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JustAskJulie

Full-Swap vs. Soft-Swinging

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Right now we are soft swap. We have had sex in the same room as another couple and had a male join us. We are looking for a single female to join us also but never realized how hard it is going to be, so at this time we are willing to alter to a couple however, we are not willing to swap. We are willing to have four in bed together having fun all together. I would consider oral swap but not full out and out full swap. If we did do the four together...I wouldnt mind him having sex while I am as long as we are in touching range....Maybe I think of this different then others.

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We are full swap but have no problem with soft. Just depends on what everyone feels comfortable with. Actually, some of the most fun we have had was with a soft-only couple.

 

B+S

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We are full swap and make it clear that's what we desire in others. Soft swinging, to us, is like putting a steak in front of your face, letting you smell it, look at it, feel it, maybe even lick it, but you can't eat it...Not our cup of tea.

 

Just like biblonde said--we just seem to get along better swinging-wise with experienced couples--because in newbies, since they are still feeling their way (literally), sometimes it's difficult for them to express what they are really looking for until they get in that situation, and by then, we don't really want to be in a scenario where a question mark is still present. Just our preference!!

 

Tim

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Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty

We are full swap. Soft swap would be Ok. After all its how we started. But that only lasted till our first experience :lol: .

 

We would like to find couples that are interested in the lifestyle just to hang out with. Someone we can talk about our wild side with. If they only did soft swap but we got along great as friends that would be cool with us.

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We have always been full swap, but we would be happy to accomodate a couple that we were attracted to.

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Started out as soft swap and that lasted about six months. We went full swap last month but like the variety so we'll still do soft. It's interesting how each experience teaches you something and how most of the fears you have seem to be unfounded. Since we started as soft swap we will do our part in helping others into the lifestyle by always be willing to help newbies. Of course we'll still be looking to go all out in a frenzied orgy as well!! :)

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We have done both and are okay with either depening on the couple and what everyone is comfortable with. For us part of the fun is spending the evening hanging out, going to dinner, dancing, flirting, etc in addition to the sexual encounter.

 

One of our favorite couples is soft swap only, we have so much in common with them and enjoy spending time with them. We would have missed out on a lot of fun if we had not gotten to know them just because they didn't full swap.

 

D

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We have only done full swap, but would be open to soft. It doesn't make much sense to me, people that won't do soft at all. I mean you are getting to play around with other people, then have sex with you spouse. That sounds like fun to me!

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We are full swap only. We don't understand the point of soft swinging. I wouldn't go as far as to say that soft isn't swinging, we just don't understand it. It's not for us. Nothing against anyone who likes it though. :) Different strokes, ya know?

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We're also full swap, but we've done soft as a lead-in on occasion. We don't rule out soft-swap couples, particularly those that say they'd be open to considering full after some time passes. :)

 

What we don't like are soft-swap couples that try to "borrow" M only for fmf, saying that their female doesn't "want" or "need" other men...oh, but would M play with their male half?!?! Uhhhh.....NO! :nono:

 

M (the female half)

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we are a full swap couple as well...but we did start out as soft swap too

 

I don't mind soft swap in the beginning....but we enjoy the full swap sooooo much more :)

 

bon

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We're also full swap, but we've done soft as a lead-in on occasion. We don't rule out soft-swap couples, particularly those that say they'd be open to considering full after some time passes. :)

 

 

 

Although we're newbies who have only had the FMF, we're still exploring what works best for us. So for now, Chickadiva defined us perfectly: a soft swap couple that is open to a full swap after time and I (the female half here) and the other woman are both comfortable with moving on. I need to trust the other male first, and I am just one of those people that have had past relationships that now make me a little wary. I love men, but I do want to feel wholly comfortable first, then I feel I can truly get into the action and enjoy myself and give more to my partner. :fun:

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1. We are a full-swap couple.

2. For us, swapping is the whole point of swinging, so we don't meet with soft-swing couples.

3. Not applicable.

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We enjoy full swap best. We love meeting new people and are very open. I love watch my man have sex with another women and he enjoys watching me with another man. Soft swap really does nothing for us but wet our appetite

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Mrs WA here :)

 

When we started swinging, I was only interested in being with another female... but realized after being a member of this board that I was going to have to expand my horizons if we were ever going to have an opportunity to play.

