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The social we went to this last weekend gave us a really good chance to see a different type of layout and how different choices in seating/standing/placement can affect the way others perceive your level of approachability. This is based solely on how we perceived others...

 

Sitting at the bar with your back to the room - unapproachable. We saw at least 2 couples remain in this position for much of the night and while we would have loved to approach them we felt very uncomfortable doing so, as they were giving us the vibe that they were not interested in what the room had to offer. Eventually, one of the couples finally turned their bodies so that they were facing each other instead of the bar, that gave us the opportunity we needed and we did introduce ourselves and had a good time chatting with them.

 

Sitting in a booth - this venue had booths as well as high top tables. It seemed to us that those couples who went towards a booth as their choice of seat did not want to be bothered. They wanted privacy, as they seemed to be closing themselves off from the group. We did not approach any couples sitting in booths.

 

Sitting/Standing at a high top table - approachable. When we did approach these couples we stood, unless invited to sit (and then only if we were comfortable with the idea of staying there for a bit).

 

Patio seating - this venue had patio tables, which is where most of the smokers stayed. We wondered out there occasionally just to see who was out there and what was going on. It was easy enough to talk to people IF they were not sitting in a large group already appearing to be in their own world.

 

What other situations have you seen that have affected the approachability level of a couple/single in a club/social setting? Do large tables over small tables make a difference? What about hot tubs? Sofas?

 

One of our favorite clubs had a couple of sofas in the social/dance area. It always seems like two couples manage to take over that area and if you attempt to sit there (even if only one couple is sitting there) you are informed that those seats are taken (evidently the sofas are highly coveted in this particular area). However, there are also sofas in a conversation areas and those seem more open with those sitting there more approachable.

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Appearing unapproachable can depend on the facility you're at and how you make the best of it. Some places are designed well for interacting with ease, others are not.

 

Stay Away Sign: Sit all night in one spot in a dark corner, away from traffic.

 

If you can remain standing - and move about throughout the night - that is by far the most approachable position in my view. We do this nearly always if we want people to feel welcome to walk up to us, however, we are accustomed to walking up to others rather than waiting for people to approach us.

 

Standing for hours is hard on me so after a time I've got to sit down. When we do, we try to pick a table for 4 where people are always moving by so that we can make eye contact, say hello while they pass, or prompt them to stop by or sit down to chat.

 

We like being at a bar that is u-shaped (or better yet, a circular bar in the center of the room) and has a big mirror behind the liquor shelves so that we can see what's going on behind us. We're also sitting up high at a bar and can watch people easily, and people are always coming up to a bar to order drinks. We always try to turn toward each other so that our backs aren't to the group.

 

If you are with a group of friends, being approachable may not be as important because you may have you're own party going on and don't feel the need to meet others on a particular night. In this case a circular booth or sitting area with couches is great!

 

LM

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Sitting at a bar is only bad if you face only the bar. Well, unless the bartender is the object of your desire.

 

Booths are BAD! It is similar to going to a room and closing the door. Few people will walk by, perhaps stop and chat, but who wants to stand above someone and talk to them for long?

 

Tables have the ability to invite people from all sides, tall tables are best as you are eye to eye at least. The tables positioning int he room is also important. You dont want to be at a table in the corner. People may not make it that far.

 

One form of bar table that I have seen that works in virtually every community is the long (12 feet) tall table. At least 12 people can sit at this table facing each other and passers-by can stop and say hi to anyone on either side. This is a great table set up.

 

Walking about the club is probably the best way to show that you are aproachable.

 

Sitting in or around the pool or hot tub is as available as you can get. People have to float past you so make eye contact and say HI!

 

One point though. It is not always just the places you sit that make you approachable. If you do not look at people, it makes no difference where you are. You will always seem unavailable. Look at them when they walk into the room. If they catch your eye, smile and even wink. That is an invit if ever there was.

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Another factor in approachability is the way a person dresses – mainly the ladies.

 

A lot of women, Lin included, aren’t into ‘club wear.’ She thinks that a lot of the outfits she sees at a club are pretty contrived. Ok, maybe some of them are, but for the most part I think they’re just downright sexy. She’s a firm believer in the idea that sometimes what you can’t see is sexier than putting everything on open display. She says that anyone can get naked – the point is to get the other person interested in wanting to see what’s beneath the clothing, rather than just stripping off and letting them see it all at once. So basically she’ll pick out a sexy dress or skirt and blouse to wear, and we go from there.

 

I’ve really gotten her to loosen up in her manner of dress by talking to her about approachability. She’ll undo more buttons to show off a lot more cleavage than she used to. (A blouse buttoned up to cover her cleavage screams “Don’t look!” So does a button down skirt or dress that is completely buttoned up.) She’ll unbutton her skirt from the bottom up to allow her legs to show as she walks or sits (and to provide for easier access, should the need arise.) She wears shorter skirts than she ever has, and just about all of her ‘club attire’ buttons up the front so she can control just how much she’s showing off at any given time, as well as be able to unbutton it completely once we get into the playroom.

 

When I see a lady wearing tight fitting jeans and a western shirt, I pretty much enjoy the view, but don’t approach. The jeans look sexy, but they also restrict access – this tells me that she doesn’t want anyone to have access, whether she intends it that way or not. That’s how I interpret it. The more covered a woman’s body is, to me anyway, the less open, approachable, and welcoming she is. Again – that’s just my interpretation. Wearing a boot length winter coat doesn’t give the impression that you want to be approached – it gives me the impression that you’re ready to make your escape at a moment’s notice.

 

How you carry yourself says a lot about approachability too. As has been said before, standing or walking around in the higher traffic areas silently send the signal that you want to socialize. Sitting in a tall stool in a high traffic area does the same, although not as well. You at least appear to be approachable in that you’ve placed yourself where it’s more likely that you will be approached.

 

How you sit is important too. Sitting with your arms folded across your chest, leaning over forward, or having your hands lying in your lap give the impression that you’re hiding something from view or protecting something you think might be threatened. It’s the same as sitting at the bar with your back to the crowd – that says, “Leave us alone.” Sitting upright, with one hand on your table and the other by your side (or both hands by your sides) send a signal that you’re welcoming others to look, because your body is open to view. You’re inviting the attention, and appear open and approachable. Lin and I also sit opposite each other at the table, leaving an open stool beside each of us. That sends the signal that there is room for others to join us if they’d care to.

