things...we all know what assume means....for us though, we like to move slow, talk to um...trust um...discuss it with each other...then pehaps take the next step. We know this limits our playtime but really this approach has worked very well...for "US" anyway! soapbox

Have a code word or phrase between you and your spouse that you can use to let the other know if you are interested or not.

We have found it is hard to find a couple where all 4 click or even attracted to each other. I might be clicking with the female from the other couple and Mrs naughty might be doing all she can to put a good face on to get us thru dinner. or vice versa. So if a code word or phrase is used your other half will know if you are not interested.

1) Make sure you have some good ground rules set before you go out. Or at least make sure you are both on the same page regarding what you want out of swinging. It sucks to find out you crossed the line in some way with your spouse after you already have. The more experienced you get the less rules you may have, but when you start out sometimes stuff you didn't think would bother you, does.

2) Remember you are in control. Don't feel pressured to do something with someone else you don't want to. This included even getting involved with them. You can walk away from any situation you are uncomfortable in. Remember you are in it for YOUR fun.

3) Always remember that your spouse is the most important person in the room.

I'm sure I'll think of more, but there is my starter list.

Mr. WS

Set your limits and tlak talk talk to you partner.

Agreed... never meet a new couple for dinner.. always meet for drinks.....Just saying it could be the longest two hours of your life......and not in a good way

Go to house parties, Meet & Greets, clubs with no expectations. You might want something to happen, but don't expect anything. That way, when you go with no expectations and something does happen, it's icing on the cake.

Well, if we had to pick a couple of things that have guided us through this journey, they'd probably be :

1. Move forward only at the pace of the least comfortable of the two of you.

-> This one has been an interesting point for us, as the least comfortable of the two of us changes from one situation to another. We constantly check with each other about new situations as they arise, and only move forward once we're both comfortable. It's absolutely slowed down or stopped some playtime opportunities, but in the end the time we do get is much more fun.

2. Don't dwell on things... No regrets.

-> When things don't go as planned (and it happens... No matter how hard you try), don't regret decisions or dwell on the circumstances. This is supposed to be something fun you're doing together, so concentrating on the missteps can only make things harder.

Most of all, have fun together!

Mr. Cpl4funindel

I read somewhere on here that a list exist for couples do go through. A checklist was what I thought it was but I'm unable to locate it, after trying numerous search configurations.

Does this strike a memory with anyone and if so can you repost it or lead me in the right direction.

If memory serves my right it was a list that a couple could go through that would assist with setting limits..

L

This actually a great thread that should be recycled..

The OP, asked:

If you could pick one important piece of advice that you wish YOU had known when you were a beginner, what would it be?

 

also

 

What is one rule that nobody ever really talks about but everyone figures out eventually (for example, men don't advertise bisexuality in swinger's clubs because they will get shunned)?

The one piece of advice is that You proceed at the pace of the slowest person in the group, and Communication is key, between all parties involved.

We have had encounters where we all were ready to go somewhere private, but no one spoke up. The kicker is, it was a restaurant with a hotel attached.

The other most important piece of advice is relax, and know what you are comfortable with. Never take one for the team, or allow yourself to be put in an uncomfortable postion, figuratively or litterly

Beginners,

One thing that I think is the most important (yes discretion is important) is communication. You are two separate individuals and have different thoughts. If you havent been the "Devil's Advocate" to one another you will not be prepared when an awkward moment arises.

If you havent asked each other a million "what if's" you are wrong. This will help determine your boundaries and what is acceptable to the left and right of it.

I am a single guy and enjoy couples. I like to ask the couple tons of "what if's"

What if I kiss the lady? Is that something that is too intimate to be shared?

What if I ejaculate during oral....What are the boundaries?

What if I dont seem up to par when we meet at coffee?

What if someone feels uncomfortable during "game time"

What if you feel a stray hand in the dark and cant determine exact ownership?

What if she is left speechless by his great performance?

What is he "larger" or has better stamina than the Mr?

