Swingers & Age...

[Spika]

I feel kinda silly for admitting this, but the big thing that seems to be keeping my husband I from jumping head first into our local swinging community is the fact that much of the looking into it that we've done to seems to point to the fact that many of the people who participate in such a lifestyle are quite a bit older than we are...

I don't want to risk sounding really shallow, but the idea of swinging with people my parents age doesn't exactly do it for me (mind you, I'm saying this as a broadsweeping generalization).

Is this unusual for a young-ish (i'm 22) person interested in swinging to be feeling?

[tribbles]

I dunno about your side of the country but the West has clubs with age limits of 39 and less, 35 and less and 35 and older. And the ones where everyone is allowed 21 and over but age plays a big part in how people group together.

So I suspect you are normal.

S

[sj3sum]

I am 27 and Mr. Sj is 28. We started swinging about 3 years ago. I would say that is pretty close to your age group. We also had the same problem when looking to meet with someone. It took time but we have found a few. We have never been to a club so we would not know about that.

I say keep looking, you are normal.

[Mr. Truelove]

My wife an I are both 29, but I've wanted to swing for quite some time. (We actually had some fun experiences just after highschool before we knew what swinging was).

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Spika

I don't want to risk sounding really shallow, but the idea of swinging with people my parents age doesn't exactly do it for me (mind you, I'm saying this as a broadsweeping generalization).

Is this unusual for a young-ish (i'm 22) person interested in swinging to be feeling?

Ah think nothing of it! There are just as many couples out there who prefer not to swing with people young enough to be their kids. I think they just have very little in common. Generally speaking.

No, I don't think it's unusual to be interested in swinging in the under-25 set. Although I've said before in another thread, "learning" to swing is often very challenging, made even more so without the advantage of having a couple extra decades of life experience under one's belt. I still haven't figured out a way to say this without coming off as condescending (and I absolutely do NOT mean to!), but there's no denying that it's human nature to think we know our shit. We figure we're pretty smart, pretty mature, pretty enlightened...compared to our younger selves that is. Which is all we have to compare to. I'm 31. I look back on my early 20's and say, "WTF was I thinking??" I look back on my teen years and I get scared. My brains were nothing but hormonal mush, and I made extremely STOOOOPID decisions. Scared, because I have an 11-going-on-18 year old.

Anyway, I'm sure that 10 or 20 years from now, my perspective will have broadened that much more, and I'll look back at 31 and realize where I went wrong. I think in their 20's, people are hopeful and energetic, and enthusiastic about where they want their lives to head. In their 30's - 50's, people have had the opportunity to learn from life (they've been hurt, they've been dumped, they've seen the difference between infatuation and real love, they've had kids, they've lost loved ones, they've gone through relationships of all kinds, they've figured out their sexualities, etc.) and at this time, they're really coming into their own. This is why, after they've got the rest of life's bullshit figured out (for the most part anyway), they are looking for the next challenge.

I just think it's a lot to put on one's plate any earlier than 25...at least generally speaking. I've seen some 22 year olds whose level of maturity far exceeded that of someone twice their age. There are no hard and fast rules in this respect. Just observed tendencies. Wishing you and your partner luck, and Welcome to the board!

[GotBatteries?]

Nah. Your not alone. We started swinging a few years ago and that was a big deal with us. Really, me. My parents are pretty young themselves (Dad's 46, moms 43...I'm 27.)
I didnt want to be active with people my parents age or even close to their ages. Its kinda weird, really.
The first club we joined in our area was all much older people. It was awful. We felt like we were attacked and we werent even remotely interested in ANYONE there. We also felt kind abd for feeling that way. What do ya do? Do you play just to play or do you play to have the best time possible?
*shrug*
There are quite a few younger swingers out there. You'll find 'em

[Amanda69]

When I first started swinging I felt young in the scene, I was 35. The clubs we were attending and the parties we went to had an average age group of 35-55. There are many different groups of swingers here in Toronto now. In some clubs at 44 I feel positively OLD...in others I feel just right.

I would never say you are too young to swing but as a couple I would suggest you seriously look at why you want to??? At your age I certainly found more than enough sexual thrills outside the lifestyle to keep me busy.

You will always run across those who will not swing with you because of your age and there will be some you will feel the same about. Try for a younger age based club if there is one in your neighborhood.

Good luck, play safe and welcome...

[Roman Hands]

[quote=Spika]I feel kinda silly for admitting this, but the big thing that seems to be keeping my husband I from jumping head first into our local swinging community is the fact that much of the looking into it that we've done to seems to point to the fact that many of the people who participate in such a lifestyle are quite a bit older than we are...

