Young & Frustrated Duo in MD

[Bliss8177]

Hey all,

Having looked around the forum, I see that we are not alone in our problem. We are a reletively young couple. (25yo and 30yo respectively) We are clean, (drug and disease free) and drama free as far as we can tell. We are looking for folks round about our own age +/- 5 years. We have met swingers locally, and have also checked out the local polyamourist scene, but don't feel that we fit in with either.
With the swing clubs, things felt like they moved too fast. My Lady was also put off by the demeanor of the singles that were in attendance. With the poly-folk, it all seemed to be about long-term relationships basd on triads and other polygon based relationships. We're just looking for a few good friends. (Other couples, and maybe a few singles) Who also feel like being lovers.
We have tried going through Adult Friend Finder to seek this middle ground, but found that there is a lot of untruth to be found there. So our first effort with online ads went rather poorly. We met with several couples who we met there, but found ourselves in the following situations: 1) Many times we'd find a single guy posing as a couple, or worse yet a married guy who posed as a couple but his wife didn't know. 2) Ended up encountering some psychopathic individuals. (Loong story) or 3) Ended up never actually meeting with the folks we were interested in at all. (Stood up and whatnot.) 4) Quite a few outside our intended age bracket take an interest. We're not putting down those that enjoy the lifestyle as they mature, but for now we'd like to stay in/near our own age bracket. :rollseyes
Due to all of this this we have grown quite discouraged. We know that as a couple we are fine with this lifestyle, becasue we both were involved as swingers when single; and during college we both participated in both MFM, FMF, and MFMF. We're both reasonably experienced in many facets of sexuality, neither of us have ever had a problem with jealosy, and we know what we want, but we can't seem to make it happen. :brickwall

Any thoughts?
Team Bliss8177

[Mr. Truelove]

Easy just come over to my house.

Currently we are using Swinglifestyle. We've got our eye on a few couples that we'd like to talk to when life slows down, but so far our luck online has been poor.

When I find the secret I'll let you know.

Mr. Truelove

[The Fuse]

Hello Bliss8177,

Welcome to the Board!

I hope you have more success soon. My husband and I have found Swinglifestyle (Swing Lifestyle) to be a good site for us. In fact, except for one couple at a swing club, we've met people exclusively through Swing Lifestyle. That site is popular in our area. I don't know if it is in yours.

Apologies if any of the following sounds obvious, but here goes. First of all, before meeting a couple from an online ad, we always talk to both the man and the woman on the telephone. That eliminates anyone whose wife doesn't know or who is a single man posing. In fact, we've never yet gone to a meeting and found that there wasn't a woman on the other end.

We don't chat too much before asking to talk on the telephone, either, just because chatting is a huge time consumer and the telephone reveals a lot more in a shorter period of time.

Meeting people in clubs works for a lot of people, but we prefer online for a lot of reasons. Not least, it gives you and your SO time to talk things over during the process. For this reason, my comments only apply to meeting people online.

We look at a couples' profile and try to gauge a few things: are both members of the couple involved, or is it just the guy posting pictures of his wife? Do their descriptions reflect a couple in love, or a couple who might be in trouble? Have they given it any thought? We turn these questions around on our own profile, too. If you look at your own and think "these people aren't for real", then it could use a little work. Your profile is probably good, but I haven't seen it so I can't say.

In general, we trust our instincts. If something seems a little funny, even if you can't say why, then we back off.

[Bliss8177]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Hello Bliss8177,

Welcome to the Board!

I hope you have more success soon. My husband and I have found Swinglifestyle (Swing Lifestyle) to be a good site for us. In fact, except for one couple at a swing club, we've met people exclusively through Swing Lifestyle. That site is popular in our area. I don't know if it is in yours.

-We have no idea actually. We just learned about it from you. (PS: Thanks!)

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Apologies if any of the following sounds obvious, but here goes. First of all, before meeting a couple from an online ad, we always talk to both the man and the woman on the telephone. That eliminates anyone whose wife doesn't know or who is a single man posing. In fact, we've never yet gone to a meeting and found that there wasn't a woman on the other end.

We don't chat too much before asking to talk on the telephone, either, just because chatting is a huge time consumer and the telephone reveals a lot more in a shorter period of time.
.

-Yeah... We found that one out the hard way. Once bitten, we have also followed this SOP.

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Meeting people in clubs works for a lot of people, but we prefer online for a lot of reasons. Not least, it gives you and your SO time to talk things over during the process. For this reason, my comments only apply to meeting people online.

-Agreed and understood.

Originally Posted by The Fuse

We look at a couples' profile and try to gauge a few things: are both members of the couple involved, or is it just the guy posting pictures of his wife? Do their descriptions reflect a couple in love, or a couple who might be in trouble? Have they given it any thought? We turn these questions around on our own profile, too. If you look at your own and think "these people aren't for real", then it could use a little work. Your profile is probably good, but I haven't seen it so I can't say.

-Well, our old AFF profile is also Bliss8177, but due to sheer frustration with AFF it hasn't been updated in a while. If you happen to take a quick look, feedback would be appreciated. (Though we plan to do a full rewrite soon anyway, as our understanding of ourselves and others has been much refined since then. )

Originally Posted by The Fuse

In general, we trust our instincts. If something seems a little funny, even if you can't say why, then we back off.

