The Pressures of Entertaining

[JustAskJulie]

I was reading the thread on "invites to someone's house/ sleeping over" and a comment was made about the added pressures of getting the house ready to entertain. So I'm wondering what other pressures do you feel when you are the one doing the hosting?

What things do you do to prepare your home for the guests?

Are you the type of host that prefers to let you guests make themselves at home (help yourselves to the fridge/food/whatever) or do you prefer to offer them what's available and get it for them?

What pressures do you feel while entertaining in your home?

[OhioCouple]

We have only done this on one occasion. I can say that I was really freaked, by having virtual 'visual' strangers stay in our home. Although, I felt like I knew them...ya just never know. Fortunately it flowed just fine. That was a major rule that we broke by offering to let them stay here....and we haven't been too good with some of our rules of late. I damn near cancelled it for them, after I got over the shock of what I had done. I'd have even paid for their hotel room.

In addition to all the cleaning, trying to insure their comfort, etc....
Our upper level of our home is under construction, which is where the spare bedroom is and everything that could go wrong...just seemed to. In addition to that, I tried to make sure that their favorite foods and stuff were here

As for the rules in our house.... I made this clear to them before they arrived, for them to treat it as though it were their own. I don't like to be a pest asking...would you like something to eat or drink...blah, blah. They knew to just open that cupboard or the fridge as the mood struck them. This is a policy that we have will all of our kids and their friends, as we can't be expected to read their minds. It isn't uncommon for them to come in the house and head to the fridge first before giving us a hello or a hug. They eventually get around to us... LOL We expect those that we choose to invite into our home to feel comfortable enough to do the same.

[yawanna]

We did this ONCE. Unless I get prozaced I don't think I could do it again. ...

We moved into our new loft...invited all our swinger friends over for a sunday afternoon. We said BYOB but we have all the food, etc. We had a 2 story loft so people could play, or not.
We had about 20 people throughout the afternoon.

First off.... 20 mins before the guests are due to start arriving, a flippin' window washer appears...some friends were already there, we discussed flashing him etc. decided 'nah....don't need him falling 16 floors...'.

Then... a good friend asks 'who brought devilled eggs?' I proudly say 'we made them!' He says.. 'fart food'..... omg


It was overall okay..... people left at a reasonable hour... 9 p.m. but I was TOAST for the next day. It's a lot of work! We know a couple that have house parties (on premises for you U.S. folks) and they don't seem to mind any prep work or clean up... I think some people are born for entertaining....some aren't

[Elusive BiFem]

I've only had a few experiences with people coming over for the night, but I am definitely one of these "make yourselves right at home" people. Here's the linen closet. Get it. Here's the fridge. Get it. Here's directions to the grocery store. Go get it. And per chance, you want to walk the dogs, here are their leashes. I'm pretty much that way with any and all good friends. A casual, stop-by visitior is a bit different.

I like to have various foods, snacks, softdrinks, etc., available for a variety of taste. That always makes me feel welcome in someones home - when they have the simple things that are my favorites.

I will generally cook dinner - yes, cook, much to everyone's dismay. I often cook steaks on the grill, only because they are always good - simple baked potato and salad. Voila! And I will cook breakfast - I love to cook breakfast/brunch. But I really like for my visitors to get in there and help me. Not for the help so much, but because it is fun.

The one thing I am obsessive about is having my house sparkling clean when people come over for the first time. "First time" being the key word. I want the brass polished, the ceiling fan blades cleaned, the bookshelves cleaned...even the silverware tray has to be clean. After that, they are on their own.

Truth be told, I am kind of the "sloppy" sort, plus it is rather small. In a small place, any single thing out of place makes it look messed up. I walk in and my glasses get thrown in one place, earrings off in another, watch somewhere else. And of course the shoes come off immediately. However, my house is generally immaculate "below" the level of the sloppiness. I'll spend the entire day Saturday shoving the bed all around so I can vacuum under it, while all the while, I haven't picked up the newspapers in 3-4 days. I don't notice the newspapers, but it drives me bonkers to think dust bunnies might be under my bed. Another thing I have to clean all the time is windows - at least weekly. I don't like dirty windows. Just my quirks....-EBF

[dreamers]

We have done this 3 times now.
And the 1st 2 were hectic, scary... the 1st couple didn't actually stay over but came for meals and visiting (in the end we did not play with them , there was no chemistry)
The 2nd time I was nervouse scared, cleaning non stop, making enough food for 20 people!lolWe fed them wayy to much and all of us were so full we did'nt play till quite late.lol
The 3rd time was the same couple, it went smoother and easier as far as cleaning entertaining and how i felt about having them in our home, but at play time well i had a small problem....
Any way we well see them again and we well have them over again....
but i do have one question... my mommy raised me to help out, clean up and play the good guest, so why is it out of 3 times not one of them has offered to help with clean up of meals or dishes?
Are guests when swinging exempt from cleanups? if so maybe i'd rather be a guest too!

