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So I was talking to some of my lifestyle friends today on the phone and I happened to mention this other couple that we often play with and the guy I was speaking with was quick to express his dislike for them. After inquiring why he did not approve of them he told me that they always swoop up the new couples in our area, and that there has been times when they have hooked up with people that he and his wife had been wanting to hook up with for a long time.

 

After hanging up the phone I sat in a state of thought for a bit. What's the big deal? So they swoop up the new couples. We try to refrain from playing with extremely inexperienced couples anyway. We see them as possible time bombs. So what if they have interest in the same people and got to them first? Instead of speaking badly about them I think it speaks highly of their character personally. So they are charismatic, outgoing, and people are attracted to them. If a couple gets to a couple we wanted to play with before us we don't get upset we find another couple to play with or we play with each other. After all isn't swinging defined as "no strings attached sex" with other people?

 

I think some people take this way too seriously and way too personally. I have never seen swinging as a competition.

 

Do you guys have any instances where you have felt this way, or have seen people act dramatic over being "cock blocked"? Do you guys agree or disagree with my opinions? Please discuss.

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I feel your attitude about it is correct.

 

There are people at clubs that get an attitude though because others get to the ones they wanted first. I hate to say but I see it every weekend. I am amazed that people get upset about this.

 

It is not just the couples that get the attitude though. I see it happening with the single women also. Women will start getting catty because one of the other

women get to some of the single guys first.

 

You want someone, get off your butt, talk to them and hook up or not. Don't get pissed off and speak poorly of others because they beat you to them.

 

To many adults like to play kid games.

 

I believe I would think more about if I wanted to spend time with your friend with the attitude then I would the couples that get out there and get what they want. Who needs the drama.

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the guy I was speaking with was quick to express his dislike for them. After inquiring why he did not approve of them he told me that they always swoop up the new couples in our area, and that there has been times when they have hooked up with people that he and his wife had been wanting to hook up with for a long time.

Had the disgruntled guy and his wife actually been play partners at one time in the past with the "cock blockers", or are they just feeling blocked all the time by possible new playmates ?

 

We have had similar couples that we know, who might fit in to either category.

 

We have never been overly aggressive and have found ourselves at a club sitting there thinking :rolleyes: "dam, them lucky fuckers" :lol:.

 

But VegasLee is correct, it was our passiveness that got us nothing.

 

Then we also know a couple that indeed we have played with, that we found out after the fact that we were not compatible with :eek: UGH Ohh.

and from the general consensus we see others feel the same way. That leaves them with being all over any new couples before they find out like we did.

You might want to have sex with them at first, but hanging out or dating is not possible. They are very arrogant as hell for one, and they seem to feel they are at the top of the hierarchy in the swing world.

 

That leads us to how we feel.. We don't care what others think about who we may consider playing with. Its no ones business but ours. If someone has something to say about others we only want to know about any (safety factors). Usually when we find people who talk about others it leaves us wondering what they might say about us anyhow.

 

We have a "kiss and (don't) tell policy" that we fit into. If we are with someone that we want to have sex with and they do speak of others negatively, we just try and divert the conversation to (us, here and now tonight)

After hanging up the phone I sat in a state of thought for a bit. What's the big deal? So they swoop up the new couples. We try to refrain from playing with extremely inexperienced couples anyway. We see them as possible time bombs.

We feel that since we were new ourselves and understand how we felt then, we don't consider new couples to all be "time bombs"

But rather, its their comfort zones that need to be considered...

So what if they have interest in the same people and got to them first. Instead of speaking badly about them I think it speaks highly of their character personally. So they are charismatic, outgoing, and people are attracted to them.

Well that does make for a good turnout :facelick: But we see that there are great couples as play partners that are just not that outward....

 

hey, Shy people like to fuck also.... We have seen those that have a good presentation and turn out to be duds in the sack and some really quiet people be wild as the devil behind closed doors... Ya never know.

If a couple gets to a couple we wanted to play with before us we don't get upset we find another couple to play with or we play with each other. After all isn't swinging defined as "no strings attached sex" with other people?

Honestly, in a perfect world. and ideally you are someone we would want to meet. The thing is, its not a perfect world :( not everyone is compatible.

 

I think some people take this way to seriously and way to personally. I have never seen swinging as a competition. Do you guys have any instances where you have felt this way, or have seen people act dramatic over being "cock blocked"?

Yes, we have from our view point. I personally had some issues with the competition and the hierarchy that seemed to be present in the beginning. I just found that I like things to be less competitive and more about what we want or find in the (right) couple or singles we play with.

 

 

Do you guys agree or disagree with my opinions? Please discuss

We don't disagree with your views in any way. You have a good point here that many could learn from. We have just our experiences, and how things turned out. I don't think there could be a right or wrong here, but view points from others. From newbies to experienced.

