Not many couples our age (young)?

[MiMi2O]

Has anyone else encountered this problem??

Yup, we have the same problem out here in Oregon. My wife and I are 23/24 and also new to swinging. Just keep searching and you will find them.

MrVan and I are in our early 30's and while we have come across this at most of the clubs, I would have to say that you may also want to give those people a chance to get to know them personally. We have met several couples who are around our age and we have a great time, but we have also met older couples who do not act anything like their age. We have met some in their 40's and 50's and those couples that we have met, we have become very great friends with.

That being said, I do not go over the age of 50 for me in men unless he does not look or act his age. MrVan does not mind too much about age but we do have a rule that we do not play with anyone younger than 25. Our reason as others have said is that they are not mature enough or their relationship has not matured to the point that we think they can handle the lifestyle.

You are going to have better luck in not always looking for a ken/barbie couple but having some restrictions for yourselves is important. If you are not finding couples that are either older or younger, then I would do as previously mentioned and talk with people at the club or management and see if there is a night that attracts a younger crowd than an older crowd. You may find that many people at the clubs know how the nights plan out as far as ages.

Good luck!

MrsVan

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by kristielane82

Ok, I don't mean to sound snobby and I hope this doesn't come out that way. My husband and I are 24 and rather new to swinging and I have already become frustrated. It seems that whenever we go to a club we are far better looking and younger than anyone there! I was just wondering if there are not many people our age involved in swinging?? Has anyone else encountered this problem?? We have met one couple our age and it was very enjoyable, so they have given me a little hope to hang in there. At this point though it's getting a little annoying that most of the people there are my parents age. Any advice on this issue?????

At age 24 your parents are probably 44-50 and there are many swingers this age so be prepared to see them at the clubs and on ad sites because they're always going to be there.

Even though we only started swinging after 50, when we first attended clubs we were disappointed with the "look" of so many swingers. We didn't find many had the instant physical and sexual appeal we hoped to find...in any age group! My point in mentioning this is that age doesn't always play a role in sex appeal and once you start going to clubs you need to open your eyes to more that is attractive in people than what you those first 'ideal' visions you have in mind. With time we found that meeting people and getting to know them a little - even if we didn't think we'd be interested in playing with them - helped us discover the appeal many people have. Sometimes from a distance a couple didn't grab our attention, but after talking with them awhile, right up close, they blossomed in our eyes and had great sex appeal. We found that younger people often told us they hadn't considered people our age until meeting us, and now they are open to people in our age group.

You may not feel you would want to play with people beyond 30, but keep an open mind. You might be surprised to find a couple in their 40s very appealing, once you get to know them.

Happy searching in 2007!

LM

[daisy girl]

When we started, we looked only for people who were early 20s to mid thirties. Our only experience with a couple younger than us was a mild disaster...their relationship was dysfunctional; they lacked communication and it was clear that she was not as interested in swinging as he was. They really should not have been swinging. After this experience, we started to really think about the age thing...We have learned that there are hot people in all age groups. It really depends on how people take care of themselves AND how they see themselves. So, don't let age be a drawback...go for attraction!!

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by daisy girl

When we started, we looked only for people who were early 20s to mid thirties. Our only experience with a couple younger than us was a mild disaster...their relationship was dysfunctional; they lacked communication and it was clear that she was not as interested in swinging as he was. They really should not have been swinging. After this experience, we started to really think about the age thing...We have learned that there are hot people in all age groups. It really depends on how people take care of themselves AND how they see themselves. So, don't let age be a drawback...go for attraction!!

Our first experience - which ended-up not happening with them - was with a couple older than us. Their relationship was also dysfunctional and they should not have been in the Lifestyle. Like you said, you could see he was into it and she wasn't. The night ended with them having a fight and us leaving.

So age has little to do with it. Quality of people in the relationship does.

Mr. WS

[ohash01]

J. and I are in our mid-upper 20's. We only survive doing this because we are both completely uninhibited communication-wise. Some couples our age who start swinging implode soon after...it can be hard.

