When are you Too old to swing?

[Bluebirds in San Jose]

Hi; This is one of those 'touchy' subjects, as we all know that one of the most wonderful things to come out of the sexual revolution is that everyone (of legal age) has the right to an appropriate, free, and unhindered method or methods of sexual expression.

We no longer think people are 'too old' to have sex; Gerontologists routinely reassure us that no matter how old we get, we can continue to express our sexual selves as long as the body still works.

This is where it gets touchy.

At what age do we start embarassing ourselves within the swing community? At what point is it just not going to work for us (or the other couples around us) because we're stuck in a previous generation or lifestyle.

I ask this because we recently saw a couple in their late 60's/early 70's at a nearby club. They were obviously very much in love with each other, demonstrative with each other (More Power to them! Way to go!), but really had lost the ability to communicate or even be moderately attractive to the rest of the partygoers. Some otherwise understanding and compassionate people in attendence (who would never speak ill of another in any other situation) actually mentioned that the presence of this couple was a mood-killer.

The couple? She was in a wonderful peach-colored silk nightie, with a nice body. But the Black curly wig was bobby-pinned to the top of her head, with too much of her natural (thin, straight) white hair showing. The parfum reminded me (and this is just me) of my grandmother's. And the one-piece control girdle and panty under the nightie seemed ... like something right out of the '50s. He, on the other hand, was everything that the unkind media throws up as a stereotype 'swinger': Bad Toupe', wide-lapel open-neck shirt, with loads of gold chains. Slacks that were several sizes too small, a beer-belly, and *really* bad 5-o'clock shadow.

The problem? They're semi-regulars. They've been in the club since the beginning, and talk at great lenghts about the 'good old days' of swinging.

Are we just being intolerant?

Comments?

-SJBluebirds

[dragonfly_nc]

Personally I fail to see how this could become a mood killer, unless the couple tried to pursue other cples that obviously were not interested.

At all the parties hubby and I have attended therr have been people that wore different clothes than us, was older than us or we were just not attracted to in general. Yet it did not "kill the mood" for us.

Wouldn't say you were being intolorant, but possibly just bored at the party, otherwise you might have been too busy to notice them.

[TNT]

I'm not really sure what your question is, but I will give you my views on elderly, older, mature (whatever the PC word would be) couples in the lifestyle.

I love seeing older couples in clubs. It gives me a sneak preview into what I can expect, or hope to expect, for my own future.

Just this past weekend we atteneded a local social, there was a couple there that was definitely older than most of the crowd. I didn't know how much older until after the social was over and we were informed that the lady was 77. This 77-year-old lady rode the Sybian that was in the hospitality room that night, she had a blast.

I have never had any problems with seeing couples who are older in the lifestyle and really don't understand why others would. I have always enjoyed watching their joy of each other and of life in general.

I hope that once I reach a mature age, that Ted and I are still going to the clubs and enjoying each other and life, regardless of how others view us.

Teresa

[Bluebirds in San Jose]

I forgot to mention -- and this is pretty important -- the older couple *was* trying to move in on uninterested people.

-SJB

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Bluebirds in San Jose
At what age do we start embarassing ourselves within the swing community? At what point is it just not going to work for us (or the other couples around us) because we're stuck in a previous generation or lifestyle.

I ask this because we recently saw a couple in their late 60's/early 70's at a nearby club. They were obviously very much in love with each other, demonstrative with each other (More Power to them! Way to go!), but really had lost the ability to communicate or even be moderately attractive to the rest of the partygoers. Some otherwise understanding and compassionate people in attendence (who would never speak ill of another in any other situation) actually mentioned that the presence of this couple was a mood-killer.

You have several questions here. I chose this portion of your post to stand out because it appears that couple themselves didn't feel like an embarassment and obviously still love to get out and be involved in an activity that they have enjoyed for years. I have to agree totally with Teresa in the fact that I hope I can still be just as active doing something I enjoy until I lay my head down one final time. Sure beats the alternative of staying home unable to get out. Also I have seen couples in their 20's to me that were real mood-killers in how they present themselves and personality so I don't really find age to be that determining factor.

If the couple as you say were being aggressive and moving in on uniterested parties then that should be addressed with the owners of the club. Just be sure it isn't because they were just being friendly and trying to strike up conversation but because they were actually trying to coerce you into an activity or touching you in an unapproving manner. I think everyone regardless of age, race, how they dress or where they are from should have just as much right to be there as everyone else. Just because they may not be appealing to me doesn't mean that they won't be to someone else.

Lori

[fun_pairTX]

I hope I am still going strong at their ages. There are plenty of youn "Ken & Barbie" mood killers out there. You know the type they go to an on premise club and spend all their time walking past the big mirrors admiring themselves. Their mood killing on our little group (5 couples that attends clubs and other things together) amounts to us laughing too hard to do anything for the moment. God Bless them too, some day they may get a clue.

