Purgatory in swinging.... Swinging in your 30s

Is it us or is there two very distinctive groups in swingning? There is the under 30, very thin and perfect body portion. Then there is the over 40 portion with personalities and bodies that are all over the map. For us bein between 30 and 40 and not having the perfect bodies but yet not quite having bodies that need to be weighed at the farm bureau either, it has become frustrating finding people in our "niche" of swinging. I swear if I hear one more couple that is over 40 say..."we are not too old for you, we can go for hours!" I am going to send them an application for an AARP card. And of course the reciprical is true as well. We are both tired of people looking at our pics that are younger and have had no children wondering why we dont look like Bally's health club adds. Is there no in between? Does anyone else out there feel this way?

Playfully yours,

Shawn and Rainy
White Lake, MI

[sexypairca]

I can agree with you. I have had 3 kids and the oldest is 3. I'm still getting rid of the "baby fat" so to speak. I was never slim/skinny before having children nor did I want to be. All the curves were in all of the right places and very comfortable with my body image. Realistically it is going to take more time to get where I was prechildren. I guess I'm built for comfort now.

Couples that state 'we know where the gym is - nudge, nudge, wink, wink' etc. sound to me that they are only looking hard bodies. We don't even pretend to be something that we are not.

We clearly seek single men 30-40 years old, yet we get all these 25-28 year olds boasting how hot they are. Give me a break, although there is only a couple of years difference, we are worlds apart. I must say that we haven't had any responses beyond our age range though.

In short I don't think that we are alone, just the minority.

"A" the wife

[ 05-01-2002, 08:52 PM: Message edited by: sexypairca ]

[PA_RACERS]

I don't think you are alone. Even though My husband and I are 26 & 27 we like to swing with couples in the mid thirty's and fourty's. We are not hard bodies and a lot of people our age won't give us a chance. The majority of younger swingers we have met are immature and very superficial. I am not saying ALL are we certainly are not. We look at peoples personalities for the most part. But size and age aren't big factors in our discission. It is a shame that people can't get beyond looks. There are a lot of nice people out there that are not Barbie dolls.

My sweetie and I sometimes worry about not being "hard bodys", too. We've swung seperatley, but would like to together, probably soft swing to start. But I think it would be easier with either a) friends who are into the lifestyle (or are open minded) or b) Grown ups! that is to say mature minded people who aren't overly superficial. Sometimes, real life seems like high-school all over again! Anyway, my philosophy (this week, at least) is, though they say "love is blind", I told my fiance a while back that people who AREN'T in love are blind! Love opened our eyes! She loves my pudgy belly! I like her paunch (which, despite what tv and magazine ads would have you believe, is a fact of life!) and her funny chin, etc. It's all part of her. If you're with someone you love, you know what I mean. A good freind you can share some "fooling around" with would be similiar; They're just glad to be with you, and glad to be in bed with someone they know, trust and enjoy being around! As for those superficial people, their really not people I want to be spending a lot of time with, y'know what I mean? I wish you all good, fun lovin'! signed, eyes-opened in Iowa

[walrus0115]

I don't feel sorry for any of you. (joke) We in the same boat as PA_RACERS. 26 & 29 and very tired of the 20something children that we're always meeting. We would love to meet more 30-40 (or older) couples to play with.

Last time we went to Hedo we had a complete blast with the 40 and up crowd. There were a bunch of 20something kids there that weren't much fun at all. The older crowd was just so much more comfortable to be around regardless of body type.

Good luck in your searches though, if you're ever in Ohio lookin' for some fun give this younger couple a holler!

[youngswingers]

Wow... we generally are defending young swingers from older swingers' stereotypes and so it is a little weird doing defending young swingers from youn swingers' stereotypes. Just look at this thread, 5 young swingers (swinger under 35 fit our profile of young) who don't fit their own stereotypes! We have news for you... the majority of young swingers are just like you. Yes, we prefer swinging with people we find physically attractive but that doesn't mean hardbodies need only apply. Of our core group of swinging friends we have a lot of body types represented and that makes things interesting

Don't be fooled to thinking that this is a majority issue. We have met plenty of "hard body only" older swingers. The common misconception is that they are few and far between but that is not true the percentages are about the same. Because the pool of young swingers is smaller you'll bump into to "hard body" swingers more often.

One last suggestion, the majority of swingers (both young and old) are like people in this thread. I'm willing to bet that there are swingers in your area and in your peer group that have stayed away from the scene for the because of the very same concerns you brought up. Our advice is to start a swingers group in your area. Find another couple to go out with and start meeting more people. As you get out, you'll be helping both yourselves and others!

See you out there!

[JnCinOH]

I think I detect a double standard here. You seem to resent the younger, fit swingers who are not attracted to you because of your age and/or fitness level; yet you insultingly dismiss all 40+ couples as ready for AARP and/or the farm scale. You suffer from the Groucho Marx complex. He famously proclaimed, "I would never join a club that would accept me as a member."

If you only want to swing with younger hard bodies, you will probably have to acquire hard bodies yourselves to improve your odds. Otherwise, just be as open minded toward other couples as you want them to be with you, and you will have no problem attracting playmates.