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by dreamers
but i do have one question... my mommy raised me to help out, clean up and play the good guest, so why is it out of 3 times not one of them has offered to help with clean up of meals or dishes?
Are guests when swinging exempt from cleanups?

I don't know that guests are exempt from cleanups, but they may feel like they might be in your way. Especially for first time visits. They don't know where things go, how you like to store them, etc. It becomes an endless sea of questions. "Where would you like this? Where do you keep the foil or Saran wrap? Would you like to toss this out or keep it...etc." (Ya get the idea.) Not to mention that many kitchens aren't set up for too many bodies moving around in it all at one time.

Something else I just thought of too. How do you feel about when you are invited to someone elses home and theyask you what you like? Are you reserved about it? Do you not want to be a bother and just say something like.. "Oh whatever is fine?"
We want our guests to tell us what they like and not make us guess and then we end up buying a whole lot of stuff that nobody, including ourselves like.

Interesting topic.

[dreamers]

well maybe i'll be more specific, we have a huge kitchen,
we made a like wise huge meal, crab,steak double stuffed potatoes, a choc. truffle for desert
Any ways...I believe you should at least make an offer to help clear the table!I mean maybe you will be told oh no no you go sit down... but i do believe in at least an offer. Yes i did chauk it up to 1st time thing but we have had them over since and the same thing.. no offers, so actually i am thinking that must be the way they are and maybe when we go there she well do the clean up and not expect me to help, i do realize some people feel this way.
Any ways that would never stop us from spending time with these people they are really nice friends.

[alabamafuntonig]

we have a particular male friend we have met( not a swinger per say or at least we wont swing with him and thats all cool with all of us) that does partake in sleep overs on occastion...we do cook and do cook breakfast of sorts for all ..but the reason we dont mind making him feel at home is becouse he does feel at home ,he helps with the chores or duties of hanging out.. he will help clean dishesh and take out the garbage if its full from our fun..all in all he acts like it is his house in a sense and thats a lot of presure of us ... is he tha only one who we know who does this,,,well yes ..thats why he gets to stay over...all i can say is we go threw no extra trouble when he comes over...if the house is dirty oh well if its spotless oh well its all good ...true friends dont care about your house ..but they will care to not ruin it and help out when they can!

[Elusive BiFem]

Dreamers...let me ask you? After you have dinner, what do you do then? Leave the table a mess or do you immediately start cleaning? Depending on who I'm entertaining and for what purpose I might just say, "let's leave the dishes. I'lll get those later." Otherwise, I'm just as likely to say, "Hey, Ms. Dreamer, help me get this table cleared real quick so we can get in there and ____(fill in the blank). I agree that some people just don't know what to do so they do nothing. Especially if it's the first invitation to your home and they don't know you well. I"m kind of like that...don't exactly know what to do, but love it if someone gives me a specific "job." Wash the dishes/load the dishwasher, clear the table, cover the food, etc.

And Ms. O, when someone ask me what I like to eat, my general answer is that I'm not picky about food, but I don't eat liver and I love steak, and I like anything else in between. And that is true. I would not eat liver if served by the Queen and I love steak. If asked, I'll also specify that I drink Coke. Only Coke. Not Pepsi, Dr. Pepper. Just Coke. If I'm staying over night, I will also say I have to have coffee in the morning. Brewed coffee, not instant. I have to have it. If I have to buy them a Mr. Coffee machine, fine. A little one at Walmart - 20 bucks. Not a problem. But I have to have my coffee.

Now, I've solved many of my cooking problems and clean-up problems when it comes to entertaining. I cook for them the first time, and after that, they always say "We'll eat before we come over." -EBF

