How to be a Winner at Conversation

[OhioCouple]

Julie brought up in another thread about how someone that is the spouse of a friend of hers seems to be indifferent and stand-offish when they are in a social setting. I ran across this article today that has some pointers on how to make folks feel accepted as if they were at home. I'm generally a very cautious person until I've gotten to know you, and do appear stand-offish.

Here are some tips that were listed in the article which may help warm up situations for folks like me, that rely on people like you. Whether you are meeting for the first time or repeat gatherings.

-Assume the burden that you're responsible for getting something started. Do not rely on other people to make it happen.

-When you're dealing with someone who's reluctant to open up, the use "triggers" to break throught their resistance--for example, a compliment that immediatley tells the other person you are friendly.

-Tell about a slightly embarassing story about yourself. Admit that you don't know some things, or that you are clumsy.

-Ask a question that shows you value the other person's opinion. Or ask a question about the other person's field of expertise. This will show that you are genuinely interested in their idea or opinion.

-Prepare. Take what you know about them and use it to be a conversation starter. If you know they like to climb mountains, bone up on the subject so you can disucss this topic intelligently.

These tactics can be utilized in all forms of relationships. Does any one have any other ideas to add?

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by OhioCouple

-Tell about a slightly embarassing story about yourself. Admit that you don't know some things, or that you are clumsy.

I know you meant this as a serious thread, Mrs. O, but I had to laugh when I read the one above. Maybe that accouts for the reason that I rarely meet a stranger. All of my stories about myself are embarassing (as you well know), I don't know much of anything, and my clumsiness is well known. And here I was thinking I was just a friendly sort of person.

- EBF

[OhioCouple]

I swear it is a toss up between you and Mr. O as to who would make the best Dr. Doolittle replacement. You both can talk to any doggone thing, alive/dead, past/present, animate/inanimate, beast/man... and hold a seemingly intelligent conversation....AND get responses!!

I shall never understand...

[TNT]

Well, in an effort to be friendly to all, today my lovely wife tried to kill my son. And all he wanted to do was share with the rest of us that Mama had washed the TV remote in the washing machine. One can only assume that it was dreadfully befouled to need such extreme treatment. Fortunately, after careful disassemly and drying it still works. Can anyone see her hair in our avatar? What color is it?

Ted

[Spoomonkey]

Great post, Ohio!

It always takes me some time to get revved up in a conversation. The bigger the group, the slower I move. But, I am half deaf, so it takes me some time to figure out who I should be listening to

One thing I recently read was to use words like "sure" instead of "uh-huh". It shows more engagement in the conversation. Of course, you also have to be careful how you say it... I mean "sure" can come across as brushing someone off or insinuating that they are talking out their ass - as in "I shoke hands with the president of Nang-Gong-Tong Province is western China!" "Sure you did."

But - words are better than grunts... Or so I have heard...

Spoomonkey

[Botcpl]

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

All of my stories about myself are embarassing (as you well know), I don't know much of anything, and my clumsiness is well known.
- EBF

So as an example:

EBF: Hi, I'm EBF, I'm always embarassing myself, I can be kind of ditsy ("I don't know much of anything") and I'm always bumping into things and tripping.

Reply: Uh-sure,,,

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by Botcpl

So as an example:

EBF: Hi, I'm EBF, I'm always embarassing myself, I can be kind of ditsy ("I don't know much of anything") and I'm always bumping into things and tripping.

Reply: Uh-sure,,,

Embarrassing myself: the day I got myself hung in the top of a really, really tall oak tree and the fire department had to come get me. Literally hanging. And screaming. The snake story that some have heard. The night, years ago, that I called the fire department and made them sneak and tippy-toe through a 4-story house because I thought it was on fire since the smoke alarm was sounding. Embarrassing because all the firemen/paramedics knew me from the hospital and it was just a few days before the story was all over. A smoke alarm with batteries going bad at 2 AM.
Ditsy and don't know anything: WR and I decide to "research" toys. From across the store..."Hey! WR! What's this? What?!? What do you use if for? Why? What's the point? You are rude! You're always telling me to shut up! I'm not going anywhere with you again!" WR: "If only that was true!" :rollseyes Surrender The day I found a hand grenade in the garage. Called the police and casually stated, "I just found a hand grenade in my garage. Should I just throw it in the trash or do you want me to bring it down there?" Sirens! Bomb squad! It was some sort of practice thing. But I didn't know that. How was I to know? :rollseyes
Clumsy: the day I decided to climb into another tree to saw off a limb. Fell off the ladder and knocked myself out in the front yard. Not one to give up, I tried again when I regained consciousness, only to have the limb fall on my head, split my head open and gash the side of my leg.
Or...the day I sat in my own chair, at my own desk, and broke my own toe. Clumsy stories could go on and on...