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There are always those people who look at everything like a competition. To have the best, biggest and be the first. They may be the belle of the ball, but when it is all said and done, there's no substance. All good things come to those who wait, slow and steady wins the race. Just be real and trust in fate and never worry about the ones that got away, just be happy with the ones that play.

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There are always those people who look at everything like a competition. To have the best, biggest and be the first. They may be the belle of the ball, but when it is all said and done, there's no substance. All good things come to those who wait, slow and steady wins the race. Just be real and trust in fate and never worry about the ones that got away, just be happy with the ones that play.

 

 

Very good response. Thank you for that I hope some new couples read and absorb this. It is exactly how we feel.

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I'm not quite sure I understand what cock blocked means, but I do understand jealousy on the part of couples who don't get there "first."

 

I tend to be more aggressive and will let someone know if I'm interested. So, I guess we would be in the category of getting there first. Not that we go around intentionally looking for the "new couples." I consider us friendly and welcoming to those new to the party.

 

Just recently, the husband of a couple we play with commented to me that a certain couple never swap. Well, that wasn't the case, they were just picky and let us know they were interested in us. Our friends that weren't "picked" by them were pissed that we were picked, and left the party in a huff. So, it was just jealousy on their part, and a ridiculous reaction.

 

If they'd been picked, we wouldn't have left. We would have told them to enjoy themselves and we'd see them later. Then we'd move on to another couple.

 

We don't let our current play friends influence who we play with in the future. :nono: I'm really turned off by people who bad mouth others. It's made us re-think playing with that couple ever again (the one's who left in a huff).

 

 

Mrs. D

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Well it sounds like there may be some jealousy factors with your freind and this other couple. Maybe not that they want to hookup with this couple, but they envy this couple in that they want to be more outgoing and hook up with couples more easily. In result they may want to be more like this couple that they actually seem to dislike.

 

I don't know that this is the case, but if it is: My advice to the couple would be to befriend this couple that they seem to dislike, and ride the coat tails sort of. I realize this would require getting over the animosity. However: The thought behind the suggestion, is that as people we naturally tend to become a little like those we hang around with.

 

Furthermore, it sounds like this agressive couple (and in this case agressive being a good thing obviously) put themselves in situations where more opportunities present themselves, and probably already realize that sitting in the corner or staying at home isn't going to get them very far with other couples. I and the Mrs could probably learn a little from their social skills, as they sound very socially adept.

 

However, as far as your friend and his or her spouse, they may actually benefit from hanging out with this couple that "swoops up all the new couples in town", just by being in the situations that present more possibilities.

 

That's my 2 cents....

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I agree with everything everyone has said so far. We are an extremely active outgoing couple. We have never had any issues really as far as hooking up with the people that we want to, but we have broken some new couples in, not many but a few. And when we would go to parties with them or clubs we express the fact that we appreciate them being our first, and we love the company but if they see someone they are interested in to not feel obligated to play with us just because they came with us. It's all fun when everyone makes it so. If you take this lifestyle to seriously it can lead to a lot of unnecessary frustration.

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I totally agree with you here. It's not a competition lol, it's all about having fun and enjoying yourself. And if you happen to find a couple that you both enjoy spending time with and playing with then that's a real find!! If someone's going to turn it into a competition you have to ask yourself why?? Insecurities jump to mind...

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I'm not quite sure I understand what cock blocked means, but I do understand jealousy on the part of couples who don't get there "first."

 

Here's the officially unofficial meaning. Cockblocking originally referred to anyone that stopped a guy from hooking up with a lady, usually at a bar. Typically it was her girlfriend that accompanied her to the bar, thus the need for a "wingman".

 

Back to the issue at hand: We were accused of "stealing" a couple one night. Couple #1 hooked up with us after spending a fair amount of time chatting with Couple #2. We weren't aware they had even been talking. We just saw someone that we thought was hot, and made our move.

The next time we got some unexpected cold looks, and then found out through the grapevine what our transgression was. :rollseye:

 

Hey, it's happened to us as well, and that's OK. There's always "the next time". We keep it fun, and never have any expectations when we go to the club, which really cuts down on the amount of disappointment we experience. ;)

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This thread fascinates me because we've seen the envy in play, more strongly than we ever cared to and from people we really cared for. It still floors me when I think about it. Why would anyone get resentful about another couple's success? And why would any couple set out to sabotage another?

 

If this is a playground, can't we all just get along?

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Now that I have time to respond to this one :p

 

Had the disgruntled guy and his wife actually been play partners at one time in the past with the "cock blockers", or are they just feeling blocked all the time by possible new playmates?

 

They were never play partners no.

 

We feel that since we were new ourselves and understand how we felt then, we don't consider new couples to all be "time bombs"

But rather, its their comfort zones that need to be considered...

 

We were new at one time also, and we have broken a small number of new people in. We always offer guidance to the new couples in any way that we can. I didn't say we considered all new couples to be time bombs. I said all new couples COULD be POSSIBLE time bombs. And that's the plain facts. You never know what you will feel about swinging until it actually happens. You may have thoughts and they may be correct, but if they are not, the results could turn out ugly.

