can't agree on age range

[Tia Vampire]

So far the life-style has been good to us. We've met alot of great people and most of all we love the open conversations that we have with other swingers. I swear, I wish the whole world was as open as people in the life-style. I do nothing but laugh all night when we have the chance to attend parties.
Anyway one of the thing me and my fiance seem not able to come to agreement on is the fact that he likes younger girls and I seem to like older guys. I'll see a nice looking couple and he will immediatly look at the girl and say she is not in his age range. I don't want to be with two teenage children. Atleast let them be a little grown up and experienced with life. I like for a couple to be atleast in thier 30's and up. He wants 18 to 25 year olds. What's up with that? Do any one else here on the board have the same problem?

[Tybee Swing]

Tia, how old are the two of you?

[SW_PA_Couple]

JoAnn and I seem to be in agreement on the age-range question. Both of us are wary of anyone who is the age of our own children or younger. Just to speak for myself, I know that it would be a surpreme vanity to make love to a woman many years younger. But I fear the possibility of a younger women forming a romantic attachment (now I will be accused of vanity, but I am trying to answer seriously). I am glad to be the age I am and no longer feel those jealous passions of youth.

Now I'll really stick my neck out and say this. If I developed a pattern of hitting on younger women, I might wrongly imply to my wife that "youth" was the quality that she lacked and that I wish she had. That would not be right as I really do that feel that way about her.

Michael (age 57 to save people the trouble of looking)

[Tia Vampire]

Me- 38
Him- 32
But i am very short (only 5"1') and get alot of younger guys hitting on me. I love the flattery, but that's all it is. I'v been around too long to fall for the nice compliments just for a guy to think they will get him to 3rd base or maybe a home run.

[VegasLee]

This is one of the reasons that Laura and I don't tend to play with couples. She finds who she wants and I do the same.

I do not enjoy playing with the 20 something girls much. Laura tends to like guys in late 20's to late 30's. She will play with older, Thank god since I am much older then that, it all depends on the person.

Couple matching can be a real pain in the ***.

I am 50, Laura is young 40's She is my young stuff!

[firefly69]

I don't have much room to comment on this one, but I just wanted to state an opinion. Me and my husband are both in our twenties and we both would rather go after older couples. I don't know if it's the experience they have or the fact that getting emotionally attached is not one their minds. I think it's more of a safe haven then anything. It leaves less room to worry about drama and more room for fun.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Tia Vampire

I'll see a nice looking couple and he will immediatly look at the girl and say she is not in his age range. ... I like for a couple to be atleast in thier 30's and up. He wants 18 to 25 year olds. What's up with that?

Hi Tia,

Initially you said you like "older" men and he likes younger girls, but it sounds like you prefer people in the age range of yourself and your fiance (30's), and he likes much younger girls.

When you point out a nice-looking 30's couple (his age bracket) and he immediately shoots down the woman as too old for him...this happens nearly every time? And yet, he's engaged to you, a woman six years older than himself.

Personally, I would not be cool with this trend and strong preference he has (including 18-19-year-olds?). It would make me wonder what in the hell he's doing with me, if he's primarily sexually interested in very young girls, 13-20 years younger than myself. But, that's just me (and I'm just being really, really honest).

Originally Posted by Tia Vampire

Do any one else here on the board have the same problem?

We're close in age, he's 46 & I'm 47 (people tend to think we're younger). We both prefer and are most comfortable with people 30-something and up. We don't always really know their ages, they just feel like they're in our age bracket - they feel like our peers.

In swinging, my husband has been with early-30-somethings (maybe late 20's), up through 40's and older. The wife of one of our regular couples is 50, and he as lots of fun with her. (He's open about the age range.) If he'd shot down all of these couples because the wife was around his own age and too "old" for him, and they needed to be under 33 for him to be attracted, I think I'd have to kick his ass.

Hugs!

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

When you point out a nice-looking 30's couple (his age bracket) and he immediately shoots down the woman as too old for him...this happens nearly every time? And yet, he's engaged to you, a woman six years older than himself.

Personally, I would not be cool with this trend and strong preference he has (including 18-19-year-olds?). It would make me wonder what in the hell he's doing with me, if he's primarily sexually interested in very young girls, 13-20 years younger than myself. But, that's just me (and I'm just being really, really honest).

I totally agree with Tybee here. We all have our preferences, but to arbitrarily shoot down any couple based soley on age....well on one hand I guess it's no different than a couple that would pass by our profile just because I don't fit the HWP criteria that they might have.

OTOH, I will just refer back to Tybee's comments. The same exact thoughts went thru my mind when reading your post. I mean, I'm 14 years younger than my SO (I'm late 20s, he's early 40s). If he were consistently looking at people up to 10 years younger than me, which would be younger than his daughter (she's 21), and that was the ONLY age group he would consider... talk about a blow to the self esteem.