I could go on for days, and every couple will answer differently to these questions and scenarios...

Communicate Communicate Communicate!

Then when its over...be truthful in what was good, and bad...and other..

Kyle

1. Dont rush things!!!!!!!!!! (rule for starting out)

2. Chemistry! (Not spoken but soooooooo important for us)

We still consider ourselves newbies and learning the ropes but when we first were looking, we contacted and had contact from people we would never play with today. Luckily the timing, situation, or gut kicked in and we didn't make any big (and only a few little) mistakes.

It is easy to find people who just want to get naked and fuck. We are looking for something more than that. We really are looking for friends with benefits. We are (as our handle suggests) quite shy and we need someone respectful and someone we feel safe with to get naked with. Also Mrs Shy is a bigger girl (size 16-18) and still insecure with her body image. At first we (she) felt we could only target larger couples or girls. Much to her surprise and my enjoyment, most of the couples we have met, we would have once considered out of our league. So waiting and being selective has paid off well for us. We have met some beautiful people in more than one sense of the word.

Good advice people is really appreciated  I agree discretion is a key factor, so is taking your time, and communicating with each other about your desires and fears. However my honest advice for anyone wanting to try / get into this lifestyle is:

1. STUDY – In my view you can talk all you like, you can communicate, can build trust, can even be discreet as you like, BUT how does any of that work unless you REALLY understand what your getting yourself into? By all means learn from other peoples lives, experiences, and their mistakes, read forums online, read advice articles, or even books, ask questions to people who have tried this, and try and get a DECENT understanding of what swinging is about. One of your first priorities is to get understanding, to learn about this subject a little, about its pleasures, and its dangers, about the good parts and the bad, because believe me there can be a lot to consider, so firstly arm yourself with a little knowledge and understanding, and you will be much better equipped.

HONESTLY people rushing into this lifestyle can cause serious problems and one of my own regrets when first starting this lifestyle was not studying it more thoroughly, please remember that not everyone thinks the same, their dreams, desires, fears, social lives, and even feelings could be remarkably different to yours, and basically this lifestyle can be challenging and is filled with questions and possible problems. One of my main peaces of advice for anyone wanting to try this lifestyle is simply to read, learn and study, try and figure out what problems could face you before they happen, try and understand what people have done before you, what pleasures and risks they have faced, and basically try and learn from there mistakes before rushing in and making them yourself, so learn first.

2. HYGIENE – My second peace of advice is simply that good personal hygiene is a vital part of this lifestyle and it can often be overlooked to some extent. My advice to anyone (couple or single) who wants to try this lifestyle is to make SURE your personal hygiene / body are fully cleaned, groomed and ready before you play with anyone, which can actually take more effort than just having a quick shower. Good bodily hygiene and preparation is not only the nice and pleasant thing to do, but it will also help you gain further invites and more play requests, as speaking honestly nobody likes nasty smells, unwashed sweaty bodies or totally over grown pubic areas, so have good hygiene:

SOME HYGIENE TIPS

Make sure your hair is cut / tidy in appearance – This will give a positive impression

Groom / Shave / Trim your pubic areas – Not many people like a lot of pubic hair and generally in sexual situation to much hair can cause problems, it can get stuck in peoples teeth, mouth or even up the vagina, so make sure to trim your pubic areas well.

Remove any unsightly or unwanted hairs – This could be on your arms, back, bum crack, lip, or wherever else, but basically if you have any unsightly hairs that could put some people off they would be best shaved and removed before meeting and playing.

Trim both your toe / finger nails – Both finger and toe nails can actually be sharp or even smelly, cracked or dirty, so make sure you trim your nails well before meeting people, for a start NO GIRL will thank you for shoving a dirty and sharp finger nail up her vagina, so make sure your finger and toe nails are cut and clean.

Brush your teeth and tongue well – Make sure to brush your teeth and tongue well before meeting, bad breath can be a very big turn off. If you are conscious about this then you can also take some chewing gum with you to freshen your breath, or even a little bottle of mouth wash.

