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  1. #1
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    Default Lonely Unicorn having trouble approaching couples at clubs

    So far, my experience has been limited to on-premise club or house party, meeting single men and getting down to business. This has worked well, but I am ready to spread my wings. I think after my divorce, I just wanted to make sure that I could get laid, OK, check that off, I can do that.

    Now, I would really like to make contact with a couple. I think I am attracted to the fact that the man would not be so eager and jumpy (he is with his wife, he knows he is going to get some). Plus, I have always been curious about the touch and feel of a woman (I am a bi-newbie).

    So I get all gussied up, go to the club, and never get approached by couples. I have approached couples when they had the first timer name tag. I sat and talked but they were just there to check out the scene. I did have a lovely conversation with a couple who had been swinging for 30 some odd years, they were great and we 20 questioned each other alot, I learned alot about swinging and about myself that night.

    But, how do I get past the talking? Are couples less likely to play with a single they just met at a club vs someone they have emailed before? I am not real comfortable with the emailing, I am not looking for a relationship and getting to know you, just some good old anonymous naked time.

    I don't think I am visually an ogre, I am a size 16, a little lumpy but all my lumps are in the right place. I don't dress real sexy, I like to look a little classy with that wild thang undertone. I am working on my small talk, eye contact people skills, so I am trying to be more outgoing.

    How do I let couples at the club know that I am interested. Do I need to do my networking online? Do couples prefer that mode of contact?

  2. #2
    Swingers Board Addict ncmd_couple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    Hi Mosmis,

    As a woman, you are in control, at least in all of the clubs I have been to. So the outcome of your visit there is really in your hands. A couple is going to be hesitant to approach you because of that.

    Looking classy is a good thing. My sexy lady dresses that way when we arrive at the club. But a little later she changes into something sexy. You might think about changing around 10:30. That will be a visual indicator to the couples there that you are ready to play. Staying in your classy clothes is a visual indicator that you might not be ready to play. Know what I mean?

    Once you have visited a bit in your classy clothes, pick out a couple that you are interested in. Then go change and come back to them. Tell them what you would like to do and ask them directly if they are interested. Remember, you are in control there. I think that you will very quickly find that you will have your pick of who want to be with.

    And if all else fails, we are moving to middle TN in the coming months. Franklin area. If you still haven't had any luck, let us know!

    S
    Try anything once, twice if it is fun, three times if it is real good!

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    Thanks for the advice! I think you ID'd my problem, I need to adjust my nap time to allow me to visit the club later. I work on the weekends, so I try to get home early. I need to nap and show up later!

    Any good sources for fuller size sexy clothes? My club attire consists of dresses with halterish tops and full skirts, I can pull skirt up or pull top down for easy access in the club environment.

    I am sure I am missing all the good stuff, I am usually gone by 11:00. If the club owner sees me talking to someone, he always tells them to get it quick because I am out of there like a flash.

    Am I correct that I should focus my ice breaker conversation on the female half of the couple? For some reaason, getting the females OK first seems like the way to go.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict ncmd_couple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    Mosmis,

    L is the clothes shopper. Send us an e-mail at our username here at yahoo. I will point it out to her and then the two of you can exchange shopping info. She has some really pretty stuff that she has bought on-line, and as sizes are tricky, she can give you advice on that as well.

    Most of the clubs I have been to don't really get rolling until elevenish. We always plan to stay the whole evening when we go just for that reason. So getting in a nap is probably a good idea. But that doesn't mean you have to stay all evening. You can change earlier if you wish as this is your play time. Funny thing is, L usually changes early, then like clockwork all of the ladies go change, which kicks things off a little earlier. There is no rule that says play time is after 11:00!

    Experienced couples are normally equally important to talk to both of them. But yes, the other lady is important because in most couples if she isn't interested, it is a no-go. But every couple is different. But if you are up front with both of them and just say, "would the two of you like to go to a room with me?" Then they will say yes or no.

    The important thing is that you are in control of your play time and play partners. As a "golden unicorn" you are much desired in the swing community. You shouldn't have any problems.

    S
    Try anything once, twice if it is fun, three times if it is real good!

  5. #5
    Swingers Board Addict BiloxiCouple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    "Do ya'll wanna?"

    Say that and go from there.

    Dressing up just gets in the way of being naked.
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  6. #6
    Mod Squad Member good times's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    Sounds to me like your main problem is leaving the club at 11:00. While I wish it wasn't so, play rarely gets started before midnight at the clubs we go to. It doesn't do any good to tell people to hurry up if they want some either, I do that every time we play, and we still almost never get to play before midnight. And I too rarely get to play if we have to leave the club before midnight. In fact, I can think of at least two missed opportunities to play we have had in the last month because we left the club at midnight so I could work the next day.

    I also wanted to ad that I have very rarely seen people that frequent clubs prefer to chat or email through the ad sites with people before they meet at the club. Most regular club goers go to the club because they find the ad sites a total waste of valuable time. They prefer to get to know people face to face, so they go to clubs.