 

If you want to appear approachable, you have to look as though you’re inviting and welcoming the attention others are paying to you. As CXXC said, a welcoming smile does act as an invitation to further interest. Inviting body language does so as well – even from across a room.

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Guest screaminggood

I agree with the previous poster...especially about the women in jeans. We've never bothered to approach them. I don't buy clubwear, but do wear short skirts without panties and revealing blouses. I've noticed that bi-women tend to go pantiless more often....does anyone else's research affirm this?

 

As for the place, I definitely like a high bar stool where we can sit facing the dance floor. The low tables are difficult to look down at other people...and it's always hard to know if multiple couples are already matched up or just sharing a table.

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I don't buy clubwear, but do wear short skirts without panties ....................

.....I definitely like a high bar stool where we can sit facing the dance floor...........

 

I would say the combination of these two things alone make you very approachable. :D

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When I see a lady wearing tight fitting jeans and a western shirt, I pretty much enjoy the view, but don’t approach. The jeans look sexy, but they also restrict access – this tells me that she doesn’t want anyone to have access, whether she intends it that way or not. That’s how I interpret it.

 

 

I agree with the previous poster...especially about the women in jeans. We've never bothered to approach them.

I found these comments interesting and would guess that you both attend on-premise clubs.

 

I can see where it could be assumed that a woman was unapproachable if wearing jeans (or slacks) because at an on-premise club it would be easiest if she could slide a dress or skirt up - no panties underneath - and quickly get into sex without the hassle of tossing jeans aside.

 

Around here, we only have off-premise clubs, and women - including myself - regularly wear jeans, along with skirts and dresses. Wearing jeans has never kept people from approaching me, and I've never found that when I wear a dress or skirt more people approach.

 

My conclusion is that a woman being considered unapproachable if she wears jeans probably has more to do with whether you're at an "on" or "off" premise club.

 

By the way, I've had unwanted grabs at my ass from strangers when I'm wearing jeans, but never when I've worn a dress or skirt. :confused:

 

LM

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I'm like-minded with LikeMinds321. :)

 

We don't have on-premise clubs here. The closest thing we have is a small bar where there've been a few closed parties. There is some foreplay out in the open, but not that much open sex. It never occurred to me that wearing jeans would indicate not being approachable, but perhaps if we had social functions that could lead to sex on-premise, I might feel differently.

 

Not having on "easy access" clothes might make me a little less "available" sexually, but I don't see why it should keep anyone from talking to me... unless your expectation from conversation is to be touching my privates a few minutes in. Most of my experience in playing is situations where if we get that far, we are taking all the clothes off and getting down to some serious fun.

 

I tend to agree a lot more with the comments about body language, about smiling and being friendly, and about where you stand, sit or walk.

 

Maybe wearing jeans just means that's what I had that I thought looked good and was appropriate to the venue and the weather. For quite a while, I didn't have many "clubwear" outfits. Actually, I still don't. I like to look sexy but don't necessarily equate that to being overly exposed.

 

I think there is a difference between looking enticing and looking simply available. I suppose if you're not someone I'm interested in, I think that having everything hanging out sends the wrong message, i.e. "it's all out here, touch me".

 

As far as being approachable, I tend to take the viewpoint that if there's someone I want to talk to, it's up to me to make it happen. If I'm checking someone out, I take my cues from body language and even more overt signs rather than what they are wearing.

 

If someone is facing away from me and stays facing away even when they know I'm right there next to them, or if they just look unreceptive, then I consider that a sign of unapproachability.

 

If someone keeps to one spot in the room and talks to only a few people in that area, and doesn't make their way around the room at all, then they seem unapproachable to me.

 

If I make eye contact with someone and they don't smile, nod or otherwise give some positive sign, then they seem unapproachable.

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When I see a lady wearing tight fitting jeans and a western shirt, I pretty much enjoy the view, but don’t approach. The jeans look sexy, but they also restrict access – this tells me that she doesn’t want anyone to have access, whether she intends it that way or not. That’s how I interpret it. The more covered a woman’s body is, to me anyway, the less open, approachable, and welcoming she is. Again – that’s just my interpretation. Wearing a boot length winter coat doesn’t give the impression that you want to be approached – it gives me the impression that you’re ready to make your escape at a moment’s notice.

 

I found these comments interesting and would guess that you both attend on-premise clubs.

 

I can see where it could be assumed that a woman was unapproachable if wearing jeans (or slacks) because at an on-premise club it would be easiest if she could slide a dress or skirt up - no panties underneath - and quickly get into sex without the hassle of tossing jeans aside.

 

 

Early on when we started going to clubs again I would wear jeans - both to off and on premise club. As I've gotten more comfortable I no longer do and looking back at it (and at the one time since that I have worn jeans - at an off-premise club) I can see what Mark is talking about. I don't think women (including myself) mean it to come off as if they don't want to be approached but I can see where to some they would seem less approachable. It's that idea of covering the body and therefore seeming that you aren't comfortable being there. Not comfortable being there = probably not comfortable being approached.

 

I don't think that jeans/pants alone determine how people perceive your approachability... but I do think that it in combination with other things can definitely have an effect. As I was reading Mark's post, I felt like I could relate, because I do feel like FOR ME wearing jeans is like a sign saying "I'm not available for play tonight, so don't bother". I'll wear jeans now if I'm on my period or for some other reason have no interest in playing that night.

 

I think it comes down to a combination of what you are wearing with those jeans and the attitude you put off with them, as well. If you are the type that does a lot of approaching, it doesn't matter what you wear. If you have a very sexy/flirty attitude (chances are you are also doing a lot of approaching) and no one is going to think twice that your jeans make you less approachable. I think a lot of these comments apply mostly to those who are hesitant to do the approaching or unlikely to approach people themselves.

 

This has turned into a really great discussion. It's interesting to learn what we might be doing that might be sending the wrong signal, even if just to some. It's also interesting because it could go a long way to helping club owners on how to set up their clubs in a way that helps cut down on people putting themselves in unapproachable positions.

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In my vanilla and LS life, I have utilized many communications tools to obtain my desires. If, and this is a big if, I am physically presentable and appealing to my target audience, I have several devices with which I may use to win them over to further my advances.

 

1. Upon my introduction, I make certain that I touch them. Shake the man's hand, keeping polite eye contact and a smile. The same connection is offered to the woman.

2. I introduce Mrs. CXXC by announcing her name while moving her toward the woman first for their introduction and then to the man. We both keep our faces and eyes friendly and polite while holding an expression of delight over meeting new people.

