VH1 Secret Life of Swingers

Did anyone here see the VH1 special last night on “The Secret World of Swingers?” We watched but ended up wondering why after it was over. Basically, they profiled three couples and one club.

There was the New York club, which had a seedy, bohemian-cool, dirty atmosphere. The host of the parties seemed like a pimp sort of dude and even dressed like one for the Halloween party they held. It was very apparent he was cashing in on the “sex industry.” We joked about how it seemed that for all the $$ this guy raked in, he certainly didn’t spend it on the appearance of the place…LOL We feel so lucky to have a local place to go to that is classy and clean! I guess we’re just too old to be impressed with shabby-sheik….

It seems we also differ in that we don’t feel the need to be recognized in the “swing community” and part of a “cool crowd.” Different stokes and all that I guess…

One couple was from New York; we didn’t care much for them. We like people we socialize with to have a little more character about them. Now, we’re not saying there was anything wrong with them. They just seemed as shallow as a birdbath is all.

They said something interesting, that “swinging saved [their] relationship.” Ours was great to begin with; swinging didn’t “save ours.” To us, what we now do on occasion is just for fun and entertainment. We don’t thrive on it. We are enough for us; we only do this to fulfill an occasional need to be really naughty. Swinging in no way is the sole definition of who we are as a couple. How do you all feel about that statement; that “swinging saved” a relationship? Doesn’t that imply that the relationship was faulty going into swinging?

They also showed a “Newbie” couple. After the first 5 minutes of seeing them before they went to a swing party I turned to my sweetie and said, “They’re going to have a train wreck.” They never really discussed what to expect from each other. They had NO ground rules and didn’t know each other’s limits at all. When they did try to discuss the matter both would tense up and sort of stonewall the other. They should have never gone and it ended what appeared to be a good relationship. That whole episode made me a bit sad really. After coming to this board for so long, even before we began swinging, we understood that the only real way to enjoy this and stay together is to communicate and be on the same page. It was truly terrible to watch.

The third couple was from PA, the eastern side specifically. They seemed to be like the typical couples we have here in PA. Nice, normal, people you would meet at just about anywhere PA. They seemed to have a good rapport with each other and enjoyed themselves a lot. There was one part when they went into a hotel room with another couple while the cameras rolled that seemed a bit painfully awkward. But then again, who wouldn’t be awkward with cameras rolling the first time you’re with a new couple?? LOL

The only thing that sort of bugged us was their son, whose 15, is now going to be aware of what his parents do. I’d love to know how they explained this to him. Imagine, “son, your mother and I are going to be on VH1 having sex with other people…” That is a conversation we would dread! What worried us is not so much the fact that not only does this kid have to deal with his own budding sexuality as well as his parents, no, what worried us was how are the other kids in school going to treat him now. I can only imagine how cruel the other teens are going to be, “Hey dude, your mom’s a ho! I saw her on TV f*cking strangers!” Yoinks. Being that they are from PA, we know how close knit and closed minded our communities could be. I just hope this kid is NOT prevented from dating too many girls by fathers who may worry that “swinging” is hereditary.

What were your thoughts on this show?

I did not see this show. However, I want to comment because it is obvious that I would have HATED it.

One of my pet peeves is the lack of quality well researched reporting on TV. This show certainly seems the case. If the reporter--and everyone working on the story--would have read this board for just an hour, think of all they would have learned!

First and foremost, you don't get into swinging to "save a relationship."

Worst of all, I think of all those not in the Lifestyle who have been given a very limited view of swinging, and an unhealthy one at that.

LikeMinds321 said:

One of my pet peeves is the lack of quality well researched reporting on TV. This show certainly seems the case. If the reporter--and everyone working on the story--would have read this board for just an hour, think of all they would have learned!

Although the three couples featured on this show don't appear to be a representative sample of this lifestyle, the producers were probably limited by the lack of people who were willing to be interviewed and filmed for such a project. We all would love to think that those of us on this board represent what swinging is really about, but we are curious as to how many of us would be willing to participate on such a program.

