New couple wondering how to get things going

[T & K 4 Fun]

Hi all, i've introduced myself in the introductions forum, so i'll skip that...

anyways, i've read all i could, and have finally decided to post! so here goes nothing.

my fiance and i have had some recent "close" calls involving other couples. we weren't made any offers or asked any questions regarding swinging, but there was a definite sexual tension on both occasions.

1) during an afterparty for one of our work parties, we met a good looking, friendly gal that was happening to meet her SO there (he happened to live in the hotel), and we got to talking, and K and her got along great. then he showed up, and was also a great guy, we got to talking and exchanging business cards, etc. after the bar closed, we all got some drinks to go in plastic cups to take up to his room after some convincing by me and the other couple. there was talk about them having sex, and after the fact, K told me how the other female kept on telling her how beautiful she was, over and over (sounds to me like she wanted her). they seemed very open, and we had a good time, but had to go as K worked early in the morning. does this sound to you like a good time, or like we could have taken it further if we were ready? ( i know, anything could happen, just want to know if this is typicall behaviour for a "swinging" couple)

2) during a football game party this past weekend, we were having drinks and playing pool, was a really great time. eventually me and K were the only ones left, and lots had been said about naked hottubbing, and that it tended to happen a lot over there (they say they always have parties!) and that the only thing that mattered to them is that nobody peed in the hot tub... we borrowed suits from them after much convining (again, by me and the other couple) which happened to fit nicely, and the other female was wearing a provocative one piece with the front zipper WAY down, exposing the inner halves of her breasts. they were an older couple, mid 40's i'd say, and we are 22 and 21, i'd have to say that he was not a bad looking guy, and K seemed to take a liking to him (not necessarily in a physicall way, personally) and i happened to take a liking to her (both physically and mentally). now there is no way that i would have pursued anything with "her", as we were just there for drinks and fun, but she seemed to be loosing up K to enjoy the evening. so comes the hottub, me and him were having a cigar, and talking about much, not excluding business, while i noticed her move closer to K, i also felt feet touching in the hot tub, which was no big deal, but there was this lingering sexual vibe, all the while i caught a couple of glances towards me by her and towards K by him. next thing you know, drinks were gone and it was time to go home again as it was a sunday and already getting late. after reading a lot here, i've been thinking things could have gotten steamy, if we knew it would go that way, but i know K didn't think anything of it (she may have had some desires, but she wouldn't let me know). well, it so happens that he really liked me, and she really had a good time, and the same with me and K, and we all want to get together again, this time we'll plan so we can stay over at their place (they've got about 5 or 6 bedrooms). does this sound like i could ease things into happening accidentally? i think so by the way things were going, hopefully i can initiate the nude hottubbing, but i don't want to seem to eager, as i'm not. although i'm very excited about the thought i must confess! i was thinking of asking the other couple if they've ever been to a nude resort/beach to try and stir up talk of sex while i'm at it. edit: she also made comments about how she could see right through my shorts

me and K have talked about bringing others into our sex life on a sex only basis, for instance another woman because i want to see her get eaten out by another woman, and i said since she won't let me do anal on her (K) that i would want to do it to the other woman, she said fine as long as i don't go in her pussy (this was a long time ago)! i've never brought up the thought of another man, as this doesn't really apeal to me, another couple does, as it seems sensual, but just me and another man doesn't really hit the spot.

any suggestions on how to steam things up? i was thinking about suggesting truth or dare if it seemed right (to the other guy) as he was very convincing about getting us to take shots of their really good tequilla, so i figured after some drinks, we might just "end up" playing truth or dare all in good fun, but i don't know. i guess i'm kind of lost on how to get past the wondering point. i've been especially pampering my K lately, and making her feel especially loved (she is), and have been realizing that this could honestly help our communication. i'm not sure she'd be ready for a swap, but if we could make love in front of another couple doing the same, i think it would be very erotic and spark more conversation. i don't know anymore the whole point of this post, BUT i am glad i got it out as i've been contemplating how to address K about discussing this. thanks for taking the time to read this as i know i must be very long by now, i should get into novels...

[CowboyBob]

Maybe it's just me, but in my wife's and my limited experience, we've never EVER had an encounter with another couple that "stumbled into" swinging. Whenever we've hooked up with someone else, we've known beforehand everybody was there with the goal of swinging or at least meeting other swingers.

