Need some help for a Dr visit

[VanHlebar]

This might be the wrong forum to put this in but I wasn't sure where else to post it.

As some of you may have already read, Mrs Van and I have our first encounter this past weekend and I had what I had initially thought was stage fright. Well, now over the course of the past week, while the Mrs and I had sex, I still had some problems. I have only been able to get semi-erect each time we have been together, which is starting to concern us both. We decided I should goto the Drs just to be safe.

Here is my problem.. I am a young guy and just the thought of having to discuss this with my doctor isn't pleasant and then add to it that I feel like I am being greedy make is worse .

I envision the conversation as suc:

Dr: So Van you are having some problems right?
Van: yup
Dr: How often does this occur?
Van: Has occured each time my wife and I have sex.
Dr: Ok.. how often to you and your wife have sex on a monthly basis?
Van: Well.. umm... lets see 7-10 time a week so I guess 28 - 40 per month.
Dr: Umm.. did you mean per year.. I did ask per month..
Van: Nope per month..
Dr: So, please explain to me again.. what is your problem then?

It isn't that I can't cum either, that isn't the issue.. I just don't seem to be very erect and as long as it is just MrsVan and myself, it isn't an issue. But when if this persists, then there is no way to get a condom on and be able to perform for a play partner.

Anyone have suggestions as to how to address this with the Dr? I really do feel like I am being really greedy and I feel really ashamed I guess to be going to the Drs for something like this.

-Van

[VegasLee]

I am not a doctor and I won't even play one on the Internet but I have a feeling you are just fine.

If I read this right, you where fine last week. You went and had your first "play party" this last weekend and things where a bit "soft" for you. This week now you are having the same problem when you are with your wife.

Sounds like it is in the mind to me. Maybe take a day or two off of playing with anyone. Stop thinking about it. I am betting that each time you play now you are thinking about what happened this last weekend. Putting presure on yourself. Also if you are drinking, stop it for a few days.

Just thoughts.

[Vespertine]

I agree with Lee.

Don't jump the gun. I think by making it a bigger deal than it actually is, you'll prolong your temporary problem. Having a doctor involved, poking and proding is going to keep it on your mind more.

Take Lee's advice and give it a little time.

[Sweet_Candy]

Would have to agree . . . give it a week or two then decide if you need to see a Doc. IMHO

[VanHlebar]

Well I kinda felt it was jumping the gun.. but to keep the Mrs happy I agreed to going.. I think we may cancel the appointment.. but she isn't going to be happy about the taking a break part

Thanks folks!

-Van

[MrsVan]

Thank you everyone for the advise! Our only concern is that we had planned on attending the club the first weekend of March...With taking a break as all of you suggested we do what would you suggest as to what we do about wanting to go to the club? We would love to go back but I don't want MrVan to feel pressured to go back just yet with the current problems. Do you think it is wise to just stay home and resolve the issue or would we be okay to try it again?

How soon do you go back into the club scene after this type of situation? Any help would be appreciated. This lifestyle is about us and if he is not ready then I don't want to go.

MrsVan

[couple430]

I understand your concern about talking with a Dr. and I guess it depends on how comfortable you are with him/her. I had a similar problem a number of years back and did talk with my Dr.
It turn out that my problem was really a case of “self filling prophecy”. This is where it happens once causing you to develop a fear that it will occur again. It is the concern (worry) that it will happen again that may be the cause of it reoccurring.
The Mrs. was just as concerned about the developing problem and when she heard the situation was a mental block and not physical she was relieved too. We just took it slow for a few weeks without any expectations on level of performance.
It still happens from time to time but now when it does we don’t worry about it and just look forward to the next time.
Each case is different, but wanted to pass on our experience in case it might help.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by MrsVan

Thank you everyone for the advise! Our only concern is that we had planned on attending the club the first weekend of March...With taking a break as all of you suggested we do what would you suggest as to what we do about wanting to go to the club? We would love to go back but I don't want MrVan to feel pressured to go back just yet with the current problems. Do you think it is wise to just stay home and resolve the issue or would we be okay to try it again?

I think you shouldn't worry if MrVan will have this problem when you go back to the club.

