Not in our age range won't take the hint

[discoandvyper]

We're a young couple, young for swingers. We understand that many times our youth will become an issue for the average swingers who are considerably older than us, by say ten years or more. Sometimes it's not, sometimes it is. We accept this.

We believe the average swinger couple has an age range they like to stick to. So do we. There's one particular couple on Swing Lifestyle that are clearly out of our age ranges we have set in profile. They approached us anyways, and we politely told them no thanks, we would meet them for coffee but that's as far as it would go. We met them for coffee and had a decent conversation, even if the gentleman did try to steer the conversation towards sex together much too often for us. Now they (we believe it's the gentleman doing this, as the lady didn't initiate an advance towards us a single time during the coffee meeting) won't stop emailing us with suggestive comments. We've replied to each of their emails to be polite, but have never responded to sexual overtures on their (his) behalf.

How do we tell them to take a hike without telling them to take a hike? We've already made it clear several times that nothing will ever happen, yet they (he) keeps bringing it up.

[CB_n_Red]

If they persist in failing to accept your stance then ultimately you will have to be rude. Some people seem to have an inability to hear what they don't want to.

A year or so back we had a similar problem with a single bloke. In the end I had to get very unsubtle before he backed off and left us alone.

One thought - perhaps arranging even a social meet when clearly nothing more is going to happen might not be a great idea. I realise that's closing the barn door, but....

CB

[tribbles]

Just tell them something about them reminds you of your parents

Or tell them it's not gonna happen and you are sorry but you are blocking more emails from them.

Actually, we are trying to broaden the age range we are willing to play with...no prob going up 20 yrs but down 20? That's less than 30! But it's not fair if I can go 20 older to not consider 20 younger cuz if a younger couple is going 20 older as their play limit, then WE are saying nope, too young but those older than us are letting us learn and have fun from them.

S

[Darkblue]

Well if they/he wont take the hint then tell him straight and then ignor his emails and whatever you do dont meet them again or answer the mails!

Some people will just not take a no the easy way so tell him the hard way..


Steve

[EvilMJ]

Looking at it from the other couples perspective, here is my take on it.

You did talk to them and initate a coffee meeting, even though you said nothing would happen. However I think you may be putting quite a different signal - We are agreeing to meet with you, therefore there is still a chance for us to get together. He tried to steer the converastion toward sex in an attempt to get you interested/see whether or not you might be interested.

Let's face it, most swingers do not invite others out for coffee unless it is a 'first meeting'. He is doing his best to get somewhere with a couple that he feels are young and attractive. In my own opinon I really don't think they are all that out of line as they are getting mixed signals from you and are tying to get the situation to be what they want it to be. I bet if they were asked, they would comment that if you weren't interested, then why did you ask us out in the first place - and completely disregard the friendship only part.

If you don't want to play with them then just come out and say "sorry but we are not interested. And if your comments continue to remain sexual in nature we will be blocking you in the future"


Consider this a learning experience - There are a large majority of swingers who are not in this for friendship, who consider the invitation to go out a 'green light'.

Your best bet is to respond to those you don't want to play with, with a no thank you, and leave the coffee for those who you consider potential playmates and you won't run into as much trouble in the long run.

[Amanda69]

Your best bet is to respond to those you don't want to play with, with a no thank you, and leave the coffee for those who you consider potential playmates and you won't run into as much trouble in the long run.

Dito

Anything more does give mixed messages. People aren't usually in this lifestyle to make more friends (though that is a nice sidebar when it happens) but they are in it to find potential play mates.

Be honest and upfront...sooner rather than later

[athena2910]

Originally Posted by tribbles

But it's not fair if I can go 20 older to not consider 20 younger cuz if a younger couple is going 20 older as their play limit, then WE are saying nope, too young but those older than us are letting us learn and have fun from them.S

For me, I don't want to have sex with anyone old enough to be my dad! (Not to mention that any man old enough to be my dad now would be elderly! LOL!)

But I can understand that people in their 40s find people in their 20s to be appealing: after all, for most people, being in their 20s means they're at their most attractive. (Yes, I know I'm making a sweeping generalization, but in general, youth, especially in our society is associated with beauty.)

That said, I think maybe a good rule of thumb is to not play with people young enough that you could have given birth to them. There's something rather incestuous about that, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas aside! (And let's not even think about Hugh Hefner who is 80 and his three 20-something girlfriends! Really, does the average 20 year-old really think a man old nearly enough to be her great-grandfather is a hottie? Please.)