Frankly, if we met another couple that we didn't KNOW were swingers, we wouldn't do anything about it, even if we thought they were hot. There's just too much risk of embarrasment or alienation or just pissing people off.

I think if you want to try it, you shouldn't hope to "stumble across" someone else who might or might not be interested; they probably won't. Somebody interested in swinging actively seeks out people they KNOW are into swinging, too.

This board is a good place to start and, happily, the web is full of places to contact people you know are swingers in your area.

Emphasize the word, "know."

You might have been picking up a playful vibe on those two occasions, but if you'd tried to act on that vibe, more likely than not you'd have gotten a punch in the mouth.

[T & K 4 Fun]

Originally Posted by CowboyBob

Maybe it's just me, but in my wife's and my limited experience, we've never EVER had an encounter with another couple that "stumbled into" swinging. Whenever we've hooked up with someone else, we've known beforehand everybody was there with the goal of swinging or at least meeting other swingers.

Frankly, if we met another couple that we didn't KNOW were swingers, we wouldn't do anything about it, even if we thought they were hot. There's just too much risk of embarrasment or alienation or just pissing people off.

I think if you want to try it, you shouldn't hope to "stumble across" someone else who might or might not be interested; they probably won't. Somebody interested in swinging actively seeks out people they KNOW are into swinging, too.

This board is a good place to start and, happily, the web is full of places to contact people you know are swingers in your area.

Emphasize the word, "know."

You might have been picking up a playful vibe on those two occasions, but if you'd tried to act on that vibe, more likely than not you'd have gotten a punch in the mouth.

i can understand what you're saying, but i think you misunderstood me, we're not swingers, and definitely wouldn't be ready to swap, but i think some erotic things could have occurred in the heat of the moment, it's not like i'm going to come out and say, "hey, i'd really love to fuck your wife!", or in fact mean it, but some playfullness between the ladies would be some fine entertainment for us guys!

i'm not really about that, i'd more like to stir up some excitement if you know what i mean, like nude tubbing that would lead to me fondling MY fiance, if things went from there, then that would be icing on the cake. i'm about taking this slow, i'm not even sure K would be into it, although we have had some talks.

[SexhoundDog]

Originally Posted by T & K 4 Fun

all the while i caught a couple of glances towards me by her and towards K by him. . edit: she also made comments about how she could see right through my shorts

I don't think you have to much worry about "steaming it up" and getting on to the subject of sex. I think they're feeling you out, or at least the other woman is. I'm thinking this couple is hoping for a bit of fresh young meat. If you're both cool with it, I don't think it would take much opening up to accomplish it. Just be sure you and K are on the same page before joining up with them again.

In fact, if you hot tub with them again and the other woman makes that type comment about seeing thru your shorts, if you said "well if that's the case, should I just take them off?", I'm betting you'd get a definitive yes if K also chirped in while looking at the other guy's trunks. The other lady may or may not be into K as she may not be bi or bi-curious, but I'm sure she's wanting to make sure K is OK with things.

As CowboyBob points out, if you're not reading the signals right, you could risk being embarrassed. But if you don't have that much invested in the new friendship, I don't think I'd worry about it.

[good times]

A similar thing to what you are describing is how my wife and I originally got interested in swinging. Through experiences similar to the ones you are relating hear we eventually over time got to the point with our friends that we now know would be considered soft swinging (lots of heavy petting and sexual innuendo but no actual sex). Each time we would get together with our friends it seemed to go a little bit further. At one point after we had been doing this for about a year we brought up the subject of taking it further to full swap with the two couples we were doing this with. The result of this is our friends immediately reevaluated what we had been doing and decided they didn't want any part of it. The result was that now we rarely speak to one of the couples the female of which was one of my wife’s best friends before this. The other couple we are still friends with but we have noticed that where we were pretty much inseparable before (went camping with them, vacationed together, Attended parties at each others homes at least monthly) now we just don't get invitations from them any more.

So my advice is to tread carefully, and let it go its own pace, if you decide to let it go anywhere at all. And don't be surprised if they are very offended if you take it too far. Like the above poster we have totally separated our vanilla (non swinging) friends from our swinging friends and intend to never mix them again.

By the way, from your decryption above, what you describe wouldn't necessarily indicate to me that they wanted to interact in a sexual way.

