How does a guy know when women are interested?

Tybee Swing · 05-20-2006, 02:13 AM

In a recent post Mrs Tybee Swing busted me out by saying that I am pretty oblivious when it comes to women in the lifestyle being attracted to me. Well, I'll have you know, she's right. I do tend to be "dumb as a bag of hammers" when it comes to picking up signals. I don't know if this is just me or it is a common situation with other men. Part of my problem may be that I don't want scare of women by either being pushy or rude. So I guess my question is a guy suppose to know when to be more flirty or, for lack of a better word, aggresive?

CB_n_Red · 05-20-2006, 02:27 AM

You could have been describing me there! So I'd love to hear any comments on that one as well.

CB

swing52001 · 05-20-2006, 03:37 AM

Mr. TS, I'm with you. I'm afraid that saying or doing something demonstrative might be construed as being forward or rude. Especially by any woman who isn't sending the signals that I think I feel. Of course being dumb as a bag of hammers is about the same as waiting for it to snow twice before I get the drift.... and by then the interested lady has decided that I'm not on her wavelength and has moved on. What do we do?

Additude · 05-20-2006, 05:12 AM

I'm not even going to try and establish that I am in-tune to "The Signals" that a woman gives when she is attracted to a man.

So, with what litte experience and personal observations I have I would tell you first to "Pay Attention" to the ladies around you.

The first thing I notice is that women like to keep looking or glancing at you and when you look straight back at them and smile and they respond then you need to make a move to introduce yourself.

Depending on the situation, if a woman touches you, even like in a conversation, like squeeze your bicep or puts her hand on your shoulder, playfully hit you, etc. then she is comfortable and you should give signals back.

Read womens eyes and expressions. If a woman is interested in you and wants you to know it then usually they are going to want you to read their silent body language. Like when the wife or GF gives you that "Look" in public when you say something or do something wrong, only the opposite. It's not the "Put a lid on it" look, it's the "Hi Sweetie I'm Horney" look.

Again, pay attention to them and you'll see if they are paying attention to you. Thats the key.

intuition897 · 05-20-2006, 06:51 AM

I'm a woman, and I have this problem. Mr. intuition is actually the more perceptive of the two of us. Always has been. He just has this innate ability to read people like a book before they even open their mouths. I couldn't lie to him if I tried! It's almost annoying.

I remember one couple we met once that was really nice, but I just couldn't seem to "get a bead" on them...and they likely thought the same. It wasn't that we weren't interested in one another (I think)...it's just that I was too shy about flirting. Wierd, I know. On here I'm such a mouthpiece, but it's a whoooooole different story when you meet me in person. I'm not as tactful or articulate as I'd like to be offline.

EvilMJ · 05-20-2006, 07:19 AM

My husband was the same way!!! He didn't even know when I was flirting with him before we got married.

I'll tell you what he did. At first he didn't make any moves at all and kinda waiting for the woman, but that just doesn't work all teh time. So he began to get a little more aggressive. But not bad agressive, just more bold, asking them to dance, talking them up a bit, the little touches that let you know he is interested.

He has become famous for his neck massages!! All the women that go to the club/dances have found out that he gives a mean neck rub, so they ask him for some attention...it's a great ice breaker.

Sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there. Yeah I know, easier said then done.

NandTfromCA · 05-20-2006, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I'll tell you what he did. At first he didn't make any moves at all and kinda waiting for the woman, but that just doesn't work all teh time. So he began to get a little more aggressive. But not bad agressive, just more bold, asking them to dance, talking them up a bit, the little touches that let you know he is interested.

Sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there. Yeah I know, easier said then done.

Dito
I can be clueless too. The problem is when both sides are being too careful. Someone has to make a move…take a chance.

When a woman is not interested at all, it's usually pretty clear. When she is interested and ready to go, that's pretty clear too.

When a woman is interested but shy, or if she is undecided, that's when it's really tough for me to tell. In those instances, I go the way of Mr. Evil- Step up the flirting.

If I don’t get a positive response after a while, I back off and assume there is no interest. If the flirting is reciprocated, things will just roll from there…you smile at me, I smile at you…you touch me, I touch you…

Mr.

"If you want my body and you think I'm sexy
come on sugar let me know.
If you really need me just reach out and touch me
come on honey tell me so."

intuition897 · 05-20-2006, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NandTfromCA

"If you want my body and you think I'm sexy
come on sugar let me know.
If you really need me just reach out and touch me
come on honey tell me so."

Can N belly dance to that tune?

DBL D · 05-20-2006, 07:37 PM

Although I'm pretty perceptive, I'm not always 100% aware... the fact remains that no matter how much I know that a gal is interested is secondary to the fact that nothing can happen until everyone agrees that everyone is happy with each other.

Nothing like a slap on my ass to get my attention...

Male D

WonderWhat · 05-21-2006, 01:00 AM

Another clueless bag of hammers here...

I'm not "movie star" handsome, but I do turn heads. Nevertheless, for the life of me I never catch on to when a woman is sending me signals, until it's too late.