 

Well that does make for a good turnout But we see that there are great couples as play partners that are just not that outward....

 

hey, Shy people like to fuck also.... We have seen those that have a good presentation and turn out to be duds in the sack and some really quiet people be wild as the devil behind closed doors... Ya never know.

 

I agree 100% and the presentation was exactly what I was refering to. It speaks highly of their character. Not their sexual skills. Their initial presentation is a direct result of other's initial attraction to them.

 

Honestly, in a perfect world. and ideally you are someone we would want to meet. The thing is, its not a perfect world not everyone is compatible.

 

Agreed! But we have no problem jut playing with each other :)

 

We don't disagree with your views in any way. You have a good point here that many could learn from. We have just our experiences, and how things turned out. I don't think there could be a right or wrong here, but view points from others. From newbies to experienced.

 

You are so right. Swinging comes in many styles. Unfortunately some people seem to be doing it for the wrong reasons, but who am I to say it's the wrong reasons right? It's their reasons just because my opinion is different doesn't give me a reason to call theirs wrong. I have had to catch myself a few times with those thoughts. Heidi and myself do this for each other and from watching each other's enjoyment we get pleasure for ourselves. I wish it was like that for everyone, but it's not and I guess it's wrong for me to think it should be.

 

Thanks for the response,

-Styles

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We have had instances of jealousy because we played with a couple someone else had or wanted to and they were approaching it like a competition. But both Mrs. WS and I are outgoing people and we tend to meet allot of people. It's a numbers game, the more people you meet the larger the pool of potential playmates you have.

 

Sometimes it appears as though these couples are more willing to share their spouse than their playmates. I do think it has more to do with them feeling rejected and hurt than anything else. Their spouse has to love them, these other people don't. They allow outsiders way too much influence over their personal happiness. Like you said, this is supposed to be no-strings attached fun, not drama.

 

The big one we had recently was a single guy playmate of Mrs. WS's accused me of cock-blocking him with a single gal. We all three met her when we were out together, she and I hit it off really well, five days later I had a mid-day playdate with her. We were all at our our house with friends the following weekend and I mentioned I'd gone out with that gal we met at the bar the following weekend and he blew-up and stormed out with Mrs. WS following him wondering what went wrong. Turned-out he had an interest in her and was upset at me because I'm married, have a beautiful wife and family and house and he doesn't and so why do I have to be out there cock-blocking him with single women that he could develop a relationship with.

 

That was the end of a two month affair with him and Mrs. WS. She tried to patch it up with him and went out with him a couple of weeks later, he was still mad at me, bad-mouthed me to Mrs. WS so she left him at the bar and came home.

 

Go figure, accused of cock blocking by a single guy.

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Well I agree with you. Honestly though if you think about it it's more understandable for a single to get upset than anyone else. However still not right. We had a couple get mad at us one time. One of our regular playmates VERY attractive couple with an Asian female, and I have this thing for Asian girls. We went out to meet them one night and they were with this other couple, or what we thought was a couple. With this EXTREMELY hot Asian female. She was 5"10 had a gorgeous body, red pigtails and looked like she stepped right off the scene of the Tokyo Drift movie. After asking the couple how they knew them they said they were just friends. So I asked if they were in the lifestyle and they said no. Well Mrs. Styles took a huge interest in the girl so after getting acquainted for a few Heidi had her bent backwards over the bar making out with her. Heidi gets a little aggressive when drunk. So I walked over to the guy to apologize. He said, "Don't apologize man. She's not my girlfriend just a friend of mine. So to me that meant she was open game. We flirted, and touched, and teased each other all night. She wanted to leave with us, but Heidi had too much to drink and I had to take care of her. So we called rain check. The next day I woke up to a really nasty phone call from the female of the couple we initially went to meet, our playmates. Apparently they had their eye on the girl and we fucked it up for them. It ended ugly that was months ago and we have just now managed to patch up our friendship with the couple.

 

What really gets me is if they were interested in the girl than why not say they were. Don't tell me she is not in the lifestyle while you are trying to get into her pants. If they would of in any way let us know that they were pursuing her then we would of backed off, but the way it was explained to me she was fair game.

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This boggles my mind. To my knowledge, we've never been accused of being cock blockers, and we certainly have never accused anyone else of such. So, in every situation you're supposed to ask every other couple present if they have an interest in a couple before making a move on them? Yeeeeaaahhhh...

 

Besides that, unless they're just visiting or they're moving, there's always another chance to get with a couple you've been interested in.

 

We've yet to encounter such stupidity, and I hope we don't.

 

Pepper

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I'm with Pepper and Lee o this one. The only couple whose "permission" we intend to ask or be concerned about is the couple with whom we're playing (or trying to play with). Anyone else can just fend for themselves.

 

=)

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