Decline in swinging with age - reasons why?

[Tybee Swing]

I just read this fascinating poll of the age of people in the lifestyle, in the 100 hottest threads forum: How Old are you?

The poll shows a gradual and steady increase in swinging, with the peak population in their mid-to-late 30's. After that, there is a gradual and very consistent, steady decline with age. This got me thinking about why the decline with age.

So, for the over-40 crowd:

Are they just tired of it and moving on to other things in their lives?

Are they not making the kinds of connections they want to anymore, either because they're not attracted to people their age, or people aren't attracted to them?

Are they feeling self-conscious of aging, such as skin and bodies that are not as firm any longer? In other words, is it just harder to get naked with people, than it was before?

Are there sexual dysfunction issues that cause them to get out of the Lifestyle - like erectile dysfunction for men or some loss of libido due to menopause for women?

What other reasons might they be getting out?

I'm just very, very curious as to the reasons why people leave the lifestyle after a certain age, and why the very steady decline in it. My hubby and I are age 45 and 46. That explains my interest in this topic.

To me, after 40 seems a great time to get into it, finally. No more babies and kids to raise, and finally, many people have an "empty nest" to play in! Not to mention all the free time they finally have, once the kids are gone. It seems like a prime time to not only continue, but even to start getting into the Lifestyle.

[Chip_n_Muffy]

Oh man! I am in my fifties and just got started a year ago. You are telling me it's all downhill from here?????? NOOOOOOOOO!

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted, I think I'll toddle off to my wheelchair and spend the rest of my life watching Springer and the Game Show channel.

Heh heh .........

Chip

[Tybee Swing]

LOL!!! We just started in our 40's about 1.5 years ago, after the "peak time" that the poll indicates statistically. Within another year or so, our nest should be officially empty, and we figured that's when the party is really gonna get started around here.

[singleagain]

I'm over 40 by 21 and it only gets better. I am a little more discreet than I was at 40 but I like to think that is wisdom, not a flacid penis.

[Pepper & Drew]

My theory is (and, this is coming from a 29 year old) that older people aren't as comfortable with their sexuality (generally speaking, of course!) as people who are a generation younger, and therefore, a lot of people are still thinking that wearing sexy outfits to bed, or having oral sex is daring. I think that those who grew up before the sexual revolution, and those who grew up during it may have a different view of right and wrong and what they would allow themselves to do. For example, my mother (who is in her early 60's) has never masturbated. I think as people grow up in a freer sexual environment, their ideas of what's possible (including swinging) will make the number of swingers rise.

But, I could be completely off base.....

Pepper

[Chip_n_Muffy]

Pepper, you are an absolute doll. I am 53 years old. I turned sixteen in 1968, the "Summer of Love." Those 60 year olds you are talking about were the originators of the sexual revolution. Dad told me once that every generation thinks it invented sex. I am sure my kids sincerely think I am WAY to old to have sex. Damn, do I have them fooled.

Chip

[TLO7777]

Keep in mind that this poll only represents the ages of the people that spend time on this forum.

If you look at statistics on age and internet useage you'll find a similar drop-off in the 40+ age group.

Lots of people on the older end of the curve are less comfortable with the idea of internet dating, and this would of course carry over to swinging as well.

Meanwhile many of this board's swing club reviews suggest a higher average age of couples in attendance than this poll does.

So, I think there are probably far more 40+ swingers in the actual lifestyle than are represented by this sample group.

Dante
--
Of YoungMauiCouple at Swing Lifestyle

[WesternSwing]

Well, if it is true that the 20 and 30 somethings are a little more liberal, then only time will tell if they slow down as they become 40 and 50 or they just keep going. We'll just have to wait and see.

Mr. WS

[fun4Ds]

we are in our 40,s and we seem to think we and the others in our age group think it is wonderfull we seem to have less drama and issues. we were thinking the 30,s and younger are the group that always have this or that excuse like they want to swing and call themselves swingers...but..
we're happy with our looks. and it opens alot for personalities. actually we are being hit on by a couple that are 29 and we were wondering... huumm.. so we asked, and their response was that they were not into the drama of people their age. they prefer someone older.