In general, my guess is that those of us who can't read signals, but are pretty articulate and perceptive once we get to know the person we're interacting with, are lacking some hardware up in the brain that lets us read people. In the newfangled "multiple intelligences" theory, you might say that our natural emotional intelligence is stunted, so we have to make up for it with training.

In other words, we're more analytical when interacting with people, so we don't catch those signals that makes our gut feelings go "Ping! That chick/guy's got the hots for me."

Well, my consolation is that we *can* learn. It's just a matter of practice, and being guided by someone who does catch those signals. In my case, Mrs W.

NandTfromCA · 05-21-2006, 01:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by intuition897

Can N belly dance to that tune?

For you, girl? Oh yeah!!!

EvilMJ · 05-21-2006, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DBL D

Nothing like a slap on my ass to get my attention...

Male D

For some reason that struck me really funny...

I will remember to pat your posterior if we should ever meet.

Edison Carter · 05-21-2006, 03:21 PM

Edison here--on reading signals, what I realized is that the one time I wasn't being hit on, but thought so, interfered with perceiving the other nine times I was. Ever since I decided to not let the bad experience interfere with the potential good ones, thngs have been fine. I'm always a gentlemen and always smile if I'm told 'no'. Yet, the nine 'yes' make up for that

VanHlebar · 05-21-2006, 05:45 PM

I think this might be natural for most people, not just guys. I happen to flirt all the time, it seems to be second nature to me and to be honest I don't even notice it most of the time. With that being said, because I do tend to flirt so often, I too tend to not notice when a lady is flirting with me. I think I miss it because I just think I am being friendly and well I just think they are being friendly back.

For me I just tend to be myself around woman. I tend to be a bit overly slow and I will always ask a lady if it is ok to proceed before I do. Some ladies find it to be very nice, others think I am too passive, but I would much rather error on the side of caution. Even though we are all at the club or on the "date" for the same reason, it doesn't give me free reign to just move forward. Wish I had a sure fire formula, but all I can say is that with each no I get.. I get closer to a yes.

( I heard that somewhere else, might have been here, so if I stole that from you I apologize

)

-Van

Tybee Swing · 05-21-2006, 08:52 PM

Mrs. T.S. here....thanks for all of your thoughtful answers to Mr. T.S.! We've had our hands full on the home front the past few days, but he'll be catching up with all your posts real soon.

You folks rock!!

P.S. - I think that Mr. T.S. is a real gentleman as well as being a damned sexy bag of hammers!

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05-20-2006, 02:13 AM	#1 (permalink)
Tybee Swing wild at heart Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1,837 Location: coastal Georgia Status: couple	How does a guy know when women are interested? In a recent post Mrs Tybee Swing busted me out by saying that I am pretty oblivious when it comes to women in the lifestyle being attracted to me. Well, I'll have you know, she's right. I do tend to be "dumb as a bag of hammers" when it comes to picking up signals. I don't know if this is just me or it is a common situation with other men. Part of my problem may be that I don't want scare of women by either being pushy or rude. So I guess my question is a guy suppose to know when to be more flirty or, for lack of a better word, aggresive?

05-20-2006, 02:27 AM	#2 (permalink)
CB_n_Red Life's too short not to.. Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 615 Location: East Yorkshire, UK Status: Married Couple SLS Name:CB_n_Red	Re: Stupid question? How do you know? You could have been describing me there! So I'd love to hear any comments on that one as well. CB __________________ Take all things in moderation....including moderation

05-20-2006, 03:37 AM	#3 (permalink)
swing52001 Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 71 Location: Kawarthas, Ontario Status: married male	Re: Stupid question? How do you know? Mr. TS, I'm with you. I'm afraid that saying or doing something demonstrative might be construed as being forward or rude. Especially by any woman who isn't sending the signals that I think I feel. Of course being dumb as a bag of hammers is about the same as waiting for it to snow twice before I get the drift.... and by then the interested lady has decided that I'm not on her wavelength and has moved on. What do we do?

05-20-2006, 05:12 AM	#4 (permalink)
Additude Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 310 Location: OBX-NC	Re: Stupid question? How do you know? I'm not even going to try and establish that I am in-tune to "The Signals" that a woman gives when she is attracted to a man. So, with what litte experience and personal observations I have I would tell you first to "Pay Attention" to the ladies around you. The first thing I notice is that women like to keep looking or glancing at you and when you look straight back at them and smile and they respond then you need to make a move to introduce yourself. Depending on the situation, if a woman touches you, even like in a conversation, like squeeze your bicep or puts her hand on your shoulder, playfully hit you, etc. then she is comfortable and you should give signals back. Read womens eyes and expressions. If a woman is interested in you and wants you to know it then usually they are going to want you to read their silent body language. Like when the wife or GF gives you that "Look" in public when you say something or do something wrong, only the opposite. It's not the "Put a lid on it" look, it's the "Hi Sweetie I'm Horney" look. Again, pay attention to them and you'll see if they are paying attention to you. Thats the key. __________________ If you want something you have never had before, you must do something you have never done before.

