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JC2you · 03-14-2004, 02:17 AM

First off, I am not a swinger --- I honestly think I would be too jealous. I just need advice about my boyfriend who enjoyed swinging with his ex-wife. (They are now divorced.)

My boyfriend got introduced to swinging by a couple he and his ex-wife knew for years. They had group sex with them 6 times over a period of three years (4 times it was a 3-some w/o wife's knowledge, then the couple talked her into having group sex, which they did it 2 times.). This does not seem like a lot, but he said both couples started having children and eventually things died out. He told me the experience was "unbelievable" and was very turned on by watching his wife have sex with another man and woman, and loved screwing his friend's wife while he watched. None of this bothered me until he and I feel in love and he wanted me to be friends with this same couple.

I tried to be cool and convince myself I could deal with this and tried to go over to this couples house with him for a quick social visit. While there, they were cordial, but it was apparent to me (and my bf) that this woman did not want me there --she barely would look at me (even though I met her several times before dating my bf). I told my bf that I felt very uncomfortable.

Then, a few weeks later at a (non-swinging) party, this same couple was there. As soon as my bf and I walked in, she came over and kissed him on the lips and began to rub on his back, etc. It was like a knife went into my stomach! My bf picked up on the fact I was uncomfortable, so he got away from her and came and stood by me.

At this same party, her husband made sexual remarks to me and suggested that he and I go in the bedroom. Once again, I was very uncomfortable. I do not want to judge what others do -- I know people in the lifestyle and respect that, it is just that I don't feel I can share the one I love. I can be in our bedroom and share fantasies about it, but would not act on it. My bf understands this and although he has suggested that because certain things turn me on, he would support me bringing others in our bedroom. I told him those are just fantasies for me and I would never want that. I asked him if he was trying to talk me into the lifestyle. He said no (but secretly wonder if that is a true statement.) I asked him if he would want to swing again and he said he wouldnt because he loves me, wouldnt want to hurt me, would never do anything to risk losing me.

My question is: Can a person who enjoyed this experience so much ever trully walk away from it? He says he can and that part of his life is over, but I wonder if one woman (me) would keep him sexually intersted. (He assures me I am the hottest thing he has ever had.)

In addition: How can I be comfortable hanging around this swinging couple when I know my bf loved fucking this woman, and she is still after him? (He said they are just really good friends now, but he does agree that this couple would love to get him into bed again--especially now that he is single. He assures me he is not interested). I cannot shake the mental image of them having sex and do not want to be around this couple. He says he will stay away from them if it means losing me, but can he give up a friendship with people he has known for years? He said if they hit on us again, he will tell them to back off.

I need advice. Iy bf talks major fantasies while having sex and gets so turned on by "the talk" and what it would be like to screw other people, etc.
Is it possible that my bf is serious about giving up swinging and just being with one person (me)? What do I do about this couple? He can only stay away from them so much, but they are friends of his other friends too.

Any advice? Thanks so much in advance!

03-14-2004, 02:17 AM	#1 (permalink)
JC2you Registered Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6 Location: North Carolina Status: Single female	Can he leave the lifestyle? First off, I am not a swinger --- I honestly think I would be too jealous. I just need advice about my boyfriend who enjoyed swinging with his ex-wife. (They are now divorced.) My boyfriend got introduced to swinging by a couple he and his ex-wife knew for years. They had group sex with them 6 times over a period of three years (4 times it was a 3-some w/o wife's knowledge, then the couple talked her into having group sex, which they did it 2 times.). This does not seem like a lot, but he said both couples started having children and eventually things died out. He told me the experience was "unbelievable" and was very turned on by watching his wife have sex with another man and woman, and loved screwing his friend's wife while he watched. None of this bothered me until he and I feel in love and he wanted me to be friends with this same couple. I tried to be cool and convince myself I could deal with this and tried to go over to this couples house with him for a quick social visit. While there, they were cordial, but it was apparent to me (and my bf) that this woman did not want me there --she barely would look at me (even though I met her several times before dating my bf). I told my bf that I felt very uncomfortable. Then, a few weeks later at a (non-swinging) party, this same couple was there. As soon as my bf and I walked in, she came over and kissed him on the lips and began to rub on his back, etc. It was like a knife went into my stomach! My bf picked up on the fact I was uncomfortable, so he got away from her and came and stood by me. At this same party, her husband made sexual remarks to me and suggested that he and I go in the bedroom. Once again, I was very uncomfortable. I do not want to judge what others do -- I know people in the lifestyle and respect that, it is just that I don't feel I can share the one I love. I can be in our bedroom and share fantasies about it, but would not act on it. My bf understands this and although he has suggested that because certain things turn me on, he would support me bringing others in our bedroom. I told him those are just fantasies for me and I would never want that. I asked him if he was trying to talk me into the lifestyle. He said no (but secretly wonder if that is a true statement.) I asked him if he would want to swing again and he said he wouldnt because he loves me, wouldnt want to hurt me, would never do anything to risk losing me. My question is: Can a person who enjoyed this experience so much ever trully walk away from it? He says he can and that part of his life is over, but I wonder if one woman (me) would keep him sexually intersted. (He assures me I am the hottest thing he has ever had.) In addition: How can I be comfortable hanging around this swinging couple when I know my bf loved fucking this woman, and she is still after him? (He said they are just really good friends now, but he does agree that this couple would love to get him into bed again--especially now that he is single. He assures me he is not interested). I cannot shake the mental image of them having sex and do not want to be around this couple. He says he will stay away from them if it means losing me, but can he give up a friendship with people he has known for years? He said if they hit on us again, he will tell them to back off. I need advice. Iy bf talks major fantasies while having sex and gets so turned on by "the talk" and what it would be like to screw other people, etc. Is it possible that my bf is serious about giving up swinging and just being with one person (me)? What do I do about this couple? He can only stay away from them so much, but they are friends of his other friends too. Any advice? Thanks so much in advance!