    Another thing to keep in mind is that the idea that a single female is in super high demand at a swingers club is kind of misleading. In the last year we have seen a big rise in the amount of single females visiting the clubs. Where you used to see one at a party once every month or two, we now see two to six single females at the clubs every night they are open. The weird thing to me is, I have noticed that the single females only do slightly better at hooking up with couples than the single males do. It turns out that a majority of swinging couples aren't looking for singles, whether male or female, which surprised me. This does not apply to those single women coming to the club looking for F/F activity only, those still seem to be in high demand. But single women looking to do FMF or FFM seem to do just slightly better then the single males looking for MFM. I only mention this so that you are aware and don't get all discouraged if all the couples don't jump at the chance to hook up with you. You may even have to approach a quite a few couples before you find one that is interested.
    Last edited by good times; 11-19-2007 at 05:14 PM.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  7. #7
    Jay's Bumper Buddy ShellyM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    Quote Originally Posted by mosmis84 View Post
    So far, my experience has been limited to on-premise club or house party, meeting single men and getting down to business. This has worked well, but I am ready to spread my wings. I think after my divorce, I just wanted to make sure that I could get laid, OK, check that off, I can do that.

    Now, I would really like to make contact with a couple. I think I am attracted to the fact that the man would not be so eager and jumpy (he is with his wife, he knows he is going to get some). Plus, I have always been curious about the touch and feel of a woman (I am a bi-newbie).

    So I get all gussied up, go to the club, and never get approached by couples. I have approached couples when they had the first timer name tag. I sat and talked but they were just there to check out the scene. I did have a lovely conversation with a couple who had been swinging for 30 some odd years, they were great and we 20 questioned each other alot, I learned alot about swinging and about myself that night.

    But, how do I get past the talking? Are couples less likely to play with a single they just met at a club vs someone they have emailed before? I am not real comfortable with the emailing, I am not looking for a relationship and getting to know you, just some good old anonymous naked time.

    I don't think I am visually an ogre, I am a size 16, a little lumpy but all my lumps are in the right place. I don't dress real sexy, I like to look a little classy with that wild thang undertone. I am working on my small talk, eye contact people skills, so I am trying to be more outgoing.

    How do I let couples at the club know that I am interested. Do I need to do my networking online? Do couples prefer that mode of contact?
    Hey girlie, there are all kinds of ways to meet couples. First of all, as a unicorn you will have your pick pretty much of who you want to play with. Just be yourself, thats the best advice I can give you. Never change who you are for any couple or person. Once your sexuality, confidence and beauty shine through you will just meet people and go from there. We all know what we are there for so just be YOU. Don't worry about size either. All women are gorgeous.
    Best of luck to you
    Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho
    Shelly

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    I also wonder about how many couples are there just to check things out. At the club I visit, there is the upstairs "play area" and the downstairs with the dance floor. I see many couples sitting in the dark along the walls downstairs. I hesitate to approach them since they seem to be more in spectator mode.

    I will definately move my timeline back a few hours.

    I agree about the single woman not being as rare. I see plenty of woman that don't appear to be attached to a man. But they all seem to know each other and I just haven't gotten to know many people at the club yet.

    Thanks again for the tips.

  9. #9
    Shellys hard erotic dildo lost_j1's Avatar
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    Smile Re: Lonely Unicorn

    If it was me in your shoes. I would approach the couple and break the ice by asking them to dance. Not one of them, but both at the same time. Flirt with both of them until the song was over. If all went well then ask them if you could join them for drinks. Let them know from jump that you are looking for play tonight at the club. If they are interested answer the 20 questions and move to play. If they keep wanting to chat them maybe they are not ready for play. Simply just move on and try another. You are not dating the couple, you are here for sex. So don't settle for chatters, just bring it up quick from the start. have fun and be safe....


    JAY!!!
    JAY!!!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    I had a great time at the club last night, still no couple action, but a nice couple of hours with a single male. It just seems all the couples are in these dark corners and not really out there looking to meet people.

    But, I have met a couple online, we are maybe having dinner this coming weekend. We have emailed and chatted, they seem like people I would hang out with in a clothed situation.

    Which brings up the next problem. I can do relationship sex and I can do anonymous club sex. I am imagining awkwardness between the "I really enjoyed our dinner, let's go get naked". But, I am going to forge ahead and spread my social interaction wings.
    Last edited by mosmis84; 12-02-2007 at 10:35 AM.

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict Tybee Swing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    Quote Originally Posted by mosmis84 View Post
    I had a great time at the club last night, still no couple action, but a nice couple of hours with a single male. It just seems all the couples are in these dark corners and not really out there looking to meet people.
    I was going to suggest the same thing that Jay already said: dance. Is there a dance floor at the club you go to? Do women sometimes seem to be dancing as a group? Just go up and start dancing with them. Smile a lot, just relax and have fun. You're a lot more likely to get noticed and approached this way. If you see a couple just sitting around and not mingling but you think you could be interested in them, ask them to dance.