I watched the show last night, Bonnie would've too but she fell asleep, poor dear! Anyway, I have to agree about the New Yorkers, That "Club" looked like a dump and I got the impression that the "Greggo" was a single dude that could only get sex by throwing a party.

The newbie couple did appear to be headed toward a "Train Wreck" for sure, The guy was typical of so many.. He could handle another woman but if another guy had designs on his woman... Look out!

The couple in Wilkes-Barre, PA I thought was the best in the bunch. I even sent them a thank you email this morning to their screen name on Swinglifestyle.com The thank you was for being an ordinary, down to earth, non Jerry Springer Type Swinger.

As far as their son, well we have three boys ourselves, own and operate a large swingers club here, been together for over 24 years on our first marriage and tell our sons we attribute our success and love for being open with one another and our friends. they know we're swingers, but we don't tell them what happens in our bedrooms as we don't want to know what happens in theirs. They seem to be just fine with that and so do their friends...

All in all, the special could've used a better angle but sometimes you have to work with what they bring ya and any swingers special that's not totaly negative is a plus!

Tom & Bonnie said:

I watched the show last night, Bonnie would've too but she fell asleep, poor dear! Anyway, I have to agree about the New Yorkers, That "Club" looked like a dump and I got the impression that the "Greggo" was a single dude that could only get sex by throwing a party.

I was wondering what club it was.... Greggo's Love Loft? I recall someone asking about that club in the Clubs forums a week or so ago. I've heard bad things about so many of the NYC clubs that I had a few different ones running through my head initially.

Well I started watching half way through but the newbie couple didn't seem "Newbie" to me.

I consider a newbie couple a couple where both are interested and take the steps together.

It seemed like she pushed him into something he didn't want.

As far as the club owner in New York...

I didn't see a problem with his pimp outfit. It seemed everyone was in some kind of costume like it was a theme party. He was throwing it so a pimp outfit seemed like a pretty cool idea to me.

But I didn't see the whole thing so maybe I missed something.

The couple who let their son in on what they do seemed WAY over the top to me.

And the fact they brought a camera crew into their house to tape a show that was going to be broadcast nationally showed little respect for their son.

They said "They have nothing to hide... its who THEY are".

They are right up to a point. It may be who they are not who their son is.

Kids that age are addicted to VH1 and I am sure plenty of kids he knows have seen this. I think it shows VERY bad parenting skills and they ought to be ashamed of themselves for putting their son on national, if not international, TV exposing their lifestyle.

Just my thoughts.

We just saw the show... and we agree with everything folks on the board had to say.

The only somewhat normal run of the mill swing couple was the couple from small town PA. We have 3 children and we work very hard to keep them totally out of our lifestyle. We also live in a very small town so we have a profile on SLS but don't have any pictures on our profile. The biggest concern that we have with the swinging lifestyle is maintaining our privacy... so it was pretty surprising to find them being so open and I certainly wouldn't want to put my kids through what their son may face.

I also didn't like the fact that this guy Greggo screens his members with pictures, etc. so that only the beautiful people can attend his parties. I guess some people are into that but being a BBW myself I can only say - variety is the spice of life But if thats the way he wants to run his club then more power to him.

I thought they did the lifestyle a great service in a way because it did show what bad can happen if people aren't on the same page with their feelings but I think the producers could have dug a bit deeper and found this web site and delved into the more real issues a bit more but isn't that the case with everything the media is involved with?

Anyway.... I'm not the most profound person but wanted to give my 2cents.

BTW... our internet service has been down for the past few days and I feel so out of touch!

Hugs to all

Mrs WA

Just watched the show. Greggo is definitely someone that gives me a bad vibe watching him during the candid stuff but he had some really good comments during the interviews. You really can't judge him based on what they show without talking to him yourself. Editing is a wonderful thing.