A good friend of mine had a rule: he wouldn't date anyone who was either 11 years older or 11 years younger, but everyone in between was fair game. It was clearly very arbitrary, but it worked for him... and yet allowed him a fairly wide range of women.

Athena

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

How do we tell them to take a hike without telling them to take a hike? We've already made it clear several times that nothing will ever happen, yet they (he) keeps bringing it up.

Hi, it sounds like you are very nice, polite people who are getting hit on by a pretty aggressive guy. You said you made it CLEAR several times that you're not interested in sex with them, so I'm going to take you at your word with that.

When pushy people won't take "no, thank you" for an answer, the only choice I make from there is to block them from our IM, from our personal ad, and not accept any more messages from them. I give no further explanation at that point.

Although age wasn't the factor, this happened recently to us with a very pushy husband of a couple. Even after we clearly said "no, not interested, good luck to you, Buh-bye" (nicely), he still kept trying to IM us, even after he was blocked. Geeeeez, some people.

It's hard to start doing this (blocking people) when you are nice and polite like you obviously are, but you don't have to put up with this, and you are not obligated to them in any way.

Best wishes!

[singleagain]

Originally Posted by athena2910

For me, I don't want to have sex with anyone old enough to be my dad! (Not to mention that any man old enough to be my dad now would be elderly! LOL!)

But I can understand that people in their 40s find people in their 20s to be appealing: after all, for most people, being in their 20s means they're at their most attractive. (Yes, I know I'm making a sweeping generalization, but in general, youth, especially in our society is associated with beauty.)

That said, I think maybe a good rule of thumb is to not play with people young enough that you could have given birth to them. There's something rather incestuous about that, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas aside! (And let's not even think about Hugh Hefner who is 80 and his three 20-something girlfriends! Really, does the average 20 year-old really think a man old nearly enough to be her great-grandfather is a hottie? Please.)

A good friend of mine had a rule: he wouldn't date anyone who was either 11 years older or 11 years younger, but everyone in between was fair game. It was clearly very arbitrary, but it worked for him... and yet allowed him a fairly wide range of women.

Athena

I have found that the actual physical age of a person isn't nearly as important as the level of maturity the person exhibits. I have recently met with a couple where the female half is only 21. I am 61. It was one of the most amazing times I have ever had. For her it was all about the sex with no hang-ups on my age. Her husband, who is only about 30 really enjoyed having sex with my girlfriend who is 63.

On the other hand I met with a couple where they were both my age and neither could enjoy the night because of the jealousie expressed by the female when her husband was fucking my girlfriend. who is 63.

For young swingers I really think you are missing out on some really hot times by being so picky. There are many things you can learn from older couples. Enjoy life. Its all to short.

[Spoomonkey]

I think you made the mistake of being too nice. There have been some really nice couples (some too young for us ) that have gotten the standard "we are not compatible" response. They seem like great people - and probably people we might enjoy hanging out with in a non-sexual way...

But to be honest - no one is really looking for a non-sexual friendship. Sure they happen - they develop - but ultimately we are all looking for playmates. That's why we are here.

My advice would be to simply cut it off, chalk it up and learn to say no up front.

It saves a lot of trouble on the back end.

Spoomonkey

[Couple_N_Ark]

I would just send them a polite reply that you appreciate their interest in meeting, but at this time you just dont feel their compatable.

If they continue to send any other emails other than one more to say "ok" or whatever, then block them.

If they have your real email addresses then just ignore them.

[good times]

I agree with the others that you were too polite for your own good. In cases like this, it has been our experiance that if they don't get hints like you have given you might as well be blunt and to the point because they will never get it if you don't.

[chaddd]

you would think the tone of your voice..an the way you avoid ,would be enough...hopfull this will be the last bad experiance you have,,,

[visaman]

It was my understanding that swingers were 50+ years old with bad dental work. Or, at least those are the ones I have seen in magazines. A couple in their 20's are quite rare.

A good primer for swinging would the episode of All In The Family, where Edith and Archie host a couple of swingers in their house.

[2GirlsGoodBenBa]

Originally Posted by tribbles

Just tell them something about them reminds you of your parents

We say this all the time to people that are at least 40 and up.. ..One guy responded saying he thought his daughter was hot Creeped the hell out of us.