I think you guys might be setting him up for failure by having a deadline in mind. That's a lot of pressure!

Think about it, I'm sure it's really bothering him that he didn't perform as best as he can. But if he has to worry about clearing this matter up before the first weekend in March, or worry about having to see a doctor to fix it, worry about what to say to the doctor, worry about what exactly is it that he has to fix by the first weekend in March, worry about you not having fun because he's having a problem, etc.. I'm sure you get the idea.

Don't think about it and it will go away.

[MrsVan]

Vespertine,

Thank you for the advise..It makes sense what you are saying and I agree.. I continue to try to find ways to take the thoughts out of his mind but my ways are not helping..I know that it is something that he has to work on as well but I just want to make him as comfortable as possible, to relax and have fun

You all are so supportive and we really appreciate it!

MrsVan

[mrs good times]

I'm going to go against the rest here and say I would still go to the doctor.
I agree that this is probably an issue with your brain and not your equipment but the more times the problem occurs the harder it is to get over it. The doctor will most likely suggest Viagra or Cialis and these medications can give you the confidence boost you need to get through this.

We have been there ourselves and sometimes the pressure of the situation or just being tired from a hard week at work will prompt us to use medication to make sure everyone has a good time with out worring about it. Just carrying it in your pocket (just in case) can be enough to make it easier.

As far as going to the club in March you can always go and just play with each other until you are more comfortable in the club environment. This is something we also had to work through. Having sex in front of other people can be intimidating and can impose alot of pressure. We would go into the group room and only play together. We did this for several months when we first started because all of the new situations and sensations of public sex was something that took getting used to for us.

I realize that it will be uncomfortable for you to discuss this with your doctor but they hear this kind of scenerio all the time and are not going to be shocked. If he's cool like ours he will give you samples to try first.

Swinging is a learning process for some of us and you just have to take it one step at a time.

[good times]

I will have to second what my lovely wife said having had experiance with this at first myself. While taking a bit of time off might sound like good advice, in my case all it did was give me more free time to dwell on it which actually made the problem worse. The problem is that once you have a problem then every time you hook up with someone in the future you will be thinking in the back of your mind "is it going to happen again tonight", and that kind of thinking pretty much gaurantees that it will happen again. I had an erection problem crop up after we had been swinging for a couple of months and it became such a big mental obstacle for me that we considered giving up swinging all together. The cure was threefold, I went to the doctor and told him in general terms that I was having trouble keeping it up or getting an erection but had no problem with arrousal. He gave me some Viagra and as Mrs. GT said just having it available made a huge difference. The second thing we did to get over it is what Mrs. GT said above, we went to the club weekly for a couple of months and just had sex with each other in the public play room. The third was the hardest for me, I was up front with the women we hooked up with and just told them ahead of time that it may take me a bit to come to attention but if they were patient, good things would come to those that wait. After having several positive experiances with this approach my confidence was rebuilt to the point were now it is usually not a problem. When we meet new folks for the first time though I will still put the little pill in my pocket, just in case, but it is hardly ever needed.

[lovedoctor]

Originally Posted by mrs good times

I'm going to go against the rest here and say I would still go to the doctor.
I agree that this is probably an issue with your brain and not your equipment but the more times the problem occurs the harder it is to get over it. The doctor will most likely suggest Viagra or Cialis and these medications can give you the confidence boost you need to get through this.
.

I agree.

Also, you don't have to explain the whole situation to the doctor. Just ask for a sample and a prescription and tell him (or her ) that you have been experiencing a few "less than firm" moments and your friends recommended you ask for some!

Although Viagra and Cialis were mentioned here, there is Levitra too, which Mr. LD prefers. Less flushing and congestion. But they all will cause some. Cialis can cause leg cramps in about 20% of men, which is not a good situation when in the playpen!

I don't know how old you are, but lots of young men use these medications to enhance sexual performance and they are wonderful, but not without some risk. So just make sure you read up on them first. And try them out at home first too, when it's just the two of you - so you know what to expect. If you are young, you may just need a tiny dose. All the pills can be split, so use the lowest dose necessary to achieve and maintain a firm erection. More is not better, and you will also get "more bang for the buck."