The PA couple seems very straight forward, but them allowing their son to be shown in the show doesn't seem right to me. Considering where this show is airing I can only imagine that many of his friends will see it and he will have to deal with much teasing and such from them. As for right or wrong, that goes back to this thread. I can't imagine how hard that date had to be. First meetings with new couples are always hard but with a camera and cameramen hanging around, I can only see that killing a mood. I would love to know what they told the kid about the documentary ahead of time. Did they tell him it was a documentary on swinging that they were taking part in? Or something else?

JP & Nikka just struck me as straight up bedpost notchers. On the upside they didn't seem to try to say that they were anything else. To each their own.

I agree with whoever made the comment that newbie couple seemed more like the girl was pulling him into it blind. He wanted to talk about it and she kinda just shut him down multiple times. It would be easy to say that male half of that couple was rather close minded, but I don't think that would be a fair statement either. I feel kinda bad for the guy in a way because he really didn't know what he was being pulled into. But at the same time his early comments about how they could play with a girl but not a guy. He strikes me as rather jealous. To him every time Ellie spoke to a guy she was coming onto him.

"There's a possibility that we are getting in over our heads..." Um yeah that about sums it up.

This is a good example of what happens when you a) don't have a strong enough relationship to start with, b) don't communicate properly about things before you start.

More often than not the things that books and docs show as "the bad side of swinging" are these types of things where it's couples who never should have swung in the first place.

This "documentary" was different than most I've seen on swinging since it actually featured younger attractive couples, which isn't what you typically see. All in all I'd say it was good as a documentary. It portrayed things as they were and didn't try to say that it was good or bad (as a true documentary should). If a documentary makes a statement one way or the other then it's not a real documentary. And while one or more of the couples may not have portrayed our ideal of what we'd like swinger to be, I think the couples they showed did portray an accurate sampling of those you will find in the lifestyle. Perhaps, not a true cross section as there are many more than 3 different types of people, but for the allotted time I think they chose a good sampling.

We watched it. We weren't impressed. Hubby felt that it wasn't a true cross section of swinging couples. He felt that the regular swinging couple was not represented here. I asked "What's a regular swinging couple"? He wanted to see someone that wasn't carved out of butter~~regular folk like your next door neighbor. An older couple perhaps? I don't know.

I felt really uncomfortable for the son of the PA couple. I could tell that he was rather uneasy about VH1 being there and filming his parents. The comment about him "not knowing, but when Mom and Dad go out he knows they dress hot" really made my stomach turn. No teenager wants to think of his parents in a sexual way. That grossed me out. Whats going to happen when his friends see this? OY VEY! Other than that~~they were a good couple~~seemed happy in what they were doing.

The unmarried couple who's male counterpart was jealous...YOWIE! It seemed that she was dragging him into the situation kicking and screaming. Once they got to the almighty greggo's party it seemed that she was very open to anything and everything and not into making her date very comfortable. I thought that for what they represented~~the "not so good side of swinging"~~they were a good couple.

The other couple what went to greggo's party was in it solely to screw as many people as they could.

Greggo--eh. 'Nuff said.

I watched the show from start to finish. Hubby watched the first half and said that it didn't really represent his viewpoints on swinging. He felt that the show could have done better by seeking out several couples across a wide spectrum and interview them, rather than show their experiences for what he called "shock value".

We saw it too. In fact, it was one of the things that gave an extra "push" to us to do more than just casually talk about swinging ourselves.

Dito We actually became interested in the lifestyle because of the show. It was good and informative.

I went to the VH1 site & there is a forum there that people are talking about this show. The couples that were on the show are on SLS. Here are their SLS names: Black_Choker, JENNANDMARC1988

The problem with shows about swingers is often what kind of swingers go on them.

Most people in swinging may not be ashamed of it, but that doesn't mean they want their work/kids/mother to know about it either. Its doesn't even have to be the swinging thing. Most women I know give BJ's but not many want to go on tv and talk about it openly.

So what you end up getting are people which may not be the best examples of swingers.