Trim nose / ear hair – This easily could come under the category of removing unsightly hair but is worth a separate mention because these are the things that can easily be forgotten and over looked.

Clean your bum area: This applies to both sex’s but please make sure to give your bum area a really good wash before meeting anyone, because firstly having an unclean, unwashed, heavily stained bum could be off putting, and also because there is a chance people will be close to that area, things such as oral sex require you to be very close, and that area can sometimes be touched, licked, fingered, so make sure its clean.

Use nice deodorant / perfume or aftershave – Make sure you smell nice and use some under arm type deodorant and some perfume or aftershave, HOWEVER there are several rules, firstly do NOT use to much, that can be chocking to be around, and secondly do NOT put deodorant / perfume type products on your (face, neck, breast, or sexual organs) basically DO NOT put perfumed / aftershave type products anywhere than someone could kiss or lick, as they will get a sharp and nasty taste when licking, my advice is to use deodorant under the arms, and a little perfume or aftershave on the knees and elbows, both are places people aren’t likely to lick, but you still get the scent and nice smell.

Maybe trim your eyebrows if needed – Some people (mainly men) do have very overgrown eyebrows and to some people that can be very off putting, not only that but some studies have actually stated that a man with a stronger eyebrow line can look more aggressive (not sure how much truth is behind that) but either way that might not be the best impression to be sending to your new play mates.

Cloths – By all means dress to the occasion, or in what makes you feel comfy, but please make sure you wear clean freshly washed cloths and underwear. I had one encounter some years back with a young girl (and sure she was really nice) however she had this habit of taking a shower and then just putting the dirty cloths straight back on again, sure she was clean, was showered, was fresh, but then was putting stale, musty and odorous cloths straight back on. Please make sure to where clean cloths and underwear when meeting people because bad smells can get trapped in your cloths and having a shower or bath is literally pointless if you’re going to put smelly cloths back on.

Face Hair – On women this can put people off, however my one peace of advice is to men simply because if you haven’t shaved for a few days and you have stubble, then sure it might look a little rough but believe me between a girls legs it can feel like sand paper and no one is going to thank you for making them feel uncomfortable and sore, by all means if you have a beard then ok, but generally tough stubble will grate like sand paper.

OVERALL the simple fact is some peoples ideas of hygiene differ greatly, one person will spend an hour or two getting ready before they meet you  the next person will say something like “I had a bath this morning before work so I’m fine” when in reality they have just finished a dirty 8 hour shift at work. Some peoples views on hygiene do differ greatly but rest assured if your going to be smelly, unwashed, or in someway dirty then chances are your not going to get many further invites. HOWEVER PEOPLE please remember that you can have the BEST personal hygiene in the world, but none of that counts if your house is dirty and smelly, by all means have good hygiene, but if your inviting people back to (your home) then your home should also be clean and fresh, so tidy your house, empty the bins, put on fresh clean bedding, scented candles and so on.

I can remember meeting one couple online around 2002 or something like that, and both me and my girl friend chatted to this couple for about two months online as there was some distance between us. In fairness we got on really well and had plenty of chance to ask questions, and they seemed like a decent, clean and friendly couple, and in the end they invited us to there home and we decided to travel to meet them at our expense, but have to say on arriving at there home we were literally horrified and the state of the place, the entire house smelt like rotting milk, the carpets were stained so badly you couldn’t even see what colour they were, and the entire place was littered with children’s toys, old papers, dirty cups and plates, and was basically a health risk, the kitchen was covered in grease, the bathroom was awful, and during the guided tour we even got to see the bedroom and the bed wasn’t even made, meaning they had been sleeping in those sheets for what looked like weeks or even months, they looked filthy.

This is not a big headed statement but both myself and girl friend were gleaming, were shaved, groomed, bathed, the full works, even had brand new cloths on, and honestly we were the cleanest things in there entire house. The male of the couple had not shaved for days, smelt of sweat and had badly stained cloths on, and within maybe one hour of us arriving he was trying to push us upstairs and had asked for full sex, we obviously made our excuses and left promptly. Please believe me some peoples views on hygiene honestly do differ greatly, but if you want to succeed in his lifestyle and have good feedback and further requests then you NEED to be clean and fresh, in all respects.