Don't blame ya bit young lady. I remember when me and the ms. started swingin. We kept gettin hit on by the Lincolns. That Abe was a horny old goat!...

Nothing wrong with staying in your generation zone. Enjoy it while you can, because with good fortune, and perhaps divine intervention, someday YOU will be as old as the folks

[Pepper & Drew]

Nah, it's not odd at all. When we started swinging, I was 27. We thought that the majority of people would be older than us, since that's what is represented most often on shows about swingers or on places such as this board. We figured that we'd have a hard time finding people our age, but that's not really been the case at all. And, hell, some of the people who ARE old enough to be my parents, we've had a great time with.

Pepper

[Better Half]

I agree that there is nothing wrong in staying in your own generation for swinging. Personally, we are 44/45 and look at even 38 as maybe a little too young for us. So we have reverse age discrimination.

[LFM2]

I'm sure it's not unusual because, I'm 43 and Mr. LFM is 49. First couple that approached us was 23 tops. DAMN, I have kids older than that and it really did give me the heebie-jeebies. Our cut off age is about 40 to 60. I've always been attracted to older men, so being with one that is 60 or even a bit older would be a turn on for me. Being with one younger would make it feel somewhat -- weird and icky.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Spika

I feel kinda silly for admitting this, but the big thing that seems to be keeping my husband I from jumping head first into our local swinging community is the fact that much of the looking into it that we've done to seems to point to the fact that many of the people who participate in such a lifestyle are quite a bit older than we are...

I don't want to risk sounding really shallow, but the idea of swinging with people my parents age doesn't exactly do it for me (mind you, I'm saying this as a broadsweeping generalization).

Is this unusual for a young-ish (i'm 22) person interested in swinging to be feeling?

Honestly I think you are too young to swing, I get heat for saying this to kids (and at 22 you are a kid) here but it doesn't phase me. You have too many things you should be doing at 22 that are more important than casual sex. The things you do now may well determine the course of your entire life, be it school or entry level jobs leading to bigger and better things. I also don't care how long you have been with your partner, it hasn't been that long yet by default unless you have been seeing each other since grade school.

When we started at 30/28 we were the kids on the block. We were ready for swinging and it has been a great thing for us, but it was close. I know had we swung earlier it would have most likely been a far less possitive relationship experiance.

Get your life in order, get a plan for your futures, love each other completely, and then come back to swinging.

[captainbob]

I like the way intuition897 thinks and agree with Chicup. I'm 50. When I first got married at 23, my wife and I were all about work, work, work. Hardly any sex. But We never would have stayed together if we had been swingers. When I married again at 35, it was all about children. No energy for sex and the thought of swinging never occurred to us then either. Then, at 45, I'm getting more sex than ever before and finally have somebody who is as horny as me. At 50, I'm wondering if she'll stay with me or get bored? She used to swing and I never did. What's it like?

So, yeah, most swingers might be a little older.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by captainbob

...When I first got married at 23, my wife and I were all about work, work, work. Hardly any sex. But We never would have stayed together if we had been swingers. When I married again at 35, it was all about children. No energy for sex and the thought of swinging never occurred to us then either. Then, at 45, I'm getting more sex than ever before and finally have somebody who is as horny as me. At 50, I'm wondering if she'll stay with me or get bored? She used to swing and I never did. What's it like?

So, yeah, most swingers might be a little older.

That's a good way to put it 'bob. Too many things that make demands on your resources earlier on in life. But that's like everything in life, right? Work hard, get the job done...then it's playtime!

To answer you question: Swinging is fun, but its very demanding. If your relationship has any cracks or flaws, you'll find out about them right quick. Success or failure in swinging depends on whether you're going to let those cracks/flaws blow wide open or if you're going to set about making them right.

If you have a satisfying sex life right now, then she will most certainly NOT get bored with you. Just like using sex toys doesn't make her want you less. In a way, your swing parnters are sorta like walking talking sex toys. And that's what you are to them. And everyone is okay with this. It doesn't mean you don't respect them; it just means that sex is sex, and love is love. Your swing partner doesn't need you to love her for her to be attracted to you. In fact, she really prefers it that way. (Try reading Getting Started and the FAQ section for more material on this sort of thing).

[captainbob]

Well, sweetie, I wasn't really asking the question. I was merely trying to explain the reason why I think swinging is more for older folks. I have a great relationship with my partner after 5 years. But as you get older and worry about whether your partner is satisfied, the idea crosses your mind if she'll get bored and cheat. Or you'll get bored and cheat. Or maybe your partner has been a swinger before but you haven't and you want to know what it's like before you get too old. See the thread about "What are Your Reasons for Swinging" What are Your Reasons for Swinging

This discussion is great for newbies like me to understand why we're here.

Thanks for your thoughts.