[PA_RACERS]

I am not dismissing anyone. I have no problem with the hardbodies. I am saying they have a problem with me. As for the over 40 crowd....We have no problem I start to have a problem with the over 50 crowd simply because of my parents age. I have a personal problem when I feel like someone child. I am sure I am not the only one. We certaily don't have a "problem" attracting couples.

We are a HMWC, HWP, non-smokers, non-pushy and social drinkers. We are both over 60 but we each work out 5 days a week and consider ourselves to be average or above average for swingers our age. We have been to several socials and we have been the ones in the party room. The young 20's and 30's look on in wonder as we have a great time. We have found that 40's, 50's and 60's are people who accept you for who you are and are not so physically centered. Yes you need to be attractive and in shape but none of us are Ken and Barbie; thought we would like to think we are.

We have the experience and the wisdom to understand that swinging is a fun thing and not just another notch on the bed post. For the "younger" crowd don't say no without trying....you don't know whgat you will be missing.

[MiCpl]

I think you have way overgeneralized your statements here. I find it odd that very few people took offense to your post, and those very people who should have were more often agreeing with you.

Is it us or is there two very distinctive groups in swingning? There is the under 30, very thin and perfect body portion. Then there is the over 40 portion with personalities and bodies that are all over the map.

My husband and I fall in an odd place. I am under 30 and far from thin (although not qualifying for BBW status yet either), and he is mid-30's and also not thin.

I swear if I hear one more couple that is over 40 say..."we are not too old for you, we can go for hours!" I am going to send them an application for an AARP card.

You are in your 30's what's so wrong with someone who is 40 or even mid-40's. They are still too young to be your parents at that point. A few years from now when you are 40, you may be one of those very 40+ year olds emailing people in their 30's not understanding why they don't want to swing with YOU.

And of course the reciprical is true as well. We are both tired of people looking at our pics that are younger and have had no children wondering why we dont look like Bally's health club adds. Is there no in between? Does anyone else out there feel this way?

Obviously from the other posts there are plenty of people who feel the same way you do to an extent, but even at that they aren't going to fit in YOUR "niche" because they are either too young or too old. How do you expect to find good playmates when you narrow the field so much before even giving someone a chance?

S (of S&J)

[Sparky Kronkite]

Hard body, soft body, young or old - so.

I mean, what are the rules? Right? Rule #1 no pressure. Rule #2 no pressure. And rule #3 - no pressure.

Right?

No pressure for 'anyone of any shape, size or age' - to play with anyone else of such diverse ilk.

But, people will be people - some sort of jealousy always seems to creep in some where. But it shouldn't - IF - you follow, adhere to and 'believe in' the rules.

I know what turns 'us' on - it's different from what turns the Shebabe (my partner in crime) on - and that is different from what turns 'me' on.

Everyone's different.

And that's just one that makes/allows swinging such a 'cool thing' (I think advanced thing) - socieitally speaking.

(Socieitally? Is that a word? It is now.)

I'm for no pressure what so ever. No pressure to even attend a swinging event. No pressure to 'pick some playmates.' No pressure to take your clothes off. No pressure to get hard. No pressure to cum.

Just no pressure. It's actually beautiful. And if everyone took this little rule/philosophy to heart - everyone - of every age and body type - would have a very good time.

Later all - Sparky and the Shebabe.

[invictus]

Here is something else to consider on this thread. We are talking about SEX. We are not talking about who we can work with, who are relatives are, who our kids run around with, or who our parents friends are. We are taliking about a couple being "sexually" attracted to a couple.

We have an ad on the swappernet and are really suprised by the number of people who will send a note and then if they are not for us want to get "pissy" and ask why. We are far from perfect and do not expect anyone else to be. But if we are not attracted, then we are not attracted.

Too old, too young, too skinny, too fat, does not matter. Not attracted means not attracted. We always send a personal reply, not the "canned" response. When they want to argue about how they are perfect for our profile and can't understand why we are not interested, then they fall into the "do not understand NO" catagory and are definitly not a contender.

When someone declines an offer it should not be taken personally as an offense. It could be that one of the couple "loved" your profile but the other did not... We do this together so we both have veto power.

[Sparky Kronkite]

Invictus? You are correct sir. Of course you are.

I don't mean to sound cold here but our approach is sort of like picking veggitables or fruit. Maybe a can of beans.

Our swinging is not really about 'friendship' - we have plenty of friends and don't really need any more. That's fine for those 'who do' want friends - we just happen to not.

Sure - during the 'warm up' - personality via conversation plays a part. But for us - a small part. Our partners are a sexual gymnasium to us/

But that's just us.

[invictus]

Sparky,

We may have not stated our last post exactly as intended. The personalities are definitly important to us. But the attraction has to be there also.

Even the best personality will not make up for not being sexually attracted to the person(s). But the "flip side" of that is we are not interested in Pamala Anderson & Tom Selleck look-a-likes if we do not like them personally.

To get both of us to agree on both halves of a different couple can be challenging. Our point we wanted to make was that no one should take a refusal as a personnal insult and no one should have to explain their reasoning. As you stated earlier, "no pressure" should be the norm.

M&J

[Sparky Kronkite]

Well said In.

We are the same.