 

After talking about things thoroughly... we decided to try full swap and have really been happy that we were open to the experience. I didn't quite realize how incredibly sexy it would feel being with another man... but it is AWESOME! However, I must say that my #1 choice and fantasy is to watch and help my hubby fuck another woman... matter of fact I make a point of being involved and participating during my hubbys sex time...

 

If your relationship is ready for it... and you are both on the same page and have worked out all of your emotions... I highly recommend full swap!!

 

:kissface:

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We just like to go with the flow. If a couple was soft swap, we'd be just fine with that - but most of the couples we meet are full swap - and we have no problem with that either. If in the midst of conversation someone said, "hey, tonight you get to have sex with Mrs Spoomonkey" I would be up for that in a heartbeat...

 

Full swap - soft swap...

 

Win/win as far as I'm concerned...

 

:D

 

Spoomonkey

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Another interesting but related phenomenon that has us a little more cautious and questioning with those who say "soft swap only" and "not into full swap" is the couple searching for a bi-fem but contacting couples with bi-fems (hinted at in my earlier post). After a few chats and a meeting, just when we think all is going well, we hear from them that "she doesn't do anything with other men" or "she has no desire for a man other than her own" but they assume I (female half) will still play with both of them. As when someone says the female wants absolutely no contact with another male - no touching, no oral, nothing. :confused: Then they proceed to get upset with us when we explain that is not a swap of any kind...soft or full. What we've finally realized is to some newbies soft swap meant he swaps, she doesn't. As if "full" is both partners and "soft" is half. Umm, no fair. What's my male half supposed to do, sit home and watch TV?!?!?! :sad:

 

This has happened to us a few times, and I suspect we aren't the only ones hearing this too. We actually got into a heated exchange with one couple after we said No to that proposition because it wasn't a swap of any kind but a threesome. They proceeded to tell us we didn't know the lingo! We realize everyone has slight differences in what might be "soft swap", but "full" (or hard) is almost universally full intercourse and we can understand why some aren't ready for that yet. But "swap" is "swap" - it's changing partners or playing with another's partner to the extent all are comfortable. Oh and the couple that got so upset specifically used the word "swap" not "swinging", although most of us use those interchangeably. I recommended if they wanted a threesome or soft swing/original-partner, same-room sex to say that specifically instead of saying "soft swap" which I thought misleading.

 

Has this happened to anyone else? Or are we just...well, just us?! :lol:

This actually ties into Julie's #3: For soft-swingers... what do you consider soft-swinging?

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We are comfortable to go with the flow depending on the couple and the chemistry. Usually, with relationships of this kind to use a metaphor, " water will seeks it own level".

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We are full swap only. We don't understand the point of soft swinging. I wouldn't go as far as to say that soft isn't swinging, we just don't understand it. It's not for us. Nothing against anyone who likes it though. :) Different strokes, ya know?
I agree with this sentiment in its entirety, including the "different strokes" aspect.

 

Years ago, when we were dating, the two of us had what some people would define as "soft swinging" experiences on a couple of occasions--same room, a bit of contact, etc. We thought that was really hot--at least until we had our first hard-swap experience.

 

Having been there, I don't see the attraction to soft swapping, other than as an appetizer. It occurred to me when I saw Julie's question that it hasn't even come up in our conversations about "wants." Whether to seek MF vs M, together vs separate, how far to go, etc...have all come up. But soft swinging hasn't even registered on the radar.

 

For those who don't wish to cross that line, more power to you for knowing your limits. But if we're gonna dive, we're gonna dive all the way.

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Another interesting but related phenomenon that has us a little more cautious and questioning with those who say "soft swap only" and "not into full swap" is the couple searching for a bi-fem but contacting couples with bi-fems (hinted at in my earlier post). After a few chats and a meeting, just when we think all is going well, we hear from them that "she doesn't do anything with other men" or "she has no desire for a man other than her own" but they assume I (female half) will still play with both of them.[/i]

 

We have fortunately not run into this. I don't know how we'd handle it, but it wouldn't be something we'd do. We have talked about doing a MFF with another couple - with the males taking turns. But we've never met a couple so arrogant and linguistically challenged that they think there is anyway that we, as a couple, would go for that.

