Re-contacting someone...

[DBL D]

One of the other threads stimulated me...not always a good thing, but this time it might be.

Is it ever appropriate to re-contact another couple who you may not have been ready to meet at an earlier time?

I'd like to hear everyone's thoughts on that.

Male D

[lilspark]

I would say theres nothing wrong with it unless you stood them up for a date or they told you that you were not there type. Heck we occasionally recontact couples to see if they might be interested 6 months or so after the first contact and occasionally it works out great. Just be respectful and willing to take no for a answear.

[good times]

We have never done this, we have had someone recontact us that we previously had turned down to see if we had changed our mind. In that case we actually did reconsider meeting them, and replied to them that we would like to meet. They then blocked us, I guess they just wanted to have the satisfaction of turning us down.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by good times

They then blocked us, I guess they just wanted to have the satisfaction of turning us down.

Sorry... I am laughing with you...

Or maybe I am just laughing at them...

I mean - boy did they miss out!

Anyway - we've never had it happen, but the worst that can happen is they say "no thanks". I might approach it with, "we weren't sure what we wanted, but are much more comfortable and experienced with the lifestyle."

Spoomonkey

[DBL D]

Too funny but true, Goodtimes...We turned down a couple because shehad all thesethings the guy was supposed to be like. I wrote that I felt that I already had two strikes against me before I answered...They blocked us. Later they even re-contacted us like they didn't know who we were. NOT cool.

I like your approach Spoomonkey.

On the other hand, Maybe it was for the best and we should just let those things go. We've had many nice contacts since those early days of angst.

Male D

[good times]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Sorry... I am laughing with you...

Or maybe I am just laughing at them...

Yea, we had a good laugh at them too. Not because they missed out on us, but more that it seemed to us like a really weird thing to do.

[havefuninsun]

Very interesting question! The simple answer, I think, is Yes, and this is why.

We seem to go feast or famine. A lot of times during the "feast" period, we start conversations and emails with several very cool couples, and one or two seems to rise to the top. Because of time, we seem to focus on the couple(s) that have risen, and the other conversations seem to fizzle.

A couple we talked to last fall recently recontacted us. We've enjoyed getting to know each other electronically and hope to meet as soon as everyone's schedules allowed.

So, unless folks have been jerks of some sort, why not? Getting to know people is time consuming, so if a conversation dies off at some point, I see no reason not to send those folks an email and say, "hey -- haven't talked in a while. How are you guys doing?" I'm glad this couple we've been chatting with did just that.

[DBL D]

Thank you havefuninsun,

My concern isn't about the people we didn't contact because of time though.

It's about like Spoo said; maybe we weren't ready at the time...now we are. If there were/are no hard feelings about the previous time (and how would you know unless you took the chance and contacted them?) then I'd say it shouldn't be a problem to send them a note, and that is what I am asking. Is it too much drama? Should a couple just move on? Sheesh! There are so many couples out there why risk really screwing things up with one from the past? I'm tempted to answer my own question and say that we should probably just forget about the past...

Male D

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by DBL D

Thank you havefuninsun,

My concern isn't about the people we didn't contact because of time though.

It's about like Spoo said; maybe we weren't ready at the time...now we are. If there were/are no hard feelings about the previous time (and how would you know unless you took the chance and contacted them?) then I'd say it shouldn't be a problem to send them a note, and that is what I am asking. Is it too much drama? Should a couple just move on? Sheesh! There are so many couples out there why risk really screwing things up with one from the past? I'm tempted to answer my own question and say that we should probably just forget about the past...

Male D

Aww .. no no no! Go ahead and send a note. If they don't respond, then you know the answer.

I've gotten cold feet/freaked out/whatever before. Fortunately, those who that happened with have "forgiven me" and we're at least on friendly terms. And if it's not, it's probably not that big of a loss ...

Nothing ventured, nothing gained ...

[Tia Vampire]

Back when we were contacting couples by e- mail or through on line site, if we wrote a couple and seen that they opened the mail, but did not reply, we took that as a not interested sign. We never recontacted a couple after they had not replied to us. We don't like the cat and mouse games, so we don't contact couples by mail anymore. If we meet in a club or at a party, or are asked to join a group, then we will keep up with those couples.

[biblonde]

If it didn't work out earlier, I would just drop it and move on. I doubt the passing of time would change things much.

The Mr.

[Additude]

I say it's just fine to do so. But I would use any phrases like, "OK, we are ready now" sort of discussions because to me that means "Maybe we are, maybe were not"...

[Better Half]

We found one of the nicest couple we have ever met after a 'recontact'. Like everyone says, just be polite and maybe add a few more details that you did not include in your first contact. Read their add and address their specific points. Everyone likes to read a message that shows that the writer actually read their add.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by DBL D

It's about like Spoo said; maybe we weren't ready at the time...now we are. If there were/are no hard feelings about the previous time (and how would you know unless you took the chance and contacted them?) then I'd say it shouldn't be a problem to send them a note, and that is what I am asking. Is it too much drama? Should a couple just move on? Sheesh! There are so many couples out there why risk really screwing things up with one from the past? I'm tempted to answer my own question and say that we should probably just forget about the past...

Male D

It sounds like you just had minimal/initial contact with this couple before, right? And you were new at the time? I see no harm at all in recontact. You could just send a nice note, reminding them of how/when/where you last made contact, explaining lightly that you were "new and unsure" at the time but now you know what you want. You don't need to do a lot of explaining, I'll bet they'll understand. We've all been there! Point out whatever it is that's attracting you back to them (compliments are always nice).

At worst, they'll say "no thank you" or they won't answer (and that's not so bad). At best, you could have a rockin' great time!

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

It sounds like you just had minimal/initial contact with this couple before, right? And you were new at the time? I see no harm at all in recontact. You could just send a nice note, reminding them of how/when/where you last made contact, explaining lightly that you were "new and unsure" at the time but now you know what you want. You don't need to do a lot of explaining, I'll bet they'll understand. We've all been there! Point out whatever it is that's attracting you back to them (compliments are always nice).

At worst, they'll say "no thank you" or they won't answer (and that's not so bad). At best, you could have a rockin' great time!

We've had just about every kind of scenario you can have. One time was when another couple said they were looking for something else, and contacted us later and said they would like to meet us. We're happy they did that. There were other times that we just didn't really understand things and made decisions that we wouldn't probably make now. Other times we might have just gotten nervous about something. Seems like reaquainting each other could show how we have "grown"and good times could still be had.

Originally Posted by BiBlonde

...If it didn't work out earlier, I would just drop it and move on. I doubt the passing of time would change things much.

The Mr.

Always enjoy reading anything you guys post. You seem to be the type to move on and not look back, but have you had situations where you have been recontacted or have done it yourself and it did work out? Sometimes you just have these questions....

Male D