But people start talking to me for some reason. And some keep on speaking to me, too, amazingly. WR for one...- EBF

[BradAndJanet]

Great advice Mrs. O! Thanks for posting that. I have used all of those at one time or another. Like EBF said, that's why I've never met a stranger either!

-B

[Botcpl]

To EBF:

uh..sure...

[wrnakedru]

RE: and To: EBF -

Why I keep on speaking to you:

1. You probably have more entertaining stories about yourself than anyone I know - or maybe it's just that you recognize their entertainment value and will tell them on yourself.

2. The ability demonstrated in item #1 means you are able to view the things that happen in life with humor rather than whining and moaning as some are prone to do.

3. In combination, we constantly add new stories to our life books and provide fodder for a few other's.

4. We have fun no matter how mundane or unusual the circumstances.

5. Our differences are diminished because of our similarities.

6. Because of our differences we are able to educate one another in ways helpful to each of us.

7. There hasn't been anything we can't discuss with each other or work out if we disagree.

8. We know way too many secrets about one another to risk becoming enemies.

WR

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by wrnakedru

RE: and To: EBF -
8. We know way too many secrets about one another to risk becoming enemies.

WR

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! And one REALLY, REALLY...REALLY big one! I start sweating just thinking about it.

< That's sweat pouring off my brow. - EBF

[TES]

I have had many a good laugh the past few years from some of EBF's calamities. Believe her.......they are all true! The 12' anaconda was great! Get her to tell the story about the underground parking garage at IHOP!

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by OhioCouple

...I ran across this article today that has some pointers on how to make folks feel accepted as if they were at home...

-Tell about a slightly embarassing story about yourself. Admit that you don't know some things, or that you are clumsy.

This suggestion really stood out because I had an experience that taught me some people use this for self-aggrandizement.

True story: Mr LM and I went to dinner with a couple, she was the quieter of the two, he appeared a good conversationalist from the outset, however, it didn't take long and he was into his first "I don't know it all" stories about himself. Mr LM and I both laughed with his story and responded by telling him not to be so hard on himself, we told him he handled himself well, etc.--basically complimenting him and telling him he was okay.

A couple minutes go by and the guy tells another story, ending it with a statement about his being a "klutz" (his word). Again, Mr LM and I joined him in laughing about his very funny tale, told him he wasn't a klutz, and finished off with a comment to make him feel better about himself.

Well this guy did this two more times within a few minutes and Mr LM and I are now sensing this guy isn't really into telling a funny tale, rather, he likes people telling him how great he is. So with his next "this is embarrassing" story, we justed laughed and left it at that. The guy just waited for his compliment, he was so obvious about it too, there was a dead silence.

His demeanor changed after that. He was a different person to be with when he wasn't in the limelight sharing his self-deprecating stories.

LM

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Well this guy did this two more times within a few minutes and Mr LM and I are now sensing this guy isn't really into telling a funny tale, rather, he likes people telling him how great he is.

Maybe you should have a rule that the third "I'm an idiot" story automatically gets answered with - "you know, the more you talk, the more we are beginning to agree with you..."



Spoomonkey

[WA_Cple]

great thread...

uh huh sure

I often feel like the one who carries conversations... way too many people have no idea how to talk to each other. I am fairly outgoing and its Mr WA who is the quiet one... I ask a lot of questions to get people out of their shell a bit - the part that I have to contain is my opinions because I can be very outspoken and opinionated.

I am also not very good at superficial conversation - I really like to get to KNOW people and I realize that some ppl don't want to be "known" they just wanna have a good f*ck - so I'm learning how to say "cute dress" and "wow your nipples are so beautiful" that sort of thing hehe

Anyway... I'll stop while I'm still ahead



Mrs WA