 

I have no idea how you could get in a heated arguement with them, though. You really wouldn't have to say much more than "moron" to cover the issue completely.

 

Spoomonkey

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After our first time which was full swap we began to dabble with soft swing. We started with same room, then girl/girl only. After about six months we progressed swapping everything but intercourse. Shortly after that we had our first MFM and never looked back. We are not opposed to soft swap with someone. We enjoy watching and being watched. Angel loves the touch of another female and still has the occasional girlfriend that does not include me.

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Ahhhh, Spoomonkey, thanks for the laugh! :lol:

 

Maybe "heated" was too strong a term. A little back and forth and then we Surrender . It was funny though because they kept insisting that "soft swap" was THE term for two couples doing bi-fem play and only one male allowed (and expecting) to play with both females because one of the females has no interest in any male other than her hubby. Too one-sided for us. :rollseyes Whatever! head bang I don't see the "swap" part, possibly "soft swing", 3some - definite.

 

We have also done threesomes like you mentioned, alternating partners between full-swap couples. In fact I am doing that now while J's deployed. Two couples we know well, and I occasionally join them as the ever elusive single bi-fem. We'll switch around when he gets back home, so he'll get his FMF's and we'll all be even! :D We also plan some MFM's too...and FFFM's and a mini gang bang too!

 

~M, the female half

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I don't see the "swap" part, possibly "soft swing", 3some - definite.

 

I would love to know where those guys got their definition at. Sounds more like "soft loaner". I think I'd have said, "yeah, we're into that very thing. Your wife can come over tonight - and if we like her - mine will come over to your place tomorrow. How's that work for ya?"

 

There are a lot of great people in the lifestyle, but there are a lot of really dense folks as well... Looks like you guys have a lot of luck finding the dense among us...

 

But, maybe, a George McFly would say, they were your "density"...

 

Spoomonkey

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Looks like you guys have a lot of luck finding the dense among us...

 

:lol::lol:

 

Well, Spoomonkey, luckily our other friends are just that - great friends and fine full swap swingers. So I can take a little density now and again in exchange for some real fun now & again!!

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We're a full swap couple, but if someone we were attracted to asked us, we would soft swap with them. All the foolin' around would be arousing and sex with each other is never settling for something less.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's all fun! :fun:

 

-B

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We started out as full swap and have never looked back. We have no interest in soft swap. We don't understand the concept, I guess, of soft swap. It seems to us that it would be a mood breaker. You are playing with the other partner and things really get going and then it's, oh time to swap to your partner. Well what if the other partner isn't ready to swap back yet? Bummer. We decided before we ever went to a party that if we were going to swing it was going to all the way or no way and we have no regretts.

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Our first experience was full swap. Then we met a couple who were soft swing only (and still are to this very day). We had some good times with them and are still friends, but found we preferred full swap.

 

Initially, the Mrs. preferred different rooms because she could not relax if she thought that I was watching her enjoy herself and partner. She thought I would be critiquing her. Instead, watching her was just very erotic for me. She now understands that and does not have a preference of same or different rooms.

 

Also, we don't mind soft swinging with others as long as it will eventually lead to a full swap. As we all do, we remember what it was like for us as beginners and respect their limits. However, as a preference, we do look for others who prefer full swap.

 

Just a final thought here. We really don't like the term "swap". It has a permanent conotation to it. We understand the history of the term and why it is still used, but we like the term "share" instead.

 

Chickadiva, we certainly agree with you. We have had to wade our way through some real weirdos with more explanations than a lying teenager to meet the "real" friends we have as swingers. As you have found, the couples we have met have truly been worth the effort.

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Answers:

1. We full swap

2. We'd play with softies...

3. Would love a thread on this... There are so many definitions of soft-swapping out there it isn't funny... Some ppl would say soft swing and exclude anything but kissing... Others would say anything goes but no penetration, others limit to no orgasms... Its something that can so easily lead to misunderstanding between couples and hurt feelings if not clarified beforehand...

