Did we get blown off?

[Mr.T]

What would you think.

We have been conversing with a local couple for a while now.Phone,coffee meets and MSN.All was going great and everyone was interested.We even had a possible playdate planned for this weekend.But this past week things seemed to have gone flipside.No online chats,phone convesations last about 15 seconds.Usually"we're busy right now" is the main topic.And that's when we call them.They don't call us anymore.

What does it sound like to you and what would you do?

[avid]

I think the answer to your question is yes.

You can deal with this in two ways:

a) Move on, OR

b) Send them an email that puts the ball back in their court. Something like, "Sorry to catch you guys at a bad time. We know how life can get in the way of fun. You know where to find us when things settle down!"

If you don't hear back from them, then go back to option a).

Sometimes it's a lot of investment for a potential payoff, isn't it? I guess that makes us all the more appreciative when things DO work out.

[iapr]

Yup, what avid said. I'll put it this way, when someone wants to play with you they are calling you/emailing you/Iming you making arraingements to meet and get naked. Anything less than that, it ain't happening.

Everyone is busy and every has other facets of their lives. Whe people want to play they get together and play. If they tell you something came up and they are busy and they offer alternate times and locations then maybe they are still interested and you may stand a chance. If they just say they are busy then that is their way of saying they have either gotten cold feet and chickened out or have just plain changed their minds.

Don't take it too personal it happens all the time and the day will come you will be interested one moment and reconsider the next, it happens to all of us.

The important thing is don't burn any bridges and don't close any doors. the day may come you run into them again sometime that spark may be rekindled and that time they may follow through.

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by iapr

Yup, what avid said. I'll put it this way, when someone wants to play with you they are calling you/emailing you/Iming you making arraingements to meet and get naked. Anything less than that, it ain't happening.

Everyone is busy and every has other facets of their lives. Whe people want to play they get together and play. If they tell you something came up and they are busy and they offer alternate times and locations then maybe they are still interested and you may stand a chance. If they just say they are busy then that is their way of saying they have either gotten cold feet and chickened out or have just plain changed their minds.

Don't take it too personal it happens all the time and the day will come you will be interested one moment and reconsider the next, it happens to all of us.

The important thing is don't burn any bridges and don't close any doors. the day may come you run into them again sometime that spark may be rekindled and that time they may follow through.

I wish more of us "swingers" were more into being polite human beings, but that must be too much to ask in this day and age. Regardless of the times in which we live, there is nothing to be gained from pursuing these people. Just look for others that meet your criteria. It's maddening and frustrating and doesn't give you the best feeling for the human race but that is the way it is.

I do agree to not burn any bridges, but if a couple is interested they would follow through. Sometimes you find that not all parties know about the situation, and when dates get discussed the other SO is informed sometimes people will just disappear. You wouldn't want to be with someone that wasn't really into what was going to happen, no matter what they LOOK like. Count your blessings and move on.

Male D

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Mr.T

What would you think.

We have been conversing with a local couple for a while now.Phone,coffee meets and MSN.All was going great and everyone was interested.We even had a possible playdate planned for this weekend.But this past week things seemed to have gone flipside.No online chats,phone convesations last about 15 seconds.Usually"we're busy right now" is the main topic.And that's when we call them.They don't call us anymore.

What does it sound like to you and what would you do?

We had a couple who moved into our area and contacted a bunch of couples about our age on SLS.

They were very nice seeming, and met several couples 2-2, got to the point of making 'real' plans and just stopped communicating. We let it die, but a couple we know asked them point blank they said they had just been really busy (ha) but they never heard from that after that.

Its one thing to be to busy to get together, but no one is to busy to write a 20 second email.

My gut tells me you are in fact being blown off. Why? Who knows, we have just decided that people are wierd, and swinging magnifies the wierdness.

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by Chicup

and swinging magnifies the wierdness.

I knew my weirdness seemed bigger these days.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[TheSwingerSet]

Originally Posted by Mr.T

What would you think.

We have been conversing with a local couple for a while now.Phone,coffee meets and MSN.All was going great and everyone was interested.We even had a possible playdate planned for this weekend.But this past week things seemed to have gone flipside.No online chats,phone convesations last about 15 seconds.Usually"we're busy right now" is the main topic.And that's when we call them.They don't call us anymore.

What does it sound like to you and what would you do?

This is exactly why we will only meet "new peeps" either new to us or new to swinging, at a event be it a bar meet, a house party or one of our monthly events. The only time we will meet other wise is if we are planning on going out anyways. This also holds true to the endless stream of e-mails and im's, for us its "hey we saw your profile and we think that etc...." from either them or us and then its time to send along a few pics and if everyone is still in agreement lets meet for drinks/dinner. If at this point they get wishy washy then we chalk it up as another meet that ain't gonna happen, we let them know that they know where to find us if they change their mind and off we go to meet someone who is ready to......


K

[havefuninsun]

I wonder if they got cold feet? Or if all of the sudden, the green eyed monster surfaced in one of them?

No excuse for the rudeness, but would explain the sudden shift ...

[JustAskJulie]

Having been a recent victim of "life happens", I can't be so quick to deem this a blow-off. Things happen in life that do make it difficult to follow- through and some of us are a little flakey (myself included) with keeping up with those who aren't our closest friends during these times.

That said, you said you had met for coffee, just once or multiple times? You said you had a tentative play date set? How far in the future? Has it passed?

Basically, don't assume they've lost interest completely and give them a chance. Option B that Avid provided is a good call either way. It gives them a chance to get back in touch when things calm down - if it is a life thing, and puts you off from having to keep chasing them if they aren't (or are interested). Remember it's only been a week, it's not like they've blown you off for two months - even then it may be a "life happens" issue.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by avid

I think the answer to your question is yes.

You can deal with this in two ways:

a) Move on, OR

b) Send them an email that puts the ball back in their court. Something like, "Sorry to catch you guys at a bad time. We know how life can get in the way of fun. You know where to find us when things settle down!"

If you don't hear back from them, then go back to option a).

Sometimes it's a lot of investment for a potential payoff, isn't it? I guess that makes us all the more appreciative when things DO work out.

Dito to that! You're not burning any bridges, which I agree shouldn't be done and it also puts the pressure back on them. If they don't respond, I don't believe you're out anything. If they do respond, you're golden.

[good times]

I agree with Julie, they may just be real busy, happens to us all the time. We have been having a lot of, "life's little unexpected surprises" lately and I just noticed the other day that we have been real slow at getting back to people who have emailed us. It is currently taking us 2 to 6 weeks to respond to emails, not because we don't want to or are consciously waiting that long, but it is just taking that long to get around to it.

[TheSwingerSet]

Originally Posted by good times

I agree with Julie, they may just be real busy, happens to us all the time. We have been having a lot of, "life's little unexpected surprises" lately and I just noticed the other day that we have been real slow at getting back to people who have emailed us. It is currently taking us 2 to 6 weeks to respond to emails, not because we don't want to or are consciously waiting that long, but it is just taking that long to get around to it.

We to get busy with life sometimes, when that happens we set an auto responder on our personal swing e-mail to let people know that we are not blowing them off but for whatever reason we just can't write back at this time.

We don't go into detail but we do give the reason why and an expected timeframe when they should hear back from us, be it 48 hours or a week. This is very handy in the summer when we spend most weekends at our lake place.

K