    Quote Originally Posted by mosmis84 View Post
    ... Which brings up the next problem. I can do relationship sex and I can do anonymous club sex. I am imagining awkwardness between the "I really enjoyed our dinner, let's go get naked". But, I am going to forge ahead and spread my social interaction wings.
    Think of this as "friendly sex". It's not anonymous fucking, because you've been chatting and connecting on a personality level. You're going on a "date" with them. But, just realize it's not traditional relationship type dating - think of it as a "hanging out with new friends" situation. Think of it as "friends with benefits". This will give you a category that you can relate to that is not romantic (relationship) sex, and it's not just anonymous club fucking, either.

    Good luck!

  12. #12
    Jay's Bumper Buddy ShellyM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    Quote Originally Posted by mosmis84 View Post
    I had a great time at the club last night, still no couple action, but a nice couple of hours with a single male. It just seems all the couples are in these dark corners and not really out there looking to meet people.
    I'll tell you like my sex guru, otherwise known as my husband lol, tells me:
    MICHELLE, YOU HAVE TO BE MORE FORWARD AND GO UP TO COUPLES AND TELL HIM THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED. DO NOT EXPECT FOR HIM TO JUST WALK UP TO YOU BECAUSE THE LIFESTYLE IS FEMALE RUN AND HE IS GOING TO WAIT FOR YOUR MOVE FIRST." LOL. Did you get that? LOL???

    Its easier said than done when you are naturally a shy person around new people. Couples are funny things. Remember, you aren't dealing with one person, you are dealing with 2. If you are bi and you are into her, go for it! Yes Jay, I know: Practice what you preach sister. LOL.
    Just walk up to them, smile and ask them to dance girlie. You are gorgeous and I guarantee you, you will end up having a good time. Can you be rejected? Yes, rejection is a part of swinging like in dating. However, if you let your personality through you will be good to go...PROMISE.
    Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho
    Shelly

  13. #13
    Here to Stay BigirlandHubby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    I think it's awesome that you call yourself a unicorn.. My wife and I have not been able to find a regular single female yet, after 2 years of mailing pretty much every attractive female that signs up on Adultfriendfinder.com they either A. don't respond, or B. end up being a couple. We are both attractive people (inside and out) and so we have come to call it our "Quest for a unicorn" because we just don't think they exist (and we thought we were being original, haha).

    Anyway, I think if you got up on AFF, posted a REAL picture (not one that made you look like a supermodel because some women are threatened by it), paid for at least a silver membership, and said you were looking for couples, you would basically be showered with so much mail you would have to filter it.

  14. #14
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    Much like if we saw a real life unicorn (as if), I think a lot of couples when they encounter a single female in a club situation don't want to scare her away by being too pushy or forward. So they wait for her to make the first move. Sometimes even with other couples when you get to talking TOO much you end up passing that point where just moving to the play area is even possible. Don't let things simmer for too long eventually you have to make them boil, which in this case may mean you have to make the first move... by letting them know that YES you are interested in them.

    Another thing is that unless you are talking to them chances are couples at the club don't even know or realize you might be the answer to their fantasies... they may not know you are there let alone that you are a single bi female.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Lonely Unicorn

    "Mosmis84", the first thing that you should realize is "pussy rules the world". Having said that it sounds from your posting that you may be a little bit gun shy. The couples that are sitting on the walls could be doing it because they just want to watch, but I would bet that they are scoping people out just like you are. If you are going to the club alone, find a nice spot where you can sit and watch everyone that is coming into the club. If you find a couple that peaks your interest find a way to be where they are (without stalking of course). Walk by, catch there eye. Nod hello, smile, make eye contact. If they seem agreeable, go and start a conversation.

    It sounds like you are uncomfortable about your size. Just think "classy not trashy". I love women of all sizes, shapes and colors, but if they are dressed in something that makes them look dirty or cheap, it is an immediate turn-off for me.

    When I started in the lifestyle I did a lot of research on the internet to find sites such as this one to ask questions and find out what was really going on in the lifestyle. I also signed up for web sites to help me find couples & single females (I know, there aren't many of us out there). For me it was easier to chat with people online, talk to them on the phone (husband & wife) and then meet them in a casual & safe atmosphere such as a restaurant. It was clear in my personal ad that I didn't play on a first meet. It doesn't mean that the desire wouldn't be there, but it took a lot of pressure off of me as a single person meeting two strangers. I can say that the couples that I went through these steps with, I did meet later and had wonderful sexual experiences with them. I say all of this to suggest that maybe you should try another avenue of meeting people. If you chat on IM and then speak via phone & have an evening of dinner or drinks and you are feeling them, then you can either decide to go to a club & finish the evening off there or meet them there at a later date. It's bringing sand to the beach, but that might be better than not getting any sand at all.

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