Help me understand the exclusion?

[Honey_Tampa]

Today was the second time I've read a post that said that sex with this or that type person is not "swinging". I don't understand why that is.

For example ... I read a few days ago .. someone said that lesbian couples were popping up in swing clubs and they hoped the trend would end soon. Granted, I leapt to the conclusion that this meant that lesbian couples aren't part of the swinging culture .. I mean .. why else would a couple be discouraged from attending a swing club? I hope it isn't because you just don't like 'em.

Another example .. I read today ... someone said that sex with shemales isn't a swinging activity.

Why does being lesbians or being a shemale exclude you from swingerdom? I always thought that swinging generally meant .. having sex with a couple - or - a couple having sex with a person/people outside their relationship.

Lesbians...Shemales...Asians...Virgins...Sadists.. .75 year olds ... what does it matter what "type" of person you are?

Thoughts? If I'm way off base, please tell me.

[Vespertine]

I agree!

I know gay couples that swing with other gay couples. People are people. People who swap partners are swingers... be they gay, lesbian, heshehe's, I've even heard of a monkey or two that swing.

Swinging is an activity- not an identity.

[AmyNGreg]

I think that it's a defense mechanism for people because they just can't think of a type of person doing the same activity that they love to do.

If it gives you some distance (albeit virtual distance), people have an easier time with the idea. It's like a man saying, "No son of mine is a queer!" It doesn't change that his son is a homosexual, but not associating that label with his son makes it easier for him to accept (or deny as the case may be).

-Greg
(Armchair Psychologist)

[VegasLee]

Oh this one just called to me.

Swing is: Recreational sex between consenting adults.

Seems that many swingers are the most close minded people on the face of this earth. If it is not their "type of swinging" then it is not swinging.

Many say that you have to be a couple to be swingers. As you are finding there is others that say if you are not a MARRIED MAN AND WOMEN that you can not be a swinger.


Forget everything any of them say. They did not write the book, make the rules and as far as I know no one died and made them boss of swinging.

Swinging is what works for you. Nothing more or less.

Swing is: Recreational sex between consenting adults.

Keep is simple and have a great life.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

..., I've even heard of a monkey or two that swing.

I resemble this remark

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Swing is: Recreational sex between consenting adults.

Keep is simple and have a great life.

Originally Posted by Vespertine

Swinging is an activity- not an identity.

Very well said by both!!!

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

Swinging is an activity- not an identity.

Great summation...

I like this

Spoomonkey (identity: Monkey; activity: swinger; fantasy: Ves in a wig)

[good times]

Originally Posted by Honey_Tampa

For example ... I read a few days ago .. someone said that lesbian couples were popping up in swing clubs and they hoped the trend would end soon. Granted, I leapt to the conclusion that this meant that lesbian couples aren't part of the swinging culture .. I mean .. why else would a couple be discouraged from attending a swing club? I hope it isn't because you just don't like 'em.

I beleive this is a reference to a post that I made, so let me explain. I don't have anything against lesbians or anybody else, and I agree with you that anybody can enjoy swinging no mater what their sexual preference, but if I wanted to hang out with lesbians I would go to a gay/lesbian club. If I did go to a lesbian club, I wouldn't logically expect to have any luck hooking up with anyone for sex as I am a male and naturally don't qualify as a lesbian. What I meant by "hoping this trend doesn't continue" is that if it does continue the club I was refering to would slowly change from a swing club to a lesbian club and I would no longer be a welcome addition there. The funny thing is that at this same club they don't allow bi-male activities. Their stated reason for this is they don't want to attract the gay male crowd and have the club turned into a gay bar.

So I guess my point is that while I believe that gays, lesbians and hetrosexuals can all be swingers, my wife and I are both straight and the gays/lesbians are only interested in hooking up with the same sex, so I'm almost positive we aren't going to be swinging together.