Ok folks, enough is enough. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I need to inform you that the VH-1 Swinger show was a fake. Though the show did include a real party and real swingers, the "newbie" couple were plants, not swingers, but actors, who weren't even a couple. Furthermore, the entire show was scripted. It was sold to the 2 performers as a documentary, but whittled down to be reality show/hard copy sludge which infuriated the actors. Footage of them in rehersals et all that was supposed to be included was left on the cutting-room floor. Vh-1 should be ashamed of themselves for misrepresenting your world, and in the process, purposely ruining a couple of actors lives in the process. Please spread the word and stop VH-1 from airing this thing again. Contact them if you must. Perhaps they had a good idea, but it was taken and run with straight into the ground. You've been had and exploited.

I'm quite curious, how did you come to know this?

I agree with ali, how do you know this?

I will say just on description its sounds like it could go either way. but kindo foff topic.

Did anyone see the show "Rescue me" this week. There was a couple who wanted a MMF but a guy refused, he went to appologize to the wife (who was hot) and she began to taught him, slipped him some viagra (said he needed it) and then cuffed him to the bed where the hubby walked out of the closet naked. anyway at first I was thinking how weird that was and it got me thinking about some newbies or inexperenced couple seeing that and thinking all swingers are like that. anyway just a thought

ALilOEverything said:

I'm quite curious, how did you come to know this?

I am too, plant, and I hope you can tell us. You seem to know quite a bit. I wouldn't be surprised though...it is TV after all.

There are a couple pretty acidic posts on the message board from uber-conservative vanillas. They thought it was disgusting and wrong. Not only is the lifestyle wrong but they shouldn't show this on TV. Didn't stop them from watching the whole thing though, did it? The hypocrisy kills me. head bang

The great thing was many more positive posts, most from open-minded vanillas, defending the show and the people's choices that were in it.

“They’re going to have a train wreck.” They never really discussed what to expect from each other. They had NO ground rules and didn’t know each other’s limits at all. When they did try to discuss the matter both would tense up and sort of stonewall the other. They should have never gone and it ended what appeared to be a good relationship.~D2

What a coincidence! I used the "emotional train wreck" line and exact same observation about another couple in a thread about the movie "Sex with Strangers."

One of my pet peeves is the lack of quality well researched reporting on TV.LM

Not just TV. I believe it's the case to one degree or another with all media. It's scary to me the many inaccuracies I have found in TV, newspaper, and magazine articles when they address a topic in which (IMHO ) I have a fair amount of real world knowledge. Kind of makes you wonder about one's everyday beliefs regarding any number of issues from which one's primary source of "truth" is the media rather than personal experience.

Ok folks, enough is enough. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I need to inform you that the VH-1 Swinger show was a fake.

There are many who feel the same about the movie "Sex with Strangers" on the imdb site.

The problem with shows about swingers is often what kind of swingers go on them.

 

Most people in swinging may not be ashamed of it, but that doesn't mean they want their work/kids/mother to know about it either. Its doesn't even have to be the swinging thing. Most women I know give BJ's but not many want to go on tv and talk about it openly.

 

So what you end up getting are people which may not be the best examples of swingers.

I agree. Many mainstream people who are still employed, have family and friends they don't want to risk alienating, etc., unfortunately need to remain anonomous for fear of detrimental consequences related to negative opinion of swinger's beliefs by many who are intwined in their everyday lives. David Schisgall's ("The Lifestyle") subjects were pretty much all elderly, retired or had income that was at least supplemented in one way or another from lifestyle related activity. They were seemingly a much more congenial group though. I didn't find many of them people that I would probably relate to/swing with but they did seem to be more representative, at least philisophically, with the ideals espoused on this forum.

Few comments regarding the show.

1. Kudo's to the PA couple!!! They were very real and sexy people. Just wonder after this aired how their lives were affected i.e. Job, neighbors, friends and all. Anyone have their email address? I would like to pass on my gratitude.

2. It was a shame VH1 had to go with Greggo's club. Like others here it did not look like a very nice place and they said it was in a run down neighborhood. This being the case guess you would have to take a cab and not drive and park. That's the NYC way correct. I remember visiting and adult establishment in Detroit a few years in a similar setting where my vehicle was broken into. Nothing worse than driving home in a Detroit winter with your windows busted out.

