How to Uninvite a couple

[exquisit1s]

What is the best way to go to uninvite a couple to your party? Over the last weekWe have found myself in the position of having to uninvite 3 couples to the party. One of which We received feed back on that they were unruly in the past. That was the easy call to make as his pushiness was very evident in emails and messages.

However, the last couple we are trying to figure out the best "PC" way to do it. We have found out from two different couples whom we've known for a long time that the male is bi. A lot of our guests, myself included, or not comfortable with bisexual males at straight male/couple parties. We've met this couple once and they seemed like really cool people and at our last party, though they did not play (it was a meet and greet), they seemed like pretty good guests.

It was not until the next morning that two of the couples told us about seperate incidents involving the couple. One of which the male attempted to suck another males cock while the couples were playing.

The day after our party, they sent a very warm email telling us how much fun they had and how they couldn't wait for our club party in two weeks.

The other two couples I found it so easy because it was so obvious and they truly offended me (the second couple perpetrated to us when we met them that the male was straight, but after meeting them we went home and checked out their profile .. which was changed.. where he professed how he wanted to go down a male). In any case the first two were real easy to disinvite but the last one I am finding it difficult to say a good PC way.

[VegasLee]

I am not sure that I understand the difference between the couples. One was unruly according to friends and you found him pushy so you dismissed them.

The second one you found in his profile that he is bi or bi curious so you dismissed him. Your friends say the third guy is bi you want to dismiss him. You do it the same way you did the other two.

Honesty works and this is about being an adult. What does PC have to do with it? If you are not happy with people that are coming to your party then don't invite them or if need be advise them they are not welcome at your party. Tell them the truth.

If it is NOT your club I don't know what would keep any of them coming anyway. If it is your club you have the right to say who will and will not be at the parties.

I am not saying I agree with your reasons but it is your party, your rules.

Keep it simple.

[Chris&Amelia]

...or the old "I'm sorry, but the party turned out to be way more popular then we expected. Sorry, but we're simply out of room!" line works too...

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by exquisit1s

...the last couple we are trying to figure out the best "PC" way to do it. We have found out from two different couples whom we've known for a long time that the male is bi. A lot of our guests, myself included, [are] not comfortable with bisexual males at straight male/couple parties. We've met this couple once and they seemed like really cool people and at our last party, though they did not play (it was a meet and greet), they seemed like pretty good guests.

It was not until the next morning that two of the couples told us about seperate incidents involving the couple. One of which the male attempted to suck another males cock while the couples were playing.

The day after our party, they sent a very warm email telling us how much fun they had and how they couldn't wait for our club party in two weeks.

If you are not comfortable with bisexual men and don't want them attending your parties, why not state in your invitation that your parties are ONLY for couples with straight males? It would seem to send the message you want and do it right up front. This would be a step in avoiding dissing some "really cool people" simply because the men are purportedly bi.

I think you may be feeling more peer pressure to univite this couple than anything else; you'll loose these other couples if they know you accept bimales at your parties and they'll probably start gossiping to others about your parties "openess." If you don't want bimales there that is your choice, but make it clear upfront.

And how much of what the other couples have told you do you know is fact? If they "heard it through the grapevine" a story can be nothing but rumor.

I think you're in a tough spot and I wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

LM

[exquisit1s]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

If you are not comfortable with bisexual men and don't want them attending your parties, why not state in your invitation that your parties are ONLY for couples with straight males? It would seem to send the message you want and do it right up front. This would be a step in avoiding dissing some "really cool people" simply because the men are purportedly bi.

I think you may be feeling more peer pressure to univite this couple than anything else; you'll loose these other couples if they know you accept bimales at your parties and they'll probably start gossiping to others about your parties "openess." If you don't want bimales there that is your choice, but make it clear upfront.

And how much of what the other couples have told you do you know is fact? If they "heard it through the grapevine" a story can be nothing but rumor.

I think you're in a tough spot and I wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

LM

The couples profile states that he is a straight male. We met them at a party for straight males. They are lying on their profile essentially. Both couples said that they lied to them as well. One described a story where they were playing with the couple and as the two women went down on the male half the bisexual guy bended down and asked if they could put it in his mouth as well.

Y0ou're absolutely write its a hard situation and the biggest thing is that it pretty much is just hersay, though from a reliable source. With the first two couples the evidence was pretty obvious. The one guy is still calling and messaging us with curse words because we disvinted them. The other couple conceded that they told us both was straight but just recently decided that the male half wanted to explore his bisexuality.

I hate calling someone a liar and that's what this is pretty much going to be.

[fun4dandj]

It seems like you should follow the first rule of swinging, be honest. Tell the couple that you found them to be incredibly cool at the meet and greet. Then explain that you heard that there was an episode where he had attempted to perform oral sex on a straight guy when the guy in question hadn't agreed to that in advance. See if its true and he's bi. Let them know that it is unacceptable at your straight male party, and that they will have to either not come or don't behave that way.