05-20-2006, 06:51 AM	#5 (permalink)
intuition897 Canadian, eh? Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,602 Location: Kingston, ON Status: Couple SLS Name:intuition897	Re: Stupid question? How do you know? I'm a woman, and I have this problem. Mr. intuition is actually the more perceptive of the two of us. Always has been. He just has this innate ability to read people like a book before they even open their mouths. I couldn't lie to him if I tried! It's almost annoying. I remember one couple we met once that was really nice, but I just couldn't seem to "get a bead" on them...and they likely thought the same. It wasn't that we weren't interested in one another (I think)...it's just that I was too shy about flirting. Wierd, I know. On here I'm such a mouthpiece, but it's a whoooooole different story when you meet me in person. I'm not as tactful or articulate as I'd like to be offline. __________________ Fear is a symptom of ignorance. Knowledge is the cure.

05-20-2006, 07:19 AM	#6 (permalink)
EvilMJ Pure Evil..In a cute suit Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 2,497 Location: Nova Scotia Status: Couple	Re: Stupid question? How do you know? My husband was the same way!!! He didn't even know when I was flirting with him before we got married. I'll tell you what he did. At first he didn't make any moves at all and kinda waiting for the woman, but that just doesn't work all teh time. So he began to get a little more aggressive. But not bad agressive, just more bold, asking them to dance, talking them up a bit, the little touches that let you know he is interested. He has become famous for his neck massages!! All the women that go to the club/dances have found out that he gives a mean neck rub, so they ask him for some attention...it's a great ice breaker. Sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there. Yeah I know, easier said then done. __________________ "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

05-20-2006, 07:37 PM	#9 (permalink)
DBL D Oh...Why not?... Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 2,312 Location: Northern Call-ee-forn-ee-ah Status: Married Couple	Re: Stupid question? How do you know? Although I'm pretty perceptive, I'm not always 100% aware... the fact remains that no matter how much I know that a gal is interested is secondary to the fact that nothing can happen until everyone agrees that everyone is happy with each other. Nothing like a slap on my ass to get my attention... Male D __________________ "Just nod if you can hear me..." David Gilmour

05-21-2006, 01:00 AM	#10 (permalink)
WonderWhat Here to Stay Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 44 Location: Greater Seattle area Status: Couple	Re: Stupid question? How do you know? Another clueless bag of hammers here... I'm not "movie star" handsome, but I do turn heads. Nevertheless, for the life of me I never catch on to when a woman is sending me signals, until it's too late. In general, my guess is that those of us who can't read signals, but are pretty articulate and perceptive once we get to know the person we're interacting with, are lacking some hardware up in the brain that lets us read people. In the newfangled "multiple intelligences" theory, you might say that our natural emotional intelligence is stunted, so we have to make up for it with training. In other words, we're more analytical when interacting with people, so we don't catch those signals that makes our gut feelings go "Ping! That chick/guy's got the hots for me." Well, my consolation is that we can learn. It's just a matter of practice, and being guided by someone who does catch those signals. In my case, Mrs W.

05-21-2006, 03:21 PM	#13 (permalink)
Edison Carter Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 412 Location: Bloomington, Il Status: Couple SLS Name:EdisonCarter Blog Entries: 1	Re: Stupid question? How do you know? Edison here--on reading signals, what I realized is that the one time I wasn't being hit on, but thought so, interfered with perceiving the other nine times I was. Ever since I decided to not let the bad experience interfere with the potential good ones, thngs have been fine. I'm always a gentlemen and always smile if I'm told 'no'. Yet, the nine 'yes' make up for that

05-21-2006, 05:45 PM	#14 (permalink)
VanHlebar a.k.a. Stifler Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 550 Location: Cincinnati Status: Married Male SLS Name:MrMrsVanHlebar	Re: Stupid question? How do you know? I think this might be natural for most people, not just guys. I happen to flirt all the time, it seems to be second nature to me and to be honest I don't even notice it most of the time. With that being said, because I do tend to flirt so often, I too tend to not notice when a lady is flirting with me. I think I miss it because I just think I am being friendly and well I just think they are being friendly back. For me I just tend to be myself around woman. I tend to be a bit overly slow and I will always ask a lady if it is ok to proceed before I do. Some ladies find it to be very nice, others think I am too passive, but I would much rather error on the side of caution. Even though we are all at the club or on the "date" for the same reason, it doesn't give me free reign to just move forward. Wish I had a sure fire formula, but all I can say is that with each no I get.. I get closer to a yes. ( I heard that somewhere else, might have been here, so if I stole that from you I apologize ) -Van

05-21-2006, 08:52 PM	#15 (permalink)
Tybee Swing wild at heart Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1,837 Location: coastal Georgia Status: couple	Re: Stupid question? How do you know? Mrs. T.S. here....thanks for all of your thoughtful answers to Mr. T.S.! We've had our hands full on the home front the past few days, but he'll be catching up with all your posts real soon. You folks rock!! P.S. - I think that Mr. T.S. is a real gentleman as well as being a damned sexy bag of hammers!

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