VH1, next time get out of NYC and find a nice club from around the country.

3. To the lady of the couple who split because he couldn't handle the jealousy. Ms. There are really nice guys out there (as I) who have no problem with the lifestyle and can be still devoted and crazy about you, just give us a chance.

I also just watched the show off of TIVO.

First of all, if I had seen this show 6 weeks ago before attending my first club, I would have NEVER gone. It sickens me to think that someone who is promoting the lifestyle is so shallow as to only invite hot-looking couples to his "club" (in actuality more like a private party by invite only)

Second, the "newbie" couple...That was a bad scene about to happen from the beginning. How could Greggo have screened a couple like this? To me that says his screening is more of "are you hot enough to attend my party" than an actual screening to see if a couple is really lifestyle material or "just curious, not serious".

Finally, how many times did the lady say that no matter what happened, he would not lose her or she would not love him any less? Yet after the party, and the breakup, he was "If she came to me today and said she loved me, we could work it out" while she said, "I am so glad I am single again." Seems to me like she planned this whole thing to orchestrate a breakup.

I've actually played with the PA couple on that show.. She's HOTTTTTTT.

porscheman32 said:

I've actually played with the PA couple on that show...

And people wonder why most of us wouldn't be on a show like that

Discretion is a beautiful thing!

porscheman32 said:

I've actually played with the PA couple on that show.. She's HOTTTTTTT.

You are the boob that has in his SLS Tagline "certified by VH1 swingers"?

Good stuff.

I taped the show and made a copy for some friends of ours...

As for the newbie couple (which is where we are) - they were introduced as "aspiring actors" and were very attractive - it would distress me to know that VH1 was, alas, scripting a reality show! I can only hope that we have a "Quiz Show" type moment that will finish off these damn reality shows once and for all - but I digress...

The Penn. couple was very "couple next door" and seemed like the type of people you would bump into at the grocery store... their story was the most interesting and gave us some hope that this might be a good fit for us. They had some ups and downs (a meeting that threw them a curveball and another that worked out for the best - and even though there were cameras around, it seemed very realistic!)

After reading the comments here and seeing the show just now again for the second time. I have to wonder why this show was aired in the first place. I didn't think that it portrayed the swingers that we know very well at all. We are new ourselves but dang this was a pain to watch. You could see the trouble brewing from the start for the one couple. I guess he thought that he could have his cake but change her in the process. Guess I have to say that I was disappointed in the show.

Bravo Plant. It seems even experienced open-minded and open-loving people in this lifestyle can view things with blinders on. Television and, especially, THE NEWS is just infomercial infotainment. Gullibility ... except when reading profiles...

Tatakai said:

After reading the comments here and seeing the show just now again for the second time. I have to wonder why this show was aired in the first place. I didn't think that it portrayed the swingers that we know very well at all. We are new ourselves but dang this was a pain to watch. You could see the trouble brewing from the start for the one couple. I guess he thought that he could have his cake but change her in the process. Guess I have to say that I was disappointed in the show.

Welcome to the world of television--which I must admit to being a part of. The people who make most of what you watch only research things in a superficial way. Anything you might see about any subject you truly know about will seem incomplete at best and completely wrong at the extreme. Any documentary with the logistical difficulties of the secrecy required for discreetness within the swing world certainly would be a poor representation. I have the technical ability, occasional real swing experience (as a single male, I only get invited into MFM situations) and obviously the interest to produce such a documentary, but I recognize the futility of such an effort. Nobody I have met in the swing world would be willing to open their lives up to the point of really showing what this is about. I don't show my face on-line, much less in a widely distributed documentary. Even at that, there are so many variations and diverse interests that all fall under the swing category that it would be impossible to cover them all.

And how would it be presented? The only way it could be shown would be as an X rated presentation. That would add it to the refuse heap of cheap porn productions. But in a highly censored version, the viewer would miss most of the story. In a sense, that is all VH1 got, a censored, superficial look that served its prurient lust for ratings by providing risque programming, more than to provide a legitimate documentary. OK, I ramble.