My husband is bioral for lack of a better label. He would never in a million years consider doing that to some unsuspecting straight guy. In our opinion and in the opinion of many of our friends, both straight and bi, you descide on the boundaries ahead of time and play within those boundarys

[exquisit1s]

Originally Posted by fun4dandj

It seems like you should follow the first rule of swinging, be honest. Tell the couple that you found them to be incredibly cool at the meet and greet. Then explain that you heard that there was an episode where he had attempted to perform oral sex on a straight guy when the guy in question hadn't agreed to that in advance. See if its true and he's bi. Let them know that it is unacceptable at your straight male party, and that they will have to either not come or don't behave that way.

My husband is bioral for lack of a better label. He would never in a million years consider doing that to some unsuspecting straight guy. In our opinion and in the opinion of many of our friends, both straight and bi, you descide on the boundaries ahead of time and play within those boundarys

Thanks for the advice, the wording is definately the approach I'll take. I want to be as honest as possible with them and not come off like an a-hole or homophobic and this is a good solution.

[TNT]

Since you seem to have a problem with bi-men and you said you found out the male half of this couple is bi...it's your party all you have to do is send an e-mail/phone call, whatever and say...Due to information coming to light that you are bi and the fact we do not want bi-men at our party, for our own comfort and that of the other guest, we ask that you do not attend.

Originally Posted by exquisit1s

The couples profile states that he is a straight male. We met them at a party for straight males. They are lying on their profile essentially.

You will find that this is true to probably 90% of couples with bi men and single men who are bi. Why? Because of exactly what you've posted...people have a problem with it and if those couples with bi men and/or single men who are bi want to have the opportunity to even socialize with others (whether they have any intentions of playing or not) they have to keep it hidden or they are black listed.

Is it right or wrong to not post it in an online profile? I don't know.

It is wrong to attempt bi play on those who are unsuspecting. I believe it is right to let those that you are going to play with know so that they can make their own mind up if they want to play with you, whether there is bi play involved or not.

I know a few bi men whose attitude is....Unless I'm fucking you, what business is it of yours? I personally agree with this attitude...unless I'm fucking you, what business is it of mine what your sexual practices are.



Teresa

[tribbles]

Before you label this guy as bi, you might want to ask. The gentle way might be to say "We heard you might be bi, if this is true, we are uncomfortable with it and would prefer you not attend out parties".

[NumbskullsX2]

Obviously, you're not hearing from all the guys whose cocks he has sucked that liked it. You probably won't hear from them either, once the word gets out that you have a "phobia" about bi-males.

I'm not bi-, but I don't feel my masculinity would be threatened by another male touching me or asking if I was interested in going further. I'm a big boy, I know how to say "no" to things that don't interest me. Another guy touching my dick or even putting it in his mouth won't turn me queer (yes, it's happened. I just thanked him and pushed his head away) Amazingly, I'm still straight! No after-effects of "bi-male approach" whatsoever!

If this "bi-male" thing is really that big of a deal to you, go ahead and uninvite them. They probably have better things to do anyway, like hang out with secure adults who don't go into a a shit-fit any time somebody politely "asks" if they want to do something they're not interested in.

I'm curious.......how do you feel about a woman who says she's straight, but in the heat of the moment (or with some particular person) asks if she can touch or lick another woman? Would you ban her as well?

The same with the "high-pressure" guy. If a woman or couple doesn't know how to say "no" to people and situations they're not interested in they're going to get chewed-up in this lifestyle anyway. It might as well happen at your party as anywhere else.

I wouldn't make any changes to this guest list, but I might be more careful about inviting people in the future. But remember...you might find yourself getting removed from other people's guest lists too. "What goes around, comes around"

[rdy46227]

WHAT DOES "BI" HAVE TO DO WITH IT?!!!!

What you're assuming is that a professed bi male is going to attack other males and force himself upon them!!!!

Think about it. You're discriminating based on what he might do. There are a couple of words for this kind of behavior...

Please be Honest -- with yourself, and with the other couple!

All you need to do is talk to him before hand:

"As a point of information, many people attending this party will be upset if they see a male making an advance toward another male. Even a guy massaging or deliberately rubbing another guy is a turn-off for them."

If you're really paranoid, add:

"I know you don't want to offend anyone, and you respect their squicks. I'm sure I don't have to tell you to keep watch that your behavior doesn't spoil the evening for others."

If one can can honor "ask first" and "no means no", surely a person can honor "this behavior is restricted".

I'll give you two exceptions to this:

• People ask to leave a previous affair for violating a rule (being too pushy, upsetting other guests, etc.) Cite the incident(s) for them.

• People who's honesty you have substantial reason to question. Ask if they have an alternate explanation for what raised the red flag.

