Age differences among swing playmates

[ohash01]

As J. approaches the big 3-0, I am considering upping our "preferred age range" in our profiles. Right now, it's set at 35 being the upper guideline. But once, he's 30, would a 40 year old woman seem that much older? Let's say he wants to be with an "older woman", and we find a great couple or single who have the same desires we have..

So here are my questions: Do you think most middle-aged persons would look at a 23 year old and go "ick...youngin'."? Does age really matter as much as emotional maturity? What if - said 23 year old - could easily pass for 28 or so? What qualities do you need to see in a person to consider swinging out of your preferred age range?

This is by no means a serious issue, but I'm interested in your ideas and opinions. I know there have been posts that lean towards age-arguments before, and I'm not looking for another one of those. I'm just looking for opinions.

[VanHlebar]

Well for me, I don't really look at the ages of folks anymore. I really look to see if there is any kind of an attraction physically and then socially. If I can get along great with the other couple and they are attractive to me, then what difference does it make if they are in their 20s or in their 50s or 60s?

MrsVan does have a very loose age limit at around 40ish. Now that isn't a firm limit as she is very similar to myself, in the fact that she places a higher priority on if she is attracted to the couple and if she can get along with them.

I think age ranges are ok so that you can have a rough idea of what you are looking for, but I would say, don't limit yourself just on their ages.

And yes I can say for sure that most middle aged folks would look at a 23 year old lady and be attracted. Especially if she were much more mature than the normal 23 year olds.

-Van

[Spoomonkey]

I am not big on age because I think it all has to do with attitude. Mrs Spoo, for example, is 50, but people often mistake her for being younger than me (I am 37). I think that is because she takes care of herself (and is pretty lucky).

A lot of women that I work with that are her age look OLD. But they also look like they have sort of given up...

I am attracted to people who take care of themselves. I look for the same thing whether a person is younger or older.

As for younger women - I have been with 23 year olds - and the difference is always maturity. They were fairly mature and could hold a conversation. But - lots of folks under 30 don't strike me as being very "together" mentally or emotionally...

On both ends of the spectrum - there are exceptions to the rule.

Spoomonkey

[Mr. Truelove]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

folks under 30 don't strike me as being very "together" mentally or emotionally...
Spoomonkey

Hey now Spoo! I'll take your banana away!

Just kidding. I totally agree with the previous posters, even if I am one of the young-uns at 29.

Mr. Truelove

[gatorvol64]

Originally Posted by Mr. Truelove

Hey now Spoo! I'll take your banana away!

Just kidding. I totally agree with the previous posters, even if I am one of the young-uns at 29.

Mr. Truelove

There are always exceptions to the rule. I guess you are rare indeed.

Vol

[daisy girl]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I am not big on age because I think it all has to do with attitude. Mrs Spoo, for example, is 50, but people often mistake her for being younger than me (I am 37). I think that is because she takes care of herself (and is pretty lucky).

A lot of women that I work with that are her age look OLD. But they also look like they have sort of given up...

I am attracted to people who take care of themselves. I look for the same thing whether a person is younger or older.

As for younger women - I have been with 23 year olds - and the difference is always maturity. They were fairly mature and could hold a conversation. But - lots of folks under 30 don't strike me as being very "together" mentally or emotionally...

On both ends of the spectrum - there are exceptions to the rule.

Spoomonkey

I just checked out your profile...WOW!! You weren't kidding. 50??? AMazing!!!

[WesternSwing]

We just go by who we are attracted to and age has nothing to do with it. I've had 23-year old women attracted to me (I'm 41) and I've been attracted to 55-year old women. I sometimes wonder what a 23-year old woman would see in me, and I'm sure the 55-year old woman wonders what I see in her.

We do get quite the age range attracted to us as a couple though, because Mrs. WS is 31. So the late 20-somethings can relate to her and the 40-somethings can relate to me. I think it gives us a broader range of possible playmates.

I can't explain it though... where there is chemistry there is chemistry. It's as easy as that.

Mr. WS

[Tybee Swing]

Hi ohash, good questions.

Originally Posted by ohash01

But once, he's 30, would a 40 year old woman seem that much older?

It depends entirely on the woman. 10 years isn't that great an age difference, especially when the older one is taking great care of her/himself and has a kind of energy and youthfulness about them, which comes naturally to them. Know what I mean?

As an example...I'm 47, but you'd never think it. I'm always mistaken for early-mid 30's (and not just among swingers). 20-something guys hit on me in the gym and vanilla clubs. My husband, age 46, was asked by a woman at a swing party a few months ago what his age was. She was 34...the reason she asked, she said, was to check to make sure he wasn't too young. LOL! I'm really not kidding. Some people just don't look their age and tend to have an energy level that isn't typical of most in their age range. Also, style has a lot to do with it. People who stay contemporary, and have the shape to carry off fashionable clothes, look younger. Check out the 40+ crowd in Hollywood (keeping fit, their style), and you know what I mean.

Originally Posted by ohash01

Do you think most middle-aged persons would look at a 23 year old and go "ick...youngin'."?

Not "ick", I'm sure they'd find the 23-year-old attractive. But, there are generally two main things that might hold them back:
1. Lack of things in common/life experience, wanting to have something to talk about, things that they can connect with. Socially, everybody wants to feel that kind of connection to hit it off. It gets more difficult with generational age differences.
2. Feeling weird about being with someone the age (or close to the age) of their own children.

As for whether "most" middle-aged people feel this way, and to what degree - I don't know, but it may be 50/50 or more.

Originally Posted by ohash01

Does age really matter as much as emotional maturity?