[TLO7777]

the 30,s and younger are the group that always have this or that excuse

Always?

Mighty broad strokes you're painting with that brush there.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

The poll shows a gradual and steady increase in swinging, with the peak population in their mid-to-late 30's. After that, there is a gradual and very consistent, steady decline with age. This got me thinking about why the decline with age.

A couple things;

1) Loss of libido - Hormonal changes start to bring about a decreased interest in sex. Many of the guys I know actually welcome this loss of interest, as we feel we've been slaves to what our dicks were telling us to do since we were 12 years old. We're kinda like an old dog who's happy to live out his days sitting on the porch, knowing that he no longer needs to chase EVERY car that comes down the street anymore...

2) Grandkids - I don't have any yet, but I've known many a fine, fun woman (and man) who gets a couple of 'em and loses all interest in sex, and anything else that doesn't have to do with them. I can't say I blame 'em...some of those kids are pretty cute and fun to be around. The notion of "having a friend they swing with" has a very different meaning to a pre-schooler.

3) Loss of overall appearance - Some people don't want to "put it all out there" unless "It" is lookin' good. It gets harder to maintain a lean, attractive body as one ages, although here in the midwest, that doesn't seem to be as big a deal as on the coasts. Being a former, card-carrying nudist, and reading up on the principles of "Tantric Sex" helps a little in that regard.

Two girls I went to high school with were having a phone conversation recently. One said to the other, "Did you think you'd ever have sex with a 50-year-old man?" to which she responded, "Did YOU ever think you'd have sex with a bald guy?"

I could have commented about some of the paradigm shifts I've had to go through in dating women their ages, but decided to let it pass...

There IS a bubble of "Last Gasp" swingers in their late-40's and early-50's, many of whom are celebrating the departure of the last kid to leave home, and the opportunity to explore some of the things they've fantasized about for years, before their looks and ability fail them completely. But by age 60, it's hard to find anybody who wants or needs more sex than they can get from the vibrating feature of their Barcalounger.

[curiousagain]

Ditto to the reasons JNCC gave and I might add that just as habituation is often given as the reason some begin swinging, it is also the reason some give it up or slow it down. After a while it's kind of a been there done that, feeling. Or, after having to almost go into the witness protection program to get a way from a couple of drama laden/clinging/controlling couples they get the "it's not worth the hassle" feeling.

Just as people begin swinging for a lot of varied reasons, they slow it down or stop it for a multitude of reasons.

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by JnCC

I could have commented about some of the paradigm shifts I've had to go through in dating women their ages, but decided to let it pass...

Sound wisdom. As we get more experienced we find that one's tongue heals quicker from the biteing than some people's feelings heal from the truth.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

I might add that just as habituation is often given as the reason some begin swinging, it is also the reason some give it up or slow it down. After a while it's kind of a been there done that, feeling.

An EXCELLENT point! The first time at a club that I saw 2 women and one man exit a room, I just about creamed my undies! The fiftieth time I saw it, I probably yawned, and looked at my watch. It just wasn't that big a deal to me anymore.

Which leads me to thinking...it takes about 3-5 years for people to become "habituated" to each other, which is about how long many couples actively swing. I wonder if "habituation" with the lifestyle isn't as big an issue for swingers as it is for vanilla couples? If it is, then what follows swinging as a way of rekindling interest in one's sex life?

Now I need to go back and read all the posts where "swinging" has led to an affair, and see how long they'd been in the lifestyle when it all happened...

[DBL D]

I think it's because they've died with their boots on.

Sometimes they lose their mate.

Sometimes it is because of a loss of libido or their body shape slips. Heaven knows that that is not a problem with a lot of swingers nowadays because so many are of the large variety.

We all change as we go through life. I used to golf a LOT! Now I don't. Etc. Etc.

BTW, I'm 50 and have as large a sex drive as ever. I remember taking days off from work because my back hurt, but I'd go and play a softball game that night. Well by 5 I guess. Point is that nobody (the wife) could understand that and nobody really understands this either.

Lot's of reasons here and some actually make sense.

Male D

M.D.