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...others limit to no orgasms...
Sounds like a somewhat tricky to arrange (not to say somewhat sterile) version of a soft swap.

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We don't consider soft swap swinging. We wouldn't knowingly get together with a "soft" couple. Don't like restrictions in our play

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The one aspect of soft swap that no one has brought up is trust and STD's. Pretty much everyone agrees that it is funner to do full swap than soft swap. Think of all the posts on here where you read about people who have had couples lie to them about what they looked like, their marital status, etc. If someone is going to lie about something where they will definately get caught, don't you think there are some couples who would lie about whether they had herpes, which may not be detectable? Granted, almost everyone uses condoms, but they are not 100%. Soft swapping allows some couples to experience the thrill of a certain level of sex with other couples while still being safe. I am defining soft swap as petting and mutual masturbation, but no oral or penetration.

 

On a side note, this brings up a situation I've always wondered about. At parties you see all kinds of couples use condoms for penetration, but not oral. Granted, it may (and I not sure it is ) be harder to contract HIV orally, but it seems to me that a woman swallowing a load of sperm is pretty high risk. Why bother with the condom for penetration? It's this issue that led us to only soft swap.

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On a side note, this brings up a situation I've always wondered about. At parties you see all kinds of couples use condoms for penetration, but not oral. Granted, it may (and I not sure it is ) be harder to contract HIV orally, but it seems to me that a woman swallowing a load of sperm is pretty high risk. Why bother with the condom for penetration? It's this issue that led us to only soft swap.

 

New2,

Swallowing should not pose a problem as I don't know of any virus that can survive in battery acid, which is what stomach acid is. I realize there are risk involved in swinging, but if I let these risk bother me then I would have to stop swinging all together as I would not be able to enjoy myself.

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I agree with you mde 4764, You can minimize the risks, but not eliminate them. Lots of things we enjoy have some risks to them: Wintersports, backpacking (had bear enter our camp-scary), riding dirt bikes, jet skis. If we attempted to eliminate all risks-we wouldn't have a life

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We are a full swap cpl and have been with cpls that are soft swap.....Things didnt seem different we swing for the excited in our marriage and just being around cpls is enough for us. If we are with a soft swap cpl then we can make it fun for us and if we do things right then it might lead to that soft swap cpl moving to full swap

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Definately soft swap for us, and by that we mean same room/ same partner sex. Enjoying everyone pleasure one another is a thrill for us, the sights, not to mention sounds is quite a rush. Touching/fondling is also what we include in the 'soft swap' category.

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Sounds like a somewhat tricky to arrange (not to say somewhat sterile) version of a soft swap.

 

I agree... Can't see the merit in the idea, but I've heard of one such couple....

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"we have had some newbies that have freaked out after the fact although they told us they wanted it all, and didnt speak up to say they didnt feel right about something."

 

We also had this problem. Everything was fine while we soft played as a group, but when we actually swapped (my wife and I hard swap), things didn't go quite as smooth. While things went well on my end, the gentleman that went with my wife had "performance" problems, and couldn't do the deed. He then had a huge problem because the his spouse and I had no problems at all...coupled with the fact that she left some marks on my back....well, let's just say that we don't even visit them socially anymore. This was 3 years ago, and he still has major issues over it.

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We started out as full swap and have never looked back. We have no interest in soft swap. We don't understand the concept, I guess, of soft swap. It seems to us that it would be a mood breaker. You are playing with the other partner and things really get going and then it's, oh time to swap to your partner. Well what if the other partner isn't ready to swap back yet? Bummer. We decided before we ever went to a party that if we were going to swing it was going to all the way or no way and we have no regretts.

Dito Dito

We haven't had an experience with another couple yet, but we agree with mde 4764.

We've had three-somes and everything went. No holding back.

We would prefer to be in the same room because watching eachother in action is a BIG turn on for us.

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We are soft swing only because we get all the excitement and pleasure we need from that - so why take additional risks? The limits we have are to minimize risk: risk of STDs and relationship risk. Of course risks can be minimized, but never eliminated.

