Quote:
Originally posted by Buck
OK. I am one of those persons who participates on this board without my spouse's knowledge. I came across the board by accident and found it to be interesting. |
Buck, I chose this portion of your posting to respond to as it really hits home in several aspects.
Long about...I'd say six or seven years ago, I happened to walk in on Mr. O while he was on a Swingers Ad site, looking at pictures and such. My first impression was, "What the hell are you doing?". I'll admit, I was miffed. I felt betrayed, like he was looking for something that I couldn't give him...etc. Now mind you we had been doing pillow talk for some time which always made for mind exploding sex, however, I was flat out stunned. Our relationship was less than five years old at that point and this put our household in turmoil. Yes, we had discussed this in the bedroom while making love, yet we had never actually discussed making a fantasy come true. End result of my having discovered this, he abandoned looking at any other sites that were swinging related. Over time as we grew to know each other better and the same fantasies still existed in the bedroom, I began a search on my own as I now felt comfortable enough in our realtionship and knew that whatever we did would not take away from who we were as a couple. It was then that I 'secretly' started a search on my own, to learn more about swinging, just in case I might ever consider turning a fantasy into a reality. Through trial and error (mostly trials) I happened upon this board and through the discussions, my questions were answered openly and honestly by many members, some of who are still regular posters today. Their sharing of thoughts and experiences allowed me to figure out if we were cut out for this lifestyle. Imagine Mr. O's surprise when I showed him this board and told him that we needed to place an ad.
Did I cheat by gathering information on how best to learn more about something I was interested in, regardless of where my opinion lay in the end? I think not. Should we have had better communication with each other when looking for info or for viewing specific sites? Yes. Our mis-communication turned into a positive as we learned by those mistakes and while we don't seek to tell each other exactly 'who, what, when, where, or how', unless it is imperative to us both at the moment, we have given ourselves the freedom to explore anything and everything that is of interest to us.
So in order not to bore ya'll further... No, Buck. I do not see you as a cheater. I see you as a person gathering information and while you may or may not live vicariously through this board, it is quite obvious that you are doing nothing more than Mr. O was when I happened upon him visiting swinger sites.
To answer the original question of what 'cheating' means...
I can only answer for myself, but it would be anything that has not been touched upon in our personal lives and is driven by emotional attachment. Be it another person, a 900 number or playing around in a chat room. (This applies to vehicles the same as it does for sex.
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