Quote:
Originally posted by hmr
In other words, anything done behind the other's back, to me is considered cheating. Why else would it be done in secret?
mrs hmr |
I wish ya'll could have joined us in chat last night. It was interesting. Some people emphasize the physical aspects of cheating while others are more along the lines of the mental aspects. Obviously, it means different things to many with some aspects of the same for many.
Wrnakedru summed it up best for me when she said that she feels that each couple has to define for themselves what is cheating and not cheating. I have a hard time understanding that two people share
absolutely everything - every thought - every occurrence in their daily lives. Further, certain situations that might occur I would not share with my partner for fear of hurting that person.
One of the scenarios I posed to WR...and yes, we've discussed this on the phone at length...
Say you are out of town and a convention...you have 1-2 drinks. Normally, you can drink 4-5-6 and be sober. However, on this night, you get knee-walking drunk - maybe due to not eating all day, being exhausted, medication...whatever. You wake up the next morning in bed with someone else. You are wracked with guilt. You would have NEVER intentionally done that. You swear to all the gods that you will NEVER drink again and you don't.
OK...do you go home and tell your partner about it? Knowing full well that this is going to cause severe pain and anguish for your partner? That trust (or lack of) will be an intrusive element in all your remaining years together? Or even that your relationship/marriage may end as a result. Do you want your partner to sit there and wonder for the rest of his/her life every time you go out of town? All of those types of things....
Technically, this is cheating. But how do you handle it? Do you inflict that pain on someone else with your honesty or do you keep this information to yourself?
I certainly don't know the answer and for many of us, I suppose it would be a tough decision. And I wonder if it wouldn't be even tougher for swingers since their relationships are generally rooted in openness.
Just thoughts and wonderings...- EBF