Monolith, my impression is that you're both intelligent people and have thought a great deal about this. I think you'll be fine.
Robert, to your original question:
If making an other than sexual connection with people you swing with is important to you, then that's what you should look for. Don't worry that it doesn't 'go along with the lifestyle' ; there really aren't any strict rules. As you say, it would make the experience better for you and presumably for everyone involved.
Obviously, this is something you both should discuss with each other. But I think you knew that...
-B