Emotional maturity is great, but there may be big cultural/generational differences, and that's based on years and life experiences. We might be talking about things you've never heard of (or maybe you only heard it in history class , and there may be more awkwardness than connection. You don't want to feel like a little kid, and I don't want to feel like a dinosaur talking to you. Slightly exaggerated, but kwim? Uncomfortable, especially to feel that way with a potential sex partner.

Also, my daughter and stepkids may be emotionally mature, but I still would not feel comfortable having sex with someone that is their own age. You would remind me of them, inevitably....and I'd feel creepy.

Originally Posted by ohash01

What if - said 23 year old - could easily pass for 28 or so?

I think there's a huge difference between meeting people face-to-face initially (like in a club) vs. meeting through profiles. I doubt you'd even click on our profile when you saw the age, and we wouldn't click on yours. But, if we met in a club and without knowing ages, you appeared to be a 28-34 age range couple, we appeared to you to be a early/mid-30's couple, and if we all were attracted to each other, had a personality connection and a good, sexy vibe, it could happen. I think that there's a lot more scrutiny in the details when meeting through profiles.

Originally Posted by ohash01

What qualities do you need to see in a person to consider swinging out of your preferred age range?

The same qualities we look for in anybody, regardless of age: physical attraction, mental/personality connection, and above all, a good comfort level. I can't get nekkid and get funky with anybody that I'm not really comfortable being with that way. It's just something I know instinctively after spending time with them.

If I felt the age difference, we could have a good time talking and dancing perhaps, but it wouldn't be comfortable enough for sexual contact.

[NCcuriouscpl]

[quote=Tybee Swing]


Also, my daughter and stepkids may be emotionally mature, but I still would not feel comfortable having sex with someone that is their own age. You would remind me of them, inevitably....and I'd feel creepy.


I think there's a huge difference between meeting people face-to-face initially (like in a club) vs. meeting through profiles. I doubt you'd even click on our profile when you saw the age, and we wouldn't click on yours. But, if we met in a club and without knowing ages, you appeared to be a 28-34 age range couple, we appeared to you to be a early/mid-30's couple, and if we all were attracted to each other, had a personality connection and a good, sexy vibe, it could happen. I think that there's a lot more scrutiny in the details when meeting through profiles.


QUOTE]

Tybee, I thought so too until we actually met a couple at a club in their early 30's. They were mature, we had a great time shooting pool and dancing....and then ended up 'playing' later that evening!

The female was 30, but I did not see her as that age. My daughter is 33, and I had always thought I couldn't 'play' with someone in her age group. The male, although he wasn't attractive to me at first (no I would never have chosen their profile!) my opinion changed as I got to know his personality. My husband agreed that he too had reservations at first; after all, would that be like 'doing' your daughter?

So.....you never know how things will end up. Don't discount someone for their age and/or looks, you MAY enjoy their company....and things could transition into something else!

Ms NCCuriouscpl

[Mrs.PaganLovers]

I was reading this thread and started thinking of the age ranges of people that I have met in this lifestyle. I had a guy that was barely 21 contact me, ok that was ewwwwwww. But, generally age doesn't matter a whole lot, it is the physical attraction and personality, which includes maturity. I am 51, hubby is 41, and the crowd that we hang with are in their 30's. I am very active, teach dance and am a drummer, so I stay current with music and style. I pass for being younger. For us, it comes down to compatability. So don't blow off us old folks yet

Blessings
Mrs PL

[ts4]

I'm the old guy in our setup but not by much (41)

Age is in the eye of the beholder. I am mistaken for being in my early 30's simply because i stay in shape and eat healthy. If i just could get away from the beer i'd probably be healthier! Nah!

Age is all inside. My wife is 39 and hotter today than she was 10 years ago.

[Gladiola4u]

After reading this, I think in a way I have a silly way of seeing this. When hubby and I are looking at profiles of other couples and see anybody who is 23 or younger I don't want anything to do with them. I am with Spoo on this one, a lot of them are not emotionally and mentally mature and I don't want to be involved in any potential drama with such a young person. I know at that age I was doing things to experiment and did a lot of things that were so wrong, I don't want to be a part of that in a young person. I'd rather hook up with a couple or playmate who knows that what they are doing is what they like and want to do.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by ohash01

So here are my questions: Do you think most middle-aged persons would look at a 23 year old and go "ick...youngin'."?

Can only speak for one of us. When I was in my early 20s, I was so impulsive and possessed by the green-eyed monster that I would have bopped any guy that even tried to strike up a casual conversation with my wife. So I tend to ascribe this same feeling on young people and think, “Better not -- that young woman is cute but if I try to get close to her I might have to face her young husband.”

J and I went to a private party last Saturday evening. The party was mostly attended by a bunch of us over-fifty people. But there were one young couple who had been invited – late 20s or early thirties was my guess. Well, one of the 50s babes got out her blood-sugar testing kit and the next thing you know, everybody was laughing and giggling and wanting to test themselves and compare their blood sugar levels. This spectacle scared the hell out of that young couple. The young woman pretended to get a world-class cramp and made that her excuse to leave the party. I believe I would have done the same.

M

[gatorvol64]

When Gator and I first started looking for a man for our threesome (and our only choice is ads) we found what appeared to be the perfect one. Only...he was 7-8 years younger than me. I'll admit that I was bothered by this. Enough to almost not meet with him. I would have made a huge mistake. Before dinner was over it had already become a non-issue. And by the next morning I couldn't remember why I had ever been bothered by the age difference. facelick I've been with men from his age to one that is 13 or 14 years older than me. The only age problem I think I have now is someone my children's age. I don't think I would be able to get that out of my head. I'd probably start comparing their maturity levels in my head or something.

Vol

P.S. There is no way anyone who ever guess Mrs. Spoo's age. WOW.

[SW_MS_CPL]

I think it's the "things in common/life experience" Tybee spoke of, but I feel much more comfortable with people close to my own age.