rushing to hook up

[karambos]

We've been swinging now for about 2 years and have had several exceting experiences in that time. However, there's one phenomenon that we really still don't understand and that's people who want to meet up straight away. Like that night or that afternoon or whatever. We have always been wary of people who say it a kind of "now or never" situation.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? And can anyone shed some light as to what kind of person is behind such offers?

[havefuninsun]

Is it rush hookups, or just "you guys are way cool and we'd love to meet face-to-face?"

For us, it's wanting to meet another couple while the excitement is still new and fresh -- to see, in person, if there's the same chemistry going on as there seems to be in the emails/chats that we have had. So if we start chatting with someone, we prefer not to go more than a week without the opportunity to meet them. And, if we were having a fun conversation with someone on a Saturday morning, we wouldn't be adverse to saying "hey -- you guys free for a drink tonight?" BUT, we wouldn't expect play time ...

[karambos]

I mean people who want to meet up to play straight away after only exchagning a few lines. Or people who advertise "for tonight only".

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by karambos

I mean people who want to meet up to play straight away after only exchagning a few lines. Or people who advertise "for tonight only".

Hmmmm ... now I see what you mean. I've seen those ads as well, and run for the hills! I reckon it's all in what you want. We want to at least like ya before we do ya

[CuriousInOregon]

I dont see a problem with wanting to Meet right away if the chemistry is there great if not then you know, but I DONT PLAY ON THE FIRST MEET that is one of our Rules we like to do some homework or at least I do and get to know the person first but hey to each their own

[lookingfornow]

I guess we have a slightly different perspective with on line ad meetings. When we first started out, we had people responding to our ad that wanted to e-mail and chat forever and then never meet. Silly us, it turns out that there are a lot (I mean a lot) of people out there pretending to be interested couples when they are not. I know.... surprise, surprise. What can I say, we were too trusting.

So now we are very, very careful. We try to weed out the lurkers as soon as possible. In our experience, nothing weeds them out faster than an immediate offer to meet. Thus, when people respond indicating an interest, our objective (if we are interested) is to move to a meeting right away.

We think this makes sense. Hey, you can only learn so much by exchanging e-mails and IMs anyway. Plus, we want to put faces, personalities and intellects (sorry, we are a little snobish in that way), to the responses. It is these intangibles that are sexy to us.

That doesn't necessarily mean that we have to play right away (although, in our experience, when things click, everyone wants to take it to the next level as soon as possible). In fact, we have met with couples on a no play first time meeting basis. And, so long as a couple is honest and up-front that they are still investigating the lifestyle, we are happy to meet with them, too. But, again, we want to meet, not endlessly e-mail and IM.

So, if you are asking why are so many couples unwilling to IM, chat and e-mail for extended periods leading up to a meeting, the answer (at least for us) is that we are not in it for those things. We IM, chat and e-mail with couples who we have met to be sure. But, we are in this to meet people and have fun. And, there are too many time wasters out there that want to do nothing more than IM, chat and e-mail. We don't want our time wasted.

[good times]

Dito what lookingfornow said. We rarely want to meet the same day, we are just usually to busy to meet on that short notice, but we aren't into a lot of correspondence before we meet either. While we don't ever expect to play on the first meet, we aren't against it either. We have seen people that put in their profiles that they expect to play on the first meet and if they contact us, we just tell them that we are willing to meet them, but are not going to guarantee that we will play on the first meet.

I have to add though, that people who say that they absolutely will not play on the first meet about equally put us off. The way we look at it is that if everybody clicks, then why not play? The problem is that, in our experience, when many of the people say, "no play on the first meet" it means that we are going to have to almost court them to get any play, and frankly, we don't have time for that either.

Of course, this is probably why even though we get about a half a dozen emails from our add each week, we hardly ever hook up with people from the add sight. The fact is, the internet add sight method of meeting people just takes a lot more time than we typically have available.