And just for the record, it is not a matter of me being prejudiced against homosexuals, as I am not at all. In fact, one of the clubs we go to is actually a gay/crossdresser club and once a month they hold a swingers party, their parties are our current favorite parties to attend. The last party we went to, their were probably as many gays in attendance as their were swingers, in fact I was sitting at the bar next to a 6 foot tall guy in a dress, heels, wig and makeup, one of the gay guys kept buying us rounds and made a pretty succesfull attempt at getting several of us drunk. While it is fun to visit and socially interact with the gay segment of the clubs patrons, the two groups (swingers and gays) don't really interact much beyond that, yet we are all swinging in our own way.

[VegasLee]

Uh Oh... we are being double teamed by the Monkeys!

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Uh Oh... we are being double teamed by the Monkeys!

Monkeys do it in groups

Spoomonkey

PS - If you are ever "double teamed" by us, I promise I won't "tag in"

[pumpkins1970]

My thoughts on this subject are that I believe everybody should have the right to do as they damn well please! And we, trying to be the wonderfully opened-minded swingers we are all trying to be, owe which-ever group that whoever may belong to, the respsect that we believe they should show us. You may or may not like gays/lesbians/CD's/TV's ( or maybe sex, age, gender, race, religion, hair color, etc) but as long as they aren't infringing upon you or intentionally harassing you, then who gives a flying-rats ass as to what they do, I know I don't. I think if everybody forgot about all our differences and trying to separate ourselves from one another, everyone would have a much happier existence(and a hell of alot more time to play!)
Mr. Pump

[Chicup]

Everyone has the right to do as they please in this and thats fine and dandy. Its also quite fine and dandy to say you dont' want your swing club to turn into a gay club or you don't want to be at a club with shemales.

You can be quite tolerant and not LIKE some activities. I don't like some foods, I don't like some TV shows and I don't like watching men have sex with each other. Is it wrong for me to want to attend clubs that don't allow male bi activies?

Tolerance is you do your thing, I'll do mine and we won't keep each other from doing it. Tolerance is not having to accept it into your life as part of who you are.

Lets take an example thats a bit more clear cut.

If you start a fishing club and a bunch of waterskiers want to join so they can waterski while you are fishing, do you let them into the club? Sure both involve the water and boats, but the activies do not mesh well with each other.

This feeling seems to be mutual as well. The dirtiest looks I ever got at a bar was when I was with a girl and another hetro-couple at a gay bar. Apparently the lesbians didn't like our kind there. Being a public bar in a college town we couldn't get kicked out, but we were made to feel quite unwelcome.

[anotherway2liv]

I think the point is that a lesbian couple at a "normal" swing club brings just about as much to the mix as single guys. A womans husband has little chance getting action from either of the two, but both want would be happy to spend time with the wifes. Personally I don't think there is much of a chance of the scene being over run.
I think if this was to happen things would even out. Couples would end up changing thier rules of Engagement and such to off set the worrie of the men becoming obsolete. I don't think there is much to worrie about really.

Thats just what I am getting from all this. And I might be wrong (and am usually "she is the right one").

[fun_pairTX]

We believe to each his or her own. Everyone has their own trip. I think a lot of what is interpreted as bias is really just some peoples insecurities catching up with them. These issues may be social or sexual, or more likely a combination of both. In short some people when they feel the pressure of a social/sexual situation are more comfortable if they can mentally pigeon-hole (catagorize) others. Consciously or unconsciously we all do this to a greater or lesser degree. Nobody is perfect, its just that some feel it necessary to speak out on it.

[Dave_kat]

We go to lesbian bars here in Savannah, and the amazing thing is, Dave has more luck there than Kat does in picking up a woman. Why? Among lesbians, bisexual women are looked down upon, at least in this area. It could be that with the number of lesbian couples, one partner might be bisexual and they are allowing her to go have that occasional penis if she so desires.

Another way of looking at it, just glancing through sites like Swing Lifestyle or swingers date club, the number of couples looking for a woman for the wife with the guy watching? Unless there is some dishonesty in the ad, you would think a lesbian would be very welcome to fulfill that desire.

Granted for the straight couples this would not seem an ideal situation, but there was even another thread complaining about where the str8 couples have gone just earlier this week. But then again, we're not into the bi-men thing ourselves, but we are not going to tell 2 consenting men in a private play room that they can't do something that they, as consenting adults, want to do.