I hope this RANT has helped someone  as stated one of my first peaces of advice would be to learn about this lifestyle first (learn as much as possible) and learn from other peoples mistakes and errors, as for hygiene well my honest advice is to make sure your fresh, clean and smelling nice from tip to toe, make sure your pubic hair is in check, make sure your nails are cut, tidy your house well if your having guests, make a effort to be clean and nice, and that will be noticed. Hope the huge reply helped lol.

Regards x

If you could pick one important piece of advice that you wish YOU had known when you were a beginner, what would it be?

Resist the urge to be the director. Let things flow. Let them play without interference.

also

 

What is one rule that nobody ever really talks about but everyone figures out eventually (for example, men don't advertise bisexuality in swinger's clubs because they will get shunned)?

 

LittleL

I would have to say spanking/slapping/pinching/biting ... any kind of "rough" play without getting a kind of permission first.

Completely agree with you, guys! Discretion is the first here! Me and my gf always find reliable partners using escort services in Florida

Well we have been playing for over 8 years and we have found that a house party tends to be a good place to be selective and play with a variety of attractive people. The things to avoid is the drama. You could be playing with someone and that persons partner gets upset because they dont think they are getting as much attention (usually a sign of some insecurity)

Great advice guys. I've never been to any clubs or house parties of the lifestyle so I can't say anything first hand. However, I've had a couple encounters with a married couple and both turned out to be great experiences. It all depends on getting to know the people involved and the level of comfort and I guess "horniness". Lol. But of course, discretion is always a must no matter who the person or people are.

There's some really great advice in this thread, especially for those whom are delving into the style for their first meet or first time..

LFM2 made a very good point about expectations. Discretion in the style is a given, but walk into any meet albeit a club, drinks, house party, etc... with expectations and you're almost assured of disappointment. Your most memorable experiences will come when you don't expect them. Ask any peep that has any real experience in the style.

Patience, it really is of virtue (I hate cliche's!), but looking at it, it falls right back on expectations. The more personal rules you lay down, the more patience you're going to have to endure. Eventually, you will start to make allowances and the more the style will reward you.

Also,,, Be yourself, abiding by someone else's rules or socially self righteous traits (fit-n-trim, shaved, dress to impress, etc...) is only going to put you outside of your comfort level. When that happens, you lose that "comfort" and that's when the style loses its "fun".

I could go on here, but opening a cpl cans of worms on the subject is not what this thread is for...

We have been contacted by many newer couples in the past so I thought we would post up a few things to get you started on the right foot.

Everyone has their own ideas on what is right, and there is no right or wrong. We all swing in different ways. Some people are just fine starting out with full swap, some like to play apart and some are just not into that kind of play. What is right for you is for you and you alone (with your partner) to figure out. One thing that we can’t stress enough is that you need to move forward at the speed of the slowest half. No one likes to be pushed and it is just as hard to feel that you are being pulled along.

One thing that we have noticed over the years is that a lot of men want to get into swinging and once they do, it’s the woman who takes over. Our advice in this situation is for the man to hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

The different kinds of swinging, these are just a few of the more common types, because for every swinging couple there is a different type.

Soft swap- Same room sex with your own partner, while the other couple is also having sex or watching you. This may include foreplay activities with the other couple and it may not.

Soft swap with bi activity- Once again same room sex without intercourse with the other couple, usually involving Bi activities between the women or the men, then returning to your own partner for intercourse.

Full swap- exchanging partners for intercourse.

Group sex- Just as it sounds a group of people having sex in the same room. May include bi activity, not to be confused with an orgy.

Orgy- An anything goes pile of fun, will include bi activity or incidental contact. Most of the time it’s a free for all with all participants agreeing beforehand that all will be accepted for penetration.