[NandTfromCA]

“Let’s meet tonight!”- No problem. Maybe we can, maybe we can’t but it’s not a red flag.

“It’s now or never”- We are done with them. We don’t play that game.

“No sex on the first date”- It does seem a little arbitrary but our experience has shown that more people write that because they are concerned about feeling pressured than because they have an actual rule (or several couples have broken the rules with us ). Either way, we see were GT is coming from.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by NandTfromCA

“Let’s meet tonight!”- No problem. Maybe we can, maybe we can’t but it’s not a red flag.

“It’s now or never”- We are done with them. We don’t play that game.

Agreed.

[good times]

Originally Posted by NandTfromCA

“No sex on the first date”- It does seem a little arbitrary but our experience has shown that more people write that because they are concerned about feeling pressured than because they have an actual rule (or several couples have broken the rules with us ).

It sounds like your experience is about the same as ours. We have found that when we have met people who say "No sex on the first date", they either are flexible on it and if we hit it off we end up playing on the first date anyway, or we end up meeting them numerous times and it never seems to go anywhere. We have never yet met anyone through our add though, that we met on the first date and hit it off but didn't play, and then subsequently hooked up on a second date and actually played.

[ohash01]

J. and I don't end up meeting the people who are "let's meet TONIGHT!". We have to plan the swinging around our lives...not our lives arund the swinging. It's not necessarily personal against them...it's just not easy to do. Plus, if I'm chatting with someone on a Wednesday evening...I've already worked 6am-3pm...J works 3pm-11pm...and once 11pm hits...I've gotta be in bed ot get up at 5am and start all over. It almost ALWAYS has to be put off until atleast the weekend...then maybe J has his daughter that weekend or we're going to the lakehouse. Spontaneous rushed meet-ups just don't fit into our schedule. We definately don't fart around forever...but it may take us a few weeks to fit ya in. That doesn't mean we aren't excited or that we don't like you enough or that we're meeting other people we "like better"...it just means we're busy.

One of the couples we're interested in have a schedule even crazier than ours...we've been talking like 3 months and just not QUITE matching up. The other M and I work 6-3...the other female goes to college during the day, then works 3-11 at night. Then on the weekends J doesn't have his daughter the other M has HIS son. It's crazy frustrating.

After all that yap, I guess all I needed to say was...rushed meet ups are IMPOSSIBLE.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by good times

We have never yet met anyone through our add though, that we met on the first date and hit it off but didn't play, and then subsequently hooked up on a second date and actually played.

We have once, and they are our best friends swinging or non swinging, but only once.

Otherwise we have no problem playing on the first date.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by karambos

We've been swinging now for about 2 years and have had several exceting experiences in that time. However, there's one phenomenon that we really still don't understand and that's people who want to meet up straight away. Like that night or that afternoon or whatever. We have always been wary of people who say it a kind of "now or never" situation.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? And can anyone shed some light as to what kind of person is behind such offers?

I had it yesterday, literally lol. I had a guy tell me he wanted to come over (and he was quite serious) after literally about 3 minutes of conversation...he and his wife, rather. Funny thing is this. I had just told him I had just made dinner for my children! I didn't ask what he thought I was going to do with the children...I'm sort of afraid to ask.

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Laurie and I are perfectly willing to meet for a weekend lunch date within 5 minutes of making email contact with someone provided there's no big red flags. That date will be "just lunch" though. If the lunch date goes well we will make a play date.
My time is severely limited because of my job so we tend to move along briskly. It's not quite "now or never" but it is "now or you will have to wait 2 weeks or maybe a month for my next slice of free time." It's not some neurotic thing, we're just BUSY.

[ShellyM]

Yeah, we usually can't do anything except for on the weekends either. We have 3 young children, so we can't just drop anything....other than our sanity! Which is fine, because most of the couples we have talked with either have young children, or HAD young children and have walked in our shoes lol. So, they know the deal! Usually people are very understanding though, from what we have seen. We have been talking with a certain couple, and their children are about the same ages as ours are.