How crude is too crude?

[Spoomonkey]

We aren't prudes - I think...

I mean, we are active swingers who feel like we have a pretty good grasp of the lifestyle, some wonderful friends and some awesome experiences. We don't play with the lights off or start every play date with prayer time... But still...

Are we too uptight about things?

We have a couple that we are good friends with and probably because they are comfortable with us, recently the husband started being extremely crude - always talking about sex in rather base terms. Here's an example:

Mrs Spoo and I are in our training for Spring races right now (going great!) and one of the things about that is a fairly regulated diet. We are over at their house and have brought our own snack - a 9:00 ration of yogurt and cereal (Kashi Go-Lean Crunch... Yum!).

"I can work you up some yogurt right here..." He said refering to masturbation...

To which both of us turned green and decided to wait a little while before eating our snack.

To us - that really is not sexy. It's gross. Needless to say, our visit that night was just to watch movies.

This couple is a lot of fun and really, really easy to get along with otherwise. For the longest time, they were respectful to the point of almost being shy. But, comfort has brought out that side of their personality and it is a big turn off for us. But, since they are wonderful friends, we are giving them room and a little slack.

Had they started out this way - we'd have never hooked up with them at all. We had a couple be this way at the club and interest went to "no way" quickly. The husband kept wanting to see Mrs Spoo' "Pooter" in exchange for some lame magic trick. I explained to him how the trick was done and that my wife doesn't even have a "pooter" - whatever the hell that is.

Now - we have a single guy who we have been talking to. Seems like a great guy, but his last PM to us ended with the line, "can't wait to meet you two and hopefully MEAT you too! LOL!"

Ick... *shudder*... Why? Just... why???

I am not used to guys my age acting that juvenile. I told him that we were going to write off his PM as being written while drunk - and we'll see how things go... But what a turn off.

Anyway - are we prudes? Is this just something we are going to have to learn to live with? I have talked to people about some of the most disgusting things - I can't put my finger on it except maybe for juvenile - but some things ("yogurt", "MEAT", "pooter") just make my skin crawl.

Spoomonkey

PS - I did have a playmate once with whom I had this running joke about eating poop. But for some reason, as gross as the jokes were, the context made it funny. And anyone who knows us knows we aren't exactly Mormon-esque. So - I don't think that is the problem...

[spectraschain]

Spectra & I concur....we've never found those types of remarks amusing.

I, in fact, find it a bit disrespectful when directed at Spectra.

Granted, at times it seems a nervous guy might say something crude as a ill-directed ice-breaker...we can over look that.

As our profile states, we like people that are well-spoken.

Remaining well-spoken after you are comfortable with us means it wasn't an act.

[Mrs.PaganLovers]

Spoo, I am with ya on this one. In fact, if you want me to go away very quickly...be crude.

I find that this kind of talk will turn me off in a heartbeat, and I put in down to disrepect, ignorance and signs of a lower intelligent life form. I do not understand men that believe this kind of talk is stimulating to a women. Ok, maybe some women it is, I don't happen to be one of them.

If these people are friends of yours, I would pull him aside and let them know how both of you feel about that kind of talk, that it's a major turn off. If they have any respect for you and want to continue to play, then I am sure they will respect your wishes.

By the way, when are the races down here??

Blessings
Mrs. PL

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

...The husband kept wanting to see Mrs Spoo' "Pooter" in exchange for some lame magic trick...

Maybe he wanted to find out if it's a Mac rather than a PC?

Thrax

[aahours1]

This guy has no class. Even though you are friends with them, You need to tell him enough is enough. Stop the crude jokes and or suggestions. That it is NOT FUNNY. Tell him in no uncertain terms that he needs to stop with the crude remarks or that you and the misses will have to stop seeing them. POINT BLANK AND BLUNT. Some people do not understand till you are.

[tribbles]

It's bugging you....tell him.

Depending on my mood, I might find it funny....same as you did with scat at one time.
MOST things like that tickle my funny bone and don't turn me off. Sometimes they do.
If they do, I would just tell them it's hitting me 'wrong' and not funny for me at this time so cool it.

S

[intuition897]

Nah, you're not prudes. You just know how to discern between classy-sexy-funny and crude puns. Some people don't. Unfortunately.

[bncforfun]

We are the same way.

Recently the female member of a couple we were talking to decided that it would be sexy to tell us exactly what she had in mind to do when we played. While that can be interesting if done the right way, she was graphic and crude about it.

We talked about it together later and determined that it was my job to talk to them and let them know that this didn't turn us on. In fact it had the absolute opposite result. The problem is that these two are wonderful people and actually fairly interesting otherwise. We are now building back to the point where we once were.

Good luck with this one Spoo!!

[Thrax]

Spoo,
If one of your and Mrs. Spoo’s favorite movies – or at least one you’ve referenced a lot -- is American Pie, and you apparently get nekkid with other people, then, no, I wouldn’t consider you prudes! But everyone has limits…

Social interaction (vanilla or swinging) can be a minefield. Add attempts at humor – crude or not -- to the conversational mix with people one hasn’t known for a long time, or just doesn’t know very well, and every step can be potential disaster.