Getting started

Before you do any contacting of others you need to sit down with your partner, with your clothes on and figure out what you are looking for, doing this with your clothes on will remove some of the sexual excitement from the discussion and allow you to think it through. Naked fantasies, and hot bed room talk are not always well thought out and may cause you issues in the future.

Talk about things like, what you want, what you like and most importantly what you don’t like. At this point you are ready to make your rules. Rules are something that all couples should have and stick to. More issues in swinging are caused by one half of a couple breaking a rule, even by mistake than anything else!

Some of the more common rules are:

No Means NO!!

No activities that we don’t do as a couple.

Condoms for penetration or condoms for vaginal and anal penetration.

Both play or no one plays.

Don’t take one for the team.

As far as rules go we would suggest making a rule for any situation that you can imagine, you can always eliminate a rule in the future. We don’t recommend removing a rule during play.

Meeting others

The most common way is to join websites that have others in your area and contacting them to see if you can make a connection. This can be hard to do as not all profiles on the web are real, and if they are real not everyone you contact will be a match.

Events are a good way to meet others. At an event you will meet a lot of people who 1 are real, 2 are wanting to meet others as much as you. At events it is easy to make that physical connection, the dancing a flirting can spark interest like no online chat, e-mail or photo can. Check our other posts and blogs to see what kind of events we host and what you can expect at an event.

Once you have decided to meet someone

Weather at an event or 2 on 2, we have a few tips to make things go smoother.

Dress to impress, you only get one chance to make a first impression!

For events make up some calling cards to give to people you click with. Something simple, your name(s) e-mail address and or phone number, we even include a picture of ourselves on the card to make it easier to remember us.

Some couples have “high signs” for letting each other know that you are either ok with this couple or you don’t want to play with them.

Some that we have seen or heard about:

Tugging on the ear.

Using a word or phrase.

Blowing kisses to each other.

Drinking, drugs and losing control.

While having a few drinks when meeting others can add to a fun time, if you feel the need to drink to party then you are not ready for this.

We don’t condone the use of illegal drugs at any time and abhor those who use them in mixed social settings, if doing drugs is your thing then save them for use with others that are into the same things.

Both drugs and alcohol can cause you to do things that you may not be comfortable with in the morning so we say, use all substances in moderation.

The one thing we recommend above all else is that you talk to each other about everything and anything, before, during and after. If you had a great time let your partner know and also if you had a not so great time let your partner know. While one half of a couple may have had a blast and would like to hook up with that couple again it might not have been so great for your partner and you need to think about them first.

Communication...... keep the lines flowing between you at all times....

Communication...... keep the lines flowing between you at all times....

THIS is #1. No doubt about it. Whether it's money, sex, swinging, kids, cars, jobs, it doesn't matter....All of it comes down to communication.

Mr NC and I started swinging almost 3 years ago, and the ONLY way we got through all of the emotions that go along with it is constant communication.

How to break into swinger lifestyle? Are there any step by step process? How do you even start the conversation about it with your partner? What if your partner is not open to swinger lifestyle?

All very good info and insight. Just to add to the part about taking it slow, one might include patience in that as well. Keep it "muy tranquilo" as we say here in Mexico and don't let the excitement overtake the real reason you are there, which is to meet someone that really turns you on sexually. The moment and the ambiance will be sexy but don't let that cause you to settle for "sexy enough". You know that feeling when everything is right and someone really turns you on, so make sure you tell yourself to wait until you feel that fire. Con fuego! Be patient. Then have fun! Oh, and it might not be a rule, but perhaps should be. Don't get drunk on your first visit. Do it on your second! Saludos!

Have fun!

I think the most important thing is for the female to watch the male. I am a complete perv and want my wife to do crazy stuff.... no jealousy at all. However there is a difference with NOT being jealous and FEELING left out. We have never had a problem but we worked ALOT on plans and stuff before we first played.

When finding playmates it is easiest to have the woman choose on looks first... then have the guy set it up... atleast for us. Looks mean so much but also so little. It's like looks must be a minium quality to be attactive but will only get you so far.