While it is a private matter between you and your "guest", and you will be talking to them in private, act as if the conversation is/will be public. Some day you may be on the receiving end of an un-vite (possibly based on incorrect rumors or facts) -- think how you would feel and act.

[graygo98]

If this issue really bothers you, Lee and TNT gave you some great advice.

As to whether or not your reaction is right or wrong, it is the way you feel, and its your party. If I were you though, I would be a bit concerned about my circle of friends. They seem pretty gossipy and indiscreet... a bit malicious too.

I would be looking to make different friends if I were you. If you continue to hang with these people, you better make sure you never end up on one of their shitlists, though or you may find out firsthand how much you like getting "uninvited." Oh well, maybe then you can party with the pushy guy and the two bi guys. They might end up being nicer people in the long run.

[JustAskJulie]

There's a big difference between a guy that is bi and a guy who tries to put the moves on other UNSUSPECTING straight men without warning. I got the impression from your post that one of these couples was the latter (but to be quite honest I'm not sure which one at this point), and that the other couple you just "heard" was bi.

If you have reports that anyone is doing anything to ANYONE else at a party without consent or permission then I think you have a right to not invite them and that they probably should be sent home with their toys. HOWEVER, I don't believe that the fact that a guy is bi or into bi play to any degree should be enough to uninvite him. As TNT said, that in and of itself is why so many couples with bi men (or even bi-curious men) keep their mouths closed. Instead of blocking them because you think or heard they are bi, why not give them a shot to show that they can be decent respectful human beings and understand that there is a time and a place for everything.

Personally, I think many bi women in the lifestyle are worse to deal with than any bi man. Most bi men are so scared of being outted and blackballed that they aren't likely to do ANYTHING near another man unless they know for sure he is ok with it, whereas too many bi women I've encountered assume every other woman in the room is bi. Once again that ugly double standard rears its head.

[exquisit1s]

Originally Posted by rdy46227

WHAT DOES "BI" HAVE TO DO WITH IT?!!!!

What you're assuming is that a professed bi male is going to attack other males and force himself upon them!!!!

Think about it. You're discriminating based on what he might do. There are a couple of words for this kind of behavior...

Please be Honest -- with yourself, and with the other couple!

All you need to do is talk to him before hand:

"As a point of information, many people attending this party will be upset if they see a male making an advance toward another male. Even a guy massaging or deliberately rubbing another guy is a turn-off for them."

If you're really paranoid, add:

"I know you don't want to offend anyone, and you respect their squicks. I'm sure I don't have to tell you to keep watch that your behavior doesn't spoil the evening for others."

If one can can honor "ask first" and "no means no", surely a person can honor "this behavior is restricted".

I'll give you two exceptions to this:

• People ask to leave a previous affair for violating a rule (being too pushy, upsetting other guests, etc.) Cite the incident(s) for them.

• People who's honesty you have substantial reason to question. Ask if they have an alternate explanation for what raised the red flag.

While it is a private matter between you and your "guest", and you will be talking to them in private, act as if the conversation is/will be public. Some day you may be on the receiving end of an un-vite (possibly based on incorrect rumors or facts) -- think how you would feel and act.

Among our friends there are not a lot of women who knowingly want to play with bi males. So its not just me and my not being comfortable around them. We invite straight and bi females and straight males. The females that go to our parties who play with men enjoy playing with me have stricly straight male behavior.

We just think that there is a portion of the lifestyle for this type of behavior and it is not mainstream swinging.

[rdy46227]

Originally Posted by rdy46227

WHAT DOES "BI" HAVE TO DO WITH IT?!!!!

What you're assuming is that a professed bi male is going to attack other males and force himself upon them!!!!

Think about it. You're discriminating based on what he might do. There are a couple of words for this kind of behavior...

Please be Honest -- with yourself, and with the other couple!

All you need to do is talk to him before hand:

"As a point of information, many people attending this party will be upset if they see a male making an advance toward another male. Even a guy massaging or deliberately rubbing another guy is a turn-off for them."

If you're really paranoid, add:

"I know you don't want to offend anyone, and you respect their squicks. I'm sure I don't have to tell you to keep watch that your behavior doesn't spoil the evening for others."

If one can can honor "ask first" and "no means no", surely a person can honor "this behavior is restricted".

I'll give you two exceptions to this:

• People ask to leave a previous affair for violating a rule (being too pushy, upsetting other guests, etc.) Cite the incident(s) for them.

• People who's honesty you have substantial reason to question. Ask if they have an alternate explanation for what raised the red flag.

While it is a private matter between you and your "guest", and you will be talking to them in private, act as if the conversation is/will be public. Some day you may be on the receiving end of an un-vite (possibly based on incorrect rumors or facts) -- think how you would feel and act.

I wish to apologize to exquisit1s.

You are free to create you own life. Trying to control your behavior can not and will not ultimately make me feel better. I was wrong to do so.

I'm sorry for (implicitly) calling you names, and trying to bully you into changing your behavior.