3. our conversations generally start with a short Q&A pertaining to them. This is not an intrusive interrogation. It is a light form of "Getting to know you" that enables them to open up to us as we open to them. I avoid closed ended questions but try to enlist their involvement in the conversation.

"How often do you come here?"

That is probably the best starter question after the introduction. The response often tells me if they are interested in conversing, nervous or disinterested in us.

4. Our body language displays our interest in the couple as well. We lean in slightly yet not too closely. Our arms are to our sides or open in a non defensive posture. I even like to place my hand upon the back of their seats if they are seated. I remember to keep a comfortable distance in order to not appear overly excited with the potential activities.

5. We touch our audience in gentle and reflexive manners. Open palms or light caresses upon their arms or backs work to sooth any fears they may have and open their minds to the physical aspect of "US".

6. If there are seats available near them, We ask to join them. If the answer is no, we have our answer directly. If they agree, stay involved in the conversation, we move forward. If they seem quiet, reserved or hesitant, we attempt to open the discussion for non LS topics. This is a great way to get anxious individuals to open up as they feel there is no pressure. If they do not open up from that point, we excuse ourselves, shaking hands and leave the couple.

7. We pay close attention to every word the couple speaks. We let them know that they are our focus. We are not disingenuous in our attention. We ARE interested in them.

 

Mrs. CXXC generally wears skirts and loose fitting tops or a sun dress to these events. She does not expose much of her "target" areas yet lets her femininity show. I will wear clothing that is both comfortable yet stylish.

 

When looking for interesting people in the crowd, I will make eye contact with my "target", smile and even wink at them from across the room. I will let them know in that action that they are appealing to me. I will not move from where I am but will keep their location in mind and look back to them from time to time. If I catch their eyes again, I will smile at them and wave a greeting to them. This is when I will move toward them, but I will not go to them directly. I will stop at other spots in the club to speak with others first.

 

What generally happens is that they too will move toward me. In time, no rush, they will have met me half way(if they are interested) and we will make our introductions.

 

It is just like a dance. You take a step, they take a step. You say something, they reply. Eventually, you will move in a mutual union.

 

It works for us.

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Julie wrote: "Early on when we started going to clubs again I would wear jeans - both to off and on premise club. As I've gotten more comfortable I no longer do and looking back at it (and at the one time since that I have worn jeans - at an off-premise club) I can see what Mark is talking about. I don't think women (including myself) mean it to come off as if they don't want to be approached but I can see where to some they would seem less approachable. It's that idea of covering the body and therefore seeming that you aren't comfortable being there. Not comfortable being there = probably not comfortable being approached."

 

Wow, learn something new every day, for sure.

 

I hate wearing jeans anyway. They never fit right.

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Guest screaminggood

Maybe I should add, it's something about the jeans themselves, too, that I think are unapproachable. I've seen women in leather pants, satin pants, etc. and those don't say "stay away." It's the jeans....maybe because they are "too comfortable" (I put those in quotes for those of us who remember lying on our beds to zip them in the 80s).

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I should have qualified my post by mentioning that the clubs we frequent are on-premise clubs. In fact, now that I think about it, I believe all three of the clubs here locally are on-premise clubs.

 

Wow! I really didn't think something as simple as a pair of jeans would start so much discussion. I thought I had explained my reason for thinking a woman wearing tight jeans was unapproachable when I said, in the same paragraph, "The more covered a woman’s body is, to me anyway, the less open, approachable, and welcoming she is."

 

Early on when we started going to clubs again I would wear jeans - both to off and on premise club. As I've gotten more comfortable I no longer do and looking back at it (and at the one time since that I have worn jeans - at an off-premise club) I can see what Mark is talking about. I don't think women (including myself) mean it to come off as if they don't want to be approached but I can see where to some they would seem less approachable. It's that idea of covering the body and therefore seeming that you aren't comfortable being there. Not comfortable being there = probably not comfortable being approached.

 

I don't think that jeans/pants alone determine how people perceive your approachability... but I do think that it in combination with other things can definitely have an effect. As I was reading Mark's post, I felt like I could relate, because I do feel like FOR ME wearing jeans is like a sign saying "I'm not available for play tonight, so don't bother". I'll wear jeans now if I'm on my period or for some other reason have no interest in playing that night.

 

Bingo Julie - that's exactly what I meant. I really don't know why, but this seems to be especially true if the woman is wearing very tight jeans. It's sort of a 'protective posture' that may invite a casual look (or even a flat-out open stare,) but little more. That was the point I was trying to impress upon Lin. Covering herself by buttoning her blouse up to her neck, and wearing long skirts that dust the floor as she walks might look very pretty, but it sends the signal that she's not inviting anyone to look at her body beneath the clothes - only the clothes themselves.

 

I have to be honest here - we basically go to on-premise clubs to meet potential playmates. If someone gives us the impression that they're not interested in playing, we'll most likely pass them by. If they approach us, we'll certainly socialize - the same is true of a couple who has been sitting at the bar with their backs to the room. If they approach, then it's a different story.

 

We're always open to meeting people and getting to know someone - whether theres a possibility we're going to play later or not - but we're less likely to make the first move with them if we're not getting the correct signals. Wearing revealing clothing sends a subliminal invitation to look at and enjoy what is being displayed, for lack of a better word. Covering one's body from head to toe does just the opposite - at least to me, anyway. YMMV.

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The obvious answer here is that if someone is approaching you that's a definite sign that THEY are approachable! Being out-going is probably the best sign of approachability there is.... and can overcome any other body language (sitting facing the bar, in a booth, wearing a burka) that may be presented.

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Mrs. CXXC just chimed in with, " A smile and eye contact are true signs approchability.

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I know this is a serious thread, but I just gotta say, wearing a surgical mask at a house party would equal unapprochable, in my opinion.

 

I think many ladies generally put more "meaning" in their laundry than men do. I think a woman's attire should compliment her personality and mood. If I like what I see, I'm likely to approach and attempt a conversation. A long skirt or button-up corset would be unlikely to change my opinion about approaching. I think a well-fitting pair of jeans looks pretty good. I guess color and texture of the garmets might play a role at the subconscious level.

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I don't think that jeans/pants alone determine how people perceive your approachability... but I do think that it in combination with other things can definitely have an effect. As I was reading Mark's post, I felt like I could relate, because I do feel like FOR ME wearing jeans is like a sign saying "I'm not available for play tonight, so don't bother". I'll wear jeans now if I'm on my period or for some other reason have no interest in playing that night.

