The 'experts' say that if you are attempting to strike up a conversation, never ask a question that can be answered 'yes' or 'no', and doesn't provide a broad enough foundation. My ex learned that gem in a management seminar regarding interviewing prospective employees. He created his own version of a springboard question for that purpose, but also enjoyed using it when we encountered a new [to us] couple at a party or in an off-premises club.
His opening line of "So, do you live around here or ride a bicycle?"
usually resulted in first the mouth opening to answer, and then - a long pause as his words sunk in. If nothing else, this got a laugh - which always is a tension easer - and it also often got ME a lot of sympathy/empathy since I was married to this rather odd fellow!
He had grown up in a beach town, so summers provided a lucrative assortment of short term sexual adventures with little thought given to establishing common ground. He said that asking "Do you like apples?" [since it invariably got a positive response] brought his reply of "Good, me too - wanna fuck?"
Hubby and I attend a monthly dinner social for 40+ couples which begins with a standup and mingle cocktail hour. I found this to be an extremely difficult venue for conversation - the crowd is so large, and it's not always the same folks over and over again. So many seem to react as if their privacy is being threatened if you ask the standard opening questions you might use in a 'vanilla' situation; [where do you live, what kind of work do you do, do you have kids.] That sort of thing makes the more paranoid feel like you're trying to get enough on them for blackmail.
I've started using my own spin of the ex's "Do you like apples?" question. I follow up with "Well, there's one thing we have in common besides attending this dinner social .... what else do you think we might we find we have in common?"
Always with an open, flirty but friendly smile - - and it has allowed me to find out things I will remember the next time I might see these folks. It has brought about some good banter with folks that are quite interesting and think well on their feet!
It's also helped me get curious how well some might think in other positions than that!!
WR