-Female half of Team: "He's learned to listen to me in this regard." :rollseyes

Thankyou for the comments, all of this makes good sense.
Anybody else have any thoughts?
Team Bliss8177

[The Fuse]

Hey there,

After you re-write your profile, whichever site it's on, you can ask for comments in the Couples Profile Reviews thread. It's under "General Swingers Stuff". People give very helpful feedback there.

You sound like a straightforward guy, and you express yourself well -- at least, as far as I can tell from three posts! I'm sure you'll have a great profile.

When you find the right place to meet people (online or in person), you'll know it. I just hope you find it soon, because it sounds like you've put a lot of effort in!

Stick around on the Board, too. It's a real community, even though it's virtual

[twohots4u2]

We are on this board to try to learn more about the swinging lifestyle but we are on AFF to meet people. However, we have had the best consistent luck at the on-premises swing clubs we have attended. We have chronicled our journey into swinging in four true stories in the AFF Magazine. Our profile name there is the same as here.

We looked at your AFF profile and have some suggestions:

a. We would recommend that you borrow a good digital camera and take some attractive, well lighted photos. While you are at it suggest that you put the public photos in your profile and then put some real nice, sexual photos that clearly show both of you together, faces included, in an album. Then you can invite only those who past your first level of review to join your network and view your more private album photos.

b. Better yet, get a guy, gal, or couple who really knows how to use a digital camera join you as a photographer only and take lots of good photos of both of you while you play.

c. The bit about the twin beds tied together sounded like you were still in high school, not sexy at all to us.

d. If you want to only play with people in a particular age bracket, say so in your description of Ideal Person, eg.: "Only interested in people in the 20-35 age range only."

OK, we are a bit older, but we have played with couples who were younger and who were older than us. Once we realized that everyone has his or her talents, we had a great time. In fact, one of our favorite times was with a couple where the guy was much older than me. She liked the way he was so easy, gentle, really knew how to please a woman, and tried to please her in every way he could. He did not pound away at her like so many younger guys all want to.

We liked the comment, -Female half of Team: "He's learned to listen to me in this regard." I too have learned to listen to my female partner. Her instincts about people are much more highly tuned than mine.

Good luck

[iapr]

Hang in there, it is tough at times. You do sound like you have a head on your shoulders and know what it is you want and don't want, that is good.

I think in many ways swinging is like other areas of social life in that 95% of the people you are not going to be interested in and it will take a little leg work and snooping around to find the 5% that does work for you but they are definately there. Chemistry is a big thing and it really does help to follow your gut instinct. And speaking of gut instincts the female half's instincts are always much more attuned and accurate than the male half's so default back to hers if there is ever any disagreement .

Don't give up on the clubs too soon. I am not a big club person either but it works. There is no substitute for meeting and talking to someone face to face. You will know more about them and how you feel about them and how they feel about you in a matter of minutes there than you can with weeks or even months of emails and IM. Just go into it with the idea that you are there to meet people and that the vast majority of them you will not be interested in or they won't be interested in you but keep in mind that it will only take one couple or even one person to make the night a fantastic night and those people usually are there, you just have to find them.

[spectraschain]

The bit about the twin beds tied together sounded like you were still in high school, not sexy at all to us.

We kinda liked that part.....the other orgy beds are laughing....

[roadkingklp]

I agree hang in there. there are many people in this who really want to have fun, not just a quickie.
I've been in this over 30 years, the people have changed, when I started and for a number of years people tried to make friends and have friendly relationships with their swinging, so many today just want to meet get it on and go home, so many of the singles are not just that; really single. We enjoy couples but really my new wife is more my concern( I've beenh in this and have enjoyed many on my own, I want her to experience all the sexual freedom she can handle) if we can find a few really, willing to be friends )single guys) they will get about all she can give them.
We go to the clubs some "the Cottage" we have met a few couples who are very nice, try that, but ultimately, we use Swing Lifestyle quite a bit, but be careful there, on all sites there are the false, pretenders who are just out to tell stories and score, pick people who want to develope a friendship as well, it does not have to always be sex, enjoy, some sites, dinner, dancing, shows, a ball game, you will find out just what they want and if that's what you want then choose well.
Keep the Lifestyle open and honest , but most of all enjoy yourself don't be always the giver !

[wdc_couple]

Originally Posted by Bliss8177

Hey all,

We have tried going through Adult Friend Finder to seek this middle ground, but found that there is a lot of untruth to be found there. So our first effort with online ads went rather poorly. We met with several couples who we met there, but found ourselves in the following situations: 1) Many times we'd find a single guy posing as a couple, or worse yet a married guy who posed as a couple but his wife didn't know. 2) Ended up encountering some psychopathic individuals. (Loong story) or 3) Ended up never actually meeting with the folks we were interested in at all. (Stood up and whatnot.) 4) Quite a few outside our intended age bracket take an interest. We're not putting down those that enjoy the lifestyle as they mature, but for now we'd like to stay in/near our own age bracket. :rollseyes
Due to all of this this we have grown quite discouraged. We know that as a couple we are fine with this lifestyle, becasue we both were involved as swingers when single; and during college we both participated in both MFM, FMF, and MFMF. We're both reasonably experienced in many facets of sexuality, neither of us have ever had a problem with jealosy, and we know what we want, but we can't seem to make it happen. :brickwall

Any thoughts?
Team Bliss8177

We found AFF to have too many fakes when we were on it. We then switched to Swing Lifestyle and had some luck there. Are you near the DC area? altplayground.net stretches all over the east coast but there seems to be a concentration of Virginia and Maryland people, especially the DC area. It is a pay only site, so that weeds out many of the fakes.