 

 

Agreed - and I do tend to see that at our on-premise club, at least with those that have been in the lifestyle a while. Wearing jeans typically does mean, for them, "Not available tonight".

 

I tend to go out of the house in bluejeans, so as not to raise questions from my children as to why I now wear miniskirts again, when they've never seen me do that! So once we get to the club, look around, maybe have a drink or two, I head upstairs to the locker room and change into a sexy skirt and blouse.

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ownerspet

Ring My Bell?

 

 

Ownerspet's avatar and tag line has given me an idea!

 

I could alter all my jeans and sew in a zipper in the crotch. It would unzip front to back and I could hang a little tag on the pull tab that says "Easy Access." :D

 

LM

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ownerspet

Ring My Bell?

 

 

Ownerspet's avatar and tag line has given me an idea!

 

I could alter all my jeans and sew in a zipper in the crotch. It would unzip front to back and I could hang a little tag on the pull tab that says "Easy Access." :D

 

LM

 

You should totally do that!

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Sitting at a table is a good way to not be approached (standing at a high table is not quite as bad). We've learned to walk around and smile if we want to meet new people.

 

I hadn't thought of a lady wearing jeans as a negative, but a slinky black dress and a sassy attitude is a sure positive!

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Lack of eye contact with no smiling face makes someone unapproachable. When we went to the club last month I didn't bother talking to anyone who avoided eye contact. I would try to make eye contact with every person I found attractive while I walked around and if they made eye contact I would make sure I smiled and said hi.

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This is something we've looked at within ourselves. "Are we approachable?". The more we've been to our local club, and other meets, we've realized how much body language and eye contact does make a difference. So we try to meet eyes more often, watch our posture and body language, and get up and move around and mingle.

 

So to all of the above: If a couple is sitting very close together, doesn't look around much, has their arms folded or crossed, and never moves from their table....they appear unapproachable, even if they're just being initially shy. Then again, let them break out of their shells on their own if it's just shyness, that's what we had to do! It's called "stepping out of your comfort zone". Although I'm not above at least saying hello and introducing ourselves, and from there judge how "approachable" they really are.

 

Mrs. NC

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Mrs. CXXC just chimed in with, " A smile and eye contact are true signs approchability.

 

Geez, took my words almost exactly. I try to make eye contact with people on the dance floor or just walking around. If I get a long eye contact from a women, that's a plus for me. Of course that guarantees nothing from their viewpoint as well as the Mrs liking the husband but I have a pretty good idea of what she finds attractive (well perhaps more of what she does NOT like).

 

Course after posting I realized the question is signs of unapprochability. So failure to give eye contact, or lost in themselves.

 

But I do remember meeting a couple back in December, and we danced. The female half seemed to have no interest in me, just sort of dancing there not a lot of interaction. We've since gotten to know the couple much better and we actually talked about that night recently. We were sort of thrown together by another couple, like here meet so and so and she was also quite drunk. So first impressions really can be misleading.

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As Mr. Sweet and I have yet to visit an on-premise club, I never gave much thought to our clothing making us seem more or less approachable. But then, we're the friendly and outgoing sort, and have no trouble mingling with others. I/we almost always participate in any of the "reindeer games" that are organized by our hosts, too.

 

I typically wear a short skirt and tight/low cut blouse (or a costume if it's themed event). Once in awhile, I'll wear slacks, but they're usually low-riders.

What someone else is wearing only registers as far as whether they look like they've made some effort to look nice.

 

We are more likely to approach people who are sitting/standing in open areas and are smiling.

 

=)

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Another thought on unapproachability. I like people that put an effort into their appearance. This doesn't mean costly clothing , but just sme thought is put into looking nice.

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Body language and the direction of the gaze does it for me.

 

People closed up in a group? Avoiding looking at others' eyes and faces? Hunched over something or someone? Those don't want to be approached.

 

Laid back, smiling, people-watching? Very approachable.

 

I personally think that jeans don't signal "unapproachability", but are just neutral. Light, airy, slightly loose clothes signal positively; I always try to use linen pants and shirts when on a playdate. Besides signaling approachability, it looks great and doesn't get in the way of feeling through the fabric :).

 

Disclaimer: I have a very inexpressive demeanor, and it's quite unconscious. Therefore, I always make a conscious effort to smile and look approachable. I'm also very oblivious to when someone flirts at me, and Mrs. W has to point it out.

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I think we made a mistake in where we decided to sit at the last event we attended. Both Bunny and I love to dance and the nudist resort we usualy go to for that has a very tight seating arrangement so we tend to look for easy access to the dance floor. This may have hurt us and wasnt necessary as there was ample space between tables. Next time we attend one of this groups parties we plan to park our butts as close to the food tables as possible as that is where most off the attendees sat and it is guaranteed that most everyone will pass close by throughout the night.

 

As for unaproachable we saw the poster child couple where the woman in the couple never smiled or made eye contact and just plain looked like she didnt want to be there.

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This is the most valuable stuff I've ever read. Morticia and I married young, and before that dated though college- never had any need to be approachable! I don't like noisy environments and have a (thankfully non-visible) foot issue so I prefer to sit away from the noise. We must have been transmitting "Stay Away" at 50,000 watts. That 'splains lots of stuff.

 

In retrospect, it should have been obvious. Guess I'll have to suck it up and wade further into the crowd!

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This is honestly one that we struggle with a lot. I (Mike) am extraordinarily shy, which can make meeting new people hard. I can hold a conversation and show interest once someone else initiates, but I have never been an instigator. Just not in my comfort zone. Although we've not had bad luck in the lifestyle, I feel like we'd have better luck if I'd suck it up and pretend to be outgoing for an evening.

 

We have a friend who insists she's an introvert too. Her strategy is to force herself to talk to people that she doesn't know. She's actually avoided us some nights because, in her words, "it would be too easy to get caught up with a group that's comfortable and not meet anyone new." Wish I were so bold. ;)

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We met a couple at the beach last week,after chatting online off and on for a year. He was uber-friendly, but she seemed really totally disengaged in the meeting. Very odd. I checked their profile afterwards, and it does say she is very shy at first. Well, ya know, so am I, but I make an effort to overcome it. Let's just say, neither of us really felt the vibe was there.