I would suggest an invite Meet and greet. Clubs are cool but very clickish and sometimes the music is so loud you can't even talk. Idealy meet a cool couple wiht more experience and have them invite you to people they know. We met enough people at our meet and greet it took us almost all year to go down the list.

Oh yeah... HAVE FUN. Also ALWAYS respect each others opinion. If someone is uncomfortable NO explaination is needed.. just move on. Maybe later talk about it just for understanding but all emotions are important.

1. Make sure before you start that it's something you BOTH want to do, talk about it without pushing the issue, do research about it, also discuss any feelings that you have about it. Make sure it's something you REALLY want to do.

2. If it's something you want to do, make that you both know and are comfortable with what you want to do, be it threesomes like MFM or FMF, swapping partners with another couple, or larger groups.

3. Have GREAT trust in each other and great communication with each other. Because you never know what each other will think about it if you don't talk about it with each other.

4. Have fun, the reason you get into the lifestyle should be for fun, if one of you isn't enjoying it, don't keep at it thinking the other will come around. 1 partner should never do it just to make the other happy, because all it will ever do is breed resentment. Again, just have fun.

We have been contacted by many newer couples in the past so I thought we would post up a few things to get you started on the right foot.

 

The different kinds of swinging, these are just a few of the more common types, because for every swinging couple there is a different type.

 

Soft swap- Same room sex with your own partner, while the other couple is also having sex or watching you. This may include foreplay activities with the other couple and it may not.

 

Soft swap with bi activity- Once again same room sex without intercourse with the other couple, usually involving Bi activities between the women or the men, then returning to your own partner for intercourse.

 

Full swap- exchanging partners for intercourse.

 

Group sex- Just as it sounds a group of people having sex in the same room. May include bi activity, not to be confused with an orgy.

 

Orgy- An anything goes pile of fun, will include bi activity or incidental contact. Most of the time it’s a free for all with all participants agreeing beforehand that all will be accepted for penetration.

 

Getting started

 

Before you do any contacting of others you need to sit down with your partner, with your clothes on and figure out what you are looking for, doing this with your clothes on will remove some of the sexual excitement from the discussion and allow you to think it through. Naked fantasies, and hot bed room talk are not always well thought out and may cause you issues in the future.

 

Talk about things like, what you want, what you like and most importantly what you don’t like. At this point you are ready to make your rules. Rules are something that all couples should have and stick to. More issues in swinging are caused by one half of a couple breaking a rule, even by mistake than anything else!

 

Some of the more common rules are:

No Means NO!!

No activities that we don’t do as a couple.

Condoms for penetration or condoms for vaginal and anal penetration.

Both play or no one plays.

Don’t take one for the team.

 

As far as rules go we would suggest making a rule for any situation that you can imagine, you can always eliminate a rule in the future. We don’t recommend removing a rule during play.

 

Meeting others

 

The most common way is to join websites that have others in your area and contacting them to see if you can make a connection. This can be hard to do as not all profiles on the web are real, and if they are real not everyone you contact will be a match.

 

Events are a good way to meet others. At an event you will meet a lot of people who 1 are real, 2 are wanting to meet others as much as you. At events it is easy to make that physical connection, the dancing a flirting can spark interest like no online chat, e-mail or photo can. Check our other posts and blogs to see what kind of events we host and what you can expect at an event.

 

Once you have decided to meet someone

 

Weather at an event or 2 on 2, we have a few tips to make things go smoother.

Dress to impress, you only get one chance to make a first impression!

For events make up some calling cards to give to people you click with. Something simple, your name(s) e-mail address and or phone number, we even include a picture of ourselves on the card to make it easier to remember us.

 

Some couples have “high signs” for letting each other know that you are either ok with this couple or you don’t want to play with them.

Some that we have seen or heard about:

Tugging on the ear.

Using a word or phrase.

Blowing kisses to each other.

 

Drinking, drugs and losing control.