[alabamafuntonig]

ebf

i make it a point when in rome do what the romans do..ie if a host were to ask me what i like i usualy reply what ever your favorite dish is i would love to try..as in when i cook for friends i will cater to there likes until i will get to know ther habbits a little better,.. as far as the cleaning up . well hear again momma says ..if you are invited over some wear you betta damn clean up after or else. and if they eat over i always insist (at least to new friends ) to relax ill be a few minutes and let mrs bama do the entertaining. all is fair in love and war not in meeting freinds....if i like something and i know those people dont have it ienot enough money or just cant stand it) i will bring it myself and usualy enough for everone.....if i drink coke ill bring 2 12 packs etc.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig
ebf

i make it a point when in rome do what the romans do..ie if a host were to ask me what i like i usualy reply what ever your favorite dish is i would love to try..as in when i cook for friends i will cater to there likes until i will get to know ther habbits a little better,.. as far as the cleaning up . well hear again momma says ..if you are invited over some wear you betta damn clean up after or else. and if they eat over i always insist (at least to new friends ) to relax ill be a few minutes and let mrs bama do the entertaining. all is fair in love and war not in meeting freinds....if i like something and i know those people dont have it ienot enough money or just cant stand it) i will bring it myself and usualy enough for everone.....if i drink coke ill bring 2 12 packs etc.

We're thinking along the same lines, Bama. I think most people, at least those I run into, when invited, generally say right off, "What can I bring" or "I'll bring the fill in the blank." Especially once they've gotten to know people. Now, if I'm invited somewhere, first time invitation, by some I may not know well, I generally just say, "Thank you." Although a "hostess gift" is always nice and appreciated.

I think you hit on it in the thing about "new friends." Makes a difference. You're more into the "entertaining" mode. Established friends coming over, or you go there, becomes different. More relaxed and easy. But good manners always prevail along with the helpful attitude and gestures. Your mama taught you well. -EBF

[Weezie]

I've given many hostess gifts, but one incident really stands out in my mind. I picked up a candle in a pretty container at Walmart as we were running through to get some "supplies". We had chatted with this couple a bit and we liked them alot...wanted it to go well. She was a nice girl but didn't like to chat online or the phone much. Maybe it just wasn't her thing. I really wanted to win her over I guess. When we got there she just took it and put it on the counter and said thanks. No excitement, no "wow, that smells really good, let's light it!" Well, that's what I would have done. Now, I over looked that, but the house could have been cleaner. She was laying down taking a nap when we first got there. She didn't even have sheets on the bed! We won't even go into the hot tub scene. But after 4 hours of playing strip Taboo and no alcohol beverages, my husband was very bored.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie
I was reading the thread on "invites to someone's house/ sleeping over" and a comment was made about the added pressures of getting the house ready to entertain. So I'm wondering what other pressures do you feel when you are the one doing the hosting?

What things do you do to prepare your home for the guests?

Are you the type of host that prefers to let you guests make themselves at home (help yourselves to the fridge/food/whatever) or do you prefer to offer them what's available and get it for them?

What pressures do you feel while entertaining in your home?

Although we've never hosted any swinger friends, we do have our 'vanilla' friends over on occasion. The biggest stress for me is getting the place clean. It never seems that we have enough time to keep the place picked up properly. On the other hand, having guests is something we enjoy and it does give us an excuse to do a badly needed deep cleaning

We prefer that the guests make themselves at home and do whatever, but we will offer a drink when they walk in the door. After that, they're on their own and should feel free to snoop around and find what they need

-B

[Alura]

We haven't had any swinger parties. (We did have a couple hang around after the guests went home and another family took our kids with them, but that's not exactly a "swinger party.")

We have at least two parties a year for which we have about fifty guests, adults and children. Everybody is expected to serve himself, even the kids.

In fact, we couldn't have the parties without our friends. One guy comes (from Kansas) a day early so he can help with yard work and several couples show up hours before the party to help set up. There are a few couples, not always the same ones as one might expect, who hang around afterward to help clean up.

We ask for help if we need it. We invite a volunteer to person the outdoor grill and the food is good.

There is a cooler with iced cokes, several varieties, and another for beer and wine. Only once did we have a guy get drunk and make a fool of himself. "Wow!" he said, "Free German beer! I'll have to drink a lot of it!" He did. His name disappeared from the invitation list. We like sharing but don't want to be taken for fools. His language and behaviour after he'd had too many was not appropriate with children present.

We enjoy entertaining a lot. It's better when our friends treat the party as their own and join in the hosting.

Alura

[thekolonel]

For group events we only throw after parties and offer nothing more or less than a clean pad, some booze, music, porn on the telly and maybe some light snacks (heavy food and sex just don't mix). Assuming we've kept the place relatively clean in the interim the prep time is minimal. What's stressful, for me, is trying to play host while also giving my guests some individual attention. It can be difficult to play and be master of ceremonies at the same time, but then again I generally make it understood that I won't be constantly checking in on my guests and I try to limit the attendees to people we've already gotten to know.

If we're seeing another couple or single female, we treat it just like a date. No special prep needed, but we always try to keep the place clean enough for a spur-of-the-moment sleepover.