Should I marry her ?

[yogee]

Hi,

I am looking for an advice form you people. I will be as honest as I can:

I met her online while chatting on YAHOO messenger, around 1 and half years ago. She lives in Australia and I am in India. She is 45 and I am 27. She is married and I am single. She is pretty fat and I am very slender. We had some natural attraction and chatted for 4-5 hours a day when I had time. She got 3 kids, 17, 15 12. After chatting for so long, our friendship developed. I did not know at that time that she was married, I cam to know about it after 8 months of our friendship. Its not like she never told me, its like we never talked about it, unknowingly. She showed me her kids too on web cam. Lovely kids. We are so open about our talks that I have even discussed some Swinging lifestyle with her and she likes being in that. She say she wants to marry me. I was shocked when she told me this. Not shocked because she was old, but because when said so, faces of her kids right came into my brain. I told her, we are good friends and I really like her but her kids need her but she says in Australia kids are independent after the age of 16. I am in India, I don't know about this. I never talked to her about her relationship with her husband, except that he does sex only for 5 min at maximum. He comes from office and pushes his tool inside her, goes inside and out for 2 min and ejaculates and then goes away, thats the sex they are having from last 10 years. I asked her if she just wants to satisfy her sexual desire, as woman's sex much more stronger than a man. She said NO, a flat NO . She said she wants to explore her life with me, from sex to general life and as wife as well. She says her kids will go away to Hostels and leave the places very soon, one has already gone to different state for education and another is ready. She says her kids will understand but I don't think it is so.

I really could have married her if she could be single woman but she is not. One kid is 12,, I have told her that divorce will affect him badly and he will not be able to grow properly, A kid of this age needs both parents to take care. It could ruin his psychology. I simply refused her offer. After that every time we met, 40% of the times she talked about it and I said a No. From that day I never talked to her about sex, only family, kids, and general chat about friendship and relationships and she continued to chat like that, never stopped talking about it. When she pushed enough regarding marriage, I stopped talking to her, only because I want her kids to have good and natural family environment. Now she is mailing me everyday.

I don't know what to do....but I am sure of onw thing, she has kids and I do not want them to get hurt. what to do by the way about this sitiation of hers ?

[bryanlee]

Well first off i would say that you have to do what makes you happy. There are lots of things wrong with this entire situation, but i will only point out a few.

You guys not only live in different countries, but you have never physically met. Chatting is great, but it would be impossible for me to determine if someone was marriage material if i only knew them through chat.

She is married! In my opinion it doesn't matter how unhappy she is. I absolutely hate cheaters, and yes i would consider what she is doing with you cheating. My take is that if you are unhappy in a situation you take steps to get out of it rather than using it as an excuse for cheating. I am sure that her husband made her happy at some point. What is going to happen when you no longer make her happy? I personally would not go into a relationship with someone who cheated on their husband. What makes you any different than the last guy?

I would not marry her. That is my opinion. As i said before, you have to do what makes you happy. You also owe it to yourself to make an informed decision. I wish you luck and hope everything works out for you.

Bryan

[maggoo]

If she was so unhappy in her present situation she would have left her husband by now
What sort of mother would send her kids hundred's of kilometers away
I would suspect that she is only playing with you
A good idea would be to either play her back or block her mail
It sounds a bit like she doesn't encourage more than 2 min from hubby may be she should learn to go down etc.
She Sounds pretty boring to me,distance will save you.
you may even save their marriage

[jdavisauto]

It sounds like that she fell in Love with the chate and not with you as a person. How much of what she told you is a lie and how much it truth? You never know just by chating with her. Hell anyone can tell you anything through chat, but that don't make it true. Guy you just need to end this with her. If you continue with this very long distance relationship then one day you will open your front door and she will be standing there.
Now if you are truly in love with her then you need to find away to work it out to where you two can be with each other, by your post I don't think that this is the case. Not one time did you say you love her. Only you can decide what is best for you. Just follow your feelings.

[two4youinswva]

You've answered all your own questions in your original post:

Originally Posted by yogee

She is married and I am single.

I did not know at that time that she was married, I cam to know about it after 8 months of our friendship. Its not like she never told me, its like we never talked about it, unknowingly.

That's because she didn't want you to know. It isn't something you just "forget to mention".

She says her kids will understand but I don't think it is so.

I really could have married her if she could be single woman but she is not.

One kid is 12,, I have told her that divorce will affect him badly and he will not be able to grow properly, A kid of this age needs both parents to take care.

When she pushed enough regarding marriage, I stopped talking to her, only because I want her kids to have good and natural family environment.

I don't know what to do....but I am sure of one thing, she has kids and I do not want them to get hurt.

Peel away everything but the red flags, and I believe it makes your decision a little easier.

Good luck.

[fun4Ds]

Should you marry her ? No !

[yogee]

hey guys, thanks to everyone for their time . ok.. I em ending this relationship.

[sweet_tna]

Chiming in late here, but I think you're making the right decision. Not once in your original post did you say anything about loving her or wanting to be married to her. Add that to the fact that she is already married, and you have a disaster waiting to happen.

Do yourself a favor and find someone you DO love, that's a little more geographically desirable.

=)

[yogee]

hey.. sweet_tna .. thanks for Geographical advice