The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Husband says he'll TRY not to kiss other women

Rett · 04-20-2004, 12:21 AM

Tarnished Halo,

Yes, Jullie is correct - your husband needs to go to counseling with you.

You're "Old Fashioned" and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that - it can be wonderful.

When you point out your husband gets upset when someone challenges him on thoughts or beliefs , something is wrong. When he says you go get help , something is wrong. If in the past he wouldn't bother talking about your problems, something is wrong. When he says it's easier for you to get help than him, WOW that lumps it all together - it's your problem not his.

From your postings you have done everything you can to try to understand him. Counseling, research, swingers board advice, and tried to communicate with him for quite some time but, has he tried to understand your concerns. What is he doing to make the marriage work? It sounds to me as not much. In reality your postings on the board have been very rational and clearly stated and I sympathize with you in every way. He probably needs more than just marriage counseling .

You also state you don't understand the difference between the attitudes of men and woman regarding sex. Believe me , there are many men that are satisfied with love, devotion, and settling down with their loved one only. If they have any fantasies , that's all they are and remain such. A man's wife is his soul partner, lover, and best friend.

Any man that has someone as determined to go through the steps you have taken to understand him certainly has someone that loves him. He should correspond in a like manner. What is good for one is good for both, what is bad for one is bad for both. That's how a marriage should be. I hope he can allow himself to realize how wonderful and devoted you are in trying to understand him. I have noticed most of the men on the swinging board say the most important person in their life is their wife and at anytime one or the other didn't want to swing that would end it.

All I can say is you'll have to stand firm and insist he attend counseling with you. If he won't do that it spells trouble.

04-20-2004, 12:21 AM	#19 (permalink)
Rett Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 84 Location: midwest Status: M	Tarnished Halo, Yes, Jullie is correct - your husband needs to go to counseling with you. You're "Old Fashioned" and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that - it can be wonderful. When you point out your husband gets upset when someone challenges him on thoughts or beliefs , something is wrong. When he says you go get help , something is wrong. If in the past he wouldn't bother talking about your problems, something is wrong. When he says it's easier for you to get help than him, WOW that lumps it all together - it's your problem not his. From your postings you have done everything you can to try to understand him. Counseling, research, swingers board advice, and tried to communicate with him for quite some time but, has he tried to understand your concerns. What is he doing to make the marriage work? It sounds to me as not much. In reality your postings on the board have been very rational and clearly stated and I sympathize with you in every way. He probably needs more than just marriage counseling . You also state you don't understand the difference between the attitudes of men and woman regarding sex. Believe me , there are many men that are satisfied with love, devotion, and settling down with their loved one only. If they have any fantasies , that's all they are and remain such. A man's wife is his soul partner, lover, and best friend. Any man that has someone as determined to go through the steps you have taken to understand him certainly has someone that loves him. He should correspond in a like manner. What is good for one is good for both, what is bad for one is bad for both. That's how a marriage should be. I hope he can allow himself to realize how wonderful and devoted you are in trying to understand him. I have noticed most of the men on the swinging board say the most important person in their life is their wife and at anytime one or the other didn't want to swing that would end it. All I can say is you'll have to stand firm and insist he attend counseling with you. If he won't do that it spells trouble.