How young is too young??

[FOOTLOVER69]

How young do you think is too young for someone to start swinging? I always figured you should be mature enough to handle a relationship before swinging. Someone the other day commented that they started swinging when they were in their early 20's. We are in our early 30's and even that is usually the young side you see at the clubs. I was just wondering everyone else's take on this subject. Thanks, S + A.

[Miss_Piggy]

I like to think that early 20s is a fine age to start. That's my unbiased, 22 year old opinion.

Actually, there's much more to it than age. I'm not sure what it is... but there is definitely something.

[Sin D]

He was 22 when he started, I was 33. We are both in our mid-30's now. That said, we always wonder about the teens you see on some of the swinger sites. 18 and 19 seems pretty young to us....but everyone matures differently.

[hfire269]

As long as they are consenting adults and mature enough to handle swinging then 18 is a good age. We are 24 and 25. Although I dont think your age has to do with it.. I mean there are 50 yrs olds out there that are as immature as a 2yr old. So I think that maturaty has alot of power in when to start swinging.

[viper31631]

I started at 20 as a single and everyone whom met me would probably agree I was plenty mature enough to handle everything.

[frenzb4sex]

I'd like to take a different spin on this and see what the board thinks. While it's agreeable that there is a wide range of maturity in this lifestyle, and while I think that those that have posted are probably big exceptions to the rule, we have found (as being in our early 30's) that we find those that are younger than us tend to have more cancellations, have more problems getting together, and more "last minute" things that come up then say, those that are 35 or older. That doesn't mean that they shouldn't swing per se, but I think that this is something that occurs on a broader scale than just our observations.

I don't attribute this to having children, because we know that couples in the latter age range still have that to deal with as well, even very young children. Is this a maturity thing? Do those that are over 35 just have more of a commitment than those that are younger? I can't believe that those that are younger have more going on in their lives, I would actually tend to think the opposite. Have you had this happen or seen it to some degree?

Again, not finger pointing here on the board, the fact that many of you contribute is a testament to your knowledge and maturity levels. Just trying to put a different spin on the question....

Tim

[danc694u]

Originally Posted by FOOTLOVER69

We are in our early 30's and even that is usually the young side you see at the clubs. I was just wondering everyone else's take on this subject. Thanks, S + A.

We as a rule, try to stick with 30+ ourselves. We've had a couple of very bad experiences with 25 & 27 y olds. Although we both have to admit, those young firm bodies can be enticing

As for 30 being the young side! What clubs do you guys attend there. We'll sure want to check them out when we're in the area. We get a lot of 30 and under in TN, MS, & AL

[RW1F]

Depends on what you mean by swinging. If you mean swinging as single or in a boyfriend and girlfriend situation I would say any age over 18 is fine. If you mean in a marriage, I'd bet several months paychecks that people that swing in their early-mid twenties will end up divorced.

[AustinandStacy]

Originally Posted by RW1F

Depends on what you mean by swinging. If you mean swinging as single or in a boyfriend and girlfriend situation I would say any age over 18 is fine. If you mean in a marriage, I'd bet several months paychecks that people that swing in their early-mid twenties will end up divorced.

Maybe I am reading this wrong. a) Boyfriend and Girlfriend at 18 are fine as swingers, but b) married couple at 25 are not fine as swingers, and are likely to get divorced. It seems like you are implying that the 18 year olds aren't worried about long term prospects with each other, or else they would end in category b) eventually, and their relationship would be destroyed. Personally, I wouldn't touch any couple without a long term commitment to each other with a 39 1/2 foot pole. (Much like the Grinch.) We know, at least as far as we go, our maturity as a couple skyrocketed when we actually had to move in together, compiled the finances, and had to make REAL decisions in the best interests of the partnership. I'm sure some high schoolers have enough maturity and communication skills to swing, but I know that no matter HOW well you know each other, you know much more once you have a home set up.

We are just getting started, and are in our mid twenties. We know a bunch of couples who started in the lifestyle earlier than us, or at the same age. They are now in their 40s and 50s, and it's like they're still on their honeymoon. Frankly, I'm a little peeved that you are so judgmental, and so certain all of our unions are going to end up in the scrap pile. (Either that, or you are a really loose gambler. I wouldn't bet several monthly paychecks that martians wouldn't land tomorrow. That's a lot of money.)

That's not to say all swingers are going to be happy together forever, but just because you start in your mid twenties doesn't mean that you are fundamentally unsound and your relationship is damned. (However, you said that unmarried 18 year olds can have a perfectly stable swinging relationship. . . I guess I'm just confused.)

[DuncanDoughnut]

I think the priority is that you are certain that who you swing with is of a legal age before you swing with them.
The problem with some of the younger generations is that short of asking for ID, it's really hard to tell how old they actually are. I met a 14 year old today who looked every bit of 20 clear down to her huge tights, (far bigger than mine with a perfect bod to boot) tounge ring and belly button rings. (yep that's plural) Who would of thought at her age you would be so equiped. Scarey isn't it?

[FOOTLOVER69]

My question arose due to someone on the chat board saying they started at age 17. To me I think that is too young. I don't care how mature someone thinks they are, but highschool kids are not old enough in my opinion. There may be the exception to the rule but I don't believe anyone at 17 or 18 even has marriage on there minds, little less than swinging. I simply believe someone who has yet graduated from highschool does not understand the major issues in life , little less swinging. I was simply amazed at the age I was given and really thought the peson was lying. Is it really true swinging at that age or simply experimenting in sex. The reason most single males are not accepted in the lifestyle is because they bring no relationship into the equation when they are trying to swing. I guess what I truly wonder is whether anyone at that age sees their fooling around as true swinging. Does the boyfriend/girlfriend know what is happening? If so do they not care because they could care less since they are also cheating. It simply brought something to my attention since I had never really thought of anyone that young as a swinger.

