How young is too young??

[AustinandStacy]

Originally Posted by RW1F

I agree with most of what you said above except the long term commitment part. If my wife and I were to swing with another couple my main priority would not be their "relationship". My wife and I have our own relationship and it is great. I don't need to worry about yours. As long as you don't squabble around us I really couldn't care less.
I've been living with my wife for over ten years and when we first moved in together paying the bills with a joint checking account seemed like a huge deal. After ten years it's not such a big deal and in no way defines our relationship.

OK, you and we are basically on the same page here. It's just that we have found MUCH more drama and flightiness from those who aren't committed. We don't care about the state of their relationship just for the sake of it, but because we have found that that is one of the strongest correlations with instability and bad outcomes.

Sorry you're peeved. I have a suggestion for you. In order to avoid high blood pressure in the future, you might begin by not putting words in peoples mouths. I never said YOUR relationship would end up in "the scrap pile". I've never met you in my life, how could I make that judgement? I simply said I'd take the bet based on your age group. Like I said, if I found 100 married couples (in their early-mid twenties) who were swingers and bet all of em about the divorce factor I'd end up with a bunch of profit. I've never even conversed with you, where did you get the idea I was talking directly to you?

I have the lowest blood pressure in my family by far! I just thought you were being awfully jugmental about a vast swath of people. Maybe your experience is that 6 or 7 years ago you met 10 couples at your club in their mid 20's, and 9 of them are now divorced. Even though I doubt that would happen, that doesn't mean those results will be multiplied over the population.

P.S. I'll even give you 5-1 on the Martian thing, just name the day

Again, I'm not a gambling man, but even I love those odds.

Again I never said anyone was "fundamently unsound" or that their "relationship was damned". Please copy and paste my quote so I can see it. I guess you are confused but welcome to the club everyone is

"If you mean in a marriage, I'd bet several months paychecks that people that swing in their early-mid twenties will end up divorced." I read that to mean (since several paychecks is an awful lot of pesos), that you feel pretty strongly that me and the missus (or if not us, then thousands of other perfectly normal people in fantastic relationships that you've never met) will end up in splitsville. It's one thing to say that you don't understand why people start so young. It's another to state unequivocal confidence that 90% of them will end up divorced. (As you did in this last post.)

After the explanation about the comments regarding teenagers in or not in relationships, I understand your point better. As it turns out, we were almost on the same page the whole time. People start swinging at different times, and for different reasons. There was never any high blood pressure, or hard feelings. Hugs!

[troufault]

This is so interesting. It never occurred to me that the age of starting swinging might determine the stabiity of a marriage. Has anyone got the statistics of divorce for swingers?

[HotCoupleGnS]

Originally Posted by RW1F

Depends on what you mean by swinging. If you mean swinging as single or in a boyfriend and girlfriend situation I would say any age over 18 is fine. If you mean in a marriage, I'd bet several months paychecks that people that swing in their early-mid twenties will end up divorced.

I disagree on that one. I (female) am 22, & my hubby just turned 30. Our marriage was already great before we started swinging. Swinging has just taken ours to another level. (But I will say that I am a very mature 22 year old. I have always been a lot more mature than most of my peers.)The communication & trust between us is more than I thought it could be. I don't think it has anything to do with age. I think you could be a 40s something couple & if you don't go at it the right way, you could end in divorce too.

I don't know if this makes a difference in what you are talking about, but over half of all the couplesaround 35 or older are already on their 2nd marriage.

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by HotCoupleGnS

I don't know if this makes a difference in what you are talking about, but over half of all the couplesaround 35 or older are already on their 2nd marriage.

A sad statistic, and not a lot different on this side of the pond.

Looking on the bright side though, we have been married 25 years, and nobody in either of our immediate families has ever been divorced.

[WesternSwing]

I think anything over legal age is okay, as long as they are mature enough to handle it. Case in point:

Several months ago I met a really good looking, sweet 20-year old single female in a neighboring state who said she was bi. We hit it off really well, I was attracted to her and I felt my wife would be also, so she said she'd love to get together if she ever got in our hometown.

A couple of weeks later we invited her into town for a party we were going to (not a swinger party, but a wild party none the less). No pressure, no hype, just a party she'd expressed interest in attending so we extended an invitation as our guest. This way we could all meet and go from there. Well,she never showed.

Well she did come into town a couple of weeks ago and text messaged me she wanted to meet. I told her we'd love to. Well she got pissed about the "we" part and text messaged me "Okay nevermind." I told her that we come as a package, period. So she got all childish. I think she lied about "being bi" as opposed to being "bi curious" and really only wanted to meet-up with me. Well, nothing happened, she headed home, and I haven't heard a peep from her since.