While having a few drinks when meeting others can add to a fun time, if you feel the need to drink to party then you are not ready for this.

We don’t condone the use of illegal drugs at any time and abhor those who use them in mixed social settings, if doing drugs is your thing then save them for use with others that are into the same things.

Both drugs and alcohol can cause you to do things that you may not be comfortable with in the morning so we say, use all substances in moderation.

 

The one thing we recommend above all else is that you talk to each other about everything and anything, before, during and after. If you had a great time let your partner know and also if you had a not so great time let your partner know. While one half of a couple may have had a blast and would like to hook up with that couple again it might not have been so great for your partner and you need to think about them first.

This is fantastic advice and well written for those of us using the site to learn about this before we try it. My husband and I haven't met anyone/tried yet, but we're just beginning to have our discussions. The first question my big guy asked was, "What if we go some place and the guy finds you attractive and the wife is repulsed by me?"

This particular post explains the terms and gives great suggestions. THANK YOU! I'm really glad we've joined the site before jumping in. We both are excited, but we're "know before you go" kind of people. We'll probably have several talks (both naked and clothed) before we're ready to try. But, I really just wanted to say thank you for sage advice. :-)

Take it from us, as we are still fairly new to the LS, the rules to live by are;

-Discretion is an absolute must,

-No means no, no matter what,

-Go with your gut feeling,

-Always communicate with your spouse before and after,

-No one ever takes one for the team or feels pressured to do so,

-and most of, all enjoy yourselves.

WE have lived by this and it works for us.

One piece of advice I can give is, don't be surprised if your rules/boundaries/fantasies/compromises etc change down the track. It can take quite some time before you realise what you really like, what is comfortable for you and what works for you as an individual and/or a couple. And almost everyone will understand that it can be a roller coaster of a ride with both its highs and lows. In this lifestyle, there is no one size fits all. So establish some ground rules and have fun!

As for the rule you soon learn in time, that the ratio of men to women for example, is overwhelmingly in a woman's favour. Sorry guys, I know it seems like you have to really make yourselves stand out from the hoards of other males, but it's just the way it is. But here is wishing everyone, no matter their personal stats, gets the experiences they want and they are great ones! :-).

If you could pick one important piece of advice that you wish YOU had known when you were a beginner, what would it be?

 

Block free members on SLS

What is one rule that nobody ever really talks about but everyone figures out eventually (for example, men don't advertise bisexuality in swinger's clubs because they will get shunned)?

If they say they want to be "friends first" run the other way fast.

Block free members on SLS

 

If they say they want to be "friends first" run the other way fast.

I see what you did there.

And, I tend to agree.

I'd just go out to a club if there is one in your area. It's easy to be exhibitionists and it's a safe controlled setting.

Sounds good ill have to start looking for clubs near us! I made an account on SLS were CataCouple if anyone is interested

Even though we almost feel like Newbies all over again by re-entering the Lifestyle this would be our advice we took away from our previous experiences:

Above all else remember this is about the two of you. Before even making the first step of placing an ad, going to a M&G, club, whatever,decide what you both want out of this; what you might be feeling if so and so happens; how you'll react to X or Y and above all what your comfort zone and limits are. This may sound very analytical but you must not skip these steps and take any further steps that have not been discussed and decided upon by both no matter how eager the other person may be. Then do not compromise on those limits unless both are in agreement before and during meeting or play. This rules should be never-ending though out your journey.

If one of you wants more from this faster than the other you must earn their trust first and the quickest way to not accomplish this is by pushing for things they are not comfortable with or worse implementing it without their knowledge. And if they are never comfortable with a certain thing, accept it.

Also realize you'll have as many let-downs as successes, maybe more so. But even if you go home from a club or wherever "empty-handed" you still have each other. Some of our best sex was during the several years we were out of the LS.

There's a lot more minutia but the most important key is honesty and remembering swinging is about enhancing what the two of you have together and not replacing it. Just our 2 bits on how to make it work.

Your mileage may vary.

These are all very great tips!