And yes, there definately are couples your age swinging, and I'm sure there are couples that have the looks you want. The couple we see most frequently is mid-20s and very attractive. We found them through Swing Lifestyle. I just don't think that many people our age frequent clubs on a regular basis. All the swingers our age that I've spoken to have the same reasoning..."Why pay $50/night plus annual fees plus BYOB when you can go to a bar, have a few drinks, and hang out for $20?"

[kristielane82]

I would like to thank the few people who have actually answered the question I asked. I'm not sure why the rest of you are answering about the strength of a relationship. That is not the question and quite frankly, none of your business. I am not sure how you ended up so off topic. As far as looking at "older" couples for what else is attractive besides their appearance, I would consider an older couple if they were physically attractive. I don't think that wanting a couple we swing with to be physically attractive is a bad thing, who wants to sleep with someone they only like for what they have inside. Be honest here, nobody I know does!

[Alura]

Kristylane asked in her original post:

I was just wondering if there are not many people our age involved in swinging??

There are not as many folks your age, Kristylane. Some of us simply tried to explain that it takes most married couples many years to develop the communication skills necessary to successfully swing. That's why, in my opinion, fewer young couples swing. I think nobody wanted to question the strength of your relationship. In fact, probably few of us care.

Older folks are not generally so insistant on physical beauty, having learned the hard way that inner beauty is both better and more fun. Those of us who, over the years, have experienced more in life are generally not so testy or demanding and most often, easier to get along with.

When you read this post, we'd be gratefuil if you'd pay particular attention to words like "generally," "most often," "some of..." and the like.

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

Western Swing wrote:

Their relationship was also dysfunctional and they should not have been in the Lifestyle. Like you said, you could see he was into it and she wasn't.

We've had a similar experience, Mr. WS. It happens far too often in the lifestyle. Mrs. Alura and I consider it nothing less than spouse abuse.

In one case, a younger couple lied to us, first telling us that they were inexperienced when, as they later admitted, they had had several MFM experiences with single men who were strangers they picked up in bars. It turned out the wife had agreed to a couple only because the husband wanted another woman and couldn't find a single one.

Had they been honest in the first place, we'd have never even met with them.

We were young and inexperienced at the time, too, but fortunately we didn't catch any STDs so we just chalked it up as a lesson learned and moved on. We've learned a lot since then.

Mr. Alura

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by ohash01

J. and I are in our mid-upper 20's. We only survive doing this because we are both completely uninhibited communication-wise. Some couples our age who start swinging implode soon after...it can be hard.

And yes, there definately are couples your age swinging, and I'm sure there are couples that have the looks you want. The couple we see most frequently is mid-20s and very attractive. We found them through Swing Lifestyle. I just don't think that many people our age frequent clubs on a regular basis. All the swingers our age that I've spoken to have the same reasoning..."Why pay $50/night plus annual fees plus BYOB when you can go to a bar, have a few drinks, and hang out for $20?"

Interesting observation. We've seen what I can only relate as allot of the younger couples going to the parties and living on the fringe of the Lifestyle. Never really swinging, just going to the swinger parties so they can dance on the pole and have something to talk about Monday to all their friends, the "You should have seen the party we went to on Saturday!" type stuff.

Mr. WS

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by kristielane82

I would like to thank the few people who have actually answered the question I asked. I'm not sure why the rest of you are answering about the strength of a relationship. That is not the question and quite frankly, none of your business. I am not sure how you ended up so off topic. As far as looking at "older" couples for what else is attractive besides their appearance, I would consider an older couple if they were physically attractive. I don't think that wanting a couple we swing with to be physically attractive is a bad thing, who wants to sleep with someone they only like for what they have inside. Be honest here, nobody I know does!

Actually, I feel the strength of their relationship is our business. If there is going to be drama, we don't want to be part of it. We've been to house parties where the husband/boyfriend of an early 20's couple stormed-out and ended-up laying on someone's lawn throwing a temper tantrum because he didn't get the FMF he wanted with a party guest because his wife/girlfriend veto'd his choice. It screwed-up the party for allot of people around them.

I'm not saying just younger people have drama, but they seem to be over represented in the experiences we've had. It seems from our vantage point that some of these younger couples just don't have the time together, and thus the trust and solid foundation in their relationship that only comes with time. There just seems to be more potential for drama here as young egos and insecurities run rampant. Doesn't mean all young couples are this way, but like I said, it seems to us more have issues than older, more established couples and relationships.

