Most always our profile includes [at least once] a tag line of "No pressures given or accepted."
I think that there certainly are some who may change their initial "ground rules" once they get to know another couple very well - they have been together many times - a friendship bond has formed - they have done social activities together in addition to the intimate activities. But I'm equally sure those changes transpire as a result of communication among the four and it is an agreement to change that all four are comfortable with occurring.
I don't think it is a good idea for us [or anyone else] to go into getting together with others thinking "Well, they say soft swing but once we make them comfy with us, I'm sure they'll do full swap." Or to anticipate any change from the desired activity that has been clearly spelled out in a profile regardless the category.
If we are not happy with the stated structure being sought by others, they are not a good match for us. PERIOD. We move on. We look elsewhere. We don't go into anything with a plan to "bring them around" to our desired activity.
To us, that would be as dishonest as responding to an ad that clearly states "Seeking NON-smokers only". We are both smokers, and we would deserve to be resoundingly rebuffed by anyone if we attempted to pass ourselves off as anything else.
There are some areas that may be flexible for a couple. If their profile doesn't state that flexibility, one can certainly ask. But we believe it is important to be clear in those areas that are "deal breakers"; we won't compromise those areas and we would never expect others to compromise theirs either.
We felt it was crucial to determine which are our "no compromise" items, so that we didn't end up in a situation that didn't meet those. It means a bit more time in finding others, certainly, but it's been a helpful way to avoid problems and discomfort.
And having stated "No pressures given or accepted" we can become quite unfriendly if pressure is attempted.
WR