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      We are heading to Cuba on May 4th and will be staying at a non-lifestyle resort. As we enjoy getting together with other couples or inviting another guy to join us for some threesome fun, we are wondering if anyone has had any luck in attracting or getting the attention of potential interested play partners at non-LS resorts?
       
      If so, does anyone have any suggestions/tips/tricks that could help us in seeing if there are other people in the LS like us that may be willing to explore the possibility of some adult fun during our stay? After all, we are sure that we are not the only LS people that frequent non-LS resorts from time-to-time.
       
      Thanks and all the best to all Swingersboard members.
    • By SPaige24
      My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. I have always been bi- curious, but kept it as secret until the last month. Little did I know that he had a small feeling (thanks to a few drunk nights with my friend). Our marriage is very strong, and we are very opened with each other. I told him that I wanted to have a have sexual encounter with another female. He is on board, and we even talked about a MFM threesome as well.
       
      Here is my issue... How do I find someone? That friend is no longer a friend, I can't do dating apps because of my job, and I personally don't want someone we know. I have looked into Swinger Clubs, and I realize that finding a bisexual/lesbian female who is single is hard. We are opened to a couple if need be. I just want my husband there and or involved.
       
      My question is... What is it like going to a swingers club? Will there be people our age (27-30), are "predators" real, and how do I find a club? We are located in Washington, PA.
    • By AdamGunn2
      It was a fairly typical night at D.J.s Island, an early autumn evening. Mary and I hadn’t set anything up in advance, we’d decided to go almost at the last moment. From the second we entered the door our radar was beaming across the club, searching for a couple that might be searching for what we were also interested in - an enjoyable tryst.
       
      Mary took a few minutes to change into what she called a ‘trolling outfit.’ As I remember, that night it was a black babydoll with a loose bodice, thong, low heels. Many men admired her legs as I checked the forty or so women, many as scantily clad as my wife. None of our regular playmates seemed to be in attendance that evening, but we had our customs, we weren’t concerned. Perhaps an hour and a half later, I sat at a table next to the dance floor, Mary was on her feet, on the parquet, moving her body, seeing if anyone would move in. A slow sequence of men approached her, danced with her. Some would take liberties such as moving their hands under her garment, feeling the small of her back, perhaps place their palm on the roundness of her ass.
       
      I’d seen this many times before, I waited for one of two reactions.
       
      The first was that she’d spin away from the man; it signified she wasn’t interested in what he had to offer.
       
      The second was that she’d get closer, I’d watch her whisper in his ear. I knew the question, “Where’s your wife?” Some of them would shake their heads, they were attending as one of the few single men the club allowed, and when they received Mary’s response, they’d move away - that’s not what we were looking for at the moment.
       
      But the man might indicate where his wife was dancing a few feet away. When this kind of thing happened, Mary would glance to me and give our special signal - she’d put one hand on the back of her head, one on her stomach. When I got the cue, I’d come out, we’d dance as a foursome.
       
      As I approached, a man grasped the elbow of a tall attractive lady who was more modestly dressed, at least for the club. There was no conversation on the dance floor, the heavy volume of music and the thumping of the bass wouldn’t allow for speech. But I could tell the woman was interested in me, the four of us paired off and I often found myself facing this vixen. It was obvious they were as interested in us as I was in them, I could tell by the way Mary was rubbing against the man that she felt the same.
       
      After a couple of songs, Mary led the way off the floor, holding his hand, leading us off into a corner away from the speakers. As we sat, the man said, “I’m Ed, this is my wife, Marilyn.”
       
      Marilyn and I softly shook hands, I believe she raised the hem of her skirt to give me a view of her upper thighs. Ed had no problem seeing Mary’s legs, or where they met - she was sitting so that the babydoll was gathered to her side, leaning forward so her globes were exposed to his view.
       
      “Do you come here often?” Ed asked.
       
      “Every few weeks,” I responded, “you?”
       
      “This is our first time here.” Mary gave him a look that asked for further info. “We’re just starting this,” he admitted.
       
      Marilyn picked it up. “We’ve only had one time with a couple of friends. We liked it, heard about this place, decided to see if we could get into more trouble.”
       
      “Trouble’s our middle name,” I joked.
       
      Our conversation continued, where do you live, what movies have you seen lately, etc. It was a screen, of course, we were all calculating if the four of us would be pleasurable bedmates. I paid my attention to Marilyn, my wife had told me numerous times not to worry about her, she can take care of herself. My hand found Marilyn’s knee, she smiled at me, encouraged me to reach a tad higher. We bent towards each other, our mouths met.
       
      Marilyn opened her lips to me, the kiss was ardent, her mouth moist. She licked at my upper lip, her hand fondled the back of my neck. Our tongues clashed, promising cupidity, mimicking what I presumed our bodies might be doing in a few scant moments.
       
      We broke for a moment, Marilyn invited, “Would you guys want to go to one of the rooms?”
       
      I, of course, was all for it, but then I heard Mary. “Uh, not right now. But thanks.”
       
      We’ve always had the guideline that if one person doesn’t want to do something, she speaks for both of us. Regretfully, I pecked at Marilyn’s lips a last time, we stood, went separate ways.
       
      “You’re not upset, are you?” Mary asked me.
       
      “Of course not, not at all. You’re not in the mood?”
       
      “Oh, I’m in the mood all right, just not with Ed.”
       
      “Something wrong with him?” I asked.
       
      “I tried to get him interested,” Mary revealed, “but his kiss was a little cold, indifferent. I put my hand on his leg, he was too busy watching you and Marilyn, he never responded. My guess is that if we went into a room, he’d be watching you two, I’m not even sure he’d get hard for me.” It was a reasonable thought, it had happened to us a couple times before. “Hope you don’t mind, bet she’d have been a firecracker.”
       
      “Maybe. But you’re a firecracker too.”
       
      We headed back to the dance floor, in search of another couple.
    • By Ntexcouple
      I have posted several stories about Dee’s and my adventures in the swinging lifestyle. Then, I lost the love of my life to a drunk driver. I never knew a hurt as bad as losing the one person that gave meaning to my very soul. The first year I was just getting by, living if you want to call it that, day to day. I would wake up, go to work, come home, and sit outside drinking and feel sorry for myself. I still had friends that Dee and I had made, and they would try to get me out from time to time, but I just felt I was the odd man out, and it was more of a pity fuck than anything else was.
       