Mr. WS

[The_Phoenyxes]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Actually, I feel the strength of their relationship is our business. If there is going to be drama, we don't want to be part of it. We've been to house parties where the husband/boyfriend of an early 20's couple stormed-out and ended-up laying on someone's lawn throwing a temper tantrum because he didn't get the FMF he wanted with a party guest because his wife/girlfriend veto'd his choice. It screwed-up the party for allot of people around them.

I'm not saying just younger people have drama, but they seem to be over represented in the experiences we've had. It seems from our vantage point that some of these younger couples just don't have the time together, and thus the trust and solid foundation in their relationship that only comes with time. There just seems to be more potential for drama here as young egos and insecurities run rampant. Doesn't mean all young couples are this way, but like I said, it seems to us more have issues than older, more established couples and relationships.

Mr. WS

Mr. Bird and I are one of the few younger couples interested in the lifestyle and while reading this I will admit, at first, I almost felt as if everyone was giving younger couples a hard time, but after reading this I have to say I agree. Young couples that are able to communicate well and not have outbursts of jealousy that cause "Omg Drama!" are a rarity and even though I am young, I know and recognize this. I also agree that it is the others couples business to know how strong the relationship is. Do you really want other people to be in the middle of your relationship problems or to be the cause of your relationship problems? I for one, would not. Also, while you may think ALL younger crowds just want good looks, I would say you are wrong. Most of the time the personality is what sells a person to me and then the looks are just an added bonus. A common example (at least I would think this would be a good one) is have you ever had a friend that you were not attracted to, but ended up dating? Or have you known someone in that situation? The looks aren’t what draw good people like friends to you; its what is inside them that makes them so appealing in your eyes (not saying everyone wants to sleep with there friends lol, but its a common situation that has been known to happen that I felt would be a good example in this situation). I actually would like to thank you kristielane for making this post, it has been a real eye opener and very informative.

Mrs. Bird

[NCcuriouscpl]

On the opposite side of the age group, I had some questions from an 'older couple' (60's) this past weekend just getting into the lifestyle....as they felt like they were 'outnumbered'!! They asked if anyone had thought of having a 'special nite for SENIORS'!! My answer to them was......'Well, wouldn't that be discriminatory?'

Lol, not a laffing matter.....but, I think that those younger AND older than the average 'median' age group sometimes feel uncomfortable in a new setting. Afterall.....they are uncomfortable with the new setting ANYWAY at first!! :rollseyes

Young/Old, Big/Small, Pretty/Ugly.....we all have feelings about ourselves that may be postive/or negative. But there are always some folks in the group that will have an interest in each other.....

Just my 2 cents worth :surrender

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by kristielane82

I would like to thank the few people who have actually answered the question I asked. I'm not sure why the rest of you are answering about the strength of a relationship. That is not the question and quite frankly, none of your business. I am not sure how you ended up so off topic. As far as looking at "older" couples for what else is attractive besides their appearance, I would consider an older couple if they were physically attractive. I don't think that wanting a couple we swing with to be physically attractive is a bad thing, who wants to sleep with someone they only like for what they have inside. Be honest here, nobody I know does!

For those of us who take swinging seriously, as a "lifelstyle", relationship is what it is all about.
Some have spoke of drama amoung younger people. Well at the risk of pissing you off. You just proved their point.
These people tried to give you the best advice they could. These people have been there and done that. They made the mistakes and are trying to keep you from making similar mistakes and as a thank you, you cop an attitude.
By the way, if I like what I see on the inside, Ya I would like to sleep with them. Chemistry is were it is at. Honestly.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[westlakeman]

Ive meet up with a much older coulpe when i was on the road , i meet them on line and had a chance to meet up with the the night went well had drinks and they ask me up to the room for a threesome i had no problem when we finly started swinging the hubby sat on a chair in the corner and watch me make woppie to his wife the freak me out at first and she informed me that it was a fantisy she wanted and i had the chance to help out of her wish I was 36at the time she was in her late 50and she was a dream to swing with.....

Age doest matter if you can play in the sand box go for it...