Well, it seems to me, JC, that you're approaching this relationship with a good head on your shoulders and are not ready to jump into a marriage until these questions are satisfied in your mind. If I'm right, that's a good thing. You need to be sure.
In the meantime, here are some thoughts I have. Feel free to discard them if you feel I'm operating from limited knowledge. For sure, I am, and don't feel you have to respond to any of these questions.
Swinging and cheating don't go together, although I'm sure it's happened. In my opinion, swinging requires both partners. If one is left out, it's cheating.
Do you know his ex-wife? I have the impression y'all live in a fairly small town since you said y'all run into the other couple at football game and parties, but that may not be accurate either.
Have you ever heard his ex-wife's side of the story about the divorce and the two times they played with the other couple? I'm not suggesting that you seek her out and ask, but it might be helpful to know if he pressured her into into it, or allowed the other couple to, and if the incidents had any bearing on their divorce.
Do you know the chronology of events of his swinging with the other couple? It would be quite different if the threesomes came first followed by the foursomes than if the foursomes came first and he continued to play (cheat) after his wife put a stop to it.
How long has he been divorced? Were you married before? Are there children involved?
My experience has been that swingers are generally deeply in love and neither would consider cheating. The one time in our experiences that this was not the case, a thirty-year marriage ended abruptly. The wife left her husband and moved in with a married man she worked with. We've not seen her since, but the most recent thing I heard, her ex-husband found a wonderful (to him, at least) lady and married her. His ex-wife's new lover went back to his wife and kids.
I think you are handling this situation the way you should and wish you the best of luck. Hopefully, everything will turn out just the way you want it to.
Mr. Alura
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