      Sue and Don were our best friends in the lifestyle, and they tried their best, but without Dee, I just couldn’t get back into it anymore. One Saturday, I was at home setting out by the pool, drinking, and, as usual, feeling sorry for myself when Sue showed up. She walked into the backyard, took one look at me, and gave it to me with both barrels.
       
      She said that Dee was dead, and as much as we loved her, that was not going to change. She is dead, and she is gone, and the way I was living my life, I might as well be dead also. Dee loved life, and she would not want me to be living like I was. She told me it was time for me to move on and start living again. After about an hour of us talking and crying, she had to get back home. I sat there the rest of the afternoon, thinking about what she had said and how true it was. Dee would not want me moping around, just like if I had been killed in that crash; I would want her to get on with her life. I set the beer down and just thought of all the things Sue had said. I called her that night and told her she was right and it was time that I started living again. She said that they were going to go to a house party the next weekend, and they had a friend that wanted to meet me. She told me her friend had seen some pictures of me, and she would e-mail some pictures of her, and if I wanted, she would fix us up for the party. I agreed, and she sent the pictures of Nancy for me to look at.
       
      The pictures she sent were of Nancy clothed, and I know the pictures of me that Sue had were not clothed pictures but were pictures of some of the parties we had been to. So she had the advantage over me in that regard. Nancy is a good-looking woman about 7 years younger than me, 5’6"/7" tall. She had blond hair and a good-looking body, from what I saw in her swimsuit picture. I called Sue the next day and told her that I would like to meet Nancy. She gave me her phone # and said she was expecting a call from me. She also said to be at their house at 6:30 Friday night, and we would all go to the party together.
       
      I called Nancy, and we talked for about an hour just to get to know something about each other. She knew all about Dee from Sue and said she went through something like that 3 years ago. Her husband of 18 years just up and left her with twin boys to raise. She had been single a little more than a year when her sons went off to college, and she decided to start living her life for herself. She was upfront and outspoken and said that she had always liked sex, but over the years, it had become predictable and ho-hum with her husband until he left. She told me that she got into swinging with a friend from work and her husband. She found that she liked the excitement of having sex with different people, both men and women, and she was not looking for a husband, just a fuck buddy. I agreed with her and told her I was not looking for a life partner but just needed to start living again.
       
      As Friday approached, I began to get nervous about going to the party. I knew several of the couples that were going to be there because Dee and I had been with them for some time or another. Even the thought of fucking Sue, no matter how many times she and I had fucked each other, made me nervous. I stopped by Don and Sue’s house Thursday night after work and told them I did not think I could go thou with it. We were sitting at their bar, and Sue told me I was just nervous about meeting Nancy. She said that I already knew most of the couples that would be there and I just needed to relax.
       
      Sue then took my hand and told me to come with her. She walked me into the den in front of the couch and undid my pants, and pushed them down to my knees. She then told me to sit down and got on her knees in front of me. She reached into my underwear and started to stroke my dick. I could feel my dick responding to her soft touch when she said to just close my eyes and relax and enjoy. With that, she pulled my underwear down to my knees and started to lick my hard shaft and balls. When her tongue left my balls and started up my shaft, her left hand would start holding and roll my balls around oh so softly. As her tongue got to the head of my dick, her right hand would start to stroke my shaft. Her mouth opened, and she took the head of my dick in her mouth and swirled her tongue around it. I had almost forgotten how hot her mouth felt when she would suck my dick or how good she was at it. She knew just what she was doing and how to please a man with her tongue, mouth and hands.
       
      I opened my eyes to watch her head bob up and down and see my dick disappearing and reappearing from her mouth. I saw Don sitting at the bar, just watching his wife suck another man's dick. This was not the first time Don has seen his wife suck my dick, but in the past, he was with Dee or any of the other ladies in our little group. If not, he was most likely helping me with Sue, either licking her pussy or fucking her while she sucked my dick. But to watch him sitting there fully dressed while she was sucking me was a little strange and comforting at the same time. I realized just how good of friends they both were.
       
      I started to feel my climax grow deep down. I guess it had been a while, and I felt a rush of heat as I started to shoot my cum in Sue’s mouth. She sucked and stroked my shaft to get all she could out. I also forgot just how horny Sue got when she had a fresh load of cum shot in her mouth. She was humping my leg like a dog, and I could feel the heat of her pussy through both her pants and mine. As I tried to catch my breath, she looked up and asked if I was relaxed now. I told her that I was, and she said good, now go home and have a good night's sleep and they would see me at 6:30 Friday.
       
      Don started to protest that I could not come over and get his wife all hot and bothered and just leave him there alone to take care of her. Sue kissed me on the cheek and said yes, he can because he will need all his strength for when she and Nancy get a hold of me the next night.
       
      I stood up and redid my pants and told Don good luck, and as I was leaving, I heard Sue tell him to get his clothes off right now. She needed a good hard fuck.
       
      Friday came, and I arrived at Sue and Don’s house at 6:30 as planned. Nancy was not there yet, but Sue told me that we were not expected at the party until 8. Sue, Don, and I were sitting at their bar talking, and I asked where was this party we were going to and they said it was at a couple's house (Dan and Barbara) who they had met about 8 months ago. I did not know them, and I asked if they knew that I was coming, and without knowing me, were they ok with that. Sue told me that they knew and were fine with it, also that Robert and Cathy, and David and Joann would also be there, and that they all had vouched for me. Sue asked if I was still nervous, and I said yes I was.
       
      Meeting a lady for the first time, as a single, would make any man nervous, much less one you were going to a swinging house party with her as your date. Who would not be nervous? But knowing 3 couples that were going to be there helped somewhat. (Robert and Cathy were the first couple that Dee and I ever played with when we got into swinging, and David and Joann were part of the group that we got together with for about 3 years).
       
      Nancy arrived about 15 minutes later, looking stunning. She wore a low-cut gray blouse and a black skirt that stopped about halfway to her knees. Dark stockings and black high heels. She stood 5’7", about 135 lbs., and had legs to die for. Blonde hair, blue eyes, great smile, and very well-gifted up top. Her blouse was cut just right so that the mounds of her tits were showing down to the top of her nipples. She had an incredible tan line that went from a dark bronze color to almost show white ½" above her nipples. She was in her early 40’s, and I started to feel very nervous again. The four of us sat and talked until it was time to leave for the party, Sue ran and got her party bag, and we all loaded up in their SUV for the drive over. Nancy and I were going to sit in the back seat for the drive over, and as she was getting in, I saw she had on black garters that were holding up her stockings; with her low-cut blouse, I already knew she was bra-less, panty-less, well only time would tell.
       
