Worried that our age and rules might isolate us

[SexyRedmondCpl]

We'd always talked about the idea of a threesome. However, after a recent conversation, my wife and I mutually ( I couldn't believe it either) decided that we might both have more fun with something like one of the on-premise clubs around us. We did a lot of research on the clubs and picked one that seemed to have the best social setting. So here we are: committed to a strict 3 month diet and exercise plan to get ourselves in the best shape of our lives before we actually get the nerve to go through with joining up.

We still had a few concerns that we were hoping someone with a bit of experience might be able to help us address. I know many of these will probably depend on the club, but...

Firstly, we're kindof young-ish (at 25). And, given the Gaussian distribution of ages in the lifestyle, we are worried that we might not be accepted. Is that something about which we should worry?

Secondly, we are both pretty nervous about this. Now it's that fun, excited nervous, but nervous nonetheless. We've set our "getting started" rules (I make a distinction because we both acknowledge that they'll most likely change as we get more comfortable), but worry that their current strictness might be further isolating. I guess the question there is: does the inherent diversity in the lifestyle lend itself to finding others in a similar situation?

Finally, we're really looking to be in a situation where we can find a nice middle-ground between totally anonymous sex and having to take on roommates. Are there many couples that fall into the grey area between pure swinging and pure poly?

Sorry to be so verbose. Thanks all in advance.

~Mike & Lea

[gatorvol64]

Originally Posted by SexyRedmondCpl

Are there many couples that fall into the grey area between pure swinging and pure poly?
~Mike & Lea

I don''t know how many but, yes, there are some.

Now, we couldn't have claimed to be such a couple less than a year ago. Sure, we played with those that we felt we "could" be friends with. Actually being friends outside of swinging wasn't necessary. And I'd say still wouldn't be. However, we found a couple that we are true friends with and play friends with. It is a poly type relationship with the four of us. But, not a "pure poly" one.

Vol

[LOL_OMG]

Hi guys and to the boards

In reagards to your age question, there are all ages at most of the clubs we have attended. We are quite above your age range but the younger folks have just as much fun as anyone else. If you have your priorities straight between the two of you (reading these boards will help a lot), then just go to have fun and things should just fall into place.

Good Luck
Mr. Lol

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by SexyRedmondCpl

Firstly, we're kind of young-ish (at 25). And, given the Gaussian distribution of ages in the lifestyle, we are worried that we might not be accepted. Is that something about which we should worry?

Based purely on the time-honored research method of anecdotal evidence, we believe the average age of swingers is trending downward. Either way, age shouldn't be an issue, generally speaking.

I guess the question there is: does the inherent diversity in the lifestyle lend itself to finding others in a similar situation?

Our experience is that there are couples with limits all across the spectrum at clubs, from those that don't play at all, to those with no limits.

Finally, we're really looking to be in a situation where we can find a nice middle-ground between totally anonymous sex and having to take on roommates. Are there many couples that fall into the grey area between pure swinging and pure poly?

If you're looking for Friends with Benefits, that shouldn't be a problem.

Best of luck to you both. Sounds like you've got the right attitude and approach.

[purpletiger]

1st - there are lots of young swingers and lots of old swingers and lots of swingers in between. Some will shy away from you because of your age, others will gravitate toward you. You need to decide together if age is a factor for you. I really wouldn't let that be a worry.

2nd - I think it's best to start off with strict rules, it's always easy to have a quick nod or discussion to relax the rules. It's hard to tighten up the rules once in the middle of something. Again, people are different and each have their own rules, so it the rules don't fit with some, they will with others.

3rd - There are plenty of friends first couples, then sex. In fact, I think your "grey" area fits most in the lifestyle. Talk to people, enjoy the sensations, in fact, you can even go in with a we're just checking it out attitude and most people will be really cool with that.

Now, for the 3 month getting in shape part - that's wonderful. I don't want to kill the motivation, but I think you'll find that's not at all necessary. Check out some of the swingers websites, most are not models and don't want to be.

Sounds like the 2 of you are ready to hit the club to me - Have Fun!!

Oh yeah and to the board!

[SexyRedmondCpl]

Wow! Thanks everyone. That's all really reassuring. And what a warm welcome! We're both feeling pretty confident having heard so many positive opinions.

Originally posted by purpletiger
for the 3 month getting in shape part... I think you'll find that's not at all necessary.

That, too, is good to hear. We made sure the club we settled on didn't screen for appearences first. It just seemed kind of shallow to us... not really the type of community in which we'd like to be involved. Still, we're using this as a great excuse to improve our overall health, and these 3 months as a period to make sure we really "have our priorities straight," as Mr. LOL so correctly put it. The more secure we are with ourselves, each other and our motivations and boundaries, the better chance we both feel we have of truely enjoying the lifestyle.

Thank you all again. I'm sure we'll see you on the boards.
~Mike & Lea

[Lovethenights]

You've received very good advice from everyone and you both sound like you have great attitudes... Although the three months of exercising may actually not be necessary, your doctor probably wouldn't complain since he'd probably recommend that anyway. If at the end of your self-imposed 3 month waiting period you still feel good and excited about the lifestyle, then dive in and join all of us who, for the most part, were nervous exactly like you when we started. (Except you are both a lot smarter than we were and figured out the positive side of the lifestyle decades earlier than we did) Since you've both obviously put a lot of thought and energy into thinking very very hard about joining in lifestyle activities, before you walk into the club you choose, be sure to take a few deep breaths, relax, wibble-wobble your head and shoulders around to loosen up the tense muscles of your neck and shoulders, and then walk in the door planning on having a hell of a good time!

[SexyRedmondCpl]

Originally Posted by Lovethenights

You've received very good advice from everyone

We certainly have Everyone has really helped to allay our fears about the lifestyle.

Except you are both a lot smarter than we were and figured out the positive side of the lifestyle decades earlier than we did

That may be true, but only in so much as we have you all and your experiences to draw from. Without great resources like these boards, I'm certain we'd enter the lifestyle without knowing what to consider beforehand. Our ability to figure out the positive aspects of the lifestyle is a direct result of the kind welcome and wonderful advice of those such as yourself and the other respondents

~ M&L

[blue.freckles]

Good luck!

We'll be cheering for you!

My fiance and I are having a similar "trial period" right now in just exploring the thought about experiencing something as trite as flirting with another girl/guy respectively at a night club.

After merely talking about it for a time, we both become very turned on and our talk becomes more suggestive.

I am 29 and she is 24, so it's nice to hear that there are other "younger" couples looking to get into the lifestyle as well.

Like we said before, good luck!