I met a HOT chic - I think she swings! Now what do I do?

[LikeMinds321]

This weekend we attended a dinner with vanilla folks. It was a dinner that we had been invited to by a couple we met a few weeks ago--that is a story in itself, maybe for another thread. This couple had reserved 20 seats and we ended up being seated at the other end of the table so we knew none of the people around us.

I was next to a beautiful, vivacious blonde who sat to my left; Mr LM was on my right. We were seated at one long table, twelve people each side.

She struck up a conversation with me immediately. About five minutes in she mentioned the "S" word: SWINGER. I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what hit me. The word flowed off her lips so naturally. As I recall, she made a comical reference to somebody in the restaurant being a swinger. She was making a joke, I laughed, but I was in shock. I just heard this "vanilla" woman call someone a swinger--and she made being a swinger sound positive and fun.

I then mentioned Oprah's show--I had to come up with some excuse for knowing what a swinger was.

We discovered interests we have in common, and she said she would like to get to know me better. We exchanged e-mail addresses and phone numbers.

Now how do I proceed? I have only ever "made the move" on known swingers. How do I start to develop this relationship. I don't know if I'm going to like her husband, he seemed tired and never tried to join in our conversation. But the room was very noisy and people could only easily converse with those right next to them or across the table. Mr LM liked how she looked, but he didn't have a chance to talk to her.

I don't know where to go with this. Heck, I can envision playing with her alone and leaving the men at home.

I could use some ideas. This is a new arena for me.

LM

[curious24]

Consider yourself lucky!! I wish I could meet a hot chic.

I wish I could tell you what to do though. Unfortunately I don't have any experience at this so it'll be interesting to see what others say.

Maybe invite her out for a happy hour. Nothing like getting a little bit tipsy and asking questions. That's what I would do

Good luck!

[EternallySingle]

Invite the two of them to a sports bar for lunch with the two of you, make a swinging-type innuendo (maybe say "hey, your husband does that for you? Maybe you'd let me borrow him sometime?"), and see how they react. If they react favorably, bring up some of your experiences tactfully and see if they do the same. If they don't, laugh it off.

I've done something similar with three women I know just recently. One I now know is a swinger, one I believe might want to try swinging (I get the distinct impression her husband likes to watch...he's begun complimenting me on my clothes, making jokes about me and his wife...hmmm), and one wants a bed buddy, but I think I blew that chance by using the wrong wording when I brought it up. I said "I'd like to be more than friends," but didn't want to use friends with benefits. I think she thought I meant I wanted to be her boyfriend, something she denies she ever wants again at her age, but she really goes out of her way to make sure I stay at her place well after midnight whenever I visit. Damn 60 day rule

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by EternallySingle

Invite the two of them to a sports bar for lunch with the two of you, make a swinging-type innuendo (maybe say "hey, your husband does that for you? Maybe you'd let me borrow him sometime?"), and see how they react. If they react favorably, bring up some of your experiences tactfully and see if they do the same. If they don't, laugh it off.

Hold your horses ES! You're way too fast for me. I know I'll want to move at a much slower pace.

Because they know all these people that we don't know (except for the two who invited us to the dinner) we are like two new fish in the fish bowl. Everybody will have their ears ready for any juicy tales about us. I know this because one of the first things she said to everyone seated around us was, "So you're the new couple everyone's been talking about?" Come to find out they had been making up some pretty funny stories about us.

I don't want to risk being a topic of conversation for "the group." I need time to develop trust--through friendship--with this couple.

Don't you think I should let them bring up swinging, maybe we can play dumb, let them introduce us to it? What do you think?

LM

[EternallySingle]

OK, I cut too much again. Maybe I should stop trying to make short posts. I don't do them well.

ORIGINALLY, I said you should meet with the woman alone at lunch or after work at a coffee shop and just talk about things, and see what topics she brings up. Bring up the night of the dinner and some of the jokes you heard, including the one someone made about someone in the restaurant being a swinger. If she admits it was her, tell her you read about it after the Oprah show (you wouldn't be lying) and ask if she had as well. If she says she hasn't, she's not a swinger, and you can back out by saying something like "I could only see myself doing something like that with someone I really trusted as much as I trust my husband anyway. And you know how hard it would be to find someone like that?" Of course, that will bring up a whole new line of conversation about how we men can't be trusted any further than you can throw us. If she says she's read about it also, you have a totally different direction you can travel.

You can ask each other questions about what you think swinging is, why you think people do it, and if you'd ever think of doing it sometime in the future. If she says she can't see herself doing it, again use the comment about not doing it unless you ran across someone you trusted as much as your husband. If she says its something she and her husband has talked about, make light of it without closing the door to the possibility.

[twoplayful2]

Maybe just play it safe and let it all go. Even if they are swingers you might not want to mix the two parts of your life. If it were us though, we'd probably start the flirting immediately Another thought, you don't need to let additional details about yourselves leak out to these people even if you do start to get involved with them. Since it's the "real life" part of your life that we're talking about here, maybe as far as they'd know you're just a wild and fun couple.