      We arrived at the party, and I was introduced to Dan and Barbara. They are a nice-looking couple, early 40’s early 50’s, like most of the couples there. I saw that Robert and Cathy were already there, along with David and Joann. With a total of 10 couples there at the time, that made it 3 that I knew and 6 plus Nancy that I did not know. (I kept hearing Dee’s words; Mingle and meet, Mingle and meet over and over in my head).
       
      The party was going along like most house parties did, with people greeting one another, some snacks, some drinks, music, and dancing. Small groups standing around talking, a lot of flirting going on. As time went by, there were more people in different stages of undressed. A couple would be seen walking down the hall towards one of the bedrooms, more couples would be going out to enjoy the hot tub on the patio. Everyone was having a good time excluding myself. I had almost forgotten how at ease one could be and how much fun it was to be around people that thought of recreational sex the same as Dee and I did.
       
      (You see someone and you say, "I would like to fuck that person" They look at you and say, " I would like to fuck that person", and the two of you get together and fuck. Both enjoy it, and that is that. Your spouse knows about it and, most of the time, is there to enjoy it with you if not joining in. No jealousies ,no hard feelings, no fights, and most of all, no means no. But in the back of my mind, I kept thinking that I am now a single man in a couple’s lifestyle.)
       
      I was talking to a couple when I looked towards the area that had been set aside for dancing, where I saw Nancy, Joann, and Barbara all dancing together. All three had shed their blouses and were giving one hell of a sexy dance performance. I knew from what I could see from her low-cut blouse that Nancy had a nice set of tits, but to see her dancing topless they were great. They were round and firm with nipples that stood out ¾". At 43 years of age, they were more than likely bought, but real or Memorex, I did not care. I just wanted to suck on them. Her stomach was flat and firm and showed that she took care of herself at the gym. She still had her skirt on, but those long legs and that flat-toned stomach just started me to think how beautiful the meeting place must look.
       
      When the song ended, Nancy walked over to me and put her arms around my neck and kissed me. She looked me in the eyes and said, let's go. I want to have you alone first, and I had no problem with that. We walked down the hall and checked the first two bedrooms and found them occupied. The master bedroom was at the end of the hall, and when we opened the door, we saw Sue and Dan had already gotten there. We started to close the door, and Dan said to come on in. There was more than enough room on the bed; he and Sue only needed half of it.
       
      Nancy put her arms around my neck and kissed me, and whispered that she wanted me naked. At this point, she started to unbutton my shirt. I felt her firm breast pressing against my chest as I ran my hands down her sides. Her skirt had no snaps but was held up by the elastic waistband. It was just a matter of hooking my thumbs under the waistband and stretching it out a little so it would slide down her long legs. Just as I had suspected, she was panty-less. As she undid my pants, I cupped one of her tits in my hand and lowered my mouth to her nipple. My other hand found her wet hot pussy, and I started to finger fuck her with ease. Her hands had pushed my pants down to my knees, and she was stroking my swollen cock with both of her hands. I could hear her breathing getting heavier with each passing moment as I sucked her nipple and fingered her sweet wet hole. She looked me in the eye and pulled my head closer to hers for a long sexual kiss. She started slowly going down to her knees, all the while kissing my chest and stomach. When she reached my now rock-hard shaft, she cupped my balls and the base of my dick in both hands and opened her mouth to take its head into her mouth.
       
      As I stood there getting this magnificent blow-job from this woman, I looked over to the bed. Sue and Dan had moved to the sixty/nine position, and Sue was sucking his cock like she did mine the night before. Dan had his face buried between Sue’s legs, licking her sweet pussy for all its worth. He had his hands spreading it as far as he could to get his tongue in as deep as he could. I remembered just how good Sue’s pussy tasted when she would come, and she always came from a good licking. I wondered just how Nancy’s pussy would taste and did she enjoy it as much as Sue. It would not be much longer before I would find out because of the way she was sucking my dick and watching Sue and Dan, I started to unload in her mouth. My first squirt was deep inside her mouth; the second one she had pulled back but had her mouth open so that it landed in her mouth but mostly on the tongue. As she was swallowing the first two loads, the third hit her closed lips and started to run down her chin. She wiped it off with her finger and then cleaned her finger with her tongue. She stood up and looked me in the eye, and said thank you, we kissed deep and long, and then I told her it was my turn. As she landed down on the bed, I removed my shoes, socks, and pants. She was on her back naked except for her garters and stockings.
       
      I laded down beside her and started to kiss her gently on the neck; slowly, I worked my way down to her nipples, where I sucked and nibbled on each one of them. All the while, I was running my fingers in and out of her hot wet pussy. Her pussy was neatly shaved with just a puff of blond hair left above it. I have always preferred a little hair left instead of an all-shaved pussy, (I wondered if Sue had told her that and she shaved that way just for me). I was working my way down to her honey pot, and she was opening her legs for me. I normally like to work a woman by kissing, nibbling, and sucking on the inside of their legs before I dive into pussy licking. That always seemed to bring their tension up a notch, so when I did go for the gold, they were more than ready for it. With Nancy having her garters and stockings on, that kind of blocked that approach. I soon found out that she did not need that step of foreplay; I also found out that she was anything but a quiet climaxer. I had no sooner started licking, sucking, and nibbling her pussy than she started humping and screaming and cumming. She was begging me to fuck her right then, I needed a little more time to recoup from my climax before I could go on, and she didn’t seem to want to give it to me. I looked from between the legs, and I don’t know if Sue saw the whipped dog look in my eyes or if she was so turned on by Nancy's pleading for a hard fucking or what, but Sue came to my rescue once again.
       
      Sue was on top of Dan, and he was hammering away at her for all he was worth. Sue leaned over and started kissing Nancy and telling her to let it come. I was still down licking her pussy and thinking, "Let this climax run its course, and things will settle down till I recover and can produce again. With Sue's kissing and sucking Nancy's tits and Nancy sucking on Sue’s tits and a double effect. Dan announced that he was coming, and I felt myself coming back into the game. As I slid back up on Nancy to where I could enter her, Sue sat back up on Dan and started riding him hard. She was about to have her own climax and needed to concentrate on that. Just as I put the head of my dick to Nancy’s pussy she said NO, not this way; she pushed me off and got on her hands and knees and said do me from behind; I like it this way the best.
       