[T & K 4 Fun]

well, for all i know there was nothing to it, i just had the feeling of being seduced by this other couple, which was flattering to say the least.

trying to figure out if they were i stumbled across this site and it has opened up some integuing opportunities, but i'm not fully ready to "swap" anyways, and i'm pretty sure K isn't either. but just reading some of this stuff is such a turn on, i can't help but think of the possibilities! i love my fiance sooo very much, and would only do anything if she was willing, as the idea of her total pleasure arouses me greatly. i've actually sent her a link to one of the stories, and told her to look at some of the other ones while drinking wine until i get home!!!! hopefully it should make for an exciting evening!

- T

[LikeMinds321]

I sure think you're being seduced. If I had those signals from a couple I would definately take it to mean they are interested in getting physical.

Here's the bugaboo. I wouldn't want to get closer until I knew for sure they were swingers. People who are looking to fuck aren't necessarily swingers. I feel with swingers you have a better chance of clarifying your intentions BEFORE you do any playing around. If these people aren't familiar with the swinger language and value systems most of use have, they may be more trouble than they are worth.

You know what your boundaries are, but you have no idea what their's are until you hear it from them. I'd want to find this out before I'd get any closer.

Swinging was a topic on Oprah recently, you could use that as a way to bring up swinging. See if they admit to being swingers.

As always, you need to think about the longterm consequences of developing a sexual relationship with this couple. You mentioned you had exchanged business cards; do you expect to do business with them? This may be impossible if you first swing. Just something to think about.

Let us know how you decide to handle this.

LM

[inbeachcouple]

Originally Posted by T & K 4 Fun

i some erotic things could have occurred in the heat of the moment, it's not like i'm going to come out and say, "hey, i'd really love to fuck your wife!".

If things started getting physical, they might say it. If you're planning on getting back into that situation with them again, be prepared to respond to it. I'm not saying it will happen (them saying it), but it's a definate possibility and you should really think about how you're going to deal with it.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

... Swinging was a topic on Oprah recently, you could use that as a way to bring up swinging. See if they admit to being swingers. ...

Exactly what I was thinking.

If you bring it up in a non-committal way you won't have too much backpeddling to do if they have a bad reaction. From what you describe though, I'd bet that they'll just smile and ask you what you think about swinging. Best of luck!

-B

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by T & K 4 Fun

i've been especially pampering my K lately, and making her feel especially loved (she is), and have been realizing that this could honestly help our communication....

... i'm not sure she'd be ready for a swap, but if we could make love in front of another couple doing the same, i think it would be very erotic and spark more conversation.

Instead of trying to figure out what these couples would be up for (if anything), you need to make sure you and K are on the same page.

If you haven't discussed any of this with your wife, I would advise you to tread carefully around these couples. DO NOT try to insinuate anything or see what becomes of any sexual innuendo without making sure your wife is comfortable in this type of enviornment you want to create.

You think this will honestly help your communication with K? Planning anything or hoping for anything to happen without K's prior knowledge isn't going to help your communication. If you're unsure if she'd be game for anything, you shouldn't try to get her in a sexual enviornment to see how she reacts. The above scenerios you described are good topics to open up communication with K now. Have you asked K how she felt about those nights? Have you asked her "What if...?"

You also say that you're not sure if she's ready for a swap. You need to know exactly what her bounderies are before you hope for anything to happen. You need to know exactly what she'd be comfortable doing if an opportunity came into light. If things 'just happen', she might feel pressured to go along with things she's not 100% copasetic with. This could ruin any plans you have for playtime in the future.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

Instead of trying to figure out what these couples would be up for (if anything), you need to make sure you and K are on the same page.
...

Good catch there Vesp, I'd kind of missed that.

T, if you're not sure exactly where she stands on all this, you need to find that out before saying anything to this other couple. Otherwise, somebody may be unpleasantly surprised.

-B

[confunktion]

Excellent posts to this point. I'll just ride on their coattails.

At the current pace, there isn't a lot more steam that needs to be created, IMHO. If you and your lovely make sure that you are on the same page without a doubt, let things ease along at their own pace and see what happens. If things get really heated and they move in for the kill, roll with it. If not, hey, flirting is a lot of fun in and of itself.

Like I said though, the two of you have to be thinking along the same wavelength without any miscommunication prior to another meeting like this. Anything less could be disasterous. Good luck to you!

Mr. Funk
Heading on down to flirt with Mrs. Funk