[montresor]

In the "Chuang-Tzu," the master berates the pupil who leaps ahead too fast: "You see a crossbow and immediately imagine an owl roasting on the spit." Or words to that effect. Ancient Chinese cuisine issues aside (Owl? Um, yuck.), seems like everyone's fast-forwading to you romping with your new friend(s). One step at a time, guys! E-mail & phone numbers? Great! Enjoy the preliminary stages for what they are. If your new friend is indeed a swinger, things will unfold. If not, you still have a new friend. The issue of everyone knowing you and her already is important; you wouldn't want to commit a faux-pas by jumping ahead to the sexy chapter. You may want to consider, also, that her tired and out of it husband may know nothing about this -- I could easily imagine that he might be generally too pooped to pop, and the Emerald City of swinging looks inviting to her. I say proceed, but don't have too many expectations of the outcome. It will be what it will be, in the way it's supposed to. Just you and her meet, sound it out, etc. Hey, what do I know? Worth looking at, though.

[TNT]

Is it possible that this whole group are swingers and that you got invited to dinner so they could all feel you out and you were seated by this particular lady because she's the more outgoing of the group and it was her job to feel ya'll out?

Hey...maybe a long shot, but it is worth a thought.

I like ES's suggestion, since you exchanged e-mails and phone numbers, just take it slow and easy...see how the friendship develops and take it from there.

Teresa

[JustAskJulie]

Just start it as you would any potential friendship. Give her a call or shoot her an email and say hi - it was great meeting you, I'm looking forward to getting to know you better... wanna have lunch?

Then go to lunch and get to know her better. Then bring up the Oprah show again and see where it goes "ya know I've been thinking about that Oprah show...."

[Miss_Piggy]

Originally Posted by TNT

Is it possible that this whole group are swingers and that you got invited to dinner so they could all feel you out and you were seated by this particular lady because she's the more outgoing of the group and it was her job to feel ya'll out?

heeheehee.. This is definitely the best explanation (fantasy-wise )

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by TNT

Is it possible that this whole group are swingers and that you got invited to dinner so they could all feel you out and you were seated by this particular lady because she's the more outgoing of the group and it was her job to feel ya'll out?

Hey...maybe a long shot, but it is worth a thought.

I like ES's suggestion, since you exchanged e-mails and phone numbers, just take it slow and easy...see how the friendship develops and take it from there.

Teresa

I feel like I'm sitting down with all of you in my living room, watching you spin little webs for me to climb on.

Coaching me to take it slow makes sense. That's what I'd be most comfortable with. I'm in no rush, just excited about the possibilities. I'll develop a friendship with her, then we'll bring our husbands in.

Really truly, I think about what things might be like with her (them) a year away. I set swinging as a possible distant goal because if something sweet becomes of it sooner, I would feel very fortunate.

Regarding the group being swingers, Mr LM and I feel sure this is not the case, for a variety of reasons. These days, we always have our "swinger radar" up and we didn't get pings from the group overall.

Originally Posted by montresor

If your new friend is indeed a swinger, things will unfold. If not, you still have a new friend.

This is how I am going to approach it.

Just writing this and thinking about meeting her has me blushing. I'm afraid I'll not be my usual confident self, you know how it is, when a high school kid has a crush they avoid eye contact and blush too easily.

I figure I'll give it a few days before I e-mail her. Okay?

LM

[good times]

I think you are on rthe right track LM, by your descriotion of the events and the way you described your relationship to the other members of this group I would defenitely go slowly. We have been to a couplke of vanilla parties in the last few weeks and I have noticed at these parties a lot of people give off a swinger vibe to me by the things they say and do. But I know for a fact that they aren't swingers and after taking a serious blow amongst our circle of vanilla friends before, I know not to go to far with them. It seems like recently it has become socially acceptable for people to flirt and be more open about sexual things in the vanilla world than it has in the past which makes it a little confusing for us as swingers. So I wouldn't push it, go slowly and you never know, maybe you have found a swinger in your midst.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Just start it as you would any potential friendship. Give her a call or shoot her an email and say hi - it was great meeting you, I'm looking forward to getting to know you better... wanna have lunch?

That's what I'd do too.

Have fun getting to know your new friend, LM.

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

......Don't you think I should let them bring up swinging.....

LM

She already has, hasn't she?

Give her a call or send her an e-mail. Get to know her on a "friendly" basis. Maybe she will bring swinging up again in passing, or if not maybe you can once you are comfortable with her. Either way you could end up with a good friend.
Nothing wrong with that.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by TNT

Is it possible that this whole group are swingers and that you got invited to dinner so they could all feel you out and you were seated by this particular lady because she's the more outgoing of the group and it was her job to feel ya'll out? Teresa

That's how it happened for us. We were attending a semi-formal garden party hosted by the head of a local civic organization. Upon arriving, we were told that some people were holding seats for us at their table. It didn't take very long (or very many drinks) to figure out that everybody at that table had some interest or connection to swinging or some other unconventional adult behavior. (Two of the couples were bonafide members of swing clubs, one was very curious, and the wives of 2 others 2 were notorious tittie-flashers)

Think about it...if you were hosting a party, and you suspected that some of your guests were gay, for instance, how better to make a discrete introduction than to arrange seating at a dinner table?

This girl is sending you signals that even "Rain Man" would find hard to ignore. Invite her to lunch, arrange for a bottle of her favorite wine to be sent to your table, and let us know how it turns out!