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We are a soft swap couple, too. It's mostly a comfort level issue with me. We're new to this and there may be a day when we go to full swap...but it will be many experiences down the road!

 

As for our definition of soft-swap. 1) I have to be able to touch him! 2) Oral and touching are cool :D but no intercourse. 3) Intercourse with our own partners in the same room with another couple is fun, too. 4)We've been discussing whether anal is ok in our definition of soft-swap or not and I'm still undecided about that.

 

We have played with full swap couples who were very comfortable with our limits. I think the most important thing, and I know I've read it here before, is to move at the speed of the slowest member of the group. In our group, that would be me! :o

 

~angel~

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Hello!

we are full swappers, and Mrs prefers doing it in different rooms, because she feels uncomfortable of being seen.

We only did once soft swinging with a couple that comes several times to our parties and would like some initiation.

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Right now we are soft swap. We have had sex in the same room as another couple and had a male join us. We are looking for a single female to join us also but never realized how hard it is going to be, so at this time we are willing to alter to a couple however, we are not willing to swap. We are willing to have four in bed together having fun all together. I would consider oral swap but not full out and out full swap. If we did do the four together...I wouldnt mind him having sex while I am as long as we are in touching range....Maybe I think of this different then others.

 

Well, not to worry, its totally normal to feel the way u feel.

The situation u r descrinbing is a soft swing, and if u liked it and got u some breathless thrills, u sure would love a full swap. .. of course the 'within the touching range ' would send u tingles down the spine .. we 've tried this ... We both really loved it !

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Well ya learn something new everyday! I actually thought soft-swap was two couples same room but whatever goes as long as the partners are all in the one room. Hubby and I are comparative newbies but have done full-swap, mfm, foursome .... he's waiting for his first fmf!! I find that in the foursome situation that we've experienced with now good friends, that it's great fun and a great turn-on, but it's too distracting to me to be able to cum. If I really want to let go then it has to be seperate rooms. Who knows maybe we'll come across someone that solves that problem for me!

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Hi there, there's a belief that french are good lovers... n I sure vouch for this fact.. we had a threesome with a french guy and my g/f really like it.. she tells me she enjoyed the sex so much, she would love the have him live with us so we can play everyday.. I wonder what french girls are like ???????

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We are a full swap couple, although we've had some soft swing experiences, which were fun too. I don't know if we would really persue a relationship with a couple that only did soft swap with no intention of going to full swap, but it would really depend on the couple to say for sure. I define soft swing as same room play, but no male-female penatration.

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well............this might not be common in the life style,but our first experence was full swap,same room... :eek: .......we are a jump right into everything cpl.......full swap is ok with us...as is soft swap,just watching ....in other words,we can adapt.....we won't try to push anything on anyone,and we think our ability to be flexable,opens up many possibilitys for us..different strokes with different folks.... facelick ..........anyway.....thats our input on the subject............Dave&Sherry

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we're basically a soft-swap couple. we have had mfm, mff, and the like, but only one real full-swap. we just prefer it that way. love to share an area with someone, some playful touching is certainly fun, but when it comes to actual m/f penetration, we prefer to keep that for ourselves. hey, its all choice.

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Some questions for you......

 

Question 1: Do you consider yourself full-swap or soft-swingers (if you haven't swung yet go with what you hope/plan to do).

 

Question 2: For full-swap couples are you willing to do soft-swing only, with the right couple?

 

Question 3: For soft-swingers... what do you consider soft-swinging?

 

We consider ourselves full swap. We believe soft-swinging includes everything up to, but not including, intercourse. Female play, by definition, can only be soft (although we had one gentleman explain to us that, in his opinion, females who penetrate one another with toys are having sex - the equivalent of full swap).

 

We would be happy to soft-swing, on occasion. Not all of our personal sexual encounters include intercourse - sometimes we don't get past the foreplay stage. We can certainly enjoy the same routine (everything but intercourse) when playing with others.

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We are soft swing. That has not prevented us from having a rousing good time with up to four couples at the same time. Many of the couples we play with are full swap, and have no problem at all playing with us.

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