This may come off rude but, I am not meaning it too. I think the #1 problem in swinging is people pushing THEIR OWN hang ups on others! I am only 25 but, I started swaping with my husband at age 19. Younger then a lot of people we see in clubs still I LOVE SEEING THE OLD COUPLES...even when they are being sexual. It is not a mood killer at all for me!. I AM into people in gereral. I like nothing more then meeting people difffernt then me. I love hearing other peoples stories. I like anyone who has something unique to add. I don't find the much older people attractive but, everyone has their own sexy-ness. Why is it so BAD that this older couple was coming on to other people? HOW DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE IS NOT INTO YOU UNLESS YOU ASK? I would be pissed off if someone get threw out of the club 4 being friendly. The only way I see a problem is TOUCHING without concent. I am SUPER open I relize other people have many more personal issues then I do. The last club I was at a single male told my sexy but, big 220 pound friend to cover up!!!! This is for everyone reading this if you don't like something that is going on you are FREE to go to another room DON'T WATCH!!!!!! YOU ARE NEVER FREE TO BE A RUDE POMPUS PERSON. I only wish my husband and I can be 70 and swinging it's much better then BINGO! I dis-like the people who bring a bad mouth and closed mind to a club. If you are super hung up about weight, breast size, penis size, old, young, whatever you are free to not join or even speak to those people....so I fail to see the major problem.

[Bluebirds in San Jose]

I think people are reading too much into what I did or did not write about the older couple.

It wasn't jthat they were old, that turned off the other patrons of the club.

It was this couples' complete lack of self-awareness, or 'situational' awareness. It's similar to the "this is a sad thing" one experiences when you see a really bad comb-over. Or a spandex outfit that can't smooth out too much cellulite.

This older couple was great to talk with for a few minutes -- but after only a few minutes, they took great offense if you *didn't* want to go to one of the back rooms with them. They took 'no' for an answer, but not without huffing and puffing about how rude us younger kids (30's &40's) were, and how swinging was more open and friendly in 'their day'.

I promise you, this was NOT a pleasant experience for *anybody* at the club that night.

I am all for older couples in the lifestyle. This couple were dorks, regardless of their age. I just think their age accentuated the dorkiness.

J (of the SJBluebirds)

[JustAskJulie]

There's a big difference between attitude and look. Your topic title "Too dorky to swing?" would make the reader automatically assume that you are simply referring to the people's looks and not their attitude toward others. Your initial post made it sound as tho it was simply their appearance and their sexuality towards each other that made them a "turn-off".

No, their attitude of thinking that anyone they talk to for a short time should be ready to go and play isn't cool and shouldn't be accepted. Obviously they remember a day when they were young and attractive and probably had no problem finding folks to go to the back room with them. And now they find themselves trying to still swing with the people in their 30's and 40's who aren't quite so turned on by a couple who reminds them of their parents or grandparents. This is similar to other age discussions we have had on this site before regarding younger couples.

Regarding looks, dress, appearance. I've seen people of all ages and sizes at swing clubs wearing things that they probably shouldn't be. But my response is more power to them. Ok so grandpa is stuck in the 70's. Hell, my husband is stuck in the 80's and I doubt I'll ever get him into the 90's before we hit the next decade but big deal. People wear what they feel comfortable in and they should be able to do so even more in a swing environment.

[2New2it]

We don't visit local clubs because we were told by one of the owners that people in their 50's might feel out of place. We took the hint and stay away.

I would like to say that dorkiness is not dependent upon age. For every one who finds an old nightie or a bad toupe offensive, there is someone equally turned off by pierced body parts and tattoos.

If someone you find unattractive puts the move on you, you say the same thing as you would to someone attractive who you don't want to play with. The words are "no thanks".

[Elusive BiFem]

As a 53 year old, I just had to reply to this topic. I can certainly understand how someone (of ANY age) being pushy might be a mood killer at a club. However, ones style of dressing, etc., should not be a moodkiller for anyone. I particularly liked what someone said about tatoos and body piercings being a turn-off for some of us. The world is made up of different sizes, races, ages. There are few that I choose to become sexually involved with; however, there are many whose company I enjoy and find that I frequently learn more from those different from myself than those similar to me. Generally speaking, I would not want to become involved with anyone significantly younger than myself, but even that depends on interest, levels of maturity, enthusiasm for living, etc.
And for all those younger than me...just wait! You will be here one day, too! And it really isn't such a bad place to be.

[Flori_DAMAN]

I guess this is redundant to the others.

Age has no bearing on personality.

Dress is style and to actually be different displays a character trait that says " I don't care what anyone else thinks I am an individual", and I find that refreshing.

john

[Bluebirds in San Jose]

Mea Maxima Culpa.

I asked a stupid question. I came across sounding small.

Sorry.

J, of the SJBluebirds

[Uneed_Love]

Originally posted by Bluebirds in San Jose
Mea Maxima Culpa.
I asked a stupid question. I came across sounding small.
Sorry.
J, of the SJBluebirds

Friend a stupid question would imply no comments. Look... Your question has got replies and is the cause of an interesting discussion about some here. Do not feel "small" because nobody try here to belittle you.

Take Care.

Jean-Claude