I admire the fact that you will give the “yogurt guy” couple and the “Meat” single male another chance. Sometimes when people feel comfortable with others they inadvertently overstep boundaries (some they might not be aware of) in an innocent effort to fit in. Maybe the yogurt guy talks that way to his wife in private, or it has worked in other swing relationships, so he feels comfortable enough to use it with you two. Or maybe he really is a bit of jerk. Maybe the single male is new to MFMs, or maybe the couples he has encountered before responded to the innuendo of a little juvenile wordplay. Or maybe he really is a loser. I don’t know their situations. However, if you two don’t appreciate their crudeness, they might (hopefully) be embarrassed to find this out, if told in a reasonable way, and might temper their behavior so everyone can proceed comfortably.

So my suggestion for your dealings with the yogurt guy is for you to politely pull him aside at some point, tell him how much you and Mrs. Spoo like them, etc., and then tell him about this one concern you have. If you do it in a nicely sincere way, and he’s offended, then you have your answer regarding whether they really are a couple you want to play with. If you tell him and he agrees to change, then you have another answer. And, from what you say, you’d be hoping for him to change this one minor thing so everything would be copacetic. Pretty much the same thing with the single guy, actually, I guess.

As for guys your age (or even my age, y'know, the older ones) acting juvenile, well, I guess it depends on who you run around with, who they act juvenile around, and exactly how it's done. Would I mimic Beavis and/or Butthead's, "Heh...she said 'ass'!," in every social situation? No, I wouldn't. Honest. But do I think it is almost ROFL-funny in some "adult" situations? Hell, yes! (And I'm not one say "Hell" very often, either.)

Whatever, let your playmates or potential playmates know how you feel, and if they can adjust, then fine. If not, make 'em history. This swingin' stuff is supposed to be fun.

Good luck,
Thrax

[Cpl2share]

What's the word I am looking for here? Limits. That's it. Crudity, IMHO is not necessarily a sign of lower intellegence as another person stated. We have friends that enjoy a crude joke or comment. We have some that we speak only clear concise and "educated" language with. It is not a matter of "low IQ" unless someone has trouble determining when it is appropriate. I happen to have a very above average IQ, if I degenerate into "gutter" language it is always only when I am speaking with others that are receptive to that language. It would appear that the man in question has trouble delineating between what is and is not appropriate. He would appear to be someone who has trouble figuring out that there is a difference between having sex with someone and "fucking" them. For us it would be a matter of determining if we - I said we- felt that he was being disrespectful or trying to be funny. If he is trying to be funny a simple polite "we are a bit offended by the jokes" will suffice. If that does not work, he will never "get it" and it would be the correct time to move on. If he is unable or unwilling to respect your desire to have him watch what he says in front of you, can you trust him to watch what he says while on his luch break? ie. "I was doin Mrs. Spoo in the bedroom and Mr. Spoo was doing my wife in the kitchen."

[spectraschain]

If he is unable or unwilling to respect your desire to have him watch what he says in front of you, can you trust him to watch what he says while on his luch break?

Excellent point. Spectra and I are by no means perfect, and we are far from judging others on what they do or say...

Given that, your willingness to adapt to what we deem appropriate speaks of who you are, and how we perceive you...we, in turn, make every effort to read you and dissertain what you like or dislike.

[ohash01]

*Meh* I don't think you're prude. Trust me - even on here you've had your VERY un-prudish moments.

But I understand where you're coming from. I've gotten to the age where I can't even crack a little smile anymore when ridiculous comments like that come up. I don't want body parts or fluids to be referred to as any kind of food product (EX: penis = meat, cum = yogurt) Gross. I happen to enjoy eating and don't want that spoiled.

My only explanation for behavior like that is that they're trying to get your attention. It's like the kid who isn't getting enough attention...they do something naughty and innappropriate just to rock the boat a bit.

[sexyshelby]

I think it has a lot to do with your mood at the time, the setting, and the circumstances. At least with me it does. Childish, silly humour is funny at times, but completely inappropriate at others.

I know with my boyfriend, he used to have a habit of making these type of jokes at the wrong times. Then he got "the look" and quickly learned that this is not the right time. Just a few minutes ago, he made a joke about orgasming, which normally wouldn't have bothered me at all. But because its early in the morning, I'm about to go to work, I'd rather be in bed sleeping for another 2 or 3 hours, and therefore I'm slightly grumpy, I was annoyed.

However, the "meat" type comment, that would bug me no matter what my mood was.

~SS

[lovinher]

It would bug me too. I wouldn't talk that way to a woman......unless she wanted me too! It's not too hard to tell when that is appropriate. It bugs me a bit when somebody talks that way to lovinhim out of the situations context. Circumstances are everything though. I can think of situations where it might be just be part of the play. But from what your described it was inappropriate at the time.

[Mr. Truelove]

I don't think you are prudes. It's poor taste to make crude remarks like that. I have a couple people I see at family reunions that are like that and it just comes off very well, you nailed it...crude.

I am not sure how to approach the situation, I'd either make some sort of remark right after he said it, or pull him aside for a one on one. Either works.

Mr. Truelove