[Necro71]

I'm 19, and have a very clear definiton between sex, love, and lust. As long as you are able to be safe, careful and mature I think 18 is fine.

[RW1F]

Originally Posted by AustinandStacy

Maybe I am reading this wrong. a) Boyfriend and Girlfriend at 18 are fine as swingers, but b) married couple at 25 are not fine as swingers, and are likely to get divorced.

Well your reading it partially wrong. BF/GF at 18 may or may not be O.K. as far as a swinging relationship is concerned. Is it to young to experiment? Not in my opinion. Is it too young to tell? Yup.
A 25 year old married couple? If I bet 100 of those couples that they'd end up divorced I'm thinkin I'd come out with at least a 90% profit.

Originally Posted by AustinandStacy

It seems like you are implying that the 18 year olds aren't worried about long term prospects with each other, or else they would end in category b) eventually, and their relationship would be destroyed.

That's exactly what I'm saying. Although an 18 year old might think they are in it for the long haul most of em aren't. Does that mean they can't have a good time swinging?

Originally Posted by AustinandStacy

Personally, I wouldn't touch any couple without a long term commitment to each other with a 39 1/2 foot pole. (Much like the Grinch.) We know, at least as far as we go, our maturity as a couple skyrocketed when we actually had to move in together, compiled the finances, and had to make REAL decisions in the best interests of the partnership. I'm sure some high schoolers have enough maturity and communication skills to swing, but I know that no matter HOW well you know each other, you know much more once you have a home set up.

I agree with most of what you said above except the long term commitment part. If my wife and I were to swing with another couple my main priority would not be their "relationship". My wife and I have our own relationship and it is great. I don't need to worry about yours. As long as you don't squabble around us I really couldn't care less.
I've been living with my wife for over ten years and when we first moved in together paying the bills with a joint checking account seemed like a huge deal. After ten years it's not such a big deal and in no way defines our relationship.

Originally Posted by AustinandStacy

We are just getting started, and are in our mid twenties. We know a bunch of couples who started in the lifestyle earlier than us, or at the same age. They are now in their 40s and 50s, and it's like they're still on their honeymoon. Frankly, I'm a little peeved that you are so judgmental, and so certain all of our unions are going to end up in the scrap pile. (Either that, or you are a really loose gambler. I wouldn't bet several monthly paychecks that martians wouldn't land tomorrow. That's a lot of money.)

Sorry you're peeved. I have a suggestion for you. In order to avoid high blood pressure in the future, you might begin by not putting words in peoples mouths. I never said YOUR relationship would end up in "the scrap pile". I've never met you in my life, how could I make that judgement? I simply said I'd take the bet based on your age group. Like I said, if I found 100 married couples (in their early-mid twenties) who were swingers and bet all of em about the divorce factor I'd end up with a bunch of profit. I've never even conversed with you, where did you get the idea I was talking directly to you?

P.S. I'll even give you 5-1 on the Martian thing, just name the day

Originally Posted by AustinandStacy

That's not to say all swingers are going to be happy together forever, but just because you start in your mid twenties doesn't mean that you are fundamentally unsound and your relationship is damned. (However, you said that unmarried 18 year olds can have a perfectly stable swinging relationship. . . I guess I'm just confused.)

Again I never said anyone was "fundamently unsound" or that their "relationship was damned".
I also never said, "unmarried 18 year olds can have a perfectly stable swinging relationship". Please copy and paste my quote so I can see it. I guess you are confused but welcome to the club everyone is

[RW1F]

Footlover,

From your posts I think we would define "swinging" in a different way. To me, swinging is about sex, not a personal relationship. It seems like you are bringing emotional attachment into the equation? For my definition of swinging (unattached SEX with different partners while commiting emotionally to another) 18 is not only NOT too young, but it's a great age to be doing it. If I could go back in time I know I would.

[FOOTLOVER69]

No actually I am not equating emotion into it. I just think I would want someone to please my SO and not be in it to get their rocks off. I knew someone that was seeing 4 different people a week. Sometimes even couple. Every week it was a new bunch of people. I didn't classify her as a swinger but a slut. Sorry but swingers should have a mutual respect for those they are trying to please in bed. If I wanted unattached sex I could get us an escort. A 14 might know how to drive a car but that does not mean they are equipped to do so intelligently all the time. I know for some of you I am beating a dead bird and you still won't see what I am getting at. So I guess you believe someone sticking it to your wife for 5-10 minutes and not caring how she felt is fine. Sex is only sex in your book. This means they should really not give a crap about your feeling.
Last thing I will bother saying on this subject, is this. These so called swingers at 17-18 are also having sex at age 12-14. Now I am not being a prude about this otherwise I wouldn't be in the lifestyle. This means there is something WRONG in their lives that they are having sex when they are in 6th grade. I know some people won't like this opinion, but if you are that young and having sex on a regular basis then their is something disfunctional in your life.
In my book I guess all I'm looking for is people who understand what it means for someone to share their bed with a stranger. If you want straight sex, go for it. I don't believe anyone so young knows or cares if it is a mutually satisfying experience. Not old enough to drink, DEFINATELY NOT old enough to swing.