Ideas on how to bring up MFM with a male friend?

[us242]

Hi

We have swung before as in MFM but haven't for quite sometime now. We (well my wife) finds a divorced friend of ours quite attractive and we want to intitate something with him. We have invited him for dinner and drinks a couple of times but he is being such a gentelmen and being very cool to my wife's advances although we know that he is attracted to her.

Any ideas on how to break the ice?

Thanks
K & F
Melbourne. Australia

[Alura]

I think selling yourself to a playmate is not unlike selling any goods or services. The productive salesmen don't try to impart information to their prospects about their product. Rather, they try to learn about the prospect himself, what makes him tick, what his interests are and, ultimately, how their product can provide him with something he wants or needs.

Rule No. 1: Never ask a question that can be answered with "Yes" or "No."

We've found "How do y'all feel about Swinging?" to be a good ultimate question. A one-word answer is not possible. Your friend must consider his feelings and opinions while answering. You learn a lot more about him/her from the answer.

Rule No. 2: Patience wins; anxious pressure loses.

Of course, one must not start with "The Ultimate Question." It needs to be built up to over a period of hours, days or even years. Start with "How do you feel about jealousy?" Then move to "How do you feel about premarital sex?" "...recreational sex...?" "...intermarital sex..." "...threesomes..." "...foursomes..."

Rule No 3: Choose your prospects wisely.

Only you know your friend well enough to know which questions to ask but if you practice with non-sexual questions ("How do you feel about Harry Potter?") and build up from there, you'll know what and when to ask.

Rule No. 4: Use common sense to avoid offending.

It is very important, in our experience, for the wife to "Pop the question." People always think men, natural-born perverts, are not to be trusted in matters sexual.

I'll add more rules as I think of them. This should get y'all started, though.

Good luck!


Mr. Alura

[Mike and Jan]

I think it's up to the guys to talk about it. Hey! Guys can always talk about sex together.

"You know?" Smiling "The wife thinks you're hot!"

That'll certainly get the conversation going in the right direction or let you know he's just not the type.

[seeking69]

Body language from your wife especially from her eyes and dress could bring him into attention.Then your talk like mike suggest will work fine.Have fun.

[JP51]

Agree the guys can talk....starting with the she thinks your hot line...then a comment about, she said she would do you in a heart beat, that should get a reply, if not, you can follow it up with, well would you do her? Still nothing said about it being real at that point...if the guy jaw has hit the floor you know your on the wrong track, if he starts to talk about it, then you have the closer of, heck let me go ask her if she is serious this might just be fun...and your off to the races...

[TNT]

We've played with two of Ted's buddies in the past...with one of them Ted did the talking and brought up the subject...with the other one I brought up the subject...basically I just asked him.."So, you want to fuck?"...of course this was during a conversation we were having about sex/swinging ...his answer to me was that he had waited 20 years to hear me say that

We did ask a third buddy together...we had been spending a lot of time with him and had had numerous conversations about all sorts of things...one night we were just relaxing, having a few drinks and I told him there was something that we would like to discuss with him...we let him know that we didn't want anything to change in our friendship and that it was a very unusual subject and that once the conversation was over, we would never bring it back up again and if he wanted to discuss it further, the ball would be in his court.

I asked him if he knew what the "Lifestyle" was...he said no....then I asked him if he had ever heard of swinging....yep, he knew what that was...we told him we were swingers and would enjoy him joining us for some play. He was very cool with it, said he was flattered but that group sex was not his thing. We told him we understood, changed the subject and never mentioned it again. The friendship continued and we must have planted a seed in his mind as he did bring up the subject a few times, asking different questions, before he moved out of state.

Bringing a friend into your play time is a very tricky situation, it's worked well for us in the past but you have to be very careful and really know the person/s you are asking . Always ask yourself if you really want to take the chance of losing the friendship...because there is the chance that you might.

As Mr. Alura said...steer the conversation towards things that will give you an insight into what your friend thinks and feels about sex. If he has a positive outlook on it, seems open to new ideas...then keep digging deeper until you're assured the conversation won't have a negative outcome. If he seems less than open about sex and rigid in his thinking, chances are he won't take the invitation gracefully.

Teresa

[Mike and Jan]

Teresa?

Now don't leave us hanging here, Cutie! Did #3 ever come to his senses and join you and Ted?

I just can't believe any man could turn you down.

Rich

[NakedInSeattle]

One sad thing about bringing a friend into the "fold" is that you can lose a friend. It happened to us. Friends for years and he always joked about how he had the hots for Mrs. Naked. One night in the hot tub she said that now was his chance. He went for it like a chicken on a june bug. Even said that it was wonderful.....Then guilt set in. He talked it over with his priest (Russian Orthodox, I think) and the priest told him that we were the devil incarnate and he had to stop seeing us entirely. There ya go.

We now feel that "vertical" and "horizontal" friends will never mix. Thanks for listening.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Mike and Jan

Teresa?

Now don't leave us hanging here, Cutie! Did #3 ever come to his senses and join you and Ted?

I just can't believe any man could turn you down.

Rich

No, he never did...I've always wondered what would have happened had he stayed in the area and not moved a 1000 miles away ...

Teresa

[TNT]

Originally Posted by NakedInSeattle

Then guilt set in. He talked it over with his priest (Russian Orthodox, I think) and the priest told him that we were the devil incarnate and he had to stop seeing us entirely.

That's just so wrong and sad



Teresa

[us242]

Thanks to all for their valuable inputs and advice. Let's see how it goes.

Cheers
K&F

[kush2112]

One way we have done that was to invite him over for wine. I would dress in a short sexy dress and no bra or panties and flirt like hell! hubby would then tell him that if he wanted he could have sex with me all night! This worked real well and we still have him over after 2 years.

[Edison Carter]

As with all things, handle adult topics in an adult way and you'll be fine.