      I have no problem with doggie style, so I got behind her and guided the head of my dick into her pussy. I normally like to start slowly, but Nancy told me to do it hard and fast. So I jammed it into the hilt. She instantly started to rock back and forth, and it took a couple of seconds to get into her rhythm, but I got there and was on the in-stroke when she was rocking back and on the outstroke when she was going forward. Like I said before, you know when Nancy comes, everybody knows when Nancy comes, and it did not take long for her to come doggie style.
       
      After she came down from her climax, her body just went limp, and she sank onto the bed face down. Ok, I understand about fast climaxes; been there and done that a time or two myself, but this is the first time I had experienced it happening with the woman I was with. Normally it’s the man that has this happening. I lay down beside her and put my arm around he, and kissed her on her shoulder. I can hear and feel her breathing hard, but that is all the response I get. I look over and Sue is still riding Dan’s dick. I see that glazed-over look in her eyes, one that I have seen many times before, and I know that she won’t last much longer. Just then, I see Dan arch his back and drive into Sue as deep as he can go, his hands are pulling Sue down onto his shaft, and I know that he is releasing his load into her. Sue is wide-eyed and tells him Yes, give it to me, and I know from being there that she has also reached her climax. I lay there and watched her rock back and forth as Dan kept his back arched to give her as much dick as he could. I know the feeling of her pussy muscles on a dick, and I know what he is feeling at this moment. They are constricting and relaxing, constricting and relaxing as she rocks back and forth. Milking every bit of his juice out that they can. I watch as they slow down, and then Sue collapses onto Dan’s chest; she starts that silly giggle that lets you know that you did a good job.
       
      Sue rolled onto her back next to Nancy and looked at me, and asked if I was enjoying myself, and I told him yes. Dan said he needed a drink and asked if any of us wanted one. Sue wanted a margarita, Nancy wanted a glass of ice water, and I said I could use a beer. As Dan was off to get the drinks, the three of us sat up in the bed, the women sat cross-legged, and I just slid up between them and used the headboard as a backrest. I could smell the must of just fucked pussy in the air. There were two women sitting crossed-legged with their pussies open for all to see, and I still had a hard-on. Sue spoke first and said to Nancy, " Did I not tell you he was a good fuck or not" At that point, I could have crawled under the bed, except that Sue was now rubbing my hard dick. Nancy agreed and said that she can’t wait to go again. Sue said that the night was young, but Nancy would just have to wait her turn now because she was next. Thank god Dan showed up with the drinks.
       
      The four of us sat there talking and sipping our drinks. We could hear the party going on in the other part of the house with the music and the occasional orgasm from one of the partygoers or another. Sue asked if we knew where Don was, and Dan said he saw him with Joann, to which Sue said, "Well, he will be occupied for a while". All this time, Sue was stroking my hard cock, then she said that it looked like I was ready to go again, and so was she. Nancy asked her if we could all do it like they did it at the last party. Sue looked at me and then back at Nancy and said that she thought it would be all right. I must have had a questioning look on my face because Sue told me that I would defiantly like this.
       
      Sue had me sit on the side of the bed with my feet on the floor. She then turned around and straddled me backward. I felt her guide my dick into her pussy as she sat down on my lap. " As exciting as the unknown is when having sex with a new partner, it is just as exciting as being in the know and having sex with someone that you have been with before. You know just what they like, and they know what trips your button; Sue knew just what to do to trip my button." She started to rotate her hips to give my dick that just-right grinding. Feeling her slow humping up and down along with the rotation was driving me insane. About that time, I felt a tongue wrapping around my balls and work up my shaft to where I was buried into Sue’s wet box. I looked around Sue to see Nancy on her hands and knees licking not only my balls and dick but also Sue’s wet pussy, and Dan was behind Nancy just fucking away. Sue started to rotate and moan, which caused me to shove up harder; Nancy was licking and sucking faster, which made Sue moan and rotate faster. It was like a snowball rolling downhill. The more it went on, the faster it got. I don’t know what was going on with Dan, and I did not care. I know that I came harder and longer into Sue’s pussy than I can ever remember doing. I remember falling back onto the bed with Sue laying on top of me and still feeling a tongue licking the both of us, and then I heard a far-off scream that said fuck me fuck yes fuck me.
       
      Sue was pulling on my arms and telling me it was time that we rejoined the party. We walked down the hall naked and into the den. We went to the bar, and I sat down on one of the stools. Sue went and got us both a drink and stood between my legs with her arms around my neck. She asked me what I thought of Nancy, and I told her that she was definitely different than any woman that I knew. She said that there was a long story behind that and she would tell me later, but not tonight, I laid my head down between her breast, and she was holding me and rubbing the back of my head when Don came walking up to join us.
       
      Don sat down on a stool, and Sue went over and put her arms around him and asked if he was having fun; I said that he looked like he had been road hard and put up wet. To which he came back with a one-word answer. " Joann". Sue and I just laughed, and I asked if she was still a whirlwind in bed, and he said that she was a man killer if you let her.
      Sue kissed us both and said that we men better get used to the whirlwinds because they are going to rule the world someday.
       
      Note from Jay:
      I have tried to express some of my feelings, thoughts, and happenings into the stories about how I got back into swinging after Dee’s death. I know that it is not your typical swing stories that you are used to reading here. I know that I have brought up couples out of the blue for those that have not been on this site for very long. There are stories posted by " Jay and Dee" that tells how we got started in the swinging lifestyle, how we found out that Don and Sue were swingers, and stories that were milestones in Dee’s and my journey into this wonderful lifestyle.
       
      A lifestyle that I thought had ended with Dee's death. A lifestyle of freedom, pleasure, understanding, and pure joy that I thought I would never be a part of again if it were not for Sue. Some might read into these stories that I have an infatuation with Sue. That is not true. I love Sue. If you go back and read The Surprise, you will know that I have known Sue since we were in elementary school. Her older brother was my best friend until we graduated high school; now, her husband is my best friend.
       
      If it were not for Sue and Don standing by me and pulling me out of my depression, getting me back into not only the lifestyle but life itself did I meet Pam.
       
      Pam is another story all together
       
      I lost Dee in 2004, and the stories about how I got back into the swing happened in 2006. In future stories, I will try not to go back too far into the past, but sometimes my thoughts go there, to a time, a place, or a person that is so important to me that I must bring it up for the story context.
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