We had something "kinda, sorta, roughly" similar happen not too long ago. We were at our usual club and there were some couples there that we have played with and enjoy. However, there was another couple there that we really didn't know, though they were close with the others...
As the night unfolded, it eventually was conspired that we would all go to the largest room in the club and pile up... fun, fun fun! Except that that wasn't quite how things worked out...
One of the couples we knew well bowed out because the numbers were just too much for them. And I assumed that Mrs Spoomonkey would want to back out as well (for different reasons - I thought she was looking for something else) she said "okay."
Unfortunately, Mrs Spoomonkey didn't quite understand the whole picture. She went to the restroom to "scope-up" (a must do for those of us who play in clubs!) and I stayed upstairs and chatted with the other couple... But then the couple we didn't know showed up. I knew that was going to happen - and thought that Mrs Spoo did too - but when she came back to the room and saw everyone in various stages of disrobe (I was still clothed because I wanted to wait for her) she froze like a car without oil...
She didn't know the couple, wasn't really attracted to the couple and wasn't expecting them to be there... So - as gracefully as we could - we bowed out... It was awkward and we decided to call it a night...
Mrs Spoomonkey felt exactly the way you did. She felt like she ruined my fun and probably hurt/insulted a couple that we like quite a bit...
But the truth is - you sometimes have to make big decisions in a very quick time. And if you don't keep and use your right to say "no" you will be in some miserable situations within this lifestyle. You did the right thing... No - maybe it wasn't at the perfect time - but being able to say "no" now, in hopes of maybe being able to say "yes" later, can really save you and your husband from some misery down the road. Saying "no" is your right - always remember that
As for clubs - we were reluctant at first, but enjoy them now. Mrs Spoomonkey told me (she is busy doing useful stuff) that for her a club is no different than any bar - except for the occassional nudity... I'm not sure I agree, but it is sooo much easier to play at clubs than on-line (IMHO). Then again, we played with couples before trying the club - and maybe that eased us into it...
It sounds like you just need more time to talk things out and get comfortable with the idea...
Oh - Mrs Spoomonkey is also telling me (I sound kinda schizo don't I?
) that at any club, nothing is expected. You can go a few times just to watch people. No one is going to pressure you. As long as you and husband are on the same page, you can go at your pace and let things happen as you are comfortable with them.
Spoomonkey