As my wife said it best: "Don't play big girl games if you can't be a big girl."

Mr. WS

[Joe_Ang]

Joe and I started when we were 25. We generally swing with older couples because we find that people our own age and younger like to play games. We have young children and many younger people do not understand the restrictions that puts on us. So I don't think age is necessarily the issue but maturity and compatability. You may enjoy people quite young because of the way they make you feel. Yes, I do want to play with couples that are secure in their relationship but that is not for me to decide.

[midnight hour]

Mr. Midnight and I talked about that the other night. To us being newly married and very young and already swinging, and to *everyone* this is just our way of looking at it~it would have been so much harder for us to bond..early marriage is hard enough without adding perhaps more garbage to it, and young marrieds can be well, emotional...
My rule is I never would meet anyone I could have gave birth too.

midnight hour

[Brit_Pair]

I can't imagine myself wanting to swing any time before I was around 25, simply because I was having quite enough of a time with the opposite sex on a purely one-to-one basis. That's not to say I didn't have any of the stereotypical red-blooded male fantasies about two women playing together, or about the two women inviting me along for the ride. But I certainly didn't have any desire to introduce other men into my sex life, or to exchange partners. That would have (doubtless) been the result of feelings of territoriality, and a sign of my emotional immaturity. As a result, I tend to look somewhat sceptically at people under that age who are involved in swinging, and would almost certainly reject them as playmates.

[HotCoupleGnS]

I think you should get to know someone before you rule them out based totally upon their age. Some of us young 'uns are very mature. Hubby & I have a great relationship. Our marriage is very secure. As I said before I am a very mature 22 year old. I am a mother of 2, we both work full time jobs & I go to school full time. Compared to all the people I went to H.S. with, I should almost be 30. Theya re all out still partying their life away, while I am managing a home & career. I never connected to people my age. I always had interests that lead me to be around older people. Of course I can have my "kid" moments, but don't we all sometimes? Isn't is fun to cut loose of all responsibilities sometimes & let your hair down. So, basically what I am saying is that you could miss out on meeting & possibly playing with some great people if you rule totally on age.

[tazzie_n_truck]

[QUOTE]I always figured you should be mature enough to handle a relationship before swinging.

We would agree with that statement. If your mature enough to handle a relationship.

We have come accross 18-19 year olds who wanted to swing with us and they were not mature enough, yet we have also come accross people who are older than us and they were not mature enough either. We believe that it's a maturaty thing. Us personally, we don't swing with anyone under 21 and the couple we swing with has to be married to each other, and very secure in their marriage.

[youngswingersne]

In my opinion, i'm happy with 18 year-olds swinging if they're mature and sensible about it. It would seem however, from the stats at www.young-swingers.net, that most of the members are between 24 and 32 ish. There's hardly any under-20's members. It also seems that the members under 35 don't really do the swingers parties at home thing, they almost all prefer to go to swingers clubs instead.

facelick

www.young-swingers.net
young-swingers

[NandTfromCA]

17 is too young. 18 just as fine as 30 or 40 or 50 (we're 31/32)

[freshmeat]

im 18 and I just started...

[MarriedNY'ers69]

I'm 26 and my husband is 27 and ya know I think it has nothing to with age. We have a couple that we have me the female half is 21 and the man is 30 They are great and fun and have no hang ups. Then we have another couple that is 29 and 30 and we have had alot more trouble with them. So age has nothing to do with it at all.

[RenoFantasy]

I don't think there's really a "right age" to start. My wife and I (now 29 and 31, respectively) have been married for nearly 10 years. We had our first threesome (FMF) after about 4 months of marriage, and that is what we consider to be the beginning of our involvement in the swinging lifestyle. That would put us at ages 20 and 22 (respectively).

The problem with "How young is TOO young?" or "What is a good age?" is that there is very little that can actually prepare you for what you will experience when you actually make the leap. If I were going to advise someone who were considering joining the lifestyle, age would not be a factor (though I think 18 or older is best if they intend on getting folks to hook up with em.) I would simply state that they need to be VERY strong in their relationship, need to have a forgiving heart, and having a HIGHLY stubborn nature in regards to NOT giving up on their relationship. Because the fact of the matter is that mistakes WILL be made. Feelings WILL occassionally get hurt on both sides. We are raised to look at love and sex a certain way, and breaking out of that mold can be ugly and painful. Stick with it. Learn from your mistakes. Communicate. Don't be afraid to say no. Take breaks occassionally. This can be a beautiful and wonderfully rewarding lifestyle to live, but it takes a lot of work most of the time.

Just my 2 lincolns.

Matt