I really do appreciate your comments, hmr, along with many others (and a special thank-you to yawanna!). As I mentioned earlier, this topic is interesting to me since I've never had the opportunity to develop the types of relationships many of you have and as a result, in some respects, I have no real concept of the issues of trust and cheating in a strong relationship. It's much like having kids...I have lots of "book-learning" about kids, growth and development...but no practical experience. It's easy for me to say "if my kid did that I'd wollop the stew out of him!" but really...would I? As hard as I try, my two little 4-legged babies don't quite fit the roles of real kids. And as hard as I try, I can't really understand what cheating and the avoidance of same might mean to people in a strong relationship.
I do tend to believe that it would be very difficult for me to share "everything" with a partner just due to my personal nature. There is a part of me that I keep very private and therefore, I assume that others do as well. Another thing...I believe it involves the dynamics between the two people in the relationship. I was involved with someone for a long period of time that simply did not understand the need to share certain types of information and was critical of me at times (in that humorous but sarcastic way some have - know what I mean?), saying that I shared too much. He was the sort that really wasn't interested in hearing much of anything. But I ended that relationship. Why? I didn't feel like he was cheating, physically/sexually, but I did understand that my perceived lack of communication caused me to lack trust in him and our relationship. So maybe that is the key to what I'm asking...for me there was a sense of cheating on an "emotional" level.
So! hmr...you said...
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EBF I tend to agree with you personally, on many points. But, they can only be as they would relate to my relationship with my spouse. As the two statements above point out, everyone must consider their own relationship. Who are we to judge others not knowing their circumstances?
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And that seems to be it in a nutshell. Every relationship is different and cheating is defined differently by all in the context of their current relationship. Now I'm beginning to see why so many psychologists have studied this. Lots and lots of areas to discuss.
- EBF