We've played with only 1 couple where the female was younger than me (she was mid-20s)...and we all hit it off fabulously. Well, she and I did, the guys couldn't get a word in edgewise... It was a couple I had initiated contact with, I thought her back tattoo was awesome and liked their profile. I didn't pay much attention to the ages they had posted. So while other things that Jeff may say or do has the potential to give me a complex , searching through the profiles is usually my task and he pretty much goes along with it.

Have you asked him what his deal is as far as only wanting to play in that age group?

Maria

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

Have you asked him what his deal is as far as only wanting to play in that age group?

Maria

That is a very good question. The (honest) answer could reveal a lot. Why does he insist on younger women?

Being a suspicious person, I can't think of a good reason why he would rule out women around his own age. Most of the possible answers would be things I didn't want to hear.

[Tia Vampire]

I have four children, none with him. My oldest is 18 yrs. old. I just can't be with someone that young, i guess it is the mother in me.
Yes Fuse, his answer may make you and alot of others here upset and i don't even want to go there. I like you guys . But, he did say that he could be with women in our age group if they looked like they are. Somewhat close to his reason why he like younger women. See where i'm going with that? I will leave it there so that you guys won't get on him too badly. :surrender

[Chicup]

Other issues aside my first thoughts are good luck finding a lot of younger swinger couples.

Not to mention younger swinger couples who want to swing with older swingers.

[sexcupid]

So he can be with someone his own age, as long as they look 18-25?

My SO and I were discussing this thread last night, his primary thought was that it would be a big ego boost...the low end of that spectrum is about 25 years yonger than him. For me personally (and maybe it is the mother factor...my kids are still kind of young, but when my daughter is 18 would I want a 32 or 43 year old man hitting on her?) it's more of an ick factor, but that is just my POV.

So while I can see the upside of the ego boost, I am kind of curious as to what reason he gave. And it would put me on some kind of alert where the oldest child is concerned....again, the mommy alarm kicking in there.

I agree with Chicup's comment as well....we don't see too many swingers listed in our area for that age group, and those that are are looking for similar ages as well.

And just because my nosey-ness seems to be at an all time high today (sorry), do you have problems finding playmates on line or at house parties? I mean, is he spcifically asking their age or wanting to see some ID before the clothes come off? lol

Maria

[Tia Vampire]

He does look 25 years old and the young girls love him. We were once told that we were too young to be at the swing parties. Loved the compliment, plus we found out why we were not getting many people talking to us. The club that we attend is full of older people. I'm talking late 30's and up, which i like because there is no drama. Everyone is mature enough and been in their own relationship for a long period of time.
Without his beard and mustache he looks even younger.
He can not blow my self esteem. I get more attention than i can handle (not to sound conceited) and i'm very proud of who i am and my life. There are some things i wish i could change, but for the most part i am a happy person.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by Tia Vampire

He does look 25 years old and the young girls love him. We were once told that we were too young to be at the swing parties. Loved the compliment, plus we found out why we were not getting many people talking to us. The club that we attend is full of older people. I'm talking late 30's and up, which i like because there is no drama. Everyone is mature enough and been in their own relationship for a long period of time.
Without his beard and mustache he looks even younger.
He can not blow my self esteem. I get more attention than i can handle (not to sound conceited) and i'm very proud of who i am and my life. There are some things i wish i could change, but for the most part i am a happy person.

I checked out your profile yesterday (cute wrap around halter btw )... I'll bet he looks very young with his facial hair gone!

Most of the people at the club we go to are in their 30s and up too. It seems to be a drama free zone as well.

Tia, I'm not trying to offend you with some of my previous comments...but I've seen how even the most errant comments (and some that were a lot more than that) can knock the wind out of the sails of even the most together women...my best friend was one of them, very strong (some might say stubborn...lol), and because of someone else I saw her turn into a very scared and hurt individual that only within the last few years had begun (?) to recover from the things this other person said and did to her.

Not trying to offend. :surrender

Maria

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

We all have our preferences, but to arbitrarily shoot down any couple based soley on age....well on one hand I guess it's no different than a couple that would pass by our profile just because I don't fit the HWP criteria that they might have.

Hi Maria, HWP is a really good example! However, rather than it being whether another couple is interested, I think the best comparison to Tia's situation would be your husband's preferences in playmates. Using a general example, let's say a wife is larger-framed and considers herself BBW. She points out couples that are attractive and similiar to herself and her husband, but he shoots down all of her choices. He says, "She's not skinny enough for me." They need to be size 2-8 to be attractive to him (specific numbers, like the age 18-25 thing).

If I was age 38 and my man specifically wanted age 18-25 (or had to look 18-25) or else he wasn't interested, or if I was size 16 and my man specifically wanted size 2-8's and nothing else would do for him, well....we would have a problem. I think it would be utterly impossible to not take this personally.

This isn't just a chick thing, either. A man would feel the same way if his wife was only attracted to men over 6' tall (but he's only 5'8"), or if she'd only consider men with penises over 8" and thick (but his penis is 5.5" and average girth). He's not going to get any taller. He's not going to grow a bigger penis